The Natural Side

Every single girl living in a metropolitan city would tell you “There are no good men left” and I assure you, many times after a night out in these cities you would agree with them. With your constant encounters with the randy posers on the dating trail,your conclusions would be justified.

However every now and again, either through work or a friendly encounter, you might be lucky to met a decent guy who just brings back hope,a decent guy or as my friend Mo likes to say “a bunz guy doing well for himself”. You know the type – who looks gorgeous, has got amazing pedigree, respectful and funny all wrapped up in one,and of course who perfectly suits a “Bunz” girl like yourself.

Just when you are starting to get flirty, he mentions his girlfriend (again – proving there are no good men LEFT) with whom he is really serious, so you go home disappointed and nag to your best friends about him,and often times you find out you have mutual friends or people who know him and HIS girlfriend.

A couple of blackberry instant messages and pow there is proof in the form of a picture of the happy couple and to your shock or disappointment,whatever it may be,the girlfriend falls short of the Naomie Lenoir look alike you thought she would be , but in fact is actually the opposite, with her natural hair and almost make up free face,the t-shirt and ballet pumps kind of girl ,in fact in some circles she could be classed as plain but I would call her simple.

Now all this recently happened to a very close friend of mine with me playing the friend with the listening ear. In the process of her vent, we then realised that this gorgeous guy with simple (I prefer simple to plain, I’m a nice girl) girlfriend was becoming a reoccurring scenario and we had about eight real life case studies to prove it.

At this point of our research paper my friend had an eureka moment and declared “Lc I think natural is back” and that going forward she was discarding her Peruvian weave (yes we have moved from Brazil) and her designer bags to go natural.

This got me thinking and I decided to discuss with mum – Was it possible that the now common ‘barbied out‘ look was not attractive to the male folk? Sharing my frustrations with her on how people always tell me I look high maintenance or like a Lagos ‘runz’ girl then my mother goes

Oh are you serious? It’s true, my friend Mrs Ajayi said so then when she met you a couple of months back,” she said that she thought you looked too expensive and that it would drive suitors from you.

All this was said with a very straight face,I could only stare at her in shock – as in woman, you tell me this now?!

I then consulted my storage of male friends and was  informed that,the ‘barbied look‘ is only attractive when looking for a girlfriend, but when in search of a woman friend or a potential wife, men prefer a real and simple woman without the fuss, cause they are not as high maintenance nor expensive,are more approachable and down-to-earth.

Now that would explain away a lot of my most recent experiences (that’s a story for another day)

So babes,  before you spend that tons of cash on your weave, or at the MAC makeup counter think about it,because apparently – you are what you attract.

Photo Credit: MAC | Dreamsite

47 Comments on The Natural Side
  • Toothsy July 7, 2010 at 11:18 am

    Errrmmm…bia, what’s the point here again? Natural gets the man first or have a better chance gettign the man? Please, studies have also shown, men marry a different kind of girl from the one they will most likely be caught cheating with. Sorry, i may have to read this again cos on first read, the whole thing flew pass my head

  • DUDU July 7, 2010 at 11:39 am

    Different strokes for different folks love. Contrary to what women think, men are
    all not the same. One man’s meat is another man’s poison. Be true to yourself
    and your own man will find you in no time and eat out of your palms

  • B July 7, 2010 at 11:46 am

    LOL u are going to be seriously attacked for this post lol I LOVE it thou!!

  • Pinky July 7, 2010 at 11:51 am

    Everyone to their own… I believe there is no rule to these things and whoever is
    yours is yours, regardless of natural hair or eye lash extensions…
    Men are different and what attracts one man to you may repulse another man and
    if you try too hard to be one size fits all, you will fit no one at all…
    Just be yourself and what ever you do, focus on YOUR happiness…

  • chinekeGodof Africa July 7, 2010 at 11:51 am

    who wrote this ?hisssssssss

  • Karimah July 7, 2010 at 11:53 am

    While that may be true… for those of us whose natural hair looks like trash nko???? what do we do… do we ditch the weaves so we don’t look like runz girls…. some one please help

  • nonye July 7, 2010 at 12:08 pm

    haba! Una sef!! I totally agree with this babe….natural isnt scruffy or unkempt. it simply means, tone down on being ‘artificial’. Wear your brazillian weaves etc but keep the look real!! All the fake lashes that can sweep a whole yard should be kept to a minimum, men are looking for down to earth, natural yet classy babes to settle with….

