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Atoke’s Monday Morning Banter: A, B, C to Wedding

Atoke

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??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????It is said that marriage is one of those landmark events in a person’s life where the attainment or non-attainment of it is of equal importance.For those who get married, it is this really huge decision you’ve taken (or has been thrust upon you). For those who don’t get married, it is this really huge decision that you either long for, or the world wonders when you’d take that step (into the next stage). A few weeks ago, the Besto proposed to his girlfriend (He hasn’t given me permission to write about his ordeal in trying to pull off the perfect ‘surprise’ proposal! Please Mo, I know you’re reading this… give me permission!!! The gist is too FUNNY.) Anyway, we started talking about the different things he’d be expected to do now that he was finally.jumping on the marriage train.  We quickly made the distinction between the wedding and the marriage before we got into a protracted and unnecessary debate. So the discussion veered into the foray of the things that the couple HAD to do before the wedding, and the issue of pre wedding photos came up.

Whose brilliant idea was the taking pre-wedding photos sef? I remember that couples used to have their photos on party favours (back when they were not so fancy) So, people who wanted to share favours at weddings would request a photo of the couple and proceed to hand it over to the printer for onward transmission to the white handkerchief or the plastic tray. As society became more ‘enlightened’, it was no longer to use ‘just any photo’, couples started going over to studios (Remember LeFatts [sp] in Yaba?). Then, it wasn’t very cool to have your photos plastered all over party favours…plus our fear of ‘Juju’ and what was reportedly done with photographs of couples. Couples then miminized the use of their photos on paper bags and dish cloths.

According to my friend, Lola,  pre-wedding shots have slowly become apparently redundant. I argued that they provided good content for people to ‘ooh & ahh’ over on the Internet. “What is our life on the internet if people don’t provide us with entertainment? The world is already grey and dreary enough… we need the colour to bright up our lives”.  Someone said that there really was no point to overthink little things like that because they add to the entire package of the wedding.  I noted that the proliferation of pre-wedding shots and their circulation on the Internet provided a good way to showcase the craft of the photographer.  So, I asked if the pictures were basically more commercially viable for the photographer than the couple.  I found out that some photographers include pre-wedding photos as a bonus for certain packages chosen by the couple and so they don’t really add to the costs incurred by a couple planning a wedding.

Someone said that pre-wedding photos only added to the entire planning frenzy and were not a material part of the wedding ceremony. For some people, the pre-wedding shots is the way they introduce the previously ‘coded’ Boo to the world.

We then tried to differentiate between things that one absolutely had to have for a successful wedding, and things that we just did because everyone else was doing. My friend, J.D said that when she was getting married, she had insisted she had those flat things decorators put plates on at the reception. She said she had fought tooth and nail to ensure that they were paid for – because she absolutely had to have them as part of her decor. In hindsight, she wondered if it was worth all the fuss.

Someone argued that the most important part of a wedding ceremony was ensuring that the couple is present. “Everything else is just garnishing”.

So, what are your absolute wedding must-haves? I mean as the person getting married – you know we’ve already explored everything guests need to have fun at your party. As someone getting married, how important are things like pre-wedding photos? large centre pieces? fresh flowers? If you’re married, what are some things you’d just rather do without… you know how they say hindsight is 20/20. Oh, and if you had a pre-wedding shoot, tell us about that.

What must you have and what would you not mind if it was absent. And just for fun, what’s the funniest/weirdest/ pre-wedding photo pose you’ve seen and where!

Have a good week ahead and remember to smile.

Peace, love & cupcakes.
Toodles!

Photo CreditPhakimata | Dreamstime.com

You probably wanna read a fancy bio? But first things first! Atoke published a book titled, +234 - An Awkward Guide to Being Nigerian. It's available on Amazon. ;)  Also available at Roving Heights bookstore. Okay, let's go on to the bio: With a Masters degree in Creative Writing from Swansea University, Atoke hopes to be known as more than just a retired foodie and a FitFam adherent. She can be reached for speechwriting, copywriting, letter writing, script writing, ghost writing  and book reviews by email – [email protected]. She tweets with the handle @atoke_ | Check out her Instagram page @atoke_ and visit her website atoke.com for more information.

76 Comments

  1. peyton

    September 8, 2014 at 2:28 pm

    Hmmn…..
    1.the cutting of the cake/feeding the bride and groom cake and the bride kneels(whose idea was this and why must it be cake?????.
    2.Aso ebis,(my friends will eventually have their way and organise something), but if everyone dressed differently i will be glad.
    3.There is no tying of gele for me.
    4. No pre wedding shots
    5.I wish the part of you may now kiss your bride will be removed i hate public displays of affection
    6.I would love a beach wedding.
    7. An unusual dress definitely not white, no veil
    8 I would love to have a small wedding 100 people.(my family alone is more than that) but i can wish abi.

