BN Prose: I Will Be Skinny By Lacomtessnoire

Posted on Tuesday, October 9th, 2012 at 12:07 PM

By Lacomtessnoire

I screamed silently as I pinched the roll of fat on my tummy. I was sure I’d gone up a dress size in the past week. My shirt was tight, the button of my jeans were digging into my waist and I was struggling with each breath. I could have sworn I fit into this outfit a week ago!

I ran downstairs to my parents crying as I jumped into my mum’s arms. ‘Darling, what’s the matter?’ I could feel my parents staring at each other horrified.

‘I’m fat!’ I wailed.

My mum laughed softly and raised my tear-stained face to look at her, ‘Don’t be silly, hun. You’re not fat. You need to gain some weight even. You’re too thin.’

I rolled my eyes at her and looked at my father instead. He was trying to stifle a smile and failing abysmally. Ugh! I stamped my feet. What did they know? They hadn’t seen what Demi Levato had to go through with her weight problem. How Miley Cyrus dropped like how many dress sizes in how many weeks…they were blind.

I walked off shaking my head. They knew nothing and I was going on a diet. End of.

I started by eating only half of what was put on my plate. It was difficult to start with but I looked at my phone’s wallpaper, Rooney Mara as the Girl in The Dragon Tattoo stared back at me. This gave me the determination to grit my teeth and continue.

I weighed myself a week later and gasped in disbelief. I’d gained 2kg! How? Why? I logged unto a pro-anorexic website and moaned to myself. No wonder I was a fat pig. I was overfeeding!

Time to up the ante. I stopped taking the bus to school. My parents didn’t really notice that I was leaving earlier than usual because they were always rushing off to work. I would walk briskly to school with my deodorant in my bag just in case I sweated too much. I always did. I had no lunch at school and I had soup for supper. Always slipping the food to the dog surreptitiously.

In 2 weeks, one of the cool girls in school stopped me as I walked out of the cafeteria with an apple saying, ‘God, Nnenna! Are you losing weight?’

I held those precious words close to my heart with a massive grin as I practically skipped back home. I used it as a crutch when my tummy yowled with hunger that night and I popped a cube of sugar into my mouth and forced myself to sleep. I chanted them like a mantra as I did my sit-ups the moment I woke up the next day. For the next month, dieting was my religion.

I took a deep breath and grabbed the pair of jeans that had given me problems before. I held my breath as I tried them on. Yes! They were loose. I did a little jig and ran downstairs to meet my parents.

‘Notice anything different?’ I asked giggling. They looked at me absently and replied, ‘You’ve got make up on?’

‘No!’ I replied, exasperated. ‘I’ve lost weight!’

‘Oh,’ my mother nodded quickly. ‘Of course, darling. But you look as pretty as before. You don’t need to lose anything, hun. I’ve told you this already.’

My heart plummeted as I went back to my room. I still looked the same. The cool girl in school was probably humouring me.

Weeks went by and I didn’t even think of food. Soon I couldn’t concentrate in school. I didn’t have the strength. I ignored the looks other girls gave me as I trudged past them. I ignored how my parents looked increasingly worried.

Then one day, my mum called me to the living room and sat me down. My father looked equally disturbed. What was the problem? All I wanted to do was exercise then sleep.

‘Nnenna, is there anything bothering you? Anything you want to tell me about?’ My mum asked gently.

I was confused, what was she talking about? Had any teacher called to complain about my work? I had apologised for nodding off during classes, hadn’t I?

My dad added just as gently, ‘I’ve noticed that you’ve stopped taking breakfast and supper with us. Always running to your room. Are…is everything okay?’

‘Everything’s fine, dad. I’ve been eating breakfast. I eat when you guys have gone to work, you just don’t notice. And I have supper too! With my friends before I come back.’ I rolled my eyes and made to get up but my mum glared at me so I sat back down with a huff.

‘It’s just…we’ve noticed you’re looking very…well, thin.’ My dad blurted out.

I laughed somewhat bitterly at this, ‘no dad, I’m not. I’m fat! I look the same as I’ve looked since I tried on those stupid jeans. I couldn’t be skinny even if I fasted 24/7. You don’t have to lie to me!’

My mum held back a sob as she shook her head frantically, ‘No darling, you’re not fat. You’re thin. Too thin. You look unhealthy. Please, stop this nonsense. You’re wasting away.’