  • omotee July 7, 2010 at 12:24 pm

    nice piece,

    i think when it comes to men affairs,

    you can never be wrong or right, its only a matter of his choice

    for me, I believe in being yourself,flashy or plain,

    If you change for anyone, you would not be too happy inside,

    and if you have have to change for everyone,

    then you need to have a serious talk with yourself..

    peace

  • olatomi July 7, 2010 at 12:40 pm

    ehm!……ok? am still thinkin of wat 2 think abt dis……..

  • Bella Duchess July 7, 2010 at 1:02 pm

    OMG, laughing and crying at the same time, Why didn’t anyone tell me this before, LOL.
    good article and funny as hell. Love it.
    Food for thought, not really, as she says you are whom you attract, less barbie, but definitely keeping the weave (LWKDM @ Peruvian – ) we still in Brazil, but headed out.
    Nice article all in all.

  • Mandie Moi July 7, 2010 at 1:33 pm

    LWKMD…mehn….me likey a lot, in my opinion, I think guys just like it wen they know their babe isn’t just beautiful cos she’s got makeup on, but she is naturally beautiful as well. For me my bobo doesn’t like make up at all..he says its too much colour…but I am a big fan of makeup…so what I do is use it mildly wen am gon see him and it works for both of us…

  • Rhoda Ebun July 7, 2010 at 1:34 pm

    i think the main focus should be that the more comfortable you are in your skin…the easier it is to have a relationship with people….men & women inclusive…..period.

  • mariaah July 7, 2010 at 1:35 pm

    lol @ chinekeGodof Africa..heehee d name’s crackng too..
    Ehenn, I sorta agree cos sme pple take things too far and end up luking too caked up and over high maintainance. Meanwhile, each man to his own..Sme without doubt like d whole barbie look to show “my bbe is hotter than urs..Sme prefer simple women mayb a little touch of lip gloss, loose powder. Generally I believe if a man wants to be with someone he wud regardless of her caked up or simple look..Thats why you ‘ld b surprised when you see some guys G.Fs u expect mre but dats all get SIMPLE!!
    Nice write up tho, to BUNZzz bbes if you think brazillian/Peruvian/Mac makes u look a billion bucks!!Amen to that sister..

  • osh gosh July 7, 2010 at 1:50 pm

    for those of us who have crap hair nko? how bout u use the money u invest in ur brazillian/peruvian/malaysian/russian and all the rest on ur own natural hair to try and improve it
    using a weave only makes ur situation worse cos it weakens the hair follicles in the long run!

  • Pretty lady July 7, 2010 at 1:57 pm

    I completely agree with this article,
    Sometimes I go for these weddings, and you should see how high maintenance these girls look, from the false eyelashes,the peruvian weaves to the christian louboutins….
    and they all top it off with ‘the look’, that says don’t even mess with me, I’m too good for you

    Even I am afriad to make eye contact with them, talk less of the guys, lol….

  • missy July 7, 2010 at 2:02 pm

    A man will go for what HE wants and chooses..And behind every normal guy he dosent want his lady looking like trash..

  • Z July 7, 2010 at 2:10 pm

    @Karimah, to answer your question, you can visit http://www.leaveinthekinks.com lol We got natural hair care on the lockdown :) By Nigerians, upon that.

  • Obi-talker July 7, 2010 at 2:27 pm

    really nice article I like indeed! You had some really funny and also valid pionts. However this Karimah, saying that her natural hair looks like thrash. I couldnt believe what I read. so what if we hadnt invented weave african women will not have hair on their head again. I think some pple shud reason before pasting a comment on this blog. Besides how did we get to this stage where an African woman will come openly and say that her natural hair looks like thrash. I can’t believe this!

  • Obi-talker July 7, 2010 at 2:29 pm

    sorry my pasting was meant to be ‘posting’ Bella pls fix your comment section. anytime I type my response I cant see the last bit on the screen. this is so backwards. Pls sort it out fast!

  • TrueTalk July 7, 2010 at 2:35 pm

    Nice, very nice article. I’m glad to see that some women are taking the pains to
    find out why the single men are not biting the bait instead of just whining.
    For real, most guys are “scared” of these over-made, high maintenance women who
    look like “ojuju!” Remember that image is everything so its no one’s fault
    if you come off looking like only Cristal is good enough for you.
    But to each his own cos some guys actually prefer women who have
    that geisha look!