    • wendy

      September 8, 2014 at 5:13 pm

      Double thumbs up @ the first questions, its so annoying and must every bride kneel down and whose idea was it I beg. infact everything you said makes sense to me

    • Radiant

      September 10, 2014 at 6:48 pm

      Hmmm. Thinking. Guys also kneel to ask their girlfriends to marry them.

      No to all kneelings or not?

    • Zee

      September 12, 2014 at 3:00 pm

      This has to be me! No tying of gele. Nay!no!

    • @Asydarlyn

      September 15, 2014 at 2:27 pm

      LMAO!!!!!!!!..
      Reading comments below just made me laugh hard, LET US BE CLEAR… *Quick check* Hope this is still Nigeria?
      LOL TO ALL SMALL AND INTIMATE WEDDINGS!!!..My mother with her league of friends and associates can apply to be an autonomous community!!!,they might even fill up a small country 🙁 let’s not even go into Hubby mum… Hmmm,where to start

      So as I’m planning my wedding the most important things for me are

      MY MARRIAGE AND HONEYMOON!!!!!…..,if people like make them no chop belle full..lol..by the next Saturday they will probably eat well at another person’s wedding or still grumble whichever!!!…I will not bankrupt my hubby for people’s gratification!!!! Wedding is like calling people to come and eat and still giving them souvenirs for coming to eat.

      First,get an account and save money before the wedding that will cover in your newly married life like initial mortgage fees,feeding,household things and all the stuffs that would keep u after the honeymoon buzz is over!!..YES…honeymoon ends,so plan for it!!..Plan to glow post wedding… Then the excess of the savings would be used for the wedding, NO SHAME WHEN PLANNING A WEDDING, Ask for help!!!!!…from family,friends etc Cos to ask for help after marriage is just a DISGRACE, pls save money for the life after!!

      Since we can’t all marry Dangote’s nephews, let’s come down from our high horses and use sense for this wedding matter. First know what is most important,let the rest just follow..Plus write all your ideas down,foolish things have a way of standing out when you write it down(fresh flower ko, fried leaves ni…LOL…Do u know how much Newton and David charge?!..)

      1) PHOTOGRAPHY!!!! I love pictures,pre wedding,trad,intro,post wedding.honeymoon,bridal shower,thanksgiving etc BUTTTT I’m not interested in any photographer that would give me a bill that can pay for my house rent!!!!
      The job of the photographer is to capture most importantly everything that money bought or rented from food,cake,hall,decor..lol..then people and most especially moments

      Advice:WETIN NO DEY YOUR PICTURES BIN NO DEY THE WEDDING!!!!

      2)HALL/DECOR: My logic is if the hall is a bit pricey the decor MUST be cheap…Plus brides must learn to utilize any and everything in that hall once it’s paid for… Na 4hrs max…plus why rush away after the wedding?!…when your money never expire?!!!!…lol

      3)GOWN: Must be rented,I don’t fancy having a big white dress taking up space in my closet… Eg. Better to rent a fantastic gown for #200 than to buy a just dere gown for #150 ..IMO..
      =>RECEPTION DRESS: My tailor would sew it for me at a cheap cost…I know how to design bh sew a little plus I’d give him the fabrics…since the advert of overtly pricey “fashion designers” babes have deleted their tailors numbers..God dey!..that one no dey my dictionary…one designer told me 85k for reception gown,..mtchewwwww

      Advice: DRESS WEY TOO FINE,THEM NO DEY WEAR AM TOO MUCH..

      4)FOOD: I like variety over plain quantity…Remember my mother and her country?..good..I’m not feeding that nation…my guest list is 500!!! (so only the elders and governors of that country may attend,others can just wave from afar..lol)

      5)PRIVATE WEDDING: What nonsense?!..that would be social suicide for my mother but my dad would love it…besides me and my friends are almost becoming a village(true daughter of my mother)..so that private tin won’t work

      6)WEDDING PLANNER: NO THANKS!!!..I’m melancholic enough to be plan all that…I have a book,I’ve even drawn out including sitting arrangement!

      7)USHERS: yes!..but I’m not paying any company 15k per usher for what?!!!!…I’ve made arrangements for a veryyyyy low cost

      8)ASOEBI & ALL: simple one pattern material,no gele,cheap enough for pple not owe me!!!…for the white wedding abeg wear your Christmas dress come

      9)BRIDESMAIDS DRESSES; I’m not a color freak so they sld look nice, another of my tailor (wink*) would sew their dress and trust me it MUST be “rerockable”!!! At most 4 girls including chief bridesmaid

      10)MC/HOST: I hv a friend that would anchor my reception,the MC work na just small…so he better put his best jokes forward!

      11)DJ/BAND: I hv a music list from the song for first dance,father-daughter dance to cake cutting.. I also hv a list for the band in my trad…other than dat they can sell their market when they are not playing my “carefully selected songs”

      NOOOOOOO TO
      Cake observation by guests,
      Cake feeding(m giving him food),
      Cake description and Cake color inspiration by baker,
      Chairman wey talk no dey end

      ….My talk no dey end oooo…I’m thinking of getting a vlog or writing a piece on planning a budget friendly wedding bh first let my wedding finish..lol…lemme stop here

    • thisisEseosa

      January 13, 2015 at 2:11 pm

      LOLLLLLLLS. My wedding is coming up in a few months and I can totally relate, that is if I can stop laughing long enough to. “If them like make them no chop bellyful” LOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLS! Honestly o. The koko is that my hubby shows up, I show up and our parents. All others na jara.

