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I was at a friend’s church last Sunday – she’d invited me over for a special programme the church was having that Sunday. Being February, the theme of the month is “Knowing Your Spouse more”. On this particular Sunday, the issue of information was being discussed, what to tell one’s spouse and what not to discuss- too much information, should privacy be allowed? or not etc. It was highly interactive and eye opening too, but I had a good time all the same.

During the question and answer segment, (people had been advised to write down their questions anonymously and hand over to the ushers at the beginning of stage sermon), a man talked about his wife knowing what he earns. He’s been married for 2 years now and they have an 8month old daughter. According to him, he teaches Chemistry in a private secondary school and earns around N48,000. He then does private lessons for some students in their homes every other day so at the end of the month, he goes home with about N90,000. His wife is in the know of all these monies.

Last November, some issues came up as regards finances in the house only for his wife to bring up a sheet of paper and a pen and started asking “if you earn XYZ, what did you do with everything? What did you buy? Yes, you did this and that but you should still have XYZ left?”. He said he was astonished but he didn’t make a fuss about it. His wife has been making such statements since November now and he feels it’s solely because she knows how much he earns.

Some men in church said it wasn’t wise of him to have divulged his salary to his wife while some supported his decision. The pastor eventually said he didn’t see anything wrong in telling your spouse every kobo that comes into your pocket – trust/honesty is very important in any relationship.

Now, I did a little ‘survey’ myself and from what I gathered, elderly couples seem to be ‘less into’ what their husbands earn – as long as he takes charge in the house. In fact, a particular woman told me she’s been married for about 35 years and she has no idea how much her husband earns/earned. She felt it is disrespectful to ask him such. Two elderly men said they wouldn’t disclose their earnings to their wives because “you women, you’ll now start monitoring our money”. Another woman said she knew from day one how much he makes, because he feels they are one despite the fact that he’s not a salary earner. Some women said they knew how much their husbands earned, but a good number of them had no clue and they weren’t even interested. A young lady in her early thirties said she and her hubby already talked about income before they got married and there’s no financial information they withhold from each other.

Marriages these days are quite different, times have changed, we have more financially independent women these days, we have lots of women who prolly earn way more than their husbands. Besides, the economics of family living have changed so it’ll be a tad unfair to leave all the financial responsibilities to the man these days.

PS: I had a conversation with a male friend some years ago about financial responsibilities in the home. I was of the opinion that before getting married, both parties need to sit down and discuss who will take care of what in the house, who should pick up certain bills etc. The other party can help out sometimes though. I felt it should be discussed properly before getting married to avoid certain financial issues. He disagreed with me totally and he had just one point – “It’s a marriage, not a contract! I’m not going to sit down and tell my fiancée you’ll buy yams while I buy fluorescent bulbs. You’ll buy Christmas clothes for the kids, while I pay rent. Nope. It’s not a contract abeg”.

Do you think partners should share ALL information with each other especially financial or are there no go areas?

Photo Credit: newsevent24.com

Adenike Adewuyi is a 28yr old broadcaster at Splash105.5FM Ibadan. She anchors interview programmes for women and entrepreneurs plus she presents documentaries. She was nominated at the 2012 Future Awards (OAP Radio category) You can follow her on twitter @Omotomilola or visit her blog: www.adenikeadewuyi.blogspot.com

57 Comments

  1. Every hold barred

    February 24, 2014 at 2:00 pm

    I don’t want to know how much you earn, you don’t have to know how much i earn, to put it succinctly, E no concern you!
    I shall not do the following:
    1) buy food
    2) pay rent
    3) pay tuition
    4) buy cars
    5) pay for holidays
    I shall do as i like with my money.

    • Berry Dakara

      February 24, 2014 at 3:04 pm

      Erm, so what will you do?

    • Blessmyheart

      February 24, 2014 at 4:56 pm

      Basically, buy shoes and bags.

    • zsa zsa

      February 24, 2014 at 10:16 pm

      sit pretty…just like the furniture.

    • Karmen

      February 24, 2014 at 4:23 pm

      Wait…are you saying you won’t contribute anything financially, to the life/home you share with your wife or husband (I don’t know if you are a man or woman?