  • Yt “Boss” July 7, 2010 at 2:38 pm

    It don’t really matter how you look, babes! I have run the gamut from natural- high maintenance- natural( thats my current mood ) and have attracted a few good potentials at each stage. i believe how you carry yourself while wearing a look matters more than the look itself. i can just imagine our naija ‘weave addicted’ and ‘false eyelash wearing’ chics trying to go natural. :D i bet they will look like they are been punished. Abeg, to each her own niche. Your man will come find you there!!!xoxo

  • Onyekachi July 7, 2010 at 3:36 pm

    I think men are attracted to women that are comfortable in their bodies. Its not about weaves/makeup, its about self knowledge. Nine times out of ten a man will pick a girl that is confident in who she is and loves herself 100% regardless of whatever flaws/issues she might have.

  • dee July 7, 2010 at 3:59 pm

    errrmmm………….. I’m lost. The moral of this article is??????????

  • Chika* July 7, 2010 at 4:10 pm

    Mennnnnnh, I don’t even know what to make of this. I don’t see the reason why men will date someone they don’t see themselves with in the long run. Some people like dressing that way, and that doesn’t mean they spend their whole salary to look that way. And I don’t really get that phrase ‘you attract your own kind’…because I don’t believe so.

  • Adenike July 7, 2010 at 4:11 pm

    Men aside, women should learn what proper grooming is. Makes no sense to have all the high class make up and accessories yet the body structure and skin is repulsive to the eyes. A well groomed beautiful person with minimal makeup is always refreshing to the eyes.

    Invest in growing your own hair, exfoliate the skin and body, get frequent facials, use good oils, get a manicure and pedicure, eat well and exercise and you would be amazed at what you would become. Success doesn’t come in a day but in what we do daily. Build up yourself and your spiritual being (irrespective of whatever religion or faith you profess), be a person of character and be respectful to others irrespective of their age, class or financial standing.

    Above all know what you want and WHERE to find it, be tactful and strategise and ……….

  • Jade82 July 7, 2010 at 4:38 pm

    Very nice article, a lot for one to consider, as someone mentioned before do what makes you feel comfortable.
    As they say “one man’s meat is another man’s poison”. Some might like the high maintenance look as in my girl too fine while some love the simple look.

    It’s all about doing things in moderation. As for the weave’s a girl should do what she feels comfortable in, as for the eyelash stuff I think once in a while and something less where your fellow lady can’t tell you have any on. And it should not be an everyday thing because there is mascara to help elongate your lashes. I have seen some crazy eye lashes that are just too long.

    Less is always better; one can always work their look, from make-up, to hair, to accessories and more. It’s all about your choice of combination.

  • ForeverYoung July 7, 2010 at 4:46 pm

    Hey listen, u can sit there and write thesis on why u are not attracting a good guy , but the truth is d road to finding a great partner is crooked and is not laced with gold.
    A guy that judges u based on what u look like, believe me does not deserve ur attention let alone u. A guy with enough maturity wld take his time to knw and learn u regardless of ur outlook, thats how u seperate the boys frm the men.
    I had one idiot stalk me 4 almost 5yrs, after which he finally grew d “liver” to approach me, then he discovered I was as simple as they come, even more simpler in my ways and how I treat others than the so called simple girls , dat threw him off balance and he just kept wowing. I suddenly went from Head-Diva-bitch-in-charge to Mother theresa, afterall am just a simple person with a large heart.
    Lesson learned, for both me and him, do not totally judge ppl based on their outlook, those guys that comes across to u as no good, might actually be the good ones, “the diamond in the rough”, “the frog ready to turn to a prince”, but if you write them off on the 1st look, I guess u’ll never knw…
    Take ur time to learn and knw ppl,it has happened so many times, ppl are not always what they seem to be on the outside, good or bad. That someone is wearing nappy hair does not mean they will make a great partner , neither does it mean wearing persian hair would make u a good one. Men especially fall prey for this kind of tricks women lay out there to catch them, a ring and 3 babies later, they wld be asking, why did I get married..?
    Whether u are the princess of persia or a slave in ouagadougou, finding and keeping a partner is nt str84ward.In all u do, to thy ownself be true.

  • Olivia M July 7, 2010 at 4:50 pm

    I dont agree with the notion that natural looks attracts and Keeps a Man.
    Most guys goes for personality, rather than looks in my own opinion.True,moderation
    is the key and plastering of face looking like ‘ojuju” is not good enough.
    .

  • Toothsy July 7, 2010 at 4:53 pm

    I am sick and nauseated of this developing idealogy of shoving natural hair down people’s throats…is it by force? What if i like Ghana weave or braids? or dreads? geez…what if i refuse to grow my hair and i do ajankolo-kolo or puff puff?

