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Adebimpe Alafe: New Year, New Me? Maybe Not!
A new year is like the cover of a new journal, like your first day on a job, your first date, first kiss with a new person. As long as we continue to live, there will always be another first after another first.
I have stopped caring about new year’s resolutions. A new year is like the cover of a new journal, like your first day on a job, your first date, first kiss with a new person. As long as we continue to live, there will always be another first after another first. I have also realised that if we just open our hearts, eyes, and hands to see and receive them, we will constantly be surrounded by new starts and new beginnings. Life seems to be in the business of constantly giving us second opportunities, be it a new day, week, month, or year.
My life follows a circular pattern. And, more often than not, I discover that what I’m doing now is similar to what I was doing last year at this time. Every year, around the same time, I post the same quotes. On Netflix, I watch the same shows over and over again. Life and God are always conspiring to show me how synchronistic and fortuitous life can be, and I’ve always claimed I’m the queen of the full-circle moment.
My life keeps surprising me with reminders that everything comes in full circle, this year also feels like it. I feel as if life has given me a do-over of the previous year, only this time I have the opportunity to make up for what went wrong the year before. With all of my bad decisions under my belt, I now have the chance to make the correct ones. I feel like I’m being offered the opportunity to turn left after all the times I’ve turned right when I should have turned left.
I have constantly enjoyed asking God for signs and looking for them everywhere. Signs that I’m a part of something bigger, that He’s watching, that nothing is ever coincidental or random, and that He’ll always send such signs. This year, in keeping with my life’s big habit of going full circle, I struck a connection with a friend who lives a few homes down the street from me. And, while it’s not the same as what I went through last year, this time, it’s a prospective friendship rather than a potential love connection and it blows my mind to see how intertwined and connected we all are. It’s just a friendly reminder that someone is watching over our shoulders, making sure we get to where we need to be when we need to be there. Isn’t that just incredible? Everybody needs a do-over from time to time, right?
In this new year, I’ve been drowned in a lot of what ifs. What if we simply let all of our mistakes fade into history this year? What if we just let the sun set on all of our blunders, our setbacks, moments we wanted the answer to be yes but it was no, when we tried our hardest but yet fell short, the tears we shed, the friends we lost, the first dates that never became second dates, the missed deadlines, the nearly-become love, bad hair days, those few pounds we failed to shed, damaged nails, shattered hearts, the unfulfilled dreams, the unanswered prayers, the forgotten New Year’s resolutions, the broken promises, the disappointments, the postponed hopes, the sleepless nights, the detours, the incorrect turns, the setbacks, the rejection, the deception, and the mysterious disappearance of the boys, those who wronged us, our fears, anxieties, the times we were on the verge of giving up on ourselves, and times we wondered if we’d be alone forever? What if we just let 2022 keep everything? What if we simply refuse to allow darkness, losses, wounds and disappointments to win and be bold enough to try again?
If this year is a rerun of last year, I’d like to believe I’ll make better decisions this time around. That I’ll date a little smarter while loving a little harder. I’ll take a deep breath and trust the process to get me where I need to go. And that, like last year, I’ll make a few wrong turns along the way because Lord knows, those wrong turns are part of what brought me to where I needed to be. I like to imagine myself sitting in a coffee shop a year from now, reflecting on everything I’ve learned in the last year and how grateful I am for every second of the good, bad, happy, and sad.
In 2023, I am learning to love my little, complicated but magical life.
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Featured Image: Dreamstime