      If that is what you are saying…na wa for you oh! Just be sure to let your future wife or husband know in advance that you plan to be a total financial slacker.

    • Bleed Blue

      February 24, 2014 at 6:07 pm

      Sadly people like you truly exist. I know 3 ladies, all married, who insist on this philosophy. It’s ridiculous really…

    • lolah

      February 24, 2014 at 6:52 pm

      shocking!!!! you mean people like this actually exist?!!!! am a married woman…gosh!!! that’s so lame and seeeeeeeeelfish!!!!!! mtschew

    • PYT

      February 24, 2014 at 6:53 pm

      You are clearly not ready for marriage.. Even if you feel it’s the mans responsibility to provide your list, how can you not buy food in your own house????

    • doll

      February 24, 2014 at 7:22 pm

      hope you plan on marrying an old, already made man? maybe be his second or third wife. good luck dearie

      a lot of people think marriage is a joke

  2. Turi

    February 24, 2014 at 2:14 pm

    Whilst i agree with the last quote that its a marriage and not a contract, we have learnt that finance is one of the major reasons for break-ups in relationships and even marriage. So i will prefer to throw everything in the open, and even if we dont disclose how much we both earn, i believe we shld agree on who does what in the house to avoid future issues. Thats my 2cents

  3. Yinka

    February 24, 2014 at 3:03 pm

    My hubby and I file our taxes together and also have a joint bank account, so its impossible not to know what we both earn. I believe people should talk about money matters before marriage.

  4. Berry Dakara

    February 24, 2014 at 3:09 pm

    In my opinion, it’s not necessary to divulge ALL monies. However, depending on the relationship, both parties should come together and discuss the expenses (rent, groceries, holidays, cable, internet, etc) and decide how much/percentage each partner should contribute. For some, it’s 50:50. For others, the man may want to (and be in a place to) cover 100%. Or 80:20, whatever.

    If you do decide to divulge all, both parties should be respectful of each other. Everyone should have their own money that they can play with, without questions from their spouse.

    berrydakara.blogspot.com

  5. meee

    February 24, 2014 at 3:12 pm

    I am a supporter of FULL DISCLOSURE in marriage regarding whatever situation, finances included. My husband and I know how much we each earn and every source of income. We do not have specific responsibilities i.e. X does this while Y does this. We just do things together. There may be some things he or I does frequently (e.g. he pays the rent because it was leased in his name) but that does not exclude the fact that I could pay it if I wanted to. Also, we share a joint account as well. I guess the bottom line for me is as long as we both are responsible with finances and work as a team, things will work out well. We always ask each other before making major financial decisions or making major purchases (regardless of the fact that it is My/HIS hard earned money and I/HE can do whatever I wanna do with it). However, people differ and what works for us may not work for others.

    • Mz Socially Awkward...

      February 24, 2014 at 5:28 pm

      Agreed. And while the couple may decide not to proceed down the less traveled path of putting everything into a joint account, nothing stops them from fully disclosing their income to each other and having that knowledge on hand to plan for the major expenditure (i.e. mortgages, holidays, capital purchases, education for either partner or the kids, etc.) ahead.

  6. ayodele

    February 24, 2014 at 3:26 pm

    What works for one couple might not work for another as you showed in the examples cited. It’s a matter of understanding. But i think it’s better for both parties to know what the other earns to help in planning/organising the home. Disclosure should also help couples to counsel each other on any perceived wasteful spending. It shouldn’t be a problem if they’ll be mature about it IMO.

  7. ella

    February 24, 2014 at 3:40 pm

    @Every hold barred its obvious you are still single. The reality of the present day Nigeria is that a man cannot cater for the home a 100 percent without help from the wife no matter how small. Except the man is a politician or a fruadster. It does not have to necessarily be that she has specific things she uses her money for but that she is there to pick up the flak!

    • slice

      February 24, 2014 at 7:04 pm

      My dear, no be so. There are men that will make ur money look like pocket money.. and women too.

    • slice

      February 24, 2014 at 7:31 pm

      And I’m not talking politicians or fraudsters

    • ao

      February 25, 2014 at 1:50 am

      That is still not an excuse for a man or a woman to sit on their bum bum all day.