I got up this time. I didn’t need to listen to this. What did they know? I wasn’t like Rooney Mara. Or Keira Knightley. Or Kate Moss. I was a whale!

‘You guys don’t know anything. You want me to eat?’ I half-yelled, going to the kitchen counter and grabbing a muffin. ‘Fine!’ I stuffed it into my mouth. ‘There, I’ve eaten,’ I mumbled through a full mouth ignoring their aghast looks. I ran to my room and slammed the door locking it. Then I ran to the adjoining toilet and threw up everything.

What did my parents know?

From that day, I ate in front of them and smiled to myself as they studied me eat every last grain of rice or pasta. I smiled as I hurried to the school loo and made myself throw up every single time. Water with glucose became my best friend everytime I felt faint. Of course I was always tired. Fat people were lazy and always exhausted.

Then I fainted in school. I don’t know what happened. The last thing I remember was getting up after a class then everything went black. Next thing, I was waking up attached to a drip. My parents were teary faced and sat next to my hospital bed still in their work clothes.

”What happened?’ I croaked. I was so tired.

‘Oh, Nnenna,’ my mum cried as she cradled my head. My dad said nothing and just stroked my arm. ‘Where did we go wrong?’ I heard my mother ask herself.

 What was going on? Why were they crying? Why was I in hospital? I was so confused.

 The doctor came in and smiled at me gently, ‘Miss Nnenna Ike, how are you? It was a very close one this morning, you know?’

‘Close what?’ I asked looking round frantically.

‘You’re anorexic, Nnenna!’ My mum burst out ignoring the doctor shaking her head vigorously. My mum went on, ‘You nearly died! You’re so underweight, you nearly died!’ She  cried. She was shaking so much my dad pulled her away from me.

I wasn’t anorexic! What a stupid lie. I had bingo wings. And cellulite! I must have said these out loud as my dad shook his head and pressed his fists to his eyes tightly. The doctor sat down and held my hand as she said, ‘No, Miss Nnenna. That’s your inner self, so self-hating, telling you all this. You’re not fat. Your ribs are protruding. Your vertebrae and your hipbones are jutting out. You’ve got extra hair covering your skin.’

I barely heard my mum asking the doctor how an eleven year old could be anorexic. I didn’t care. All I could think of was pretending to eat so I could get out of the hospital. I was going to be skinny even if it killed me.

And it did.

Photo credittashythemushroom.deviantart.com

 

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  • 32 Comments on “BN Prose: I Will Be Skinny By Lacomtessnoire”

    Comments
    • skimpy October 9, 2012 at 12:16 PM

      Abasi mbo!

      • lilz October 9, 2012 at 1:13 PM

        loooooolllllllll

      • *B* October 9, 2012 at 2:54 PM

        LOOOOOOL

    • ruby October 9, 2012 at 12:44 PM

      hMmmmmmmmmmm….speechless

    • kem October 9, 2012 at 12:46 PM

      so not in d mood……………….my heart bleeds, justice for aluu4< no peace for the wicked, hear our cry oh God!!!

      • Seriously!!!!! October 9, 2012 at 1:19 PM

        ……and you read it. Geez, dear, open the dictionary and find out what mourning means, grief means, shallow means, and before you close the book, skip over to H and look up hypocrisy. If you are not genuinely bothered about something, why read it, If your heart truly bleeds, truly o, you can read a light hearted prose, then take the time and energy out of your “crying” to comment. Please dont make a mockery of people that are truly grieving, please, please dont be shallow. Not now abeg, not now.

    • tbn October 9, 2012 at 1:00 PM

      OMG! What a great article/prose. I know there are some girls and boys out there who are obsessed with their weight, I didn’t know it was possible for girls this young could go to that length. Help our children, o Lord.

