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Ariyike Writes: Virgin or Not

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Last week, I met up with my cousin who just moved back to Nigeria and he came with his friend. We had lunch at Soul Lounge at the Palms mall in Oniru, V.I and we had a long talk. We gisted about all sorts and the topic that took the longest of our time was “women”.

Apparently, his friend that came along just got married to a girl he’s been dating for three years. They never had sex before they got married because the chic was a virgin and she had always told him that the best wedding gift she could give her husband was her virginity.

On their wedding night, they decided to do the “do” it didn’t go as he had expected. What shocked him about the whole act was the fact that he didn’t see any “blood”. This episode made him question whether he really married a virgin. He asked for my opinion and I tried to explain to him that it wasn’t in all cases that you’ll see blood when a woman looses her virginity. I even went further to tell him that her hymen may have broken ages ago if she was active in sports but he was hell bent on believing what he believed which was- She fooled him into believing she was a virgin.

What surprised me the most about our conversation was when the guy said he regretted not marrying his ex-girlfriend. I was quite surprised I was hearing this from someone who got married barely four months ago. So I asked him why he didn’t marry his ex-girlfriend, he simply said “She had been with too many guys.” The look of shock on my face made my cousin chip into the conversation “Err…Ariyike, he meant to say she had been with too many guys before they started dating and he just couldn’t marry her and live with the thoughts”.

It got me thinking about a friend of mine. She’s been with about 5 different men and each time she started dating, she believed he was “the one”. At each point in time, we always thought she would end up with the person she was dating but somehow, they always left her until she finally found genuine love and this happened when she wasn’t even searching. Now she’s married with kids.

Marrying a virgin or marrying as a virgin is a good thing in fact it’s the proper thing to do but we also must remember that we are all human beings. We’re not perfect and our imperfections make us who we are. The fact that a girl has been with a lot of guys in her past doesn’t mean she can’t be a good wife and the fact that a girl is a virgin doesn’t mean she’s going to give you all the happiness and satisfaction you desire. For the lucky guy, she may be a virgin and still make him happy, that’s what you call a “total package.” Why do guys even date girls that they feel have been with “too many” guys when they know they don’t have good intentions for the girl? This brings me to my second question. How many is “too many?”

During the course of our conversation, I asked him if he was a virgin when he got married and he said “ofcourse not” and we all laughed. I went ahead to tell him that life is not as serious as we take it, if someone makes you happy, you shouldn’t care if she’s a virgin or not, everyone has a past and we all must respect that fact. His ex girlfriend made him happy but he left her because she had been with too many men, a fact he already knew while they were dating.

A lot of men can be selfish, most of them like to “play” around but they don’t want to know that anyone has ever “touched” the one they love. No man wants to know that his woman has ever been with another man even though he has been busy frolicking with other women. Men that have been with a lot of women are referred to as “Gs” or “Bad guys” while women/ladies that made mistakes in their past by dating different guys are called the worst names. Some of these ladies did not intentionally date several men, a lot of them were naive back then, most had misplaced priorities and as they mature and grow older, they become focused and begin to know what they want out of life.

A guy once told me he dumped his 23 year old girlfriend because she told him she had been with 27 guys. In his own words “If she’s only 23 and she’s been with 27, by the time she hits 27, she would have been with God knows how many”. But like I said earlier on, that may not be the case.

Let’s all remember that we’ve all made mistakes in the past and no one is perfect, some have made more mistakes than others. However, it’s helps if you can learn from your mistakes and the mistakes of others in order to live a decent life and for the virgins out there, you are like diamonds in this our generation so keep shinning.

Bellanaija readers, let’s be honest with ourselves;
1. How many men should a woman have slept with that qualifies her as being with too many men?

2. Men: Would you want her to tell you the names of all the men she’s been with? Women: would you tell him how many men you’ve been with?

3. Men: If she says she’s a virgin and you marry her, you penetrate and don’t see “blood”, are you going to think she deceived you into believing she was a virgin?

_____________________________________________________________________________________________
Ariyike Akinbobola is a lawyer turned TV resenter/producer at Spice TV, a fashion and lifestyle channel. She studied Law at the University of Lagos and was called to the Nigerian bar in 2006. With a diploma in T.V presenting from the London Academy of Media, film and T.V. She also organises a monthly event every first Wednesday of the month called “Best of Both Worlds” networking cocktail party. She’s married and blessed with children. Follow her on [email protected] to find out more.

Ariyike Akinbobola, popularly referred to as Lady Ariyike, is a foreign trained lawyer and senior immigration analyst. She is an award winning TV host, author, MC, content creator, and humanitarian. She also coaches immigrant families relocating abroad on expectations and how to navigate their new reality. 

 Ariyike is the founder of Ariland Entertainment where she showcases the African culture, fashion, lifestyle and Immigrant experiences through storytelling and film. She previously worked as a talk show host and TV producer for over 7 years abroad and gained experience in TV presenting, production, editing, writing TV treatments and scripts for TV and acting.  Ariyike has a certificate in Child Protection: Children’s Rights in Theory and Practice from Harvard X. A Diploma in TV Presenting from the prestigious London Academy of Media, Film and TV. 

She was recognized as one of the 100 most inspiring women in Nigeria in 2019. She has won several awards such as WAW Award, London. UNICEF/UNFPA Frown Award - Female Genital Mutilation Abandonment Advocate of the year, La Mode Humanitarian of the year, Mademoiselle Role Model Award, The Women’s Federation for World Peace - Ambassador for Peace Award amongst others. 

 Ariyike, through her Ariyike Arise Initiative, has helped to fund the education of Children in disadvantaged communities. Through their schools outreach, they counsel, coach and enlighten children and teenagers about the importance of Peace, Education, Empowerment and Community Development. 

She is a guest columnist on Bellanaija.com and she volunteers as a Content Creator Partner for the United Nations Refugee Agency in Canada (UNHCR). Ariyike is married with Children. Her book, The Cost of Our Lives, is available on Amazon https://www.amazon.ca/COST-OUR-LIVES-Pandemic/dp/B093R5TKCJ/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=ariyike+the+cost+of+our+lives&qid=1632077452&sr=8-1

216 Comments

  1. linda

    May 9, 2013 at 10:18 am

    this is quite an interesting topic ariyike, for the guys out there that wants to get a virgin they should marry a baby girl at birth. lol!!!

    2
  2. mia

    May 9, 2013 at 10:19 am

    waiting for the comments…

    • Ash..

      May 9, 2013 at 6:25 pm

      *tongue out*

      1
    • rubbish

      May 10, 2013 at 1:07 pm

      What rubbish! Always divide the total number by 3. If it is still greater than 5, you minus 3. Kegel is your friend 😉
      Made the mistake of telling a potential boo the real number, fair to say the relationship end years later. My conscience tells me that was part of the reason.

  3. neemah

    May 9, 2013 at 10:23 am

    It is quite true what some men’s thought of a virgin that does not bleed after penetration,(they say she lied). My fiance thought i deceived him as well then, he made a search on Google if it was possible for a virgin not to bleed after penetration. that was when he believed me…. Most men are ignoramus about it

  4. neemah

    May 9, 2013 at 10:25 am

    Even I was worried when i didnt bleed, called a doctor to ask about it, and i was enlightened.

  5. eniola

    May 9, 2013 at 10:26 am

    Men are just selfish.

    • My Vagina. My business.

      May 9, 2013 at 10:08 pm

      summary of the story!!
      Very selfish set of species I tell you!! I don’t go about telling guys I date that I am a virgin…why?? I’m not preserving myself for any man (abeg who is this man by the way and by the bush sef??)….One of my main reasons for staying away from sex before marriage is for religious purposes and there’s no place in the bible that says to save your vjayjay for your husband…it only says that my body is the temple of God, to keep it holy and not fornicate!! this is the confusion that happens when folks mix tradition with religion/spirituality….mssshewww.

    • [email protected]

      May 12, 2013 at 9:37 pm

      I made that decision too for the love of God and for the sake of all the STDs and HIV virus all over the place. Plus I found out that if felt more powerful i had one thing they all wanted and I was not going to give it up without a good reason . The good reason came in form a MAN (notice the capital letter) who was willing to wait until I do.
      Ps I did not bleed too

    • .__.

      May 17, 2013 at 8:15 pm

      .

    • Esthe

      May 27, 2013 at 12:08 pm

      I truly sup

      I truly agree with you…well said!

    • jjjj

      May 28, 2013 at 9:38 pm

      what does fornicate mean then?

    • deep

      May 14, 2013 at 1:28 am

      Y all the curiousness bout if she is a virgin or not, ehnn * Men are simply selfish

  6. Precious

    May 9, 2013 at 10:32 am

    well, i think in all, variety is the spice of life. we should pray towards everything, including the picture we want of ourselves in the future. i prayed for one man, i got it. i have also learnt not to judge people, cause everyones story is different. sometimes, virginity is overrated. nice piece Ariyike.

  7. MissShayee

    May 9, 2013 at 10:32 am

    This article is a perfect reflection of how society has told us that ‘it is a man’s world’. Men are allowed to sow their wild oats and women are not. I even had a colleague tell me that it was still ok for married men to frolick while their pretty little wives wait at home for them. It is an imperfect world.

    Men,if the woman you love is not a virgin,deal with it! Especially if you have had more than your fair share of women.

    Why should women make excuses for their lack of virginity and men shouldn’t? This is not a matter of women emancipation o,it is what is good for the goose is good for the gander o! I sit to be corrected.

  8. Gorgeous

    May 9, 2013 at 10:33 am

    PLease your cousin and friend are kids, that is why they got scammed.Did they marry as virgins? Abeg, I wouldn’t even bother to discuss this topic as both guys are small boys with limited thinking. No wonder there is so much infidelity. People marrying for the wrong reasons. Mtscheew! Sorry for “virgin” bride. 4montha and the guy is regretting. What a life

    • Mz Socially Awkward...

      May 9, 2013 at 12:59 pm

      I don’t feel sorry for the virgin bride at all… she appears to have been more focused on “the best wedding gift she could give her husband” and never stopped to ask herself what was in it for her because I swear down this dude’s character must have been on display from the get-go.

      And herein lies the huge problem of women facilitating this stupid fantasy of men who’ve engaged in indiscriminate shagging before they decided to wife some undefiled Innocentia. Both women AND MEN should be saving themselves for the right reasons, I’m tired of all these lame stories of some chick not bleedING and her man’s getting hung-up about it. Did his penis come wrapped in unbroken cellophane? And even if it did, is he the one without sin that is allowed to cast the first stone? I swear, young girls need serious re-orientation because a man who marries a virgin offers no guarantees that he won’t cheat on you/beat you/turn into your worst nightmare. Yeah, he popped it and after the euphoria has worn off, better pray you’re with a good man because I can quote at least one real-life example of a man who hooked that virgin and then came out to justify his cheating to the world by compaining that “she’s boring in bed”. As in!! WE NEED TO STOP FACILITATING THIS STUPID FANTASY!!!!!!

