Till death do us part. These are words heard by everyone on the aisle. These words are said in solemnity, indicating that nothing other than death can break the union.
At the time of marriage, couples rarely have divorce anywhere close to their thoughts. But we live in a world that has proven time and again that there are horrors within marriages worse than death. Death itself is a relief in circumstances and you find people praying for it. Sadly, where there are children involved, there’s the urge to want to live for the care and sustenance of the children.
In reality, divorce is that halfway line where you get to preserve your life and break free from an emotionally or physically abusive partner. It is a way of protecting the children. More often than not, couples that remain in bitter marriages traumatize children. Thus, divorce works out better for the children when there is an amicable separation.
So, how do you slowly ease your children into the new status quo? Here are 5 quick tips to help children stay as balanced as possible – given the circumstances. Please note that these tips are subject to the age of the children at the time of the separation. Some may be applicable for older kids, who are able to understand what is happening.
It is important that you communicate with the children as much as possible. A lot of times, feuding parties are caught up in their situation and don’t take time to explain the reality of things to the children. Children, in turn, internalize the strife and negativity, and it affects them psychologically.
Open and effective communication is important, as soon as it becomes clear that the marriage is being dissolved.
Child counsellors are very important in the process. Oftentimes, parents lack the skills with which to help children deal with the fall out. Seeking professional help for the children is crucial to the process. This helps the children keep a semblance of normalcy while the divorce is on-going.
It’s a very difficult situation, as even the parents are going through financial and emotional strain. There will probably be court appearances and the presence of law enforcement agents (in the case of bitter divorces). It is important that the fundaments of the routine of the children are not interrupted. Ensure that you put a process in place that keeps school activities and other social events as smooth sailing as possible.
Anyone going through a divorce will tell you how emotionally draining it can be. Every part of you is exhausted: emotionally, financially, physically. Yet, you’re expected to be a parent, be involved in the daily life of your kids. Since you can’t pour from an empty cup, it is absolutely important that you embark on self care. Book a spa session, take a long walk by the beach, read a book. Do something that makes you happy. Be refreshed.
Everybody deserves love, and that includes you. Going through a divorce can make you jaded. It’s important that you learn to love again – love your children and be open to being loved by them. Also, remember to keep a positive vibe around them.
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