  2. Berry Dakara

    September 8, 2014 at 2:31 pm

    Ooooh, before I start, the flat things are called Chargers.

    We had our pre-wedding shoot because I enjoy photography and we were able to be creative with the baking theme, on account of Cakes. We didn’t exactly pay for it, but we traded a traditional wedding cake for it. I love the pictures anyday and it’s only just occurring to me now that I should have made a small photo-book or printed one of the pictures to hang.

    As far the things I could do without for the wedding – a lot of things. For me, all I needed was my beach or water setting, our families and friends, small chops (which I ended up forgetting to eat), a nice cake, good music and great photography. I didn’t worry too much about decor cos I wanted something pretty simple and beach-themed, and my sister and sister-in-law were on top of it.

    We didn’t have programs for our wedding – well, they came late, halfway through the reception. I never saw it :p but everyone had fun. Our MC kept going on about how he loved not going by a strict format.

    The only thing I would change maybe is I would have had a “proper” father-daughter dance, instead of the ALL-JOIN that happened 😀

    http://berrydakara.blogspot.com

    • Berry Dakara

      September 8, 2014 at 3:00 pm

      Oh yeah

      We refused to have asoebi!
      I didn’t want a bridal party – just my siblings by my side (my brother wasn’t interested)
      I didn’t care if any guest wore white cos it was a black/white wedding.

      Now I didn’t want a traditional veil and made my birdcage one myself. HOWEVER, 2 weeks before the wedding, I was on Instagram and Kunbi of Aisle Perfect posted a veil shot and I was like, “ENH??!?!?!?!?!?!? How can I let my wedding pass me by without this shot?!” So I borrowed my sister’s veil 😀

  3. Iyke

    September 8, 2014 at 2:37 pm

    You and who go do pre-wedding picture?
    She’s so caught up in her wedding plans and dreams that she actually forgets the person she’s making all the plans and dreams for! Sweetheart, while you are busy working out ‘your absolute wedding must-haves’,I shall be busy working on the equations that will help me prove that YOU are my world and everything in it.

    • F8

      September 9, 2014 at 12:51 am

      Awwwww….. Thats just sweet. Wish i could get a message half as sweet as that from le boo. 🙁 i’ll sha manage and imagine i just read that from him

  4. ajay

    September 8, 2014 at 2:57 pm

    a must have at my wedding was lots of food. I hate it when guests leave without having anything to eat. the cutting of the cake is so over rated. Good music is a must. Pre wedding photos are so lame. I did not include photos on the souvenirs and people still accepted them so what’s the fuss. the bottom line is just try and make it as fun as possible.

  5. Que

    September 8, 2014 at 3:03 pm

    MUST HAVES: -After me and mine’s immediate nuclear family; I shall be insisting on my Elegant dress n trad outfits, Manolo and/or R.Caovilla shoes, stunning jewellery. Church piano player to walk in to. Reception with multiple bar points to keep d mood happy! Food serving starts as guests get seated (none of that waiting till couple dance in)…then its a complete Dancefest after cake is served!!! Ooo I also will insist on decor in my fave colour n some fresh flowers.

    CAN DO WITHOUT: pre-wedding photos (I’d rather use photos we’ve collected in the course of our rship, ones that capture our shared experience)…No groom with sunshades at anytime during ceremony and reception especially indoors….No cake at traditional wedding (Complete waste IMO); Absolutely no baker explaining what they saw as my husband and I cut the cake (just daft really); No couple dancing in either….infact I can do without the entire bridal train, just 1 Chief bridesmaid and 1 bestman if I have my way, plus absolutely no asoebi at white wedding (d more colours d merrier!) N yes … I can do without frienemies too!

    Everything else can be negotiated.

    • lol

      September 8, 2014 at 5:14 pm

      Amen @ the shades inside building…when you are not steven wonder

    • fifi

      September 9, 2014 at 3:31 pm

      Amen to NO SHADES!!!!!!!

  6. Rubynnia

    September 8, 2014 at 3:11 pm

    1. Prewedding photos is a NO! I don’t see the need for it. Waste of time!
    2. Putting your hands across your parents n in laws during traditional wedding is a NO! Feels strange to me.
    3. Pecking one’s parent during traditional wedding is a NO! I’m not used to that from my folks.

    Well, I want a very intimate wedding, which will be fixed on a weekday. What I’m after is the life after wedding- MARRIAGE!