    • iceey

      May 9, 2013 at 4:17 pm

      Like x 1000

    • Iphie

      May 21, 2013 at 11:24 am

      bless you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  9. Been Real

    May 9, 2013 at 10:33 am

    i didn’t even know when i got disvirgined cus my bf never penetrated me, we only play around the *u know* it was later i discovered i was pregnant.my bf was a little bit skeptical but he knew quite well he was my first..now i have a beautiful boy (Fisayo)

    • Mel1729

      May 11, 2013 at 6:31 pm

      Erm sister, are you mary mother of jesus? Is Fisayo the 2nd messiah, pls don’t wash educated people.

    • Olowu

      May 16, 2013 at 7:18 pm

      Actually, u don’t need penetration to get pregnant, if his sperm just play anywhere near your vjayjay then its possible. Remember , it takes just one to get in and belle don appear.

  10. Abana

    May 9, 2013 at 10:39 am

    The blood thing sha will fool many men. I can fake the blood! Would that be better? Is your wife to be a good woman? That is the important question.

  11. Nimi

    May 9, 2013 at 10:46 am

    Married for four months and is regretting not marrying his ex gf??? This guy is definitely not ready for marriage.

    The marriage sounds like a ticking bomb.

  12. 'Mide

    May 9, 2013 at 10:46 am

    Issue ? Virgin, not really. Subtle, sort of. It is like a grade back at school that identifies something intangible from commitment to priorities. It identifies values as well as pattern. Like school grade does not tell the complete story, virginity does not fully draw the picture of a girl’s past, yet it helps since in a simple way it articulates something. I guess it is that simplicity that is at question, especially in a long term decision such as marriage that is the single most important decision you will ever make in your life on planet life. Many men would rather err on the side of simplicity in “virginity.”

  13. whocares

    May 9, 2013 at 10:47 am

    hmmm i take exception to the “total package” statement, or the fact that marrying a virgin is the best.. lets not be judgemental. who enjoys the benefit of the total package? the man who probably wont be a virgin or the girl who did not live half as much as she should have because she was “saving it”? No I am not making the argument that opening your legs to men equals fun, but lets face it, if you were to have 2/ 3 meaningful relationships that you honestly thought would lead to greater things, chances are that there will be some yanshing.. It is therefore hypocritical when a man says he wants to marry a virgin yet he has been with every girl and their mama,(and other people encourage what i think is their egotistical nonsense by describing such a girl is the “total package” or the real deal etc as if having an unbroken hymen can make up for a stinky personality or dull wits) lets not forget, some men say they cant marry a girl they have not had sex with so what’s a woman to do in that situation?… the way i see it, a woman should do whatever she wants to do.. if you have a itch by all means get it scratched in any way you can, I am all for sexual liberation and damn the man who wont marry you, he probably wasnt the best option for you in the first place.. How much is too much? that’s between a girl, her vajayjay, her god and her conscience.. i would however say that it doesn’t pay to be promiscuous. I honestly hope people wont bring religion into this *sigh* but bring on the fanatics! lol.

    • Stelly

      May 9, 2013 at 11:22 am

      I like this comment. I really do.

    • Diseye

      May 9, 2013 at 11:25 am

      Best comment!

    • Yinka

      May 9, 2013 at 11:48 am

      Spot on mate!

    • to whocares

      May 9, 2013 at 12:04 pm

      Sexual liberation – Really? but with how many men na. A woman should be able to preserve her dignity. By dignity I don’t mean virginity, don’t confuse the two, but women get some self respect for yourself. Freaking close your legs and don’t just give it away because you think he is “the one”. Unless you have accurate mind reading skills, unless he has proposed, he is not the one. no go believe. Even after proposal the realtionship can still go south. Just because a man is allowed to misbehave doesn’t mean you to you will carry your head and say what a man can do, a woman can do better. Remember, you will have kids. How do you teach them sexual responsibility if you never practised it yourself. A LMAO at a friend when she was meeting her bf family for the first time at a wedding only to realise that she had slept with two of his cousins who were also present. Talk about AWKWARD. Guess what, guys talk, he found out and the relationship was over. Sorry o, I’m a woman too o, but I don’t blame him. No matter how much we clamour, it is still a guys world, it will not change tomorrow or even 3013, so girls, future mothers keep those legs closed.

    • D

      May 9, 2013 at 3:21 pm

      Men should fold and tuck in their dingdongs and too. You want women to “preserve their dignity”. There are women who choose not to have sex but are abused by men. Are you going to tell the numerous babies who have had their neighbours or brothers/ uncles penetrate them to preserve their dignity?
      Nigerian men have no self-control and do not respect themselves. How can they respect women? I am not saying all Nigerian men because there are some good ones our society has not destroyed mentally yet.
      People should be fair. Don’t demand such from women when on the end, the men are running lose without control.

    • Anonymous

      May 9, 2013 at 12:10 pm

      Bestest comment! Will you marry me? thats if you a guy oh!!

    • whocares

      May 9, 2013 at 12:16 pm

      loool. im sorry honey, im a girl, but i have a brother? loool.

    • Jolla

      May 9, 2013 at 4:36 pm

      50% of your comment- Cool
      the other 50% – ‘Asewo’ things

    • Autoprincess

      May 9, 2013 at 5:57 pm

      Asewo things, lol

    • Ikeba na money

      May 9, 2013 at 6:03 pm

      I am a guy, and I feel this virgin thing is overrated. I married a virgin, and the sex on the first night was more sweat than sweet. I respect the fact that my wifey kept herself in what is increasingly a tough and tempting world, but trust me, that was as good as it gets. She doesnt experiment in bed, and isnt spontaneous. She is the kind of girl who wont give head or have quickie sex in the bathroom. Due to fact that she was a virgin until she married at 30, she is a bit close-minded sexually, and somethings cannot be taught/instructed all the time. Really if I could do it all over again, I would perfer a girl that is middle of the road. Someone who is not a slut or anything, but a girl with some sexual experience.

    • Autoprincess

      May 9, 2013 at 6:03 pm

      Correct comment. The cousin is funny o, he has sampled other girls but he does a wife who has sampled. Odensi.

    • Nooce

      May 9, 2013 at 6:49 pm

      Most useless comments on BN since inception
      I am a man….and any man who says to have sex before marriage does not deserve you QED….By Sexual Liberation, I assume you meant you are a pervert….Have some dignity joooo…You are a woman and all that there is to you is way more than sex……

    • whocares

      May 9, 2013 at 7:18 pm

      clearly we are not on the same wave length if the only meaning you could ascribe to sexual liberation was the imagery of a woman bed-hopping, does this then mean that the only way a woman could achieve sexual satisfaction was through a man? or another person? what if she god forbids decide to self pleasure? is that perverted as well? If you read my comment properly and digested, you will note I expressly used the words “scratch the itch any way you can” if it involves a man all well and good, if its yourself alone all good too. That aside if a woman decides to sleep with a man purely for the sake of sexual gratification, I dont see how that makes her a pervert .. do you know what pervert means? that is the first question I should have asked you… And more to one than sex? gods i would hope so or life would be spent on ones back with ones legs permanently in the air.. not the most comfortable position that.. As for the comment being 50% ashewo things, you could say that. lool. it depends on how liberal your views are I suppose. Re dignity, again this is not science or maths, and my argument is not in anyway undignified. I am going with the assumption that the women who will support this are mature enough to know their minds, and will know who they are attracted to and not attracted to, therefore they are not ones you can lure into bed by tempting them with chewing gum or nokia phones..

    • temiloluwa

      May 13, 2013 at 1:32 pm

      thank you!

    • B!

      May 16, 2013 at 5:00 pm

      Abeg please shush your mouth. Google is at your disposal. Go check the meaning of pervert, then compare it to sexual liberation and THEN come back and tell us if they have the same meaning. OLODO.

    • Naija talk

      May 10, 2013 at 5:43 am

      Respecting your wish for religion aside, how much is too much for ANYBODY male or female should be factored by the more sexual partners you have, the more you expose yourself to the STD’s out there for the taking. One can only be too careful in this life and people have thrown caution to the wind in the heat of passion.

    • Tots

      May 10, 2013 at 1:03 pm

      Well said! I am seriously pissed about this whole virginity crap, and saving it for your husband who lost his virginity at the age of 11. Jeez!! Ladies you better wake up your ideas. As a guy I don’t give a flying F about anybody’s virginity: all I want is a lady that complements me and makes my home happy. Like you said virginity doesn’t guarantee a successful marriage, bright kids, loving in-laws or anything at all.
      As for those messed up guys who think that being a virgin, talk more of bleeding during the act should be a criterion for marriage: OYO is your own ok. Kindly remember that Karma is a bitch and you are going to get fucked one way or the other. Nobody can eat their cake and f***ng have them back.

    • Fun all the way

      May 10, 2013 at 4:24 pm

      Correct!!!

    • Fake theorist/logic person

      May 19, 2013 at 9:40 pm

      Spot the contradictions abi is it lack of logic in “whocares” arguement?
      1. “lets not forget, some men say they cant marry a girl they have not had sex with so what’s a woman to do in that situation?”…
      Then he or she goes on to say
      2. “am all for sexual liberation and damn the man who wont marry you, he probably wasnt the best option for you in the first place.”
      Ok sounds good… but why make point number 1 if point number 2 is your stance?
      3. “How much is too much? that’s between a girl, her vajayjay, her god and her conscience… plus [My words] he or she adds “the way i see it, a woman should do whatever she wants to do.. if you have a itch by all means get it scratched in any way you can”,
      But then WHY does he or she goes on to say:
      4. “i would however say that it doesn’t pay to be promiscuous.”
      After telling women to scratch the itch however it itches them and it’s up to a girl and her vajayjay and her conscience?!!! Where does conscience end and promiscuity start?
      Lastly:
      5. “that’s between a girl, her vajayjay, her god (underline, bold and highlight the mention of god) and her conscience”. But then ends by saying
      “I honestly hope people wont bring religion into this *sigh* but bring on the fanatics!”
      I say: who mentioned religion and god first?

  14. virgin ke, imagine sex with blood all over the place with this babe screaming and clawing at your back, doesnt sound or look like fun, tear that hymen then lets talk biko

    • bafy

      May 9, 2013 at 11:33 am

      LMFHO…….u sound like a liberal person though.

    • hmm

      May 9, 2013 at 1:36 pm

      but every one was/had to be disvirgined at a point…so dont get this comment?…just say your not u to the task of doing the disvirgin…

    • hmm

      May 9, 2013 at 1:37 pm

      but every one was/had to be disvirgined at a point…so dont get this comment?…just say your not up to the task of doing the disvirgin…

    • Tee Mama

      May 10, 2013 at 8:52 am

      Abi o! Sluts started with being disirgined so what’s he saying?

  15. ADANNE

    May 9, 2013 at 10:55 am

    Imagine. Instead of him to enjoy the distin, he was looking for blood. If he wasn’t a virgin before marrying her then he really does not have mouth to talk.
    In my humble opinion, I think its quite sad that being a virgin isn’t as special as it used to be. I’ve often encountered men who express positive shock at me being a virgin but then try to get me to give it up. I find it funny when men say they want to marry virgins but are not virgins themselves. I mean, who are they sleeping with then, themselves? No wahala. Very soon they will invent how to know if a man is not a virgin then the tables will turn. Anyway, keeping your virginity until marriage is the best thing to do, because the ultimate oga at the top says so.