    • ToBechiStyle October 9, 2012 at 1:04 PM

      Then who wrote the story?I want my money back!. LOL. Good read though,Mazel Tov.
      http://www.tobechidaniel.blogspot.com

    • chi chi October 9, 2012 at 1:10 PM

      omigosh! kai! Let’s all chill on the ‘skinny’ craze please. it should be all about a healthy balance of good food, exercise, positivity and high self-esteem/self confidence.

      http://www.jewelzmag.com

    • Chattyzee October 9, 2012 at 1:13 PM

      Interesting read. Well written.
      http://dprodigalchild.wordpress.com/

    • didikan October 9, 2012 at 1:28 PM

      if it killed u, who wrote dis? lol. dis is funny but not funny at all. ive bn a size 14 for almost 10yrs, sometimes goin up to 16 but never more or less. i hav tried different diets but now i have learned to love myself cos at the end of the day if u dnt love yourself, no 1 else will. i no fit kill maself

    • TEE October 9, 2012 at 1:34 PM

      I didn’t think Nigerians could be anorexic!!! Being over weight i always wished it could happen to me until I heard anorexia is a spiritual things as bad as a person wanting to commit suicide. I’ve learned to love me not focusing on my weight but being healthy.
      Eat healthy and exercise is the key not starving!!!!

      • J October 9, 2012 at 1:53 PM

        Honey, Nigerians ARE anorexic, know someone that nearly died at seventeen

      • nickyminaj October 12, 2012 at 2:48 PM

        Ma dear u are not alone. After i graduated from university i blew up from size 0 to size 14. Everybody tot i had a disease so i started looking for ways to slim down. i did everything from exercising to tying ma teeth to all kinds of drugs. noting worked after a while i started praying to God to make me fall terribly ill so i can loose weight. off recent a girl died from taking one weight loss drug and almost all my friends were calling to warn me to love myself which am learning to do. i cant come and die

    • TEE October 9, 2012 at 1:34 PM

      sorry learnt

    • adesoye October 9, 2012 at 1:38 PM

      Lovely infact excellent.the struggle and pressure society puts on fat people results into this.I’m trying to loose weight but not to the extreme.God bless us all.

    • cathy October 9, 2012 at 1:40 PM

      no be small thing oh. you want die?

    • sofire October 9, 2012 at 2:33 PM

      wow.interesting

    • Bami October 9, 2012 at 2:37 PM

      There are som incredibly stupid people in Nigeria. This Tee is the reason Nigeria is the shit whole it is ”Being over weight i always wished it could happen to me until I heard anorexia is a spiritual things as bad as a person wanting to commit suicide”
      I’m gobsmacked at the level of foolishness some poeple openly exhibit on blogs.

      • Uche October 11, 2012 at 7:15 PM

        You can correct people without being so rude! Are you manners on vacation or what? Gosh. ITK

    • Naveah October 9, 2012 at 2:58 PM

      Excellent write up and very much needed in our community.

    • Tope October 9, 2012 at 3:51 PM

      mscheeeew! d way sum people are so obsessed about their weight is so so annoying! the thought of being fat kills them! abeg! eat good food, vegetables and have a healthy workout! we all cant be slim but we ll try not to be too “orobor” *wink wink*

    • Winifred October 9, 2012 at 4:41 PM

      @ Bami must you be so rude.make your point and correct people if you need to Abeg

    • Sbaby October 9, 2012 at 5:16 PM

      Size 14 ,very well distributed and proud

    • Ready October 9, 2012 at 6:51 PM

      I’m very mindful of my weight but it’s cause I’m short. A 5’3 girl gains 3kg and becomes chubby..on a 5’8 girl, it’s virtually non-existent. I like food too much for anorexia to set in sha. Good read.

    • miladytosin October 9, 2012 at 8:17 PM

      After all is said and done, I still wanna lose weight. I didn’t say ‘skinny’ tho.

    • grapes October 9, 2012 at 10:28 PM

      what dis @Tee say that is so wrong???? @Bami that outburst is so uncalled for. let us reduce insults pls. nice article by the way

    • grapes October 9, 2012 at 10:29 PM

      what “did” i meant

    • she October 10, 2012 at 7:53 AM

      very nice! well written………….

    • temitope October 10, 2012 at 8:30 AM

      na wa for this “lose weight” craze goin all over the place ooo…….being too fat aint healthy and being too skinny aint healthy either……i ve size 12/14 all my adult life and well endowed too…..there’s rarely anything io wear that doesnt suit me especially because of my curves…….i wouldnt wanna go slimmer or bigger for anything in the world

    • TEE October 10, 2012 at 2:56 PM

      Na wa oooo Bami you know me before!!!

    • atm November 27, 2012 at 7:11 PM

      LOL @ Tee