  7. Anna

    September 8, 2014 at 3:16 pm

    Pre wedding photos are usually cringe.. But I do want a proposal/ pre wedding story book of random pictures of me, firends, family and my hubby planning the big day to show to our kiddies… ( I’m cringe)
    LOVE fresh flowers and the outdoor enchanted garden theme.. that would be my dream reception.
    Cut out the party favours and those awful candied nuts things you get at the end.
    Ideally I just want a smallish intimate day with a wedding that centred around our ‘love story’
    I would leave the asoebi/ changing of multiple outfits blah blah blah to the traditional wedding..

  8. TANTRA

    September 8, 2014 at 3:30 pm

    I am not going to have the little bride and page boy. I don’t see their usefulness. No feeding of the couple. Feed yourself, I feed myself unless you are disabled and cant feed yourself.

  9. Tru

    September 8, 2014 at 3:36 pm

    I am NOT having a wedding website and I am NOT having aso-ebi and I am NOT having boring speeches or a cake-cutting competition – just food and dance, dance, dance!! So help me God 😀

  10. Tolani

    September 8, 2014 at 3:55 pm

    I wish I could do away with the entire traditional wedding thing; it makes me cringe. Also, I detest proposal pictures, in my opinion it should be private and between the couple, pre-wedding photos and asoebi. I have grumbled every single time I’ve been made to buy asoebi and I won’t burden anyone with that on my wedding. Come and you are!

    I absolutely must have little party favours and keepsakes and a bridal shower which may transition to a hen night, both of which I will have a hand in planning cos I hate surprises.

    • like

      September 8, 2014 at 7:13 pm

      As in… I have told my mom severally- It is just Nikkah and food… why must I do 5 marriages.. Someone will do introduction, Akidu Nikkah, Registry, Traditional, Walimat Nikkah, then reception.. Na so money plenty reach.. I just hope the man I will marry is like me. – I want a romantic proposal, an intimate wedding – Just nuclear family – (our immediate family, their partners and their kids) and an awesome vacation 6months after the wedding ceremony – who invented honeymoon after marriage sef. We follow some traditions we no understand.
      So for my wedding,
      I want a lovely dress I can wear again, nice flat shoe, nice but not too much make up, correct photographer
      Event: just hand over of the couples, prayer by an Imam, food- thank God my sister is a caterer, dance dance dance, break in the middle for salat then just dance all through. An event where our families can also get to know each other better – I just hope my future hubby wont be from one of those must do big party wedding family! It is going to be intimate but classy
      Secondly, please who understands the promo photos our celebrities take?

  11. Ayaba

    September 8, 2014 at 3:56 pm

    what i will Love at my wedding
    -Mermaid dress, long veil (Cathedral length), stunning shoes and jewelry.
    -sweet decor with theme colour (no ballons)
    -Our pics from the birth of our relationship to present day to be on displayed at reception venue (slide show) hence i want an indoor reception.
    -max 5 bridesmaids
    -everyone dressed in one of the theme colours will be nice
    -want few prewedding fotos to use for wedding prog
    -Lots of dancing (me and my babe to dance to musik mix of our best songs)
    -i just want it to be fun, fun, fun. let everyone be happy and have lots of fun.
    -Great photography and videography

    i can do without
    -flower girls
    -Ballons at reception venue
    -i can do feeding of hubby with cake but dat mouth to mouth feeding??? ah ah not for me.
    -Brief kissing during de ‘kiss de bride’ part. i don’t want the swallowing of tongue kind of kiss.
    -Ashebi

  12. mimi

    September 8, 2014 at 4:15 pm

    No page boy/little bride- too much stress. They end up crying through it all anyway.
    I had too many music options at the reception- sax, band, dj- I think it was a waste
    I loved my pre wedding pictures- will definitely do them over and over again. They ended up being put in the reception and in the programs.
    No engagement cake, I’m sure my mum ended up throwing it all away.
    A smaller hall for the engagement, people go to work if its a weekday.
    Spending less money on my hair for sure. I could have gotten someone else for less than half the price I spent and still looked great.
    Oh and those Aso-Oke things. Such a waste. You never wear them again!!

    Apart from that – it was fun! Its just one or two days. and it only happens once. Do it your way! (well if you are paying)

  13. Annie

    September 8, 2014 at 4:18 pm

    Can do without
    -Bridal train, little bride, ring bearer, infact a quiet chapel wedding is the plan, just few family and one/two friends of his and mine. Trad, mayb no cake, all those beads brides wear and look like they are sacrifices at the shrine is a no biko, just one on the neck thats all,
    Must have- I want my mermaid wedding dress, for the brief moment the chapel wedding last, i want pre wedding pictures (i love posing for the camera), .ehm thats all, most important thing is joining the man and the woman for the journey ahead….