  16. von

    May 9, 2013 at 10:57 am

    there’s but one truth….that a gurl is a virgin isnt an assurance she will make the best wife…so also the fact that she has been with many men dosnt mean she will make the worst wife…nice article…am so gonna quote this page to a friend

    • ashani

      May 9, 2013 at 8:53 pm

      Abeg tell them o!

  17. sexy

    May 9, 2013 at 10:57 am

    why should we even honor men by asking such stupid questions? this is a whole load of crap…….if you think its cool for you as a guy to sleep around then you have no freaking business wanting to know how many men your babe has slept with…..if any guy want s a virgin then he should also zip his pants till he is married….society has programmed men to think they are such a big deal and can sleep around as they like which is a shame…so if your girlfriend or your wife cheats on you cos you have been dogging around with other women then you don’t even have the right to make noise cos if the women folk forgive your serial cheating then the men should also learn to forgive and move past that…..if you don’t like it or cant take it then pls kiss my ass good bye…

  18. Ushees

    May 9, 2013 at 11:01 am

    d point is what exactly were d qualities in her b4 u got married 2 her,was it just bcos she was a virgin,if dats d case den ur missin out alot of thins,u dont get married to a lady just bcos shes a virgin,there shld b other qualities of her,and den he said he didnt marry his ex. cos she had slept wif many men but she had oda amazin qualities, we shld learn to understand that we all are not perfect,and we shld also stop being selfish,u cant get all d qualities u want from just 1 woman, its not possible no one is flawless, contentment is d key!!!. and guyz 4 d fact that she didnt bleed doesnt mean she isnt a virgin, u need to be enlightened, i sii no reason a lady wld hv 2 lie on smthin that crucial, ladies pls if u do or hv told a lie about it pls confess, cos dis world its definately a small world u neva knw if d guy u slept wif might b ur hubby s frnds frnds…u neva knw,let him know the truth and ur imperfection…it is well!

  19. Tee

    May 9, 2013 at 11:06 am

    Too much unnecessary information shared in dating these days. While will a woman tell her BF that she’s been with 27 guys and you expect hel to clap for you and ‘Baby, well done!’

    • Amazeballs!

      May 9, 2013 at 2:40 pm

      I completely agree. please only NECESSARY info abeg!

  20. Tee

    May 9, 2013 at 11:06 am

    Too much unnecessary information shared in dating these days. While will a woman tell her BF that she’s been with 27 guys and you expect him to clap for you and say “Baby, well done!”

  21. gistyinka blog

    May 9, 2013 at 11:10 am

    am sorry for the guy joor….

  22. Azizah Usman

    May 9, 2013 at 11:12 am

    Its not easy to stay a virgin in this age and time of ours but it is necessary u make an attemot because as much as people hate to hear this “God did ask women to keep their chastity,protect it till they are married” Infact if u have ur way only 1 man is allowed to see u naked and dats ur husband. The truth is we can say men are selfish all we want but they’ve shown women their true colours a long time ago so y do girls,ladies,women till fall 4 their traps and submit their bodies to a man who hasnt married them yet……hian! it takes 2 to tangle……..If women choose to keep their chastity no man can force them to submit it in a relationship,if he cant not hold body den he can gladly walk, see if God dosent bring a better man ur way 4 doing the right tin. I f ladies remember God sincerely everytime a guy ask for it, dey’ll learn to have some shame and keep their dignity closed till dey r married, afterall,we are meant to follow the teachings of Jesus and Muhammed(saw) but most impotantly God.

    • Blessmyheart

      May 9, 2013 at 6:08 pm

      Excuse me? God told women to keep their virginity but men are allowed to sleep around? Seriously? this right here is the issue I have with men. I got married as a virgin not because I wanted to give my husband a wedding present but because of the decision I made based on my relationship with God. My husband was a virgin too and trust me, it makes life easier – no ex-sex partners or sexual diseases to worry about. Please let’s put an end to double standards!

    • pretty woman

      May 9, 2013 at 6:54 pm

      how did you know your husband was a virgin??? I am just curious..how can you tell? Pls enlighten us

    • Joyce

      May 9, 2013 at 8:14 pm

      God did not ask just women but everyone (man & woman)to keep ourselves until we r married.

    • Blessmyheart

      May 10, 2013 at 5:30 pm

      @Prettywoman, I know my husband was a virgin because he told me. Why would he lie?

    • anonymous

      May 15, 2013 at 3:25 pm

      Please, as a preacher’s kid I have to ask you, was the commandment to be chaste for women alone? Our bodies (both male and female) are the temples of the Holyghost and He that defileth it God will judge. Please stop making God sound like a chauvunist abeg! If u want to keep ur virginity keep it because you want to not because you want anybody to respect you. with the issues people have these days, they don’t even have enough love and respect for themselves let alone for another person. BTW why tell anybody the no of peeps u hv slept with? My mother says a wife is a companion and mate. Marry someone who makes u happy cos even if she’s a virgin she’ll loose it on the wedding night and become a non-virgin like the others. Maybe you’ll save the stained bedspread so that when she offends you u’ll look at it and say ‘at least she was a virgin’ Nonesense

  23. Libra

    May 9, 2013 at 11:16 am

    well ,what i will say is ….no reasonable person ,decent minded person and infact a wanting to be good person would afford to make the same mistake 27 times…you are always making the same mistake all the time and you think 50 percent of the people you meet can forget that…It is good to face reality , obviously such a person does not know what she want because if she does she will try as much as possible to avoid mistakes ….and when you continue to make more mistakes it is called ERRORS which might not be pardonable.

  24. Azizah Usman

    May 9, 2013 at 11:16 am

    Its not easy to stay a virgin in this age and time of ours but it is necessary u make an attempt because as much as people hate to hear this “God did ask women to keep their chastity,protect it till they are married” Infact if u have ur way only 1 man is allowed to see u naked and dats ur husband. The truth is we can say men are selfish all we want but they’ve shown women their true colours a long time ago so y do girls,ladies,women still fall 4 their traps and submit their bodies to a man who hasnt married them yet……hian! it takes 2 to tangle……..If women choose to keep their chastity no man can force them to submit it in a relationship,if he can not hold body den he can gladly walk, see if God dosent bring a better man ur way 4 doing the right tin. If ladies remember God sincerely everytime a guy ask for it, dey’ll learn to have some shame and keep their dignity closed till dey r married and this will help reduce the number of men dey sleep with b4 marriage. Afterall,we are meant to follow the teachings of Jesus and Muhammed(saw) but most impotantly God

  25. Person

    May 9, 2013 at 11:17 am

    This is my problem with most Naija men (please note ‘I didn’t say ALL. I said MOST’. Let no one jump on my back for that). Unless a man is a virgin when we start dating, he needs to take several \_ \_ \_s in the audience. What right does anyone have to judge a woman for how many men she has been with? Sexual relationships are intensely personal issues and I do NOT understand why men think it is ok to sleep around but it is not alright for a woman to do the same. Afterall, a woman isn’t sleeping with herself. She is having sexual relationships with other men. Our patriarchal bullshit that prefers a woman’s virginity over a man’s is just that- bullshit. And I don’t understand why BellaNaija keeps catering to this type of attitude. So the stupid dude in this article left his ex because she had been with too many men? And thinks his new wife isn’t a virgin because he didn’t see blood? I laugh in Spanish. What exactly did he do to deserve a ‘virgin’? Seeing as he wasn’t a virgin when he got married? If it was so important to him that his wife keep herself for just him, why didn’t he think that it may just be as important to his wife that he keep himself for her? Why is being a lady virgin the ‘right thing to be’? Especially if your aren’t Christian or Muslim? But you are an atheist? Or an agnostic? And yes, some of us Nigerians are just that- agnostics and atheists.

    I gave up the proverbial goods when I turned 27. Do I regret it? Absolutely not. It is no one’s business except mine, what I choose to do with my body as a SINGLE woman. Who I sleep with. How many people I sleep with and how often I do whatever I want. If for the sake of a ‘future’ husband, I decide that how I am using my body now isn’t going to be profitable, then I adjust accordingly. But note, that is my business. It is MY body.

    Now to answer your questions:
    1. This caters to the double standards and ignorance. There is no rule. A woman should and indeed has the right to sleep with as many or as few men as she wants. Maybe you should ask how many women should a man have slept with that qualifies him as being with too many women?
    2. If he would tell me ALL the names of the women he’s ever been with, maybe I will do the same. I believe in certain types of disclosure- when it will materially affect the next person. E.g an ability to conceive, STDs, credit history, divorces and separation.
    3. I hope no man answers YES. It sounds seriously stupid. I injured myself riding a bicycle when I was 9ish. I had to sit on a bowl of hot water for almost one week. So no, there won’t be blood. I have friends that did martial arts for a REALLY long time. I wouldn’t expect to see blood.

    • SNC

      May 9, 2013 at 4:15 pm

      I love you.

      Best comment…

    • pretty woman

      May 9, 2013 at 6:59 pm

      It is YOUR body!..not God’s temple o..YOUR body! ok noted..

    • Person

      May 9, 2013 at 8:07 pm

      Abeg, sit down somewhere. What part of ‘agnostics and atheists’ do you not understand? Reading comprehension is fundamental. Yall always using YOUR religion to determine what other people should and shouldn’t do. Who said anything about me believing in God?

    • Hot mama

      May 9, 2013 at 10:34 pm

      u talk abt God’s temple…do u think virginity is wat totally constitutes the ‘temple’ ni….we strive to be wat God wants us to but my dear realistically speaking thts close to impossible, the sec u harbour any foul thots, speak evil amongst other sins ur body is no longer a temple..shikena!!!

    • love

      May 9, 2013 at 9:34 pm

      I just pity people like you..you created yourself abi?? I can see the devil has blinded a lot of people.. don’t believe in God, when its time and you leave this earth( which we will all do someday) .you will be shown all this crap you kept saying and doing about and to your creator. I just hope and pray you see the light before all this happens sha!

    • Person

      May 10, 2013 at 10:44 am

      Uh. E ma gba mi ke :/ I haven’t said whether I believe in God or not because frankly, it is irrelevant to the discussion. What if you die and discover there is nothing like God? Abi, you are going to really sit here and quote Bible verses at me? Please take several seats!