  8. buky

    February 24, 2014 at 3:59 pm

    @Turi, i concur. Its better we know what we are getting ourselfs into than leave everything to “Love conquers all”.

  9. Prefer not to say

    February 24, 2014 at 4:01 pm

    I think it’s important to be open from day one. Whilst my husband and I didn’t directly ask each other about our salaries, it came to light when we were applying for a mortgage (after getting engaged but before marriage). People might ask why my husband is not buying on the house as head of the family…bla bla bla, Its because our combined income gets us a better place and its a better investment so it made economic sense. When we did our marriage counselling, we were advised to discuss finances and its equally important to keep some money individually so you don’t have to discuss or seek permission to spend £10. We have observed it since and it works. We both put a sum in our joint account for managing our household affairs – food, mortgage, bills (no children yet). I don’t ask my husband what he does with his left over and vice versa. He does make jokes about me making sure am not spending it all on designer bags though..lol. We have been talking about moving back and my husband is now looking for land to build our future home on (probably with his left over) and he is not asking for a penny. He has infact said its his responsibility. Whilst I neither agree nor disagree with him that it’s his responsibility, I think it’s important not to assume certain things are the men’s responsibility. Its marriage – 2 become 1 not a business partnership. You carry the other if they need help not humiliate them or belittle them. Just my opinion and what works for .

    • beforesheimplodes

      February 25, 2014 at 9:41 am

      Best comment so far.

  10. Gorgeous

    February 24, 2014 at 4:03 pm

    I dont believe in full disclosure. Especially if the person you are marrying is a bit crazy when it comes to money. They will hold it against you and the demands will be endless till you are penniless. I like to have savings and i like to have money to do things i like for myself. In a relationship, i will never tell how much i earn. NEVER. In a marriage, i will give an amount i know he can put xray lenses on without compromising the remaining money i need to just enjoy myself. I have no problems paying my own half of the bills except he asks me not to.

    • Jane Public

      February 24, 2014 at 4:17 pm

      You are a very suspicious person and you know what they say about suspicious people, they tend to be around or even attract people who are more suspicious. Maybe it can work in 9ja sha, but in the US, esxpeically in the US with all their documentation for IRS, you will really be James Bond or James Bondress if you want to hide your income from your spouse. I don’t particularly subscribe to non full disclosure i.e. in terms of how much you are earning. Where I draw the line is full disclosure that stretches to how much each person spends and on what. That is neurotic, control freakish behaviour. About hiding your income from the person you are dating, I support in full. Even when it becomes serious. When he pops the question and wedding plans are in full swing, then you guys can disclose. For many people, myself included your income can be garnered from your lifestyle, let he/she keep on guessing before they develop some strange expectations on your account. Sharks are out there biko.

    • Mz Socially Awkward...

      February 24, 2014 at 5:37 pm

      Yep, the sharks are cruising around the dating pool, for sure and you will (or maybe won’t) be amazed at how some men can be sly about getting you to spend on them. Don’t tell nobody nothing about money while you’re still checking each other out ….

    • Gorgeous

      February 24, 2014 at 5:48 pm

      You are saying i am suspicious, and you are admitting to sharks. Well, i know more than you can ever know about accounting. The fact of the matter is, you dont have to file joint tax returns except you want to. Now, i dont like people in my momey. And money and relationships dont mix well. I have goals and plan for every penny that comes into my account. Full disclosure in relationships is an absolute no for me. Some people will marry you because of what they think you are bringing in. Not because of who you are. This is experience talking. People tend to slack when they think you will always be there to pick them up. Dont insinuate things about people you have no clue of, and end up being who you say they are by what you type.

    • Sade

      February 24, 2014 at 7:22 pm

      @gorgeous. English is definitely your problem. Being wary of sharks while dating is different from non full disclosure of income while you are MARRIED. What kind of marriage is that when you don’t want your husband to know what you are earning. Not your in-laws o. YOUR HUSBAND. I pray my brother never marries someone like you. Idi pro late n mo oto. It is from lies that we know the truth. Today it is non full disclosure about income, I wonder what other important things you will gladly keep from your husband

    • doll

      February 24, 2014 at 7:21 pm

      WHY marry someone like that in the first place?

      why marry someone you dont trust with your marriage

      a lot of people think marriage is a joke

    • Gorgeous

      February 24, 2014 at 9:30 pm

      Sade, you have a problem with English. You are taking this personal, i dont know you. And hopefully i would never marry into a family of someone so uncouth, manner-less and lacks complete comprehension. Take a sit abeg.