  14. ij

    September 8, 2014 at 4:23 pm

    i cannot express how much i hate pre-wedding photos, asoebi things or anything that will add to the wahala of the normal wedding planning activities and make me break out with acne,
    i can also do without the dancing into the hall thing, i want to spend a limited number of hours at my reception, so i wont want to spend 40 minutes dancing into the reception, there will be time for dancing later , i just want to walk in with my husband waving and smiling .
    i really dont buy into the change 5 million times idea, so after going through the hassle of finding the right dress to get married in, then i will now look for another right dress for evening party ?
    also what is the point of having a 7 tier cake ? and don’t get me started on fruit displays

  15. Grace

    September 8, 2014 at 4:24 pm

    It looks to me that in recent times the seriousness attached to wedding photos, and the expectations as to how well they will come out even exceeds the marriage itself. No to pre wedding photo shots.

  16. Neo

    September 8, 2014 at 4:39 pm

    Wedding? Hot groom. Check. Hot me. Check. Looh-booh-taans. Check. Priest. Check. Vows. Check. Hot married kiss. Check. 5-star honeymoon. Check. Wedding don finish. I don’t even need witnesses, when you see my wedding band, no be evidence be that?

    • Que

      September 8, 2014 at 4:56 pm

      Check! Check!! Check!!!…. lmao @ loohbataans!! Nice plan…

    • Iyke

      September 8, 2014 at 5:06 pm

      You are my kind of girl! I will burn to see her GLOW!…..She will be my whole freaking kingdom!

  17. dorodee

    September 8, 2014 at 4:48 pm

    Too many irrelevant trends, the over dramatic prewedding photos, candy buffet for 100 people when u actually have 1,000 guests. Over priced asoebi organised by so called “asoebi consultants”. For me none of those pretentious wahala for the benefit of others. I’d rather keep it simple and anything I can’t offer all my guests, I won’t do.

  18. Blessmyheart

    September 8, 2014 at 5:01 pm

    The pre-wedding photography was part of the wedding photography package and it was fun. The pictures also turned out lovely, we used them for some souvenirs and wedding countdown. Lol.
    I was happy with:
    My dress – lovely dress bought in Lagos at a cheap price (I wasnt going to spend lots of money on a dress I was going to wear just once, thankfully, I got a great dress)
    My shoes – again, I wass’t going to buy expensive shoes that would be hidden under the dress and I was going to kick-off after the church service anyway)
    The cakes – got a good deal from a friend and they tasted great too
    Ushers – I wanted to be sure of an orderly ceremony and I wasn’t going to bother myself about who ate or didn’t
    Photography – was very lovely
    Bridal party – our wonderful bridesmaids and groomsmen were supportive

    Not so happy about:
    My hair – I felt I paid too much for the ‘just-there’ styling
    Video coverage – the guy missed some important moments, showing guests’ reactions instead
    Wedding song – I didn’t get a DJ and missed dancing to my favorite song

    All in all, I made sure I had fun. The marriage is the important thing.

  19. lol

    September 8, 2014 at 5:05 pm

    I actually had 2 conversations this past weekend on weddings and what my wedding was. I was on the bandwagon of no Aso ebi so no Aso ebi was present except for my parents and their people. But I told my sister and hubby that I did not have the wedding of my dreams (Not at all) I wanted a small wedding with close friends and family (People that actually care about the bride and groom) present But naahhh parents wanted fanfare when I would have stood my ground, hubby said he wanted fanfare too so I was out voted. My 2 biggest fears were 1) feeling so overwhelmed that at the end of the day nothing stood out to me and 2) looking out in the crowd and not knowing 90% of the people present. And both came to pass. Hubby now in retrospect sees my point of view and promises a vow renewal but for me it is not the same. For me a meaningful wedding would have been having a small close knit friends and family, that would have added depth to a really huge step I was taking in my life. I am pro focus on the marriage then the wedding but the wedding signals the beginning of a new and important phase in your life and you don’t want to look back on that day with regrets. Now Pre-wedding shots, aso ebi, bridal party and so onnnn were not things that got me doing the dance. The romantic stuff did and still does;, like the first dance, first kiss (as husband and wife).

    • lol

      September 8, 2014 at 5:07 pm

      BTW pictures, pictures and pictures, i.e, a good photographer and good food are important.( I am a foodie)

  20. Radiant

    September 8, 2014 at 5:30 pm

    … so wedding is in three months:
    1. Pre-wedding shoot- Nay
    2. Traditional Wedding Cake- Nay
    3. Lots of food and dancing- Aye (been dreaming of the latter since!!! There’s got to be the bride and the children’s dance.)
    4. My flats- Aye
    5. Completely carrying on through out the day with Le Boo like its-not-that-serious!!!- Aye
    6. A good day that the Lord will make like every day He makes and I shall be rejoicing in it- Aye.

    PS: In a tiny corner of my mind, its actually my Ma’s ‘wedding’, so she can knock herself out with her friends aso-ebing and dancing to ‘sweet mother’ or ‘nne nne, nne oma’. Lol.. She deserves all the joy she can get though.

  21. Ivy

    September 8, 2014 at 5:51 pm

    I laugh in Chinese. Know why? Cuz u all probably have mothers like mine that know plenty people and since PHC is such a small place…..oh well. Been thinking i will just whisk his n my family to hawaii for the wedding but my mother WILL vex ehhhhh. Pre-wedding photos are cute, so will take them, Asoebi…i have my colours even tho’ the hubby is yet to appear, lol. No long speeches of how me n hubby met n blah blah. Enough dancing though….e go dey like competition.