  26. Luqman

    May 9, 2013 at 11:22 am

    It is not ideal for a man to be asking a woman about her previous relationship in my own perspective because nobody is perfect and the love should be unconditional love without attaching anything to it. No matter how much you laid an emphasis on your previous relationship in sight of men, men will still react to it if there is any conflict between u bcos we men don’t have mind to stomach things unlike women. Our minds are very rigid, that is why it is very easy for a woman to forgive her cheating husband while a man will never reciprocate (let bygone be bygone).
    We have lost all our morals due to what people called civilization whereby people have no respect for each other. Guys believes it’s their world, they can do anything they like (it is not reading meter) while some women have no value for their body, world has become a playground whereby some people would be looking down on those ones that are trying to be good as uncivilized (no swag) while the other are being portrayed as good omens. If you are a virgin among your mist nowadays, your colleagues would be looking at you as if something was wrong with you.
    The same people that are proclaiming that Alex and Uti are gay today just because they sees them 2gether are going to be the same people that will say they are really promiscuous 2moro if they always see different women around them (why judging people from speculations?).

    We assumed we knew right from left in this century but it is a pity we don’t

    • Luqman

      May 9, 2013 at 11:30 am

      *midst rather*

    • Malika

      May 9, 2013 at 2:57 pm

      Hi Five Luqman. 100% correct

  27. new bride

    May 9, 2013 at 11:29 am

    I’ve heard of ‘virgins’ who are renowned for their BJ and anal sex abilities, but are saving ‘it’ for marriage. That’s the kind of virgin some of these stupid guys deserve! Bloody hypocrites!

    • Funmi jean

      May 9, 2013 at 1:04 pm

      LOL. Priorities need to be set right really.

    • anonymous

      May 16, 2013 at 6:30 pm

      I’m telling you, when I was in school, boys said virgins gave the best blows don’t know abt anal though

  28. honestly mean!

    May 9, 2013 at 11:34 am

    Why shuld a girl ever let her man know how many men she’s been wit. How is dat information critical to the welfare of d relationship? I told my inquisitive husband I’d been wit 99, and he’s d hundreth one! I pissed him out to d extent of not asking. That I’m not a virgin alone is all d information u need as a man! I have made my peace n confession with my God’ I don’t have to start asking for forgiveness for a sin I did’t commit against u. I told my best friend ” that info is not necessary, tell him half as much as he can digest” she told him everything. Including date, names and places! Turns out he knows one of d guys ‘ now she’ has a record. She married him for only six months. He packed her out n he’s asking for a divorce. Whatever past ur partner has’ itS betters left buried . The stench of an exhumed corpse is unforgetAbly nauseating!

    • Jelly

      May 9, 2013 at 1:30 pm

      on point!

    • ij

      May 9, 2013 at 2:43 pm

      may your way never be narrow, i cant add or take away from your comment .dats all

  29. Cleo

    May 9, 2013 at 11:51 am

    I so love this article…I have often asked my friends male and female this question….” How many men would a woman have slept with before she is termed a prostitue…all in the guise of searching for mr right”….

  30. salsera

    May 9, 2013 at 11:52 am

    when u have in ur head 2 types of women; those who for marrying and those who are for fooling around with its ideas like that you get. That thinking may work for him warped as it is but before Christ the same finger he points at her points back at him. I really do feel for mrs tho – chic had no idea what he’s thinking.

  31. Ella

    May 9, 2013 at 12:00 pm

    I do understand that being a virgin doesn’t mean one would be a good or modest wife, and I sincerely don’t like non virgins been judged. What agitates me is when you see some non virgins making unpleasant comments about being a virgin /virgins; some trying to make themselves feel better.
    My point is,
    1. Being a virgin is good, even the Bible and Quran acknowledges it, it however doesn’t mean all virgins will have a good marriage. But virgins can have good marriages, anyone can.
    2. Non virgins have made mistakes, we are humans and have all made mistakes, no need for them to be unnecessarily judged, so long as we learn from our mistakes.
    And those girls that go the extreme way to satisfy a guy, guys can never be satisfied. So if you sleep with a guy just because the guy said he can’t marry someone he hasn’t slept with, that’s not a guarantee he’d marry you. He can still leave and move to someone else. If someone truly loves you they won’t force you to have sex if you’re totally against it.

    • D

      May 9, 2013 at 3:11 pm

      My problem with one of your points and Ariyike’s is that being a “non-virgin” shouldn’t be seen as a mistake. We are still placing unnecessary value on the state of virginity. I think it is nice to be a virgin or abstain from sex but women should be valued for other things other than their vaginas. Women are more than that.

  32. Nee

    May 9, 2013 at 12:15 pm

    he left 1 bcos she had bin wit many men, nd cnt stay with 1 hu hasnt bin wit any. wow! d most indecisive individual ever! nd u wish u ddnt leave ur last gurlfrnd u dated 3yrs ago?! guy seriously, u have a challenge knowing what u want. evert decision has its consequences, face urs. *walks out*

  33. Eyejee

    May 9, 2013 at 12:17 pm

    @been real pls can u send me ur contacts. We have pretty identical stories except the bf didn’t stay.

  34. Tae

    May 9, 2013 at 12:21 pm

    23 and slept with 27 men…hmmmm honestly i’m trying to do the maths, even if she started at 15yrs that’s an average of 2 men a yr at the very least! However i don’t think anyone who isn’t a virgin should be looking for one however ultimately each person has to decide the level of past escapades they are ok with their partners having had. At least some people go ahead and marry ex hookers sef so to each his own.

  35. Nomy

    May 9, 2013 at 12:44 pm

    Ewo! I still have not gotten over 23 year old with 27 men. Good Lord!

  36. anonymous

    May 9, 2013 at 12:51 pm

    my best part is “virgins out there, you are like diamonds in this our generation so keep shinning”. if you’ve lost yours. kindly beg God for forgiveness and if you have not lost yours, pls keep it not for the sake of anybody but because it is a divine injunction just like thou shall not kill and thou shall not steal.

  37. jenny

    May 9, 2013 at 12:57 pm

    lol

  38. iamfascinating

    May 9, 2013 at 1:01 pm

    hmmn. We humans judge others by their actions but judge ourselves by our intentions. It is well.

  39. Sophia

    May 9, 2013 at 1:05 pm

    NAWA O…

    Read & Comment squaremalteasers.wordpress.com/2013/05/08/blinded-by-the-sun-part-2-2/?fb_source=pubv1

  40. folu

    May 9, 2013 at 1:08 pm

    There’s no rule that says if you’ve been in 2 or 3 meaningful relationships chances are that you have had sex. I will use my own experience and say no. I’ve been in 2 and they wanted to marry me, but I wasn’t ready and I didn’t want to be pressured, as they were in their early 30’s and they just wanted to marry, marry. So, I am not keeping myself for any man, he is not that important, because he is likely not keeping himself for me. I am keeping myself because I only want to have a sexual experience, with just one person and that’s it. Not for religious purposes or anything, I just can’t imagine sleeping with a man I am not married to. This doesn’t mean I don’t want to be sexually atrracted to a man I’m dating, but I learn to hold myself back and tell him. Some guys don’t get it and I show them the door. The 2 that stayed, unfortunately I wasn’t going to be pressured to marry them, and no, I don’t engage in BJ or Anal Sex, neither am I being sanctimonious here. Do I expect the man to be a virgin, what is my business with what he did before he met me, my virginity is not a prize, a gift or an accomplishment. It is simply a personal choice, emphasis on personal, so I don’t hold anyone to the same standards that I set for myself. Any man who says he can’t marry a woman he hasn’t slept with, okay na, that is his personal choice, and since it comes in conflict with my personal choice, we are not meant to be together. When we start to see virginity as personal decisions, and not something that qualifies for a girl or guy to be put on a pedestal, then there will be some progress. Yes I’m in my late twenties, and I was brought up in Lagos. Even my mum was shocked when I told her, and I said to her don’t hail me o, it is not a PhD from Harvard. Am I special because of my sexual preference, nah. If anyone wants to count me as special, feel free, it doesn’t add to my personality

    • whocares

      May 9, 2013 at 2:49 pm

      not a rule, but its a likelihood.. that said, I did like your perspective on looking at it as a personal choice and not a criteria for anything else which is exactly what it should be.. so i agree with you on that.

  41. Gracie

    May 9, 2013 at 1:20 pm

    Deal with the lady as an individual without sentiments whether she is a virgin or not. If you are convinced she worth being by your side as your better-half for life, then why not take the giant step? Going back to Ariyike’s questions: the number of men a lady has been in my own opinion does not count if truly she is set to take a new leaf and be a better woman to herself, family and society….making her feel like a “bad girl’ might “force” her to camouflage if it will keep the “new” man. Telling you the number(s) of men i’ve been with! no….no….no….no, its my past so i’ll rather bury them, my response will be politely (I’ve dated some other men in the past, period!). After all, dating them does not mean i went to bed with all of them. If he insists, he is immature (my take ). Lastly, not all ladies see blood.

  42. Gracie

    May 9, 2013 at 1:22 pm

    *the number of men a lady has been with in my own opinion does*

  43. G

    May 9, 2013 at 1:27 pm

    God knows all things, he sees our hearts and knows our intentions. I don’t have any right to judge. I got married as a virgin and I can say there is a lot of value in it. That doesn’t mean that my friends who didn’t marry as virgin are not enjoying their marriages. Now to the article- what I don’t get is why the dude will be regretting his marriage because he didn’t see ‘blood’. Obviously, he married his wife for the wrong reasons!

  44. lnn

    May 9, 2013 at 1:49 pm

    It all boils down to how he met you whether virgin or not. past relationships is past no need confessing to your man on how many men you’ve being with. some unnecessary gist can lead to what not. #kapish

  45. AkosuaAngel

    May 9, 2013 at 1:55 pm

    Hmmm. Interesting topic. I am a Christian and I believe everything the bible says.. As the bible is the word of God. Sex outside of marriage is a great sin before God. We live in a society where sex and love have lost their true meaning. However, people do make bad choices. The most important thing is to confess to The Lord Jesus and to repent from all ungodliness. Men, when seeking for a wife, first look for a woman with the fear of God. She may not be a virgin, but may have confessed and given her life to The Lord Jesus… That’s all that matters. And by the way, not all virgins bleed … As has been made clear.. But even though the hymen may be broken, penetration still isn’t supposed to be that “free” and “easy”. But all the same, let us all surrender our hearts to Jesus and live for Him. And let us forsake all ungodliness and focus on important matters… Hebrews 13:4 “Let the marriage bed be held in honor among all, and the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous”- ESV. God bless you all.

  46. Arike-Ade

    May 9, 2013 at 1:58 pm

    Interesting sumthing. Lol. Well I didn’t bleed either, I cycled a lot, used to climb trees and all, plenty physical activities when I was a teen so I wasn’t surprised there was no blood. I was kinda hoping to suprise the bf with blood but as it so happened, there was none so I didn’t bother telling him, I felt it would be long tin. I also have had a bf dat started acting weird when he knew exactly how many guys I had been with. So this basically teaches a lesson; do not tell ur man EVERYTHING. They usually are not able to handle it. *deuces*

  47. Funke

    May 9, 2013 at 2:00 pm

    23 years old “squansheed” 27 men!!! Sheeeeeeeeet!!! See Gobe.

  48. miss kristaal

    May 9, 2013 at 2:02 pm

    @who cares best comment ever… i could kiss u for that..

  49. mimzzzzzzzzzz

    May 9, 2013 at 2:10 pm

    27 men @ 23, men that’s quite a number. *phew*

  50. seriously...

