At What Point Does ‘Yabis’ Become Body-Shaming?

“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me”. Yinmu x 1000. When you’re in primary or secondary school, the only defence you have against being made fun of is to either start a fight – which of course, could lead to you being punished by the school administration, and face another portion of punishment from your parents – or pretend that whatever was said about you doesn’t matter. 

As adults, it is time that we master a few more options. 

Words matter. A lot. So much so that even the holy book makes mention of it. It tells us that our words have the power to destroy and the power to build up and that our words can be life-giving. 

Our days are filled with words. We say “good morning” to acknowledge others at the start of the day, say “I love you” to our spouses to remind them of our promise to love, ask the bus conductor for change, haggle over the price of tomatoes with the pepper seller – “is that the last price?”, we ask. We speak up at work meetings, express our disappointment with the government, ask Siri to play our favourite playlist, and even turn to words in prayers to God. 

But beyond using words primarily to pass information or engage in interactions, they also impact people. They’re not just sounds that pass through our larynx; they can either burden one’s spirit or lift it. What we say, how we say it, and the tone we use, either makes our words a gift or a poison. Of all the creatures on the planet, only humans have the unique ability to communicate through spoken words. Well, parrots may try to attempt, but they don’t even come close. 

Unfortunately, most of the time, we do not think before we open our mouths. 

Given that we live in a society that imposes unrealistic appearance standards, it is no wonder that people are subject to all manners of scrutiny and commentaries. From sitcoms and reality tv shows to stand-up comedians, family members, friends, colleagues, and nosy neighbours, certain people are looking at other people through their myopic-tinted lenses, poking holes at their appearances and making crude jokes out of it. 

It is called body-shaming. 

“In our days, fat people knew they were fat, and they were okay with being called fat”

“But they’re actually short, it’s not like I’m not actually stating the obvious”

“People need to chill, I’m just joking”

Maybe we need to reconsider what body shaming means for a reminder. Body shaming is the action of mocking or stigmatising someone by making critical comments about the shape, size, or appearance of their body. It involves humiliating someone by making inappropriate or negative comments about their body size or shape. 

If you have a body (of course you have a body), can you remember how you felt when someone said something unpleasant about it? It didn’t make you feel good, did it? Even if it was said in a joking manner. 

Often, we speak without much thought. We just see and talk. Maybe you do not realise it, but there is no correlation whatsoever between jokes and body shaming. Body shaming is never funny. It is not a conversation filler or starter, nor is it used to make light of situations. Now, while humour is not off-limits in conversations, but when jokes border on the appearance of people, then it is time to consider what exactly is the point of these reckless jokes. 

In a study on the prevalence and effects of body shaming on social media among undergraduates of Nnamdi Azikiwe University, a sample of 300 respondents revealed that a majority had experienced body shaming at different times, particularly, targeting their facial looks or complexion. Research has also indicated that body shaming can lead to detrimental effects on mental health, including depression, anxiety, and low self-esteem. 

“Oh, people are just too sensitive these days.”

Or could it be that you’re mean, immature, lack social awareness, don’t understand boundaries, or can’t bridle your tongue? Oh, wait! Could it also be a reflection of who you are? Probably you’re dealing with your insecurities and the only way to feel better is to talk badly, jokingly you say, of course, about another person’s body. Remember when we were little and our parents warned us not to stare at people? Maybe it was their way of teaching us not to get too familiar with people’s bodies, that we begin to make bad comments about them. 

And why would you want to dictate how people should react to your insensitive, off-colour jokes? 

“But they’re actually short, it’s not like I’m not stating the obvious”

The world is tough enough. Do you know how much a dollar is now? We shouldn’t be the reason why people, every morning as they get ready to face the day, spend more time in front of the mirror, checking their reflections to make sure they look presentable, not for themselves, but for you, because they’re not sure which part of their appearance will the butt of the office joke or the family gathering conversation. 

While some can take it in good strides and brush them off casually, not minding at all, you can’t predict who wouldn’t and might be deeply hurt by them. So it becomes your responsibility to refrain from making such jokes, even if they seem harmless. 

It is expected as an adult to think your words through before you say them. To consider how these words might affect others. 

It’s also noteworthy to encourage people to speak up when they feel body shamed and not laugh or smile their way through jokes that make them uncomfortable or nervous just because they didn’t want to create a scene or seem rude or sensitive. 

Do you know what else is noteworthy? No one body type is the ideal body type. As people, our worth does not come from our body shape or size. No one should be made to feel like their bodies aren’t good enough, because someone, an adult, who lacks good manners, will tell them they look funny.

 

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