  22. Ibironke

    September 8, 2014 at 6:11 pm

    Pre-wedding pictures are a yes for me, cos only God knows when we’d have the opportunity to do a themed shoot again, and from experience, i know i always regret not having some memories documented .Who does it hurt anyway? it comes as a bonus when you book most photographers and if you don’t want your pictures public you can always insist. So yea, pre-wedding pictures to frame and hang in the living room…
    No Chairman of the day please…they give long speeches that no one listens to, no high table, no kneeling down to feed husband (i won’t be kneeling down in a real life situation so we are we fooling), no food buffet, Nigerians are greedy and never stick to one portion, and i’m wearing just one dress which i’d sell out when i’m done. 😀

  23. NaijaPikin

    September 8, 2014 at 6:30 pm

    Must Haves
    – Church (A cathedral looking church. I think they are so beautiful…think Anglican and Catholic churches/cathedrals)
    – Both parents walking me down the aisle
    – Banging DJ (The rocking is what i’m looking fwd to at my reception)
    – Open Bar
    – Food

    Don’t want
    – No flower girl, page boy, no kids on train
    – No MC……I’ll have a friend transition the events. Don’t want anyone thinking my wedding is their personal show. Cut all the crap and let’s get to dancing (Obviously not marrying in naija)
    – No rented car. using my car to get to church
    – No prep pictures showing perfume, shoe designer ( you can show shoe but not the designer). It seems like a show off of labels.

    • NaijaPikin

      September 8, 2014 at 8:47 pm

      I forgot to add, no hightable, no chairman or chairwoman of the day, no recognizing the presence of anyone………

  24. MO

    September 8, 2014 at 6:41 pm

    I sure would love to scrap every *scrappable*, especially the unnecessarily large and annoyingly tall cake with all them branches, kinda reminds me of Usun and her taller-than-she-is birthday cake from the book “Sweet Kids” or Shirley from the movie “House Bunny” who had to be lifted by a huge guy to blow out her candles at 27.

    Most definitely can do without the money-spraying spree(whoever invented that? and who said packaging the whole sum in a nice envelope isn’t just as nice), but then, how else would we know Mr Animashaun really isn’t selfish, or that cousin Arowolo brought dollars. Was watching my cousin’s wedding as i was away and couldn’t attend, i was awfully irritated with the way spenders or sprayers, whatever! were plastering his face with money from their sweaty-sweaty hands, not leaving the beautiful bride’s face, smearing all the nicely-done make-up, or the way some “helpers” frantically tried to help pick the cash that i guess a number would end in their own pockets. Nawa o.

    Would love to scrap the carrying thing from one end to the other at the traditional wedding, i’m not big or anything, but i just would love to spare Papi the stress.

    Like the pre-wedding photo but can definitely do without them, those lovely little cuties they call flower girls and page boys can be put out of their misery and just go on to enjoy the wedding, don’t want no ring-bearer hoarding my rings either, don’t want people who know nothing about how i evolved into the woman i am now attending and suddenly acting all familiar, definitely don’t want no flowing Cindarella ball gown for a wedding dress, prefer something simple i can dance in(call me crazy but i just can’t get Mai Atafo’s collection of short wedding dresses i saw a long time ago out of my head and the short gown worn by the big bootie delivery girl from the movie “Three Can Play the Game” is forever etched in my memory), comfortable shoes and no Karachika make-up, seen some ladies on their big day, and believe me, they look better in their everyday make-up.

    Talk of things i like, a small wedding with lots of colours which is why i must have those Korean Lanterns they used in the Joseon period in different shades of daring colours hanging from the wall + they believe it brings good luck.

    Sorry i monopolised the whole space, it just kept coming, had to stop myself before…..

  25. Changing Faces

    September 8, 2014 at 6:43 pm

    One craze I can’t understand is having a 2nd and sometimes 3rd dress; you spend so much on a wedding dress, wear it for the ceremony which normally lasts about 1 hour, take pictures, then change into a reception dress. I’d never understand it

  26. AVID BLOG READER

    September 8, 2014 at 6:51 pm

    Anyone who indulges in superfluous planning of their wedding obviously had never been married before. After the ostentatious display; live together as man and wife, have kids, have jobs, mortages, bills etc then come back and write an article of foolish you were.

  27. Wanluv

    September 8, 2014 at 6:59 pm

    It’s funny how what you want/dream about for your wedding and what you actually can afford or think is important when the time comes changes.

    I always thought fresh flowers were a definite must and I did have them for my bouquet, the bridesmaids bouquets and the grooms button holes. But the centre pieces were silk roses.

    I always thought that I would want a pre-wedding shoot but really it was another thing to plan and ended up not bothering

    I always thought I wanted a reception dress but it took so long to find the perfect wedding dress I didn’t want to change to any other dress

    I always thought I wanted lots of bridesmaids but the reality is that it is quite a special role and I didn’t want any Tom, Dick and Maria. I had my sister and 2 cousins.