    May 9, 2013 at 2:16 pm

    hmmm perfect piece. i actually got disvirgined at age 23, cos i was dating someone i thought i would end up with, sdly we broke up, and i regretted the fact that i was used. i sha dated several b4 i met the guy i am currently dating. sadly, he wants to know every single details of all my exex which really irritates the hell out of me. yes i told him 2 in total which is a big lie, but that settles it so he van let me be, unfortunatleyl he didnt give me details of all the ones he slept with. so it kinda beats my imagination why he wants this information!!!

    • kemi

      May 9, 2013 at 3:01 pm

      i will do the same,if he bothers me too much i l give him any number i want for chrissake

    • balnk

      May 10, 2013 at 9:56 pm

      seriously, u regret sleeping with ur ex? those that mean u used the sex as a bargaining chip in the relationship? cos if u loved this person u having sex cos u love the person will not make u feel used, but if not for love u did it cos u thot u could use it to benefit urself in the relationship.
      making love and sex are 2 different things if u make love with ur partner, u will not feel used but if u had sex that is y u feel used.

  51. lolly

    May 9, 2013 at 2:19 pm

    but make una forget, 27 plenty ooooohhh….

    • PrivateChicka

      May 9, 2013 at 3:52 pm

      yea….But hopefully her “lips” are now sealed!

    • Uche

      May 9, 2013 at 5:58 pm

      Lol @ “lips”. I see what you did there

  52. Queen of Everything

    May 9, 2013 at 2:21 pm

    I personally think the only thing you should want to know about anyone’s sexual history when you get together with them is their STD status. how recent was the test etc… all this virginity talk is a load of nonsense.
    The number of guys I know that want a virgin but are not themselves…? you want to sleep around with women, who will then marry them? kmt.
    I just think the price put on virginity is sexist and old-fashioned. even the bible does not say you have to marry a virgin. if we were to go by that principle we should all be virgins before marriage. but as that isn’t the case, let’s make love and not war 🙂

  53. Be a Virgin Doesnt Make You a Good Wife

    May 9, 2013 at 2:33 pm

    I think that boy was just be childish and i see no reason why you should judge a girl because of the bleeding stuffs. the guy only married the girl because she was a virgin not because he loves the girl truly. who said all virgins are good wives or does girls who have slept with guys are bad wives??? we have to pray that God gives us the right person to marry whether that person is a virgin or not. what matters is the happiness of the marriage. never ask a woman how many guys she has slept with because that’s her past and the past should not come to the present.
    Men are so freaking jealous and selfish, why do you wanna know the names of the guys the babe don sleep with or date??? but i think he should only know the name of the guy she just broke up with. at the end of the day ladies should have respect and dignity when it comes to intimacy because is not all men you dated or have relationship that you need to open your legs for.Trust me a non-virgin can still be a virgin because doctors can reconstruct your hymen and you end up a virgin again and you will 100% bleed.

  54. D

    May 9, 2013 at 2:36 pm

    “best wedding gift she could give her husband was her virginity” How many women have given this “gift” to their husbands and ended up being treated like garbage? After you present this “gift” to this man, it is a wrap. Your virginity will mean nothing to a man who is a womanizer and a jerk. So Nigerian women, being a virgin should be your choice. Let it be something that you want and you feel that’s one of the ways you want to honor God.. not as a gift to a man. Men are not gods..they are human beings just like you and I. We are the most religious beings yet we don’t understand these religions we are busy chasing. It’s only obvious that Nigerian women are taught to make life decisions based on men. I pity us because many of us end up not really married to our spouses but to our children. I have read reports of women saying they cannot remember the last time they slept with their husbands.
    Now Ariyie, being a virgin/marrying one is not “the proper thing to do”. We place so much emphasis on being virgins that women feel worthless when they are not virgins. The reason why I only mention women is because Nigerians do not expect morals from men as well and I think that is why Nigerian men are the most undisciplined set of beings I have ever encountered. I feel very bad for them when they leave Nigeria and they are always caught in various rape scandals. They have been “trained” to have no self-control, respect for women and themselves. Our society is a mess is in that aspect.

    Now back to your proper way of getting married, With the way Nigerian women, even female babies are sexually assaulted/abuse left and right by some of these mentally challenged men, you are excluding them from being “worthy of marriage”/ companionship. This is also because our society doesn’t encourage women to speak up when they encounter sexual abuse. We are told to sweep it under the rug or blamed for causing it. A Nigerian man once told me it was ok to harass a woman who wore something skimpy and when I told him I hoped it happened to his sister, he swore he would kill whoever did that. Do you see why I say Nigerian men can be mentally challenged? I told him to also apply that thought to any other woman who decides to wear whatever she chooses. There is no reason why a man’s actions triggered by his penis should be justified. Your brain isnt located down there. Use your brain more often.

    I believe people, both men and women, should be responsible with their bodies… I think that it is subjective. We have done things that we may not be proud of but we should learn from them and become better people for ourselves and to whatever God you serve (if you are spiritual). If women are called whores for having more than one sexual partners then Nigerian men are the biggest hos because we know how they get down. So why should we judge anyone? Nigerian men have been taught that it is normal for them to sleep with many women, unless you’ve been sleeping with many men, I do not think a sane man should make such demands from a woman. Those women were sleeping with men and not themselves. Our society is not conducive for women or even virgins we place extreme value on. A man can rape you because you were rude to him, or he doesn’t know to approach you etc. I don’t see why we place special value and significance on the condition of a woman’s vagina. That should be the concern of the woman who wakes up and sleeps with it everyday. We have other things to worry about like Nigeria being a failed nation, etc. We are hypocrites. Get married to who you love, your best friend, and who makes you happy. Shikenan.

    My conclusion is that we should be interested in raising respectable Nigerian men and women and stop embarrassing ourselves about rather than clueless/slave virgins and wild dogs. But the latter is the type Nigerians seem to prefer.

    • D

      May 9, 2013 at 2:37 pm

      Ariyike, I spelt your name incorrectly.. lol.

    • Meeeee

      May 9, 2013 at 3:24 pm

      You are the best. *Hugs for you*. I couldn’t have said it any better. I simply love your comment and hope that everyone will get to read it.

    • lola

      May 9, 2013 at 3:40 pm

      This comment is beautiful!!

    • D

      May 9, 2013 at 4:14 pm

      Damn! my comment has quite a lot typos 🙁

    • iceey

      May 9, 2013 at 5:03 pm

      @D: God Bless you for this comment(post) 🙂 You communicated my thoughts excellently. The situation in Nigeria as you pointed out is truly heartbreaking. Many of us truly need to focus on changing our hypocritical mind set.

    • oose

      May 9, 2013 at 5:34 pm

      my dear move on … move on i feel your pain but move on be the hunter and not the hunted … <3 <3

  55. meeee

    May 9, 2013 at 2:36 pm

    very very interesting. at some point i started feeling like a bad girlfriend that doesnt want to tell her boyfriend anything. i have decided to keep my mouth shut and concentrate on the future and not the past.

    • Meeeee

      May 9, 2013 at 3:27 pm

      We have the same id but mine has 5 e’s and a capital M…lol.

  56. Ajoke

    May 9, 2013 at 2:45 pm

    It’s 2013 guys, this conversation is getting old and boring. There are enough [Nigerian] men out there that don’t judge women on their pasts, it’s time for us to stop focusing on things that don’t matter and broaden our horizons.

    With the way the world has changed and keeps changing, it is just completely unrealistic to hold certain expectations that are so circa 1950 but, to each their own sha..

    • mrs. p

      May 9, 2013 at 11:33 pm

      GBAM! and Double GBAM! Agree with this!

    • oludare

      June 9, 2013 at 6:07 am

      Never told you anything specifically. you just kept on assuming you could not even ask or come.., because you never cared and its fine and okay. Just stop using her to get star with your babes that all. do you, I don’t want anything from you

  57. kemi

    May 9, 2013 at 2:53 pm

    i will definitely not tell my guy how many men id been with and i wont ask for his own list,our past mistakes makes us who we are presently,if he sokay as at the time we aere meeting ,im cool with that and vise versa,there are some things we can discuss as partners about our pasts but for crying loud not the numbers,human beings by nature felt there are some things they can handdle until it happens and they fall apart,il rather let the sleeping dog lie.

  58. Dearie

    May 9, 2013 at 3:17 pm

    My fiance asked me last weekend if I’d ever had sex in the car. You see, he has never asked me about my past relationship(s) prolly because of the fact that I was seeing someone when he was asking me out and he kept on telling me the dude wasn’t meant for me and that he’s my husband. I’d tell my boyfriend then how this dude doing his Masters (my fiance now) was disturbing me and we’d both laugh over it.
    When he asked “baby have you ever had sex in the car?” I didn’t see it coming but i was pissed at the same time. I just replied “not only in a car, I also had doggy in a tomato lorry!” He just kept quiet.
    I was molested by my cousin when I was 9 at the boarding school and it continued for about 2yrs afterwards hence me not liking the virginity topic.
    Answers to your questions:
    1) I won’t answer until you ask us how many women a man should have slept with that qualifies him as being with too many women.
    2)Yes I would tell him the number of men I’ve been with, I’ll tell him the styles we did, include their addresses, passport photographs and throw in their birth certs.
    3)I’m not a man.

    • ola

      May 9, 2013 at 8:43 pm

      God bless your soul my dear. please if u can give us a story regarding child molestation especially from family members we need to get this things out there ‘just saying “

  59. Nike

    May 9, 2013 at 3:30 pm

    Two tales: My family friend dated his gf for 7 yrs. when they were both in sch, they were SU, no sex etc, they were also both virgins. The guy finished first and was posted to Ad-Ekiti where the babes there turned his life around. LOL. After he and his Virgin bride got back from their honeymoon, the next week he went to rent a room outside for his ‘carry-gos’.
    2nd tale is mine who was a virgin when i met my bf (now husband). The first time i gave him a bj, i noticed he was cold afterwards and it made me really feel like a slut. So, i asked him about what i noticed and he said he felt a virgin shldnt be as good as i was performing that act. I was so MAD!! Like so i cldnt have read books about it, or magazines etc. We actually broke up cos of it for a while b4 i calmed down. LOL
    What i mean to say is 99.5% of Nigerian men are selfish and their double standard is Amazing. na God g help us

  60. anonymous babe

    May 9, 2013 at 3:37 pm

    That’s how I dated this older guy who disvirgined me.When he saw blood he had the guts to ask me if it was ketchup.He then refused to use protection,got me pregnant and promised to marry me.We agreed to get an abortion to protect his image.We ended up not getting married cos he wasn’t certain that I’m the one.The mistake has haunted me ever since.

    • Anon

      May 9, 2013 at 5:04 pm

      i’m dead!!!