  • bebe July 7, 2010 at 5:21 pm

    Sometimes i don’t bother 2 try to add a comment on some of these topics, but once in a while it might resonate so much with me that i actually take my time out to. For those who don’t ‘get’ wwhat the author was trying to say, please go back and read again. u dont have to agree but i think the point came across pretty well. At least if u no sabi read, that’s why d pictures at the top where placed there 4 you. Gaze upon it and understand, biko.
    First off, going natural doesn’t mean looking like an adanne housegirl, (which is something an ex of mine used to tease me with when i tie my hair up to clean the house on weekends… but i digress :) ). Look at some of the brides in the wedding section: THAT’S natural. Looking mad beautiful with all our enhancements, that no one will believe your mama no born you with 16inches colour 1B hair.
    When i met my fiance, i was with a friend of mine who was dressed in classic “i’m seriously searching oh” mode: long hair, lashes, thick gloss, heels, with a dress that looked like it was gummed to her skin. result: a real life walking coke bottle. Till today i always tease him dat i’m not sure why he didnt approach her, and came to talk to me instead. And he always says the same thing: Class. We were basically wearing the same thing, but my dress was a tad bit longer. We were wearing the same makeup, but mine was a tad bit lighter. And finally our demeanour, he said. Like Pretty Lady pointed out. Basically, i looked more approachable, yes i had my chanel 2.5, but i didnt carry it like a badge. I carried it like any other handbag i put my money in (all his words oh, my guy has a sweet mouth ;D). Even last week when he came into town to visit, i said, oya dress up let’s go out, and he said no. Because that means you will start putting makeup on. Which is fine when we go out and people will say ah you look nice and i’m taking care of my iyawo, but i want to stay in and cuddle and see you without makeup on ur face. Who can say no to that?

  • omogekofo July 7, 2010 at 5:23 pm

    i love this…..this is so so awesome.
    the writter is da in thing now….

    but no matter what she writes, am not gonna drop my afganistian hair 4 natural.
    i will keep rocking it till mr right, perfect, handsome, funny, …the list is endless…..finds moi.

    life is so beautitful when u r girl who dresses the girl outta her.

    thats what the bois cant do.

  • MissLC July 7, 2010 at 6:01 pm

    LMAOOO at the comments i so agree with ForeverYoung,i think it has to do with confidence,your personality as well as your looks,make up was not made to be the whole essence of your beauty but to help accentuate your good features. Simple doesnt have to be natural hair,it can be ghana weave,twist or even a natural looking weave could work as well. At the end of the day you just have to go with what makes you happy so you can attract/find a man right for just you!x

  • Moi July 7, 2010 at 6:06 pm

    I can’t understand why people get so defensive whenever someone brings
    up the issue of natural hair. Both natural, relaxed,
    extension and weave wearers are guilty. I wear my natural hair because I feel
    at my best that way, you wear your weave because you feel at your best that
    way kpom. end of story. Don’t make those without natural hair feel like they are
    trying not to be black. And those with relaxed hair, don’t look down on those
    with natural hair or say that they look scruffy or unkempt.
    What is the big deal? Hair is hair… a bunch of dead cells.
    What ever you are wearing on your head will look good if you take the
    initiative to make it so.

  • dami July 7, 2010 at 7:49 pm

    I totally agree. My sister and I have noticed the exact same thing. half the weddings in the past year have to pretty goodlooking, “bunz guy who has done well for himself” type of guy to the “plain jane” simple girl. I just tire for real. Thank goodness I’ve been growing out my natural hair for the past 2 years. Very soon it’ll be long enough for relaxer and I’ll rock my thing. Wish me luck! LMAO!!!

  • sassycassie July 7, 2010 at 8:06 pm

    lol

  • Douby July 7, 2010 at 9:38 pm

    Interesting, i think generally what is attractive to anyone man or woman, is anyone whose comfortable and confident in their own skin and is not defined by their weave, car, house in lekki or anything like that. Men can sniff out fakeness from a mile away.

  • Jay Jay Okocha July 7, 2010 at 9:43 pm

    chei this article…took me a while before i got the point.

    Anyway, guys are different. My hair is relaxed which my bf likes to run his fingers through.

    However, he hates weave.

    I think people should just stick with what they are comfortable with jare! The right guy who accepts you for who you are will come.