    • Grace E

      March 26, 2014 at 4:46 pm

      @Gorgeous, while the rest are disagreeing with u, I absolutely understand what u mean and I get where u are coming from. While u marry someone that u trust, people change and u never know if the spouse becomes one that wants to just keep squandering money or whatever category u may place him then there is need to kinda save on the side.

  11. Benbella

    February 24, 2014 at 4:18 pm

    As with issues such as this, there are no hard and fast rules – do whatever works for your marriage. Some couples prepare full disclosure and joint financial/fiscal prudence. Some others prefer the tradition system of “you are on your own “. Then there is the hybrid system which is a cross between the two. Let me give examples

    1. Husband and wife have incomes. They pool their resources together to take care of bills and other expenses. Husband pays the rent/mortgage and for food. Wifey pays for their daughter Nwaolodo’s school fees and for home improvements like doing up the house, furniture etc. They operate a joint savings account and have a mental agreement not to withdraw for there except for emergencies. They are all happy campers, and probably have a white picket fence.
    2. Traditional system – Husband earns and does not disclose to wife, and vice versa. Wife earns and keeps her payslip to herself. They deal with expenses as they come up, but the man takes the bulk of what are seen as traditional men’s responsibilities – paying rent, for food, etc. What you eat doesn’t make me shit.
    3. Extreme traditional system – Man earns, man pays. Wife stays at home, gets fatter and fatter and does not work or contribute a dime to the family income. Man is frustrated – he is the breadwinner, sole source of income, financial guru. Some men prefer this though because they believe if a woman knows what the husband earns, she would be able to size him up and know his weakness. Daft reasoning if you ask me. Abi you be Samson? I mean this lady has seen you naked and knows you have a small agbunna, why would what you earn affect your stature in her eyes. It is not the size of the income, it was what you do with it. Abi?
    4. Hybrid – Man works, woman works. But man would never let the woman contribute to the home, as it “affects his pride” as a man. Woman believes man should provide, while her income is either used for emergencies or go towards luxuries or toys for the kids, or trips to Jand. Ok o

    5. The extreme traditional system a.k.a “Render onto Ceasar” – The man earns, the woman earns. But the man takes the woman’s salary at the end of the month, and gives her a small “allowance” out of it. He pockets the rest. After all the husband is seen as the Oga at the top, and since the wife is part of his “property”, all she earns belongs to him. Thats all.

    To each his own. Do whatever makes your family happy and together. If no-one is complaining, then it is perfectly valid system. Personally I prefer when Mrs Benbella and I pool resources. I encourage her to be the best she can be and contribute to the family well being.

  12. Lecker

    February 24, 2014 at 4:37 pm

    @prefer not to say, my spouse and I adopted this same method and its been working absolutely for us, thank God. We were are both very considerate people and have made up our minds that money will never be an issue btw us. And like ur hubby, there are so many things we do for “us” independently without asking eachother for a payback.

  13. adebeeeee

    February 24, 2014 at 4:51 pm

    I think Full disclosure is best. And Marriage is a contract. A lifetime contract. Forget the lovey- dovey part. Right from the church/ registry, you sign a certificate together with vows you already made before God and men. You get a house together, buy a car or cars, pay bills, the woman changes her name and puts an ad in the paper, you have kids and sign a birth certificate, you pay fees for your kids, invest time and money to train them, open accounts together, etc. it is a contract in my own opinion with terms and agreements designed to suit each couple but still with some basics that affects every couple. Each person contributes and its easier to know what the other is contributing towards when there is a figure involved. Understanding is what’s key. Don’t ask for what’s not yet available. Just because your friend has it already, don’t mean you should squeeze your spouse to death just to get it. Yoruba people say, don’t work with another person’s time. Everything has its time and season. If you don’t have that Gucci bag now, you can get it later, and don’t worry its going to come back again into fashion. Ask our mothers. Everything we wear now, they already wore sometime ago. its a cycle. Life is a freaking cycle. Marriage requires trust. Learn to trust your spouse, love with understanding, share information and save yourselves tears and headaches of arguments.