    • Partyrider

      May 9, 2013 at 5:26 pm

      Damn 🙁
      As long as you’ve asked God for forgiveness,please forgive yourself and move on.
      Do not let your past define your future and steal your Joy. God bless u

    • oose

      May 9, 2013 at 5:26 pm

      my dear move on … move on i feel your pain but move on be the hunter and not the hunted … <3 <3

    • Autoprincess

      May 9, 2013 at 5:59 pm

      I am sorry o, but how old were you when this happened? Please tell me 15, cos I just can’t deal!!!

  61. Berry Dakara

    May 9, 2013 at 3:41 pm

    “DON’T ASK, DON’T TELL” policy is necessary sometimes. I’m not saying sleep with 5000 people and keep it to yourself. Talk about your past with discretion – meaningful relationships, health status, anything out of the ordinary, yes. But I’m not going to ask you what your “number” is, and don’t ask me mine. I’m a virgin with amnesia *rolls eyes*

    I have a friend who for all the time I’d known him, had slept with multiple women, cheating on girlfriends, etc. And then he meets his now-wife and calls me to complain that he’s so hurt and upset because she had slept with ONE PERSON before him!!! Like, f’real?!?!?!? I was so pissed off, I almost cursed him out. Stupid double standard.

    berrydakara.blogspot.com

  62. PrivateChicka

    May 9, 2013 at 3:51 pm

    1. If her days of “being curious” are behind her then I honestly say the # of men in her past should not matter.
    2. If I truly love the man and vice versa then him knowing that I had a past and that it is years behind is all that matters; not names or numbers! If he insists on knowing I would not be afraid to tell him because fortunately for me the number of people in my past is a single digit number.
    3. This same exact thing happened to me! My first wasn’t even my boyfriend he was my neighbor that I thought I liked but I was really a curious and hormonal young lady and wanted him to “pop my cherry”! But when he entered nothing “popped” I was embarrassed and confused and he felt that I lied to him. After doing my research and consulting with my physician I then learned that I was one of many females who’s hymen may have torn earlier in my active days!

    ~ I thank God because I am now almost 3 years into celibacy and I am definitely saving my goodies for the one God is sending my way! I encourage it for every single man and woman out there! Esp those residing in Nigeria, where too many people (both men & women) suffer in their marriages because they believe that cheating is part of marriage! If you and your boyfriend/fiance can practice abstinence before becoming one then he will be used to the feeling of not being able to have you all of the time while married. Therefore him keeping his “gold” in his pants while you both are apart will come much easier then it would if you both have been intimate from day one of courtship.

    Great topic and Great points Ariyike!

  63. bibi

    May 9, 2013 at 3:54 pm

    Virginity is overrated..u don’t wanna know wat they do to girls who lost it b4 marriage in some remote villages in d past.

  64. jb

    May 9, 2013 at 4:13 pm

    Overrated much! This convo is unnecessary. Virgin this, virgin that! Tired of hearing about this everyday… on to the next please.

    • pretty woman

      May 9, 2013 at 7:22 pm

      nobody forced you to read it biko

  65. Lucia Leoso

    May 9, 2013 at 4:32 pm

    Wow… I already smell doom in the marriage already. For the guy to already be regretting marrying her jst four mths into the marriage? On what grounds exactly? Haba… The guy needs to be enlightened jare, instead of him to focus on getting his wife preggers n starting a family he is there thinkin abt weda or not his wife should bleed! He’s soooo unserious jare. *hiss*

  66. nnenne

    May 9, 2013 at 5:04 pm

    My own is that if as a girl you’ve been kissed and caressed by one guy and then some other guys marries you then you have no right to call yourself a virgin!!!
    if i have slept with 10 guys outside marriage and another has been kissed and caressed by just one guy outside marriage, we are both gonna receive the same judgement from God!! being pure means abstaining from all forms of sexual activities be it locking of tongues, fondling of boobs, fellatio and cunnilingus, fingering and actually sticking it in there. if one decides to be a virgin, it should be done in totality and not half and half. God is not a God of double standards!!!!
    As for guys that want to marry virgins when they are not one, i leave your matter to God.
    Though i don’t subscribe to being promiscuous and don’t support it in anyway, i want to ask the difference between one girl that has a steady boyfriend with whom she has sex with perhaps 3 times in a night/morning in like 3days of the week all year round and another girl who slept with a total of 3 guys in a year but had sex with them once in 3months? to me the only difference is that the latter has a higher chance of contacting STD but sex is sex. so what are we really on about?

  67. oose

    May 9, 2013 at 5:22 pm

    its strange how men who marry a virgin … and then this thought of her bleeding … what if she doesn’t … what in the world is love? was all the love dependent on her bleeding …seriously i don’t get it ? i would be so hurt if after i got married my man questions my integrity as a woman and oh yes call me old fashioned …

  68. nene

    May 9, 2013 at 6:06 pm

    23 year old with 27 men, yeah that too – much. same thing if an 18 year old girl has been with 20 men, that’s also too much. if she was 40, and has been with 27-33 men, that’s ok, but stil above average.

  69. bryan

    May 9, 2013 at 7:05 pm

    fact 1 most guys even the very bad ones will prefer to marry a virgin, i have a friend who i believe may have been with over 50 women and he is now ready to settle down, all i hear him scream when u introduce a garl to him is na virginia?

    fact 2, being a virgin at least prima facie (on the face of it) suggests your a good garl and wife material wheda u garls like it or not, all these talks that virginity is overrated is bullshit, if a garl at this age and time can still keep his virginity for her husband, mehn e no easy, she try no be small. uve been with 30 men and d guy is supposed to just thro dat info in the thrash can>>>>nonsense
    fact 3, it is and will 4ever be a man’s world so women as bad as it may sound but men can never be placed in the same moral standards with u guys. even the bible made it clear that the woman has two lords, God and her husband.
    Am not a chauvinist by any stretch of the imagination and i really dnt want to marry a virgin, but garls should not console themselves unnecessarily. if your virgin, kip yourself for ur husband, even us bad guys would want to marry you lol. if ur not give kudos to pple that are, keep ur legs closed and stop all these noise about how is not about being a virgin or that men should be placed with d standard with women. It can never work like that.

    • The Real Madam the Madam

      May 9, 2013 at 9:29 pm

      For the fact that you repeatedly typed “garl” and had the nerve to hit submit? All your points are officially invalid. Goodbye!

    • Amazeballs!

      May 10, 2013 at 9:57 am

      LMAOOOOOO!!!!! You’re a real madman!

    • anonymous

      August 1, 2013 at 4:21 pm

      Omigosh! you got me ROFLMFAO!!! nice rejoinder.

    • zsa zsa

      May 10, 2013 at 6:23 am

      Being a virgin is not that hard abeg…i did it till i was married and i still think it is overrated. I didn’t have sex before marriage simply because i didn’t want to. I didn’t even learn how to properly count my monthly cycle till way after i got married, i just didn’t want to be bothered.
      You obviously missed the bus on this one….NO, A VIRGIN DOES NOT = GOOD WIFE!!
      Think about it brother bryan, how can a woman’s character be determined by the condition of her vagina?? are you even following the conversations?? a girl can be a virgin, meet and fall in love with a guy and have sex with him thinking he is her knight in shining armor only for the relationship to fall apart for whatever reason. Now assume this happens 2 or 3 more times while she is in her 20’s, then by the time shes in her late 20’s or early 30’s she’s had a number of relationships under her belt. You meet her after all the heartbreak she has been through(with good intentions o) so you will just write her off because of her history?
      Please don’t use the bible to excuse societies big mistake of calling it a mans world….look where that has gotten us. The same bible you are referring to also says thou shall not commit adultery/fornication….who was God talking to? women only? abi men no follow? so why can’t we be placed in the same “standard”?
      So women should be happy that you “bad guys” would like to marry them as virgins abi? yaaaaay!!Virgin ladies come and see o! thank God! you are too kind and we are not worthy. Marry us and put us out of our misery.
      Grow up boy.

    • Diya

      May 10, 2013 at 2:40 pm

      Man placed those standards for men to think they are above women and so man can change that nonsense. Your thinking is senseless and is no different from that of many Nigerian men. It’s a man’s world abi? This kind of brainless and ancient thought that men at this day and age seem to hold on to in addition to them *running* the world are some of the reasons why Nigeria is similar to a zoo. By the way, Jonathan is a Zoology graduate. Go figure.
      Pride is definitely blurring your thinking. If some men continue to these baseless pride to justify their actions/ decisions then their brains will simply be ornaments.

    • Princess MIMI

      June 11, 2013 at 10:40 pm

      Did you seriously read your comment before you posted it? What do you mean it can never be like that? So, it is right for a man to sleep with several women but for a woman it is a taboo. Let me spell it for you. It is still F.O.R.N.I.C.A.T.I.O.N. There are so many other characteristics that defines a woman not the value of her vagina!

    • laureen

      June 24, 2013 at 2:04 pm

      thanks bryan i used to feel awkward.

  70. adaeze

    May 9, 2013 at 8:35 pm

    this bryan is just an ode plain and simple. you’l soon tell me whether being ‘wife’ material is all about sex. Pls if you want to be a virgin be one for yourself and your God and not to meet the standard of childish Nigerian men like bryan who will marry virgins to feed their egos and still go out and cheat on the said virgin with every tom dick and jane. Like me for instance the only reason i’m still a virgin is probably because i’m very stubborn and a control freak lol not because i’m the holiest. Imagine after saving myself for years u’ll now up marrying a man like bryan or ariyike’s cousin, tufia!

  71. neefy

    May 9, 2013 at 8:46 pm

    And this is one of the reasons why i love bellanaija and most of its readers. I especially like whocares and D’s comments the best. “… being a virgin should be your choice. Let it be something that you want and you feel that’s one of the ways you want to honor God…”- D. took the words right out of my mouth. The double standards set by our society though not new, is still something that is mind boggling. There’s really no satisfying humans. I have heard some guys say how they dont want an inexperienced lady and heard some other guys want the inexperienced so at the end of the day i feel one should do what she feels comfortable with.

  72. dami

    May 9, 2013 at 8:49 pm

    Nawa o, all these virginity shii sef, some people need to realise that we’re not all the same, if u keep your virginity for some bh guys na u sabi

  73. Nora

    May 9, 2013 at 9:26 pm

    LMao!!!!……Nike’s comment made me laugh a lot

  74. Sugabelly

    May 9, 2013 at 9:32 pm

    Gosh, men are so stupid. What are they teaching these poor children in school. So now bleeding equals virgin? Or hymen equals virgin?

    Are people really this daft? Lots of people’s hymens break during sports. Some people were never born with a hymen. Some people’s hymens don’t break even after having sex multiple times.

    All posts like this serve to do is show how utterly unintelligent so many young men in Nigeria are.

  75. love

    May 9, 2013 at 9:33 pm

    I just pity people like you..you created yourself abi?? I can see the devil has blinded a lot of people.. don’t believe in God, when its time and you leave this earth( which we will all do someday) .you will be shown all this crap you kept saying and doing about and to your creator. I just hope and pray you see the light before all this happens sha!