    I always thought I wanted Jimmy Choo or Manolos but I got an unusual pair of shoes in teal blue therefore I felt like my shoes had the drama without the price tag

    There was no high table, I made my own wedding cake

    The important things for me was the ambiance of the venue, my dress, the food and wedding photography

  28. nammy

    September 8, 2014 at 8:01 pm

    I’ll like a small wedding consisting mainly of frnds nd family members, those that knew me wen I was still in diapers cld just send in their “monetary gifts”- thank you. Av neva fancied attending a wedding where I don’t know d bride or groom-my boss daughter, my mother’s colleagues son, abeg wetin join me nd u? U c, my wedding shld b about, me, him close frnds nd family that I or he actually knows.
    As for pre-wedding shots, I aint doing that, le boo nd I tk pics all d time, both studio pics wenever I make a new hair do and random pics so am sure we’ll hav something rily nice to give to whoever wants to paste our faces on an umbrella, tv, deep freezer, mercedes c-class or any souvenir, and that wld also ensure that I won’t hav 10 different pics with just one hair style.
    In fact, I wouldn’t mind leaving d guests to party nd running away immeadiately after d joining(if wishes were horses). Il rily love my wedding to b well organised nd intresting but the most important thing to me is to finish d wedding nd start living the marriage cos wedding is just a day but marriage is for as long as we both may live.

  29. nammy

    September 8, 2014 at 8:39 pm

    I’ll like a wedding that consists of close frnds nd family, those that knew me wen I was still in diapers cld just send in their “monetary gifts”- thank you. Av neva fancied attending a wedding where I don’t know d bride or groom-my boss daughter, my mother’s colleagues son, abeg wetin join me nd u? U c, my wedding shld b about me and him rejoicing with close frnds nd family that he or i actually knows.
    As for pre-wedding shots, I aint doing that, le boo nd I tk pics all d time, both studio pics wenever I make a new hair do and random pics so am sure we’ll hav something rily nice to give to whoever wants to paste our faces on an umbrella, tv, deep freezer, mercedes c-class or any souvenir. Also it’ll save me the embarrassment of having 10 pics in different outfits but same hairstyle.
    In fact, I wouldn’t mind leaving d guests to party nd running away immeadiately after d joining(if wishes were horses). Il rily love my wedding to b well organised nd intresting but the most important thing to me is to finish d wedding nd start living the marriage cos wedding is just a day but marriage is for as long as we both may live.

  30. Flames

    September 8, 2014 at 8:59 pm

    Pre wedding pictures- yes(if I can force le boo 2 do it), aso-ebi- whether I wnt it or not, it will happen & it will happen in abundance so I beta start wanting it, very beautiful wedding dress- definitely, enof food- sure (bt no relative of mine is being in charge of food 4 any reason dat is wen food wnt reach all guests in abundance cos dey’ll b hoarding d food, had dat xperience @ a recent wedding), dancing- I’m a terrible dancer so dat 1 is still under consideration, lolz. Bt my white wedding will b by invitation only cos I wnt it 2 b intimate so I’ll prob do it abroad, if nt every1 in my village will b dia. My trad wedding will b a come 1, come all affair

  31. tolu

    September 8, 2014 at 9:11 pm

    This is soo funny! My colleague’s getting married ds weekend, nd today happened to be her last day at wrk befre the wedding..
    So we’re in d car on the drive home, talking about soo many stuff nd at sme pt, his was the exact topic of discussion!
    Who says the bride has to kneel to feed the groom!?
    Who says there can’t “not” be aso- ebi!?
    Who made these “funny” rules anywayz!?
    Truth is, it ws couple of people planning THEIR OWN weddings nd trying to make THEIR OWN dreams realities, but we jst do what we knw to ddo do best- copy!!

  32. lol

    September 8, 2014 at 9:27 pm

    im just sad that Atoke’s Mo is getting married to someone who is not Atoke. 🙁
    LOL its funny everyone here is saying small intimate weddings, yet we all ‘tap into the anointing’ of the expensive bellanaija weddings. im getting yáll.
    me too sha, i like small weddings, however, i probably wont be having that, big family and all., so im prepared for my big fat greek wedding. the more the merrier anyway.
    i want pre wedding photos, its fun and a chance to bond with your partner and practise good poses too.
    enough food and drinks is a must. one of my pet peeves is a wedding with no food. the guests should not have to beg for food please.
    i dont like bridal trains, in my short life, iv spent almost a 100k on bridesmaids dresses i cannot never wear again. so we would be having one chief bridesmaid and one groomsman.
    i like asoebi. its colourful and comes our beautifully in pictures. so i would be having aso ebi, it doesnt have to be too expensive. besides, ive bought everyone’s aso ebi, they must buy my own!
    shoes and wedding dresses dont need to be expensive at all, its a waste. im still undecided about changing for the reception but its more economical to not change.
    all in all, have the wedding of your dreams, its a once in a lifetime day so enjoy this one to d max.

