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Patricia Beshel: Shoot your Shot! Don’t Wait for Your Partner to Find You



Do you ever wonder why men have historically been the only ones responsible for selecting partners? Do you consider how this restricts your dating options as a woman? Stay with me as I try to put these into comprehensible words.

A greater percentage of relationships and marriages we know are sprung from the normative pattern and sequence of a man picking interest in a woman for obvious or personal reasons; declaring his intentions to her, doing what he has to do to win her over and proceeding from there.

In previous generations, women were taught to act and behave in ways that would increase their chances of being chosen as a man’s partner. Their ultimate goal was to be judged attractive by men as early as possible. Even though many things have surely changed since then, men are still often granted the authority to choose the partners who are the best matches for them. We are not questioning the conventional wisdom that this obligation should only fall to men because no one ever relates the tales of when it happens the other way around. Why don’t women pursue the qualities they desire in a partner when they see them in someone else?

It could seem to mean that taking interest in a man and doing the chasing presents you as cheap and desperate. Meanwhile, if you look at the bigger picture in reality, it only puts you in a bigger position to select what you want in a person instead of waiting around to be caught from a sea full of fish. I’m sure some people can attest to men often saying they go after what’s available when they’re ready to settle because there’s a lot to select from. This isn’t only sad as it sounds but it also puts us at the receiving end of whatever may come out of this poor decision-making process. It’s an upper hand we’ve let them have over time and personally I think it’s time to change because it only further portrays them as the prize and leaves us as pieces.

Instead of waiting for the right man to find them, more women should embrace pursuing their want. The decision of whom to share a romantic experience or a lifelong partnership with shouldn’t be left solely to whom you can attract, but also who attracts you. Hindrances like social perception doubts should be set aside, and other issues like fear of failure and embarrassment should be treated as natural as they affect everyone, even men, equally. Continue to construct your own narrative as you go and leave behind anything that doesn’t appear to work in your favour. Instead of waiting to be given the opportunity to play a supporting role in someone else’s movie, consider the various restrictions that are currently placed on us because of our gender.



Featured image: Polina Tankilevitch for Pexels.

Patricia Beshel is a writer, humanitarian and female rights activist. She is dedicated to amplifying the voices of women through conversations and community. Her writing is centred around topics that create awareness about the health, welfare and development of young girls and women.

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