  76. tunji

    May 9, 2013 at 10:17 pm

    Interesting topic but to prefer virgins in this naija is too unrealistic sha

  77. Hot mama

    May 9, 2013 at 11:08 pm

    In high school (only females) the then principal (a female)gave us a prep talk abt striving to be virgins till we got married…she also went ahead to tell us hw she was a virgin when she got married in her late 30s and penetration/childbirth were amongst d most horrible experiences she’s had in her life…dunno why she told us that tho,cos i assumed at d end of the day she was also sorta advising us not too wait tht long to get rid of the hymen….anyway i made up my mind there and then not to kip it. For those who think marrying a virgin means marrying a gud wife pele ooo…i knw instances where d virgin wife became 1st class adulturer and anoda where d marriage didnt last…at the end of the day its not abt virginity its abt the person ure getting married too, if virginity comes with the right package then gud for u.

  78. mrs. p

    May 9, 2013 at 11:30 pm

    This question=> “How many men should a woman have slept with that qualifies her as being with too many men?” is based on the wrong premise!
    “Should”? what does should mean? isn’t that what reinforces generalisations/stereotypes since if joe public says a woman should only sleep with x number , it presumes any one who goes over that number has fallen short of some criteria a bunch of people who don’t pay her bills think she “should” meet.
    Interesting write up but this question, bleh! really? why not say “how many women should a man …”

  79. madman

    May 10, 2013 at 12:30 am

    just pray… who cares who is a virgin… old news. **yawns** God’s willing is better than virginity.

  80. Pd

    May 10, 2013 at 1:26 am

    Thank you oh!
    @ prettywoman…..rest na! God temple lonwu lonwu…..smh

  81. sara adebayo

    May 10, 2013 at 1:41 am

    when i was a teenager, i always said to myself, i will only my finger. i married at 23 and i was a virgin.. not only i walked with a huge ring, but, my dowry also had: a Raymond Weil watch, 18 k gold jewerly from Senegal, a trip and a big wedding. my husband gave a lot of money for my dowry. when i first child was born, i was spoiled with a gold belt like they do in the middle east! i gave 5 boys to my husband and only one daughter. proud of myself, and don’t regret a bit of with! my daughter is 13 and i already talk to her. i always tell my boys.. never hurt a woman, and don’t fool around.. respect women the same way you respect me!

    • ada

      May 10, 2013 at 8:01 am

      mtchewwwwwwwww next please. this sounds like a fairy tale

    • Amazeballs!

      May 10, 2013 at 9:54 am

      As in! Abegi!

    • pretty woman

      May 10, 2013 at 11:37 am

      Ada,dont be jealous..
      anyway, nice story sarah, thanks for sharing. although i dont think your husband did all this for you because of your virginity status..he did it because he loves you but still thanks for sharing. and please ontinue training your boys to be responsible young men. It starts from the home. God bless you.

    • whocares

      May 10, 2013 at 11:14 am

      lmaooooo. you fingered yourself instead of clearly seeking the sexual pleasure you wanted because you wanted to “keep it for your man”. LMAOOOO this is the funniest things I have read in a while.. i try to respect everyone’s view, really I do.. but why bother? clearly oshi wa lara e, so if you wanted a good coupling you should have just gone for it! looool. kmt. I cant, i honestly cant. loool. That said, that takes a degree of self control I suppose..

    • Unreturnee

      May 10, 2013 at 9:49 pm

      Oshi wa lara e. rotflmao lwkmd. is wear you must be my long lost twin. I always knew there was another me somewhere. OMG i want to hug you right now. That phrase in Yoruba is the kind of thing I will say. Some people don’t understand why i interject yoruba words when i talk or type. They think it is razz but whocares meeeeeehn. There are some things only Yoruba can make it sweet. Oshi wa lara e is one of them. LWKMD.

    • mo'blezzing

      May 10, 2013 at 8:34 pm

      Na sultan of sokoto you marry?? or which kain story be this?

  82. Tom

    May 10, 2013 at 2:46 am

    If a girl is a virgin..I will ask questions..if she is not a virgin, I will ask questions. Let me share 2 experiences with a virgin and non-virgin that I met recently.
    1. This first girl was everything a guy would hope for..nice,courteous, God-fearing, a member of the sisters prayer group,choir, church decorating committee..etc..and to cap it all, she was a VIRGIN..Oh! my joy knew no bounds,until i found that she enjoys oral Sex, when I asked her how come she said her ex got her addicted to it
    2. Met this other babe too last year,very nice..very caring,very sweet. On the other hand she herself said she is not a virgin and that she likes sex, when I asked that what if she met a guy who only wanted a relationship and no sex, she scoffed and said “No, I wont date such a guy”
    Ignorance is bliss…but a lack of knowledge is what is making the people perish. The world we live in today is filled with phrases like ..” Forgive and forget”…” Old things have passed away”..” He or she is now born-again”…etc. Personally I am not moved,until I see that you practice what you preach.Which is why If a girl is a virgin, I will ask questions, if she is not a virgin..I will ask questions,so that at the end of the day I know who I am dealing with.

  83. Hyan

    May 10, 2013 at 5:47 am

    Gosh, I hate that word, “penetrate”.

  84. Eve

    May 10, 2013 at 8:39 am

    My opinion on this is that when you are in a relationship, whatever happened b4 you met that person is really none of your business. If they decide to tell you, it is only out of courtesy and you should respect that and not make them feel bad.

    That you are a virgin or you are not, does not really make you a better person. For me, my main concern is this, if we decide to be in a monogamous and committed relationship, the first thing I will do will be for both of us to go and get tested for hiv and stds.

    A lot of the times, some people are not matured enough to handle the truth. So if you are one of those people, my advice to you would be not to start something you can not finish. I’m all for being honest and open with a partner, but frankly speaking anything that occurred prior to our meeting eachother is none of my business, and I really don’t care to know. As a woman, staying a virgin is a personal choice. Some are fortunate enough to have control over it, while others who were molested do not. Don’t try to sell yourself to a man just by saying you are a virgin. There has to be more to you than just the fact that you are a virgin or you are not. May God help us all!

  85. Tee Mama

    May 10, 2013 at 9:14 am

    If u have convinced ur self based on religious, moral or other personal beliefs that u won’t cash ur V-cheque tills get married, good for u. I did that based on my faith but long before that, I just wanted to prove to myself that I could do anything I made up my mind to do in spite of pressure from anywhere. And I did.

    If u r a man wo has been around, I don’t see why u shd insist on marrying a virgin. That’s just hypocrisy.
    Being a virgin doesn’t automatically confer the award of virtuous woman on u, it won’t make u a good wife. I think both men n women shd focus on xter traits than all these peripheral issues. As for how much is too many men? That would depend on the man’s definition in line with what he can cope with. But its best u just lay it out in d open so a man will decide if he wants to stay with u and why. It’s not one size fits all.

  86. honestly mean!

    May 10, 2013 at 9:24 am

    Unless he met u dating a guy. Staying a virgin or practicing celiibacy is d best! It fostetrs trust . Now God expects us to stay of sex becuase of it’s spiritual and physical implications. When there’s sex in a relationship it distorts ur decision. Now when I say “sex” I mean every preamble to the actual act!
    The best way to build a lifeong relation is to pass d message to ur partner that u can be trusted to keep to only him when he’s out of sight. My hubby had a fight trying to seduce me when we were courting’ I gave him a strict don’t touch or we breakup rule” it was difficult but I succeeded until we were introduced traditionally. Wrether u’re are a virgin or not is ur case to pursue wit God. Men’s concern should be a faithful And experienced marriage partner. That’s what I’m to my hubby n my marriage is peaceful n blessed. I regret my past’ I have prayed for forgiveness, I have forgiven myself. And I have tAken measureas to correct my future by marrying a man that I love and find extremely attractive.
    On the contrary my childhood frend married a “virgin”. She cheated on her hubby wit his best friend! They are still married, but how they both stand d sight off each oda is still baffling!they both engaged in oral sex while dey courted for six years. Now they don’t know how to satisfy each oda in the natural way. I
    I married a “spiritual” virgin! My past is a mistake that I might have to live wit! But my future is d choice I made wit no regret!
    Imperfect or not? Virgin or not! Ur story iS u!
    The bottom point is “leaving to please God results in the best life ever!”

    • pretty woman

      May 10, 2013 at 12:15 pm

      best comment here! Thank you

  87. mamamia

    May 10, 2013 at 11:55 am

    Now when I say “sex” I mean every preamble to the actual act!, I have forgiven myself. And I have tAken measureas to correct my future by marrying a man that I love and find extremely attractive.……….I concur like an Agama Lizard.

  88. Abbaty

    May 10, 2013 at 1:47 pm

    It is very absolute that woman’s virginity is sacrusanct to the survival of man’s ego, absolute control & loyalty of his matrimony. It is worthy of note that woman’s virginity touches her beauty bcos satisfaction guaranty. But no one is perfect, just know the best reasons u intent to marry your partner& keep that forever in ur brain, forget the past if the present is going well or else brush her down. & get going.

  89. WTF am I saying?

    May 10, 2013 at 2:32 pm

    A nail is used on a block of wood by a relatively unskilled carpenter. After several hits and misses he finally understands the art of flawless carpentry. Pulling out the nail, he prepares to make a final hammering only then realizing that although the nail is in relatively good condition, the block of wood isn’t quite so lucky – being battered from such repeated hammering. Saddened by the loss of such fine stock, he surveys for a fresh block.

    Rather be the fresh block…. *continues blowing on shishhaa*

    • nwanyi na aga aga

      May 10, 2013 at 5:37 pm

      Loooool! the illustration is just on point. the battered wood….

    • B!

      May 19, 2013 at 2:28 pm

      Are you seriously comparing women to blocks of wood?

      Worst analogy ever.

  90. my opinion

    May 10, 2013 at 3:48 pm

    The guy is a learner and deserves it, he had a woman he cared about but felt he was better than her meanwhile he had probably slept with 200 more people than she had *KMT*. The ex-girlfriend should not go back to him o, because I’m sure he will look for her and start telling her one sob story.
    I didn’t bleed my first time *was very sporty in secondary school*. I’m honest about my number’s, never wanted to be involved with someone that couldn’t handle the real me now I’m with my fiancee that knows my REAL number (i know his no too and even tease him about it) and still worships the ground i walk on:).

  91. eyeballs

    May 10, 2013 at 5:14 pm

    now dis an interesting thread of comments> LOL

  92. Bliss

    May 10, 2013 at 5:37 pm

    I’m neither here nor there on the subject matter. However I will say that the only person you need to answer to is the man/woman in the mirror. And off course the big guy upstairs(that goes without saying).

  93. Jinmiolu

    May 10, 2013 at 8:46 pm

    I will be 31 this year and a virgin, when I hear stuffs like this I tend to regret why have not played around, afterall most women including this writer believe all men are players. Its annoying to me. No disrespect meant you are definitely one of those ladies that turn my type to bad guy.