  14. Sisi

    February 24, 2014 at 4:52 pm

    Isn’t that normal for a married couple of today. That would just come up eventually whether in conversation or you would see the addition in the account or something along those lines? Why would you withhold such information to the person you are married to? Of course it concerns them. Strange me’thinks exspecially in 2014. If you want to have money to do your own thing that’s fine, but your partner would still be aware of what comes in or nah? This comes down to trusting that the person you are married to is responsible enough to think of a rainy day. Maybe for some yearly audit is necessary just to make sure you are both in a good position for the future. I like to treat myself, but I wouldn’t take that kind of behaviour (well not the extent to which I ‘treat’ myself now lol) into my marriage.

  15. Fashionista

    February 24, 2014 at 4:57 pm

    I disclose what I want to disclose!

    • Ngobeke

      February 25, 2014 at 1:13 pm

      I love you jare!

  16. Blessmyheart

    February 24, 2014 at 5:13 pm

    Hubby and I have been saying we’ll develop a finance system but we are yet to do so. We both know what the other person earns, I see his alerts and his has my atm pin. Funny enough, I don’t know his pin which is quite unusual. We pay a certain amount to a savings account monthly and use that generally for major expenditure such as rent, car,etc. For other expenses, we typically just spend as it comes. For example, if I go to the market, I spend my money. If my darling hubby decides to go to the market for me, he spends his money. I think he spends more than I do really since he typically pays for fuel, repairs, etc. He always borrows from me and I make sure I collect it back. Lol. Whatever works really.

  17. Ready

    February 24, 2014 at 5:39 pm

    I was listening to Wana on Inspiration FM a few weeks ago, and a woman called in saying she has a friend who goes as far as doctoring her contract before telling her husband when she gets a new job or promotion. As in, she somehow changes the figures on the document so that she can keep some money for herself..apparently, the man doesn’t take the money from her, but if he knew how much she made, she may not have extra for her parents/other family or herself. Now, in my mind, that’s cray. I’m for full disclosure…but then again, I’m not married. It may require a different approach when one is married.

  18. my wife is Fiiiine!!

    February 24, 2014 at 6:11 pm

    I def want my wife to have some form of financial freedom before i get the tag of a controlling husband. if i could afford everything in the house and let her keep her money i will def be happy to do that without blinking. Afterall, money is made to be spent on important things. My wife and i had a frank conversation about money and we still do, and my solution was not to say how much do you earn or how much do i earn. my question was simple ” babe, how much do you think we need as a couple every month to be comfortable, not to be like the joneses but be able to do the good normal things people do?” We eventually came up with like 4-5k dollars. Mind you this amount includes savings, school loan and what not; that way we both know what we are in for and we tighten our individual belts to be able to meet the family demands without any quarell. i have side hustle that i do, so when it comes to vacay i pick up the tab as far as hotel, feeding, shopping and what not. We will keep adjusting as we go along cause we are still frosh in the marriage thingy. Marriage is not meant to be a liablity but an asset, if both of you are fine as individuals, doesnt it make sense that if you are together as a couple, life should even be better. For ladies that want husbands to pay for all and let me keep my money, when you were single, did men pick up all the tabs for you, rent, food, car etc? If that is the case then i understand you are a money for hand back for ground girl, to each his/her own. For those of you that have brothers, would you want your brother to be with a woman that will render him no assistance financially in the running of the house or would you want him to have a woman who is truly a helper and there to support. when you answer honestly, then you can choose how you wish to run your house. The whole point is there is no need hiding money, if your parents and your sibs no how much you earn how much more your spouse. I wonder how we choose our life partners, i mean are you really going to marry someone you cant trust with your life and money? God help us sha

    • HAZE

      February 25, 2014 at 1:35 pm

      Every month my husband and I ,sit together and analyse all bills before we agree on each ones responsility.
      And trust me its good,as we make our goals at start of each year and make sure we support each other to attain the goal

  19. essay

    February 24, 2014 at 6:11 pm

    Please edit this post, words like “prolly” just diminish the intellectual intelligence this write up has.
    In my opinion full disclosure is the only way honesty can be achieved. Just because your spouse knows how much you earn does not mean the automatically earn the right to dictate how your money is spent. It helps to have set down agreements on who does what and how what is spent, however in line with maintaining ones individuality in a marriage each individual is entitled to sole control of their monies and assets except when it comes to joint efforts like the upkeep of the children, property investments and the daily living expenses. Just my two cents.

