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Seun Tuyo: First Impressions & Perceptions

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Imagine meeting someone new, many thoughts run through your mind. You form an opinion on where you met them, what they wore, how they spoke, what they smelled like, how they ate, the car they arrived in or did not, and much more. Our minds run on turbo engines when it comes to judging people, no matter how unsubstantiated our conclusions may be. If someone is not like us, doesn’t share same tastes and beliefs, rather than be open minded to learning something new, we start to think in the lines of “oh well, I would never wear that”, “if I were her, I would have one scoop of ice cream instead of two”, “if I were you, I would fly business class with my family”, “if I were him, I would send my kids to that school”, “How does she cope, I cannot date him”. Guess what, you are not them.

We all judge. Some might do more than others, but we all judge. We have also been judged maybe by the way we look, how we act or what we may have said. Regardless of the reason, it probably did not feel very good. Judging gives a false sense of superiority; the “judge” always believes that the have a superficial edge over those they pass judgment on.

Passing judgment is subjective. It is based on your own opinion and sometimes, your state of mind at the instance. People’s first impressions mean a lot (I agree with this), but the way you view them should not be based on just appearances. There is more to a person than that. Before you make an assessment on the kind of person you think someone is, you should stop and get to know them first. Don’t judge others just because they are different, you don’t know what they’ve been through, the type of challenges they encounter and the kind of life they live. No doubt you may have instances where your judgments were right and others, wrong. Many times our false convictions make us judge people unfairly with our supercilious ideas, often far away from the truth. Rather than judge others, how about we just come to terms with the fact that people are different and the difference makes the world an interesting place; I hate to think of how boring life will be if we were all the same.

Here’s a story someone shared with me sometime ago:

One night there was a woman at the airport who had to wait for several hours before catching her next flight. She decided to grab a book and a pack of biscuit to help her through the wait. After a few walks around the shops, she found a place to sit and began to read her book. She had found the book really interesting and was buried so deep in it. She suddenly realized there was a young man sitting next to her who was mindlessly reaching out for the pack of biscuit lying in-between them. He did not waste much time before he began to eat them one by one. She was puzzled by his guts but restrained herself from complaining and ignored him, after all the biscuit was enough for both of them. She began to eat from the pack as well while she watched the clock; she pondered on the young man’s actions and labeled him a thief of biscuits. “If I wasn’t such a good cultured and kindhearted person, I would have taught him a lesson by now”, She thought to herself. The biscuit kept decreasing as they both had one after another and exchanged glances. Then there was just one left, she wondered what the biscuit thief was going to do. With a smile on his face, he picked up the last one, broke it in half and offered her a piece, while he ate the other. She accepted it grudgingly and thought “what a disrespectful man without proper manners, he could not even say thank you”. On the completion of that thought, she heard her flight announcement and stood up hurriedly in relief. She threw her book inside her bag, picked up her luggage and gave the biscuit thief a look that had “ungrateful thief” written all over it and walked briskly to the boarding gate. Once she had settled aboard the aircraft, she decided to finish up the remaining pages of her book. She peeped in to her bag to reach for her book and there it was, her pack of biscuit, lying almost whole. She asked herself, “If my pack of biscuit is here, that means that was his and he shared it with me”. She was now feeling terrible even worse especially since it was already too late for her to apologize. She was the disrespectful and mannerless biscuit thief, after all.

Challenge yourself by building a profile of someone just through observation. Then introduce yourself and get to know the person and see how close or far off you were. I think you’ll find judging people by the unsubstantial things as secondary once you try. The things that honestly matter like what kind of person they are and how they treat others should form the basis of your impressions of people. One of the best ways that we can keep a peaceful heart, less of judgment and self righteousness is to learn to mind our own business. We can replace unsubstantiated judgment with constructive criticism and make the world a better place. We are all human beings and should be given fair chances to have people learn who we truly are. Many people miss out on an opportunity to discover a unique person by passing the wrong judgment.

Photo Credit: Dreamstime | Luminastock

Seun Tuyo is interested in social development. She loves to interact with people and has a desire to make a profound and positive impact around the world. She suffers moments of weaknesses at the sight of a cold bottle of Coca-cola and Chocolates. Feel free to reach her on twitter and instagram @seuntuyo.

46 Comments

  1. lah

    July 31, 2014 at 8:04 pm

    Loooool the story! This whole article is the truth.

    • Seun Tuyo

      August 1, 2014 at 9:32 am

      Thank you Lah.

  2. el patron

    July 31, 2014 at 8:32 pm

    well done seun! nice job! keep it up.

    • Seun Tuyo

      August 1, 2014 at 9:25 am

      Thank you El.

  3. yourstrulyblogposts.blogspot.com

    July 31, 2014 at 9:18 pm

    Wow, I totally enjoyed the story, lol. Thanks for posting Seun

    • Seun Tuyo

      August 1, 2014 at 9:25 am

      Thank you yourstruly!

  4. Biola

    July 31, 2014 at 9:59 pm

    SO true, everyone needs a chance to be heard and not judged based on looks and what not.

    • Seun Tuyo

      August 1, 2014 at 9:27 am

      Judging is so easy but the negativity it breeds is huge. Thank you for reading.

  5. Le moi

    July 31, 2014 at 10:00 pm

    Mehn! I see myself in this article… Lord help me

    • Seun Tuyo

      August 1, 2014 at 9:29 am

      Like i said, we all judge….am also guilty….But we can try to be better.

  6. Ib

    July 31, 2014 at 11:22 pm

    I agree!

