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5 Tips For Helping Your Children Cope After a Divorce

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5 Tips For Helping Your Children After a Divorce Till death do us part. These are words heard by everyone on the aisle. These words are said in solemnity, indicating that nothing other than death can break the union.

At the time of marriage, couples rarely have divorce anywhere close to their thoughts. But we live in a world that has proven time and again that there are horrors within marriages worse than death. Death itself is a relief in circumstances and you find people praying for it. Sadly, where there are children involved, there’s the urge to want to live for the care and sustenance of the children.

In reality, divorce is that halfway line where you get to preserve your life and break free from an emotionally or physically abusive partner. It is a way of protecting the children. More often than not, couples that remain in bitter marriages traumatize children. Thus, divorce works out better for the children when there is an amicable separation.

So, how do you slowly ease your children into the new status quo? Here are 5 quick tips to help children stay as balanced as possible – given the circumstances. Please note that these tips are subject to the age of the children at the time of the separation. Some may be applicable for older kids, who are able to understand what is happening.

Communication
It is important that you communicate with the children as much as possible. A lot of times, feuding parties are caught up in their situation and don’t take time to explain the reality of things to the children. Children, in turn, internalize the strife and negativity, and it affects them psychologically.
Open and effective communication is important, as soon as it becomes clear that the marriage is being dissolved.

Therapy
Child counsellors are very important in the process. Oftentimes, parents lack the skills with which to help children deal with the fall out. Seeking professional help for the children is crucial to the process. This helps the children keep a semblance of normalcy while the divorce is on-going.

Maintaining Stability
It’s a very difficult situation, as even the parents are going through financial and emotional strain. There will probably be court appearances and the presence of law enforcement agents (in the case of bitter divorces). It is important that the fundaments of the routine of the children are not interrupted. Ensure that you put a process in place that keeps school activities and other social events as smooth sailing as possible.

Self Care
Anyone going through a divorce will tell you how emotionally draining it can be. Every part of you is exhausted: emotionally, financially, physically. Yet, you’re expected to be a parent, be involved in the daily life of your kids. Since you can’t pour from an empty cup, it is absolutely important that you embark on self care. Book a spa session, take a long walk by the beach, read a book. Do something that makes you happy. Be refreshed.

Love Again
Everybody deserves love, and that includes you. Going through a divorce can make you jaded. It’s important that you learn to love again – love your children and be open to being loved by them. Also, remember to keep a positive vibe around them.

Photo Credit: Dreamstime

3 Comments

  1. didi

    August 8, 2018 at 10:28 pm

    99% of divorce cases, the children are not even considered. when they are put into consideration, they are not allowed to express themslves on the matter. Those vows people recite at the altar should be changed to suit them because our youths of today see everything as abuse no form or intention to tolerate their spouses, just a little argument, you feel strained then you think the marriage should end, now your children get to suffer. no matter how you try to help them they will be hurt. The only thing is that time will heal them if they want healing.

  2. Dolapo

    August 9, 2018 at 10:43 am

    If the well-being of the kids is the focus of both parties and the children are not seen as a tool to ‘punish’ the partner that does not want to stay in the relationship any longer, then the children will be minimally impacted.

    • Babe

      August 9, 2018 at 11:22 am

      Sometimes having the well being of the kids as your main focus could mean keeping them away from the partner who left at least for some time, which could then be seen as using them as a tool to punish the said partner. Each divorce has its own peculiar characteristics and sometimes we just need to understand that what works for a might not work for b. In a situation where a narcissistic partner uses “leaving” as a means of control and one day after years of begging him to stay their partner decides they have had enough and let them go, it is, in this case, the partner who left who wants to use the kids as a tool seeing as the other spouse has “woken up”. Such a person might take the kids away as they know the other party well and understand how wicked and manipulative they can be even towards their own children. I have seen this scenario play out a few times and people misjudged the aggrieved partner.

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