  20. ICE Princess

    February 24, 2014 at 6:23 pm

    hmmn, money matter na serious matter. What’s marriage if u can’t disclose (if necessary) ur income to your spouse??? Me thinks it’s just a stage play with two insecure adults “acting”. If I cnt disclose my income to you, I obviously do not trust you and cannot marry you.
    Anyway, I think the hybrid plan -joint n individual savings works for me and I hope same for my spouse.

  21. Jay

    February 24, 2014 at 6:30 pm

    I must be very blessed then…Yaaay. I know how much my bf earns, he never hid it from me and I on the other hand, never took it as my right to exploit him. He’s got his head properly screwed on and spends on me without me even asking. I thank God for his mom who did a good job raising a wonderful son…good heart, good looks. I hope he proposes soon *shy.lol

  22. Ginika

    February 24, 2014 at 7:05 pm

    I am 40 years have been married for almost 19 years . Even though I got married early, my husband has always been open with how much he earns. I now own by own business so I earn 3 times what he earns. My husband earns a decent amount but since I earn earn a lot more, it’s only fair that I contribute a larger quota towards the household upkeep. I wouldn’t have it another way. Finance is a huge contributor to the success or breakdown of most marriages so my opinion is that as long as it benefits the family and you save enough for yourself, be fair at all times

  23. dami

    February 24, 2014 at 7:06 pm

    each man to his own. i dont know what he earns and when i triedbringing it up it caused a bit of an issue. truth is as much i feel knowing would solidfy how much of trust he has for me his wife, i’d rather not cause an issue out of it as he truly is alive with his responsibilities. he has never asked for mine only to ask what portion of it id be contributing to the family. we have an agreement that my savings will be our emergency fund. its worked so far and he ends up paying back. again..each man to his own

  24. doll

    February 24, 2014 at 7:23 pm

    hope you plan on marrying an old, already made man? maybe be his second or third wife. good luck dearie

    a lot of people think marriage is a joke

    • OmoMakun

      February 24, 2014 at 7:56 pm

      You sound just like me! Your comment makes sense joor

  25. doll

    February 24, 2014 at 7:31 pm

    it seems ridiculous to me that a man or a woman wont know how much their spouse is earning.

    My hubs and I used to work together initially so right from the dating days i knew.

    when he changed jobs, we analyzed the letter together, opened a spreadsheet self to do analyze the breakdown. same as all my offers.

    we have a joint account, where we keep a certain amount from our salary every month for household stuff, rent and vacation

    the balance we spend as we like.

    i dont get how you can claim to love someone, live with the person, have kids with the person, etc and not be able to trust the person with your financial information

  26. OmoMakun

    February 24, 2014 at 7:56 pm

    I honestly believe that couples should set everything on the table, otherwise how would you plan for the future. You have to know who will pay for what and how much needs to be saved. Its simple. We live in a world that in most cases two incomes are needed to carry the household. If neither party knows how much is coming in or going out, how do they plan for the future? Marriage is a partnership and both partners need to put something on the table to run the partnership.

  27. larz

    February 24, 2014 at 8:34 pm

    -Find out what both of you earn.
    -Decide what proportion of income you will both be contributing to household expenses, Savings and Investments. Joint decision should be made on Savings and investment decision. It is important you both do this together after all, your decisions will affect you both.
    -Spend your portion not contributed on whatever the hell you want to. It is only a fraction of your income, it is yours to decide on
    -Discuss any additional one-off income you get (e.g. bonus etc) and discuss what it will be spent on. It forces you to be responsible with it.

    Before you marry, disclose these information as soon as you decide to be serious and look into getting married. Hopefully, your future spouse will show you their true colours ; it is definitely a good time to flush out the gold diggers, and those that are not financially responsible/ just not on the same wavelength as you. Marriage is forever, you sure don’t wanna spend it with someone who will hold u back for the rest of their lives.

