Nigerian parties are exactly what they are – Nigerian parties; the owambe that is greater than all parties. In case you’re not aware, Nigeria could pass as the headquarter of parties in the world. In fact, all other parties pay homage to our parties, haha.
Different colours and shades of aso-ebi, loud and enter-body kind of music, small chops, orishirishi delicacy (and big big pieces of meat), super decor… Nigerian owambes are to die for!
Well, not that kind of die.
Asides the many colours, glitz and glam that accompanies Nigerian parties, one thing that makes our parties stand out are the party guests. Ah! An average Nigerian owambe is filled with different characters; from those who just came to pepper others, those whose lashes will be like a hand-fan and those who will fight for food, the average Nigerian party is a comedy zone.
So are you going to a party this weekend, watch out for these set of people. Who knows, you might even be one of them sef.
Relatives of the host
They are so easy to notice, mostly because of the way they wear so many (invisible) shoulder pads that makes their shoulders nearly reach the sky. They are always extra! They will be moving about like peacocks, nose in the air. Some of them will be going up and down, down and up – just so that all the guests will know that they are not mogbomoya. The worst part of it is that some of them would have invited their friends and padi padis, they will now ensure that all the good food, snacks and drinks will get to their friends first before other guests.
Those that were not invited, AKA MogboMoya (I hear, I con say make I branch)
If you are not careful as a host, you will find more uninvited guests than the invited ones at your party. These ones are just looking for food to eat and they are ever-ready for parties. They know the latest owambe in town and they have a way of ‘smelling’ future parties. The worst part of it is that they will slay and wear fines cloths. They will even iron it and make sure all the edges are sharp. Some would go as far as wearing the colour of the day just to feel among.
If you want to quickly recognize mogbomoya, just watch out for those people who are always shouting and fighting the waiters for not quickly serving them food or drinks. Their veins will be throbbing at one corner because they haven’t been served. If it is now a party where the food did not go round, ahhh gobe. Their eyes will become red and they will start muttering curse words under their breath. It pains them the most because na food them come chop.
If you also see people who have eaten the first, second, third plate and are still asking for more food or takeaway. Just know that they are mogbomoya.
…and before you laugh, let us tell you now that if you are fond of attending your colleague’s uncle’s cousin’s friend’s party, because… you are also a mogbomoya.
These ones like attention! They are the swagalicious people who will not sit in one place because they have dressed to kill and everybody must know. These ones did not attend the party because they really love the host, they just came to pepper everyone. They can be easily spotted; they are the ones who go up and down – their eyes darting around, trying to see if anyone is noticing their outfit. Oga madam, we have seen you, goan sit in one place. Sometimes, they will come late to the venue so that as they’re entering the hall, all eyes will be on them.
If you are not familiar with the party host (especially if you are a mogbomoya) you will think this particular person is the host. Their gele, cap, make-up, gown, suit, traditional attire, perfume, wristwatch – everything will be on fleek. Do you know the funny thing, they might not even be related to the host – they might not even know the host to start with.
Rude and Off-colour guests
This type of guests never come early to the party. It is a taboo for them. If the party starts at 12pm, they will show up around 4, apologizing profusely. They are the ones that always end up eating rice without meat or drinks that are already warm. To worsen the situation, they will still wear off-colour. If the colour of the day is purple, they will wear wine and mutter things like “ehn, it’s almost the same colour na”.
The Wobia (Food Mongers)
Ah, these ones are terrible! This kind of people will eat all types of food served at the party. From jollof rice to fried rice, semo, amala and moi-moi, they will ensure that these meals do not pass them by. They are also the ones that will buy Bagco sack and put it under the table. If you sit at the same table with them, you’ll just notice that the cans of drinks are reducing gradually, small chops have disappeared, the wrapped cakes are all gone. These people are so skilled that you might even be gisting with them and not notice that they are lifting these items. Some will even pick toothpicks and saviet paper.
Some of them are not so subtle. They will boldly ask the waiter for the first meal, second meal, third meal and when the waiter looks at them questioningly, they will lie that they haven’t eaten. Others will just tip the waiter to package food for them. These people will come to the party empty-handed, but leave with full bag(s) of food.
Let’s pretend to be posh
These ones are the posh guests; they are usually too big to eat the common meals or participate in common activities. They are the ones that will be asking for chicken and chips, waffles or Chinese food in regular parties. Does this place look like Shiro? Clap – they will not clap. Eat – they will not eat. They will now be intimidating us with iPhone 11 pro, taking pictures upandan. Oga just go back to your house bikonu. ?
Which of these party guests are you? Don’t lie o, own it with your chest. After all, nobody has ever died of insort ?