    • Unreturnee

      May 10, 2013 at 9:53 pm

      Regret ke, are you okay at all. Why in the world would you base your life decisions on the comments made my total strangers who don’t know you or their circumstances. neither do you know how their sexual history has affected their life. Omo girl your decision are your decisions. never let anyone make you feel better about yourself or worse about yourself for any reason. At the end of the day na u know where the shoe pinches. No matter how good intended some of these commenters are, they don’t know you or the peculiarities of your situation. You have adopted self control since all these years. BN will now cause you to regret. Egbami

  94. Tee

    May 10, 2013 at 10:04 pm

    Take it easy ladies there a place in china you can have your hymen reattached. It only cost about $700.

    • Partyrider

      May 11, 2013 at 1:07 am

      …and this comment just took this topic to an entirely different level and direction…LMAO

  95. Bbyluv

    May 11, 2013 at 8:48 am

    Nicest piece Ariyike!

  96. Bbyluv

    May 11, 2013 at 8:49 am

    @Tee…….correct!

  97. Brightonlad

    May 12, 2013 at 1:46 am

    I like the way the writer says women that have slept with so many guys made mistakes.. I do not agree with her … If someone sleeps with 27 men and u say that is a mistake, how stupid is the person to make 27 similar mistakes

  98. Blindfolds

    May 12, 2013 at 4:22 pm

    Being a virgin… I know of sm1 whose mother’s brother first used his fingers & later his p to penetrate her sanctuary. It was when he wanted to move on to her younger sis that she told on his monstrous behind. Now you want me to judge that girl? Haba! Amadioha sef won’t 4give any1 who faults her for not being a virgin. She felt like a freak for years, then tried sex with 1 man & decided she could happily live without it. Personally, i believe being a virgin does not define who one is as a person. It’s just one of many parts that make you unique.

  99. BedroomVoice

    May 13, 2013 at 11:31 am

    Hmm..this is an interesting piece..and its thought provoking too.
    To your first question. The number of men a woman has slept with before she can be qualified as having had too many men is relative. The rules are different in Nigeria, UK and the rest. In my opinion I would say having slept with more than 5 guys will be considered high. But like I said its relative, because life throws each person a different kettle of fish. Question 2. I did not and will not tell my spouse the names of the number of men I had slept with. Infact my husband was not interested in knowing how many men I had been with. He was just interested in who I am. Neither am I interested in how many women he had been with. I think poking into the past of ur loved ones will cause heartache, doubt, and negative vibes. Question 3.Its natural for a man who doesn’t see blood to think she deceived him, especially as we have been brainwashed to think seeing blood means virginity. But a more enlightened person would understand that some sports can cause the breakage of hymen.
    Finally, I think if only we can stick to not having pre-marital sex..alot of these problems will be avoided. Maybe that was why God gave that instruction in the first place. His all knowing, so he knew issues like this will crop up if we keep sleeping around..(Just my thots ooo)

  100. Toyin

    May 13, 2013 at 8:24 pm

    People are ignoring the bottom line, which is TRUST. The problem is not necessarily because the lady MIGHT not be a virgin. It’s the fact that she lied about it. I believe men and women should be honest from the beginning, you don’t have to give details how many men or women you slept with but at least u both know what you are getting yourself into.
    And, truth be told there’s a BIG difference knowing a lady who is a virgin or not. The emphasis that some men put on virginity is rather frustrating, they just want to know that their wife is not the “girl” maybe some of his friends already smashed or hearing story about how she’s been around. As long as, a girl carries herself well, and is living a responsible life a lot of guys don’t care to know how many men she slept with.
    As for the biblical aspect of it, it’s bold and clear already. Things happen, but that’s what makes it interesting, we are imperfect souls striving to live a life according to HIS WORD through God’s grace.
    Everyone has a past, repent, forgive yourself and move forward. I understand the double standards but it makes sense why women are focused on more. At the same time, it shouldn’t be a stupid excuse for men to want to sleep with every girl they see, and think it’s ok. It’s not.

    • olu

      May 15, 2013 at 3:42 pm

      best comment dats d exact point

    • SK

      May 17, 2013 at 7:52 pm

      To the man it would make no difference, he left his ex-girlfriend cos she had been around. If this one had told him she wasn’t a virgin he would have wanted to have premarital sex and when he was done with her, claim she had been with other men and move on to the next “virgin”. Men like that are predictable, he is just mad he got played at his own game.

    • Princess MIMI

      June 11, 2013 at 10:25 pm

      How do you know she lied about being a virgin?

  101. NA WA OOO

    May 14, 2013 at 1:22 am

    Virgin or Not

  102. Anonymous

    May 15, 2013 at 7:50 am

    lemme just say this: if MEN r allowed to have sex before ‘marriage’ and in some cases I hear abt ‘EXTRAMARITAL AFFAIRS’ and WOMEN are to remain ‘VIRGINS’/’FAITHFUL WIVES’, who are the men having sex with? exactly wat I tot too. If they are having sex with women then they are the ochestras(hope dts correct) of this complication cause whether or not we accept as Men have EXTRAMARITAL AFFAIRS so do WOMEN . Life is simple and beautiful but because MAN is bored we bring up trivial issues that do not make sense. WOMEN loveeeeeee SEX as much or even more than MEN do , so a man who wants to kid himself can go ahead.
    As for the Cosin and Friend well I say to them DO NOT REMAIN IN UR FOLLY cos Life will catch up to u if u do. Then Y would a person choose to spend the rest of his/her life with a woman/man they do not love? smh at marriages built on no foundation.
    I hope the 4months bride read this article so that she knows wat she got herself into…

  103. Anonymous

    May 15, 2013 at 10:46 am

    The only reason I’m still a virgin despite pressure from the guys out there is because of God. He said NO SEX BEFORE MARRIAGE. That’s my belief and I’m entitled to it. What matter most is you being at peace with God and yourself. I don’t belief in keeping oneself for a man/woman, I belief in living a chaste decent life for God.

  104. olu

    May 15, 2013 at 2:50 pm

    its better never to say these things atimes . the mentality of african men hardly changes .

  105. Fortesprit

    May 15, 2013 at 6:17 pm

    The close mindedness of the men today in nigeria is baffling. I wouldn’t even have considered having a conversation with this person. The double standards is ridiculous. I feel I dont need to tell a man how many men i’ve been involved with, whether it be 1 or 10, nor do I feel the need to ask him or know.

    The man in this story is a ignorant to the 10th degree. Now hes stuck with a woman who sex sucks.

  106. reggy

    May 17, 2013 at 11:07 am

    am a virgin by choice not cus i want to please one modafckr that wil stl shit on me or trying to form the good girl next door infct virgin or not virgin @ the end of the day its ur heart and the trust that matters

  107. Aryah

    May 17, 2013 at 6:29 pm

    Virginity is overrated.
    Did you marry her because you love her? or because you believe she is a virgin?

  108. SK

    May 17, 2013 at 7:47 pm

    Only in places like Nigeria that a man will be hung up on virginity. Is the Man a virgin? How many women has he slept with? isn’t she human? African men and their double standards. That is why they will continue to fall victims to women who claim they are virgins all in the name of getting married.
    Now he is regretting the fact that he married her because he thinks he wasnt her first, what does that say about him, he married her because of the status of her vagina and not her personality, love or the way she treats him? The women should regret the fact that she married him.

  109. zainab

    May 19, 2013 at 11:29 pm

    Hmmm
    So funny wen I ear men want to marry a virgin .
    D question is hu r dey leavin the disvirgined for ?
    And about d hymen, once a gal is vry active in sports, climbin, and strainous activities,it can broken even d punishmt we call frog jump does that too.
    Let him release the gal frm bondage nd marry his ex.
    Exhale…

  110. TruLagosian

    May 24, 2013 at 7:36 pm

    It is obvious that a lot of the people that commented on this topic are a bunch of feminist that will never have happiness in their lives until they have a man slave to worship them. How about all the girls that go about lying about being a virgin just to get a man to marry them? Why not tell the truth in the first place? No wonder the poor guy wished he had married his ex. At least she was honest. I am a man and you can never have my balls!!! Live with it!!!

  111. anonymous

    June 7, 2013 at 6:37 pm

    LWKMD! who laughed the last laugh? the Virgin seeker or the Happiness seeker?! LWKMD ooo!

  112. Princess MIMI

    June 11, 2013 at 10:21 pm

    Whether it is a man or a woman that has been with 1 or several people. It is still fornication. How can the guy say that “of course he is not a virgin” but he wanted a virgin bride?

  113. pinacolada

    July 7, 2013 at 8:10 pm

    people pls lisN up….i am a guy and i think we r too selfish ..omg….haw many men are virgins before they marry? and haw will u even know ladies execpt to believe awa lies… virgin or no virgin it doesnt matter….at the end of the dat the question is will she be a good wife and mother…will he be a good husband and a father…. can i stay with him/her for the rest of ma life?/…. ladies pls dont tell us details abt ur past,we will rather not know… cos if u do tell us ,as humans as we r ,we may have to use it against u even when we r guilty awa selves….stay safe

  114. favoured girl

    July 10, 2013 at 8:50 am

    My husband was a virgin when we got married and I wasnt. He asked and I told if it was too much for him to handle he could have left. But because he wasn’t seeing me just for the state of my p- and loved me for me it has never been an issue and never even brought it up once. Even though I confessed all including Past abortions. so I guess it’s about finding the correct man

  115. kayman

    July 10, 2013 at 2:42 pm

    nice topic @jinmiolu never feel bad abt ur deceision, anything done for d sake of d Almighty always gives positive results, to d issue of virginity it just shows dat if a babe can keep herself for long as a virgin there iz every likelihood she will remain one after marriage, to those who lost it for no fault of theirs just seek the forgiveness of God n dont go back to such things surely He forgives, but pleasssssssssseeeeeeeeee i dont succumb to a woman being prosmiscous what message re u passing to ur kids also it makes her look old no matter the make up she uses.
    lastly its not advisable to tell a guy d no of people u hv slpt wif, what is past is past, so let it remain past what is d need for heart ache just be faithful coz we men cant stomach such things n fact it will keep haunting us until we be tempted to use it against u someday.
    the bottom line is sincerity luv n trust

  116. beila

    November 25, 2013 at 9:19 pm

    virginity is overrated.i am so glad i lost mine like 3yrs
    bk.it was soooo painful nd bloody…

    • Idak

      January 8, 2014 at 1:37 pm

      Depends on how you rate it in the first place.

  117. MISS PHALILA

    January 8, 2014 at 12:28 pm

    I ALWAYS ASK MYSELF,IF U MARRY A WOMAN AND YOU BREAK HER VIRGINITY, WHAT NEXT? NOW U GET TO DO IT ALL THE TIME AND SHE BECOMES THE SAME AS ALL THE LADIES U VE SLEPT WITH.SOME WOMEN WHO GO TO MARRAIGES AS VIRGINS TEND TO EVEN HAVE LOOSE VG’S THAN THOSE WHO HAVE SLEPT WITH SOO MANY MEN AS THEY SAY.”YOU WILL NEVER KNOW WHAT A MAN WANTS:

  118. Idak

    January 8, 2014 at 1:42 pm

    @Ariyike, pls can you give us an update on this bloodless disvirgined bride and her disappointed husband?

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