Sinmiloluwa Omole: Are We Using Feminism to Justify Disrespect?

In secondary school, a junior student brazenly spoke about how she, her mother, and her sisters humiliated their father, who returned home drunk. She openly and gleefully described to her school mother and friends how they knocked him to the ground, and as he lay helpless, they pulled down his trousers and laughed at his standing “you know what”. I still cringe when I remember this story, and it continues to grieve my spirit to this day.

Perhaps what I experienced that day was a culture shock, as I’ve always known fathers to be revered and given extra meat. Yes, those extra chicken thighs they eat on special occasions. It was one of the reasons why I thought fathers enjoyed a lot and are so revered. So, you can imagine how this disturbing story seared something dark into my young mind. Their story reminds me of Ham, the youngest son of Noah, who mocked his father in his drunken and naked state. Of course, his action led to his curse, and his brothers, who covered their father’s nakedness, were blessed.

As I write years later, I still feel the lingering sense of disgust recalling that story. I can’t help but wonder where that girl is today, how her parents are doing and what has become of their lives having that kind of experience as a foundation.

I also can’t help but wonder what justification they, as women, had to humiliate their father this way. Let’s even assume their father was irresponsible; I am disturbed about the rationale behind attacking their father and stripping him of his dignity instead of covering him. 

This story brings me to a burning issue: What feminism has evolved into and how it has completely veered off from its noble origins.

Most of what feminism is now is pulling down the entire masculinity structure and emasculating men. While I firmly and sternly reject toxic masculinity and misogyny, feminism was never meant to be the new oppressor. At its emergence in the 18th century, feminism was born for a noble cause, partly influenced by the Quaker theology of spiritual equality, which believed both men and women were equal before God.

The feminists of old fought for women’s right to vote, own property, have access to education and be treated equally under the law, given centuries of historical suppression of women. The foundation of early feminism was justice, dignity and mutual respect. It was not rooted in hatred for men, nor was its mission to teach women to berate or belittle men just to prove their worth or feel powerful.

Today, however, the distortion of feminism has distracted the world from its heartbeat: justice, equality and mutual respect. In the name of freedom, we propagate mantras like “my body, my choice” in ways that connote women should erode the values of discipline, accountability and humanity.

Our freedom as women was never meant to justify indiscipline and recklessness. The fight for equality should not become a crusade to dishonour our male counterparts. When our freedom becomes a licence to dishonour, we fail not just as feminists but as human beings. We betray the effort of those who championed this cause for truth and transformation.

I stand for the protection of women’s rights. I believe in equity, and I believe women should be heard and respected in every sphere of influence. But I do not believe in a feminism that tears down a man’s dignity or right just because he’s decent enough and chooses not to retaliate. I stand against women who have bullied their men into silence, emasculated them, torn down the esteem of their men and forced them into a life that diminishes their confidence and identity as a man, a leader in his own right and a human being worthy of respect. Feminism was born to model respect, not rivalry. When women abuse men to assert power, we destroy our legacies. As women, let’s create a world where both genders thrive, or else we become a shadow of the very reason feminism was born.

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