    • Seun Tuyo

      August 1, 2014 at 9:32 am

      Thank you Ib

  7. teekay

    July 31, 2014 at 11:24 pm

    you ve said it all… Good write up

    • Seun Tuyo

      August 1, 2014 at 9:29 am

      Thanks Teekay

  8. ZOE QUINN

    August 1, 2014 at 2:50 am

    aww! wat a beautiful write-up i’m inspired

    • Seun Tuyo

      August 1, 2014 at 9:31 am

      Thank you for taking time to read Zoe, super happy you are inspired.

  9. chinwe

    August 1, 2014 at 9:23 am

    I love d story,was interestin.nice seun well done atleast I learnt smetin.

    • Seun Tuyo

      August 1, 2014 at 11:51 am

      Thank you Chinwe

  10. Rynyx

    August 1, 2014 at 9:32 am

    Seun on point as usual. This is really nice especially since I am mostly on the receiving end. U have to look a certain way to ‘belong’ or drive a certain car. And these are people who wear designers but are struggling to pay rent. Who are we really fooling?I get judged cos I refuse to join the bandwagon. My dear, d world will really b a better place if we all just gave each other a chance.

    • Seun Tuyo

      August 1, 2014 at 11:56 am

      Thank you Rynyx. Sometimes we can owe it to fear, envy, ignorance and low self esteem. Judging comes with all forms of negativity. Once you get comfy in your skin and exude excellence, they’d come around, you’ll see. Am sure you know Success has many friends.

  11. Cy

    August 1, 2014 at 9:42 am

    Nice article, I am guilty of it and I am challenged

    • Seun Tuyo

      August 1, 2014 at 11:56 am

      Thank you Cy.

  12. efe

    August 1, 2014 at 9:43 am

    Seun,l Owe you a bottle of Cold COKE.

    • Seun Tuyo

      August 1, 2014 at 11:57 am

      Lol, that got me cracking on all sides. Thank you Efe.

  13. el bee

    August 1, 2014 at 9:55 am

    amazing write up……the sky is just your starting point

    • Seun Tuyo

      August 1, 2014 at 11:57 am

      Thank you El Bee.

  14. Afue

    August 1, 2014 at 10:14 am

    Seun, I really like this article as all you said is true. Thanks for sharing this article and I hope people who read it learn from it. I know I have

    • Afue

      August 1, 2014 at 10:22 am

      Well written

    • Seun Tuyo

      August 1, 2014 at 11:58 am

      Afue, thank you and i hope so too.

  15. @edDREAMZ

    August 1, 2014 at 10:43 am

    a.k.a EDWIN CHINEDU AZUBUKO said…
    .
    Making sense post, clap for urself seun….
    .
    .
    ***CURRENTLY IN JUPITER***

    • Seun Tuyo

      August 1, 2014 at 11:58 am

      Thank you edDreamz

  16. Seanlabs

    August 1, 2014 at 10:53 am

    “Don’t judge others cos they are different” well said…I think people are generally envious and resent the feelings that come up so we tend to find some issues wrong with those who have what you want and end up judging them.

    • Seun Tuyo

      August 1, 2014 at 11:59 am

      Exactly SeanLabs, you couldn’t have coined it better. Thank you

  17. amaa

    August 1, 2014 at 11:20 am

    I used to be very judge mental about people I just could not understand their struggles with certain vices. Being a strong willed person it was easy for me to make smart choices be it in relationship, life in general. As I got older I began understand certain vices are actually blessings and also that my strong will personality was actually a weakness and it takes all of us to make up the the world. It’s a continuous process and we should all strive for balance in all we do

    • Seun Tuyo

      August 1, 2014 at 1:56 pm

      I can relate with these comments as i also struggle with being a strong willed person. Like you said, it is a continuous process and we certainly can! Thank you Amaa

  18. Lamie

    August 1, 2014 at 1:59 pm

    Oh wow…that story is both inspiring and humbling. Thank you

  19. flora

    August 1, 2014 at 3:21 pm

    Well written! I am guilty of your subject matter. I owe you for your great work
    I will try to improve. But sometimes it’s difficult
    .keep it up. I enjoyed reading it. It made sense and it’s on point .much love

  20. DHIEK

    August 1, 2014 at 4:33 pm

    SUPER STORY OOOOOO!!!!!!

  21. chima

    August 2, 2014 at 9:57 am

    nice peice, Seun. real talk.

    • Seun Tuyo

      August 4, 2014 at 8:49 am

      Thank You Chima

  22. Iyobosa Aduwa

    August 2, 2014 at 10:04 am

    Nice article dear

    • Seun Tuyo

      August 4, 2014 at 8:49 am

      Thank you Iyobosa

  23. DFD

    August 5, 2014 at 7:00 pm

    A write up with loads lessons on how to be a better person. I have misjudged people and hope to change for good. God bless u for encouraging good manners.

    • Seun Tuyo

      August 7, 2014 at 9:36 am

      Thank you DFD!

  24. Oyems

    August 11, 2014 at 8:29 pm

    Alot of us have these lost moment self remorse.
    Thanks for making us realise we dont have to be selfcentered all the time.

  25. Dame

    July 13, 2015 at 11:39 am

    Growing up the way I did, helped me to be be much more understanding and a lot less presumptuous/judgmental. I didn’t have the best of childhood so I extend to others the level of understanding I yearned for and desired to be afforded growing up.

    Thanks Seun for reaffirming the importance of the ‘no judgment’ on first encounters!

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