You know how people like to have good things? I think I got an extra dose of that gene because I find that I am exceptional in my desire for good things. I feel that there has to be something extra special about everything I own or hope to own. However, there has been a niggling worry at the back of my mind as to whether I truly deserve these things I desire so much. Am I good enough?
In church last week, the preacher spoke of God’s undying love and His multiple blessings and it made me think of my shortcomings and sins particularly in the past couple of months. I began to wonder if God’s blessings are really available to me particularly because I feel isolated amidst all this good news; new babies, new cars, new houses, better jobs and weddings.
Long ago, mum advised that I should never be jealous of anyone. She said that as often as good things happen to people, I should only say “Lord, thank you for the wonderful thing you have done for x, y, z. Please do the same for me”. I think this is a great tip and prayer point so I adopted it a long time ago. However, lately, I have wondered if I am really good enough for the breakthrough that I desire.
For instance, I have a very demanding job, so to impress my boss and try to secure my job I feel the need to act as Miss Super Woman. I enjoy most parts of my work; however, I have to read up tons of documents and know what each contains, then critically analyze each one. I find this challenging because I really don’t like to read and I kick myself daily to keep up. Thank God I have done well so far but I still wonder ever so often if it is good enough.
I also hope to get married to this great man who I think is indeed fearfully and wonderfully made by God. I grew up to learn that I am also fearfully and wonderfully made. Nevertheless, I keep asking myself if I am good enough for this man that I want for myself because surely there are many other beautiful (maybe even more beautiful) women who probably have a lot more to offer him than I do. Is Éjire good enough?
I have picked up many hobbies over the last couple of years, some of which I have turned into small businesses. For instance, my love for clothes inspired me to start a small clothing business just as my love for expression through writing has led me to produce a journal which I intend to publish. But then, a little voice keeps asking me if I am sure that my journal will thrive when it is published as those of many great Nigerian writers, or if my clothing business will ever be a success amidst those of the renowned super designers of our time? Can I ever make headway in the business world? Is my work good enough?
The truth is that life can be hard, and very competitive. The moment I think that I am the next best thing, I spot something or someone that I think is much better than I am and this tends to challenge me, especially if at that point I don’t have the needed confidence to stand up and believe in myself. At this moment, I re-evaluate myself and I put things into proper perspective. With a clear mind, I confidently tell myself and all who care to listen that “I am good enough for my job; I am good enough for that great man; my businesses will thrive. I am worthy”
I have grown to understand that God blesses us in spite of ourselves and our shortcomings – whether we are deserving or not. Thankfully, He does not use man’s yardstick to deal with us. I tell myself that I am indeed fearfully and wonderfully made, and that there is no one like me (because there really isn’t). I know that everyone is special but I am unique. I tell myself that I will excel; that I am the next best thing (even for multiple years to come); I say that my husband-to-be will be a super blessed man because of me, just as my boss is privileged to have me as staff of the organization I currently work for.
I am good enough! In fact, I am better than good. I totally rock!
People, sky is the limit for us. Let’s learn to win this battle of the mind. No matter what life throws at us, never be in doubt that you and I are good enough. That’s the motto to adopt if you aspire to join Éjire’s Superstar Club where she presides as Miss President.
Enjoy life; the best is yet to come!