  • NaWetinNa July 7, 2010 at 10:08 pm

    Ok oo! Ngwa na make everybodi b like school uniform. Uniformity no b d spice and class of life. As most pple said If he is 4 U e go b urs. Pple make una b ursef “fakeness no b d odus oo”. Amee OO

  • heyr July 7, 2010 at 10:32 pm

    notice it isnt just about natural hair ….. its about having a comfortable and non-intimidating air
    The simple girl in d picture had braids on ….. gerrit?
    no1 is saying u shld go kinky, just tone it down. your face doesnt have to look like a pallette b4 u leav d house. and whats with d blusher nowadays, its just overdone/overused.

  • D.O.T.M.H. July 7, 2010 at 11:25 pm

    I totally get u miss B, I totally get u

  • TallChica July 8, 2010 at 3:43 am

    Heck me i no go lie, i love wearing my natural hair. I must admit it took me a while to learn how to take care of it again, but once that was down, I loved it! My hair was long enough in a relaxer, but i hated it. It was flat and lifeless and i had to wrap it up every night…so this sister tried weave, thinking it would be easier. Mo ma r’ogo o! The way the thing scratched my head and neck (i tried it three times with different hair) … mbanu!! i swore never again! But I agree with bebe and all the others that said that beautiful is what you feel most comfortable in. My bobo tells me I’m beautiful weather i have makeup on or not. I dont wear it that often…just too much stress, but when I do, its to enhance not mask. If you can look at yourself without any makeup on and with your hair kempt (weave, braids, dreads, natural, blowout, perm…who really cares) then the beauty that you have shines through. If you cannot walk with you head held high when you dont have a weave in, then there is a problem. If weave or no weave you think you are beautiful, then the store ends there. Men can sniff fakeness from a mile away. How many women here have mentioned that their guy or some friend’s guy likes it when she dresses up, but keeps the ojuju-calabar-ism to a minimum. I wear make-up occasionally, i’m not going to lie, its a fun way to express yourself. But I believe in makeup enhancing my features not masking them. You can wear makeup and weave, and whatever other adornment, so long as people recognize you when you take it all off. Confidence attracts confident men…snootiness on the other hand repels them but a man worth his snuff will approach you and learn who you are. Approachability is key. Heck, part of this “the girl looks like a lagos runz girl” is because some girls carry the whoel F*** off look on their faces. Who wants to deal with that? A man (im postulating here, so correct me if im wrong), likes to know that when he wakes up in the morning next to the woman he married, he wont receive the shock of his life when he sees a woman with her makeup off–that her personality wasnt tied to her makeup. Love yourself as a bare natural, and you’ll still love yourself with the same intensity whatever it is your adornment is. Cause really when you think about it, hair is hair whether you bought it or grew it. Love yourself as you are first, and everything else is enhancing the natural you. Enhance don’t mask is all i’m saying. (I now proceed to get off my podium)

  • West African Hair July 8, 2010 at 2:37 pm

    http://westafricanhair.blogspot.com/

    Check out my hair blog in the mean time :-)

  • Aibee July 8, 2010 at 6:56 pm

    I so feel the article. When I had my hair short in baby curls, guys would tell me I looked approachable and low maintanance, so I guess the way you look is [part of the allure. Now I wear less make-up than I used to as an undergraduate with anita baker, I’m still single. I feel comfortable enough in my own skin to flirt with the guys in the BRT on the way to walk though Ihave zilch make up on my face, my eyebrows are not pencilled in and I heve only lip balm on. Point is dress good but not desperate.

  • seun D July 8, 2010 at 11:43 pm

    i totally agree with @tallchica except you were about to write a book sha. going natural makes you look beyond the traditional definitions of beauty and gives you true beauty and confidence which exudes from inside, because it is all you!!!
    even your natural smile is different and sweet but once the make up and fake hair comes its the evil pout and dont get me started with colored contacts. people take fake to a whole ‘nother level!!!!

  • Omada July 9, 2010 at 3:08 am

    some babes look scary sha, i no go lie, from head to toe…
    contacts :check,mile long weaves : check ,fake lashes that can sweep my kitchen:check, really long claws: check.
    i’ve never understood the attraction to long acrylic nails that make Snow White’s stepmother look like a saint… seriously…

    to each his own sha, but seriously, some chics really need to tone it down…
    apart from what the men think, all these artificial stuff has disadvantages!
    let your skin and your scalp breathe!

  • Omada July 9, 2010 at 3:22 am

    that girl in the picture is really beautiful by the way…

  • TallChica July 10, 2010 at 5:13 pm

    @ seun in retrospect that post was long, but i was typing and not looking and bella’s post entry box chops things off. by the time i was done and saw how long it was i couldnt care to take it down. lol. apologies to all readers…

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