    • Sisi

      February 26, 2014 at 10:57 am

      There you go!

  28. neon

    February 24, 2014 at 8:51 pm

    ive been with my husband for about 11 years and ive known how much he earns from day 1! at some point in our relationship i earned 3 times as much as he did, and we paid ALL blls together. heaven forbid i be a financial burden when i could help out. now he earns what i was earning at the time and i dont have a steady income as i quit my job. i completely believe in full disclosure, otherwise i think there really is a trust issue.

  29. Shona

    February 24, 2014 at 8:51 pm

    Hmmm.All I can say is Money is truly an issue.Wives help hubby out with the little change you have,hubbies do same,but then I think everyone should have a personal savings account that should’nt be disclosed I suppose.I really don’t know,i’m just scared of a man using me as a mugu or maga.My mum was a victim and she laments about it everyday.*sighs…Lets just do what is right.Men should’nt exploit the woman cos you know what she earns,women don’t do same.

  30. X

    February 24, 2014 at 9:31 pm

    Doll i like the fact that from onset you guys have a good understanding of what needs to be done. and from what you said both of you are mature enough to handle each others financial information. but i disagree with “i dont get how you can claim to love someone, live with the person, have kids with the person, etc and not be able to trust the person with your financial information”. i believe when someone loves someone they do all they can within and even outside their capacity to help. If i love my wife i should be able to trust her to manage her self well and support whenever she can, i do not need to know how much she earns (that information is too risky to have). if i love my family as a man i should be able to make sure i provide for everything when i can without considering how much she earns. that way i keep my respect as a man and focus on loving her the more. when she assists we am in need it will definitely add more value to how i see her rather than expecting that “she should or she must” because i know she has.
    Too much information can be dangerous. This is just and opinion and possibly not the best practice. like Dami said each man to his own.
    Finally i believe God has provided for every of my needs and is still providing for me, so really it matter not how much i earn, what matters is that whenever i have a need He always has a way to sort them out for me and my own.

    • Sisi

      February 26, 2014 at 11:02 am

      Interesting…….some things to think about here!

  31. Every hold barred

    February 25, 2014 at 1:27 pm

    Thank God for oil money.
    As for those that say i must be single,
    sisters, i am not single.
    I am married and have children.
    My husband is igbo and proud, he thinks its abominable to think about a woman’s money.
    He said things like full disclosure breed insult and disrespect. He does everything, and yes i am educated and have a good job. He provides and takes care of the family. He likes to tell me that our marriage is not a democracy, its a dictatorship and he is in charge. I like it that way. My money is banked and he has his respect.
    My husband has a great job why should i spend my money? See me see wahala O.
    As he is going to Brazil for FIFA 2014, am i asking him any questions? He is 40 and i am 29.

  32. adelegirl

    February 25, 2014 at 2:38 pm

    Full financial disclosure is a must. How do you build/plan a future together when you don’t know how much he earns, what he spends on, how he spends etc and he doesn’t know that about you too? What sort of marriage is that? Whilst I believe the man is the financial head in the sense that he is the one that should be mainly responsible for family expenses, I am more than happy to chip in, give him treats, buy things for the home, buy groceries with my own money, fuel the car, etc just because I can. I love the freedom that gives me and I am most grateful for it. Doesn’t mean when I ask him for money to do these things he won’t give me because I have paid for these things in the past. We both work so why would I let him shoulder all of our expenses alone. I still have my savings. He still has his savings. We make contributions to certain joint expenses, though he often makes the larger contribution- because according to him, I should let him be the man. I have absolutely no problem with this. Sometimes we lend each other money but we are careful to pay the other back. It’s about mutual respect, consideration and trust. We seek each other’s opinions before we make certain expenses like lending outsiders money, business decisions, etc. That works for us. I am guessing those who don’t want their significant other knowing how much they earn have trust issues arising from previous experiences but you see that’s why it is important not to rush into relationships and choose your partner wisely. I have often heard it said that the choice of whom you marry is one of the most important career decisions you will make- your spouse can make or break you.

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