    • Lizzy O

      September 11, 2014 at 9:03 pm

      WHO ARE YOU AND WHY DID YOU JUST SAY EVERYTHING I WANTED TO SAY!?!?!

      WOW!!! Mind BLOWN!*

      I was going to make fun of all the small wedding speakers who tap into the elaborate BN weddings, and The things on your list, are listed exactly with my same reasons. This is quite freaky I must mention. Lol.. The pre wedding shoots will in fact be because I am first of all a photo person (photographer even), and also for the reason you listed. In short, let me just stop writing. You’ve said it all.

    • Lizzy O

      September 11, 2014 at 9:05 pm

      especially when you said THEY must buy my own! Lol.. Yes, They must buy my aso-ebi oo. Plus the colors in pictures… just too lovely!! Gotta get the right material and colors and reasonably priced though.

  33. Anita...

    September 8, 2014 at 9:43 pm

    Wow its funny how everyone is knocking most of the things that 90% of BN brides had at their weddings. So who/where are the people who “Ooh” and “aah” and “tap into the blessing IJN” every week?…. Lol, anyway for me, id like an intimate evening wedding with 100 of our closest friends and family, no aso-ebi and a rocking dj.

  34. peyton

    September 8, 2014 at 9:46 pm

    the promo shots are supposed to either be a marketing strategy for endorsements(iam guessing) the more you are seen the more endorsements you get or for those celebrities that you have completely forgotten they exist so they have to remind you they are still relevant.All in all it makes no sense to me i wouldnt see a movie because you released some pictures i will rather watch your movies because your acting is badass

  35. Madam d madam

    September 8, 2014 at 10:50 pm

    Oh la la prewedding shots were an absolute MUST for me o 🙂 I love looking at prewedding pics, and I wanted to hang our prewedding pics in our home certainly not blowing up wedding pics to hang lol.

    Asoebi were an absolute must for me as well, I think it’s add sooo much colour to the trad wedding, and my girls were so excited about wearing Asoebi and being part of my crew, in all sorts of awesome styles, I love love love it.

  36. debby

    September 8, 2014 at 11:10 pm

    Really love a simple and classy wedding….where ma friends from childhood will be present and ma families and relatives, and don’t like big wedding….I see it as a waste of resources,wedding doesn’t really matters to me na marriage matters most,I love aso ebi things it really fun and the pre wedding shot is a must for me cuz I love taking pictures……there should be plenty food and different varieties of food and the wedding must be well organised.

  37. Ify Ada | ChiefWedsLolo.Com

    September 8, 2014 at 11:49 pm

    Ok, I thought it was just me.

    Glad I’m not the only one. I was starting to feel bad for not wanting a flower girl or ring boy in my wedding. Lol!

  38. prettydorris

    September 8, 2014 at 11:53 pm

    My wedding is next month,and I wish I could turn back the hands of time so I could put my foot down on some things , wanted a small wedding with people we are both familiar with in attendance bt my sweetie wants a big wedding because everybody must come and eat rice lol. Also didn’t want a bridal train coz I no kuku get female friends,the few friends I have are guys,bt my sweetie wont hear of that,his friends have been planning to be his grooms men since forever. Didn’t want any asoebi but his mum would not hear of it,she made time out and took me to the market to pick ashoebi,i don’t care for the little bride and groom but his mum is taking care of that so no wahala,wanted everything in a day(trad/church/reception) but unfortunately cant have my way on that,Want to rent my gown(don’t wanna spend so much money on a dress I would wear for 8hrs max), I would definitely get a reception gown. I just want to walk into the reception hall with my sweetie,don’t have the strength for unnecessary dancing serenren , I love photos,so a pre wedding shoot is yea yea.

  39. S!

    September 9, 2014 at 12:15 am

    Please why would you waste your money and print a menu when no one comes and takes the guest’s order, the waiters just bring you random food.
    And you set a table for 10 people then leave only 2 samosas & 3 spring rolls? Atleast let there be 5 plates of small chops with plenty drinks.
    Live Bands irk me. If you can’t afford a DJ, make a CD mix yourself.
    I hate how most weddings now make a tent/gazebo, what ever they are called for the couples, I prefer a high table.
    Unnecessary tall center pieces that blocks your view.
    And when no waiter comes to clear your plates after a meal and you just keep on stacking plates till there’s no space on the table.

  40. ij

    September 9, 2014 at 12:54 am

    what of those humongous banner type pics of the couple they have at weddings nko? what happens to that after the wedding? waste of money

  41. Doneit

    September 9, 2014 at 8:38 am

    I recently found out that most pre wedding photo shoots are actually part of the wedding photography package. Personally I don’t see the need for them, would rather just use regular pictures we’ve taken in the course of our dating. However the fact that they are at no extra cost…. makes me feel I might as well get full value for money by doing them.

    The part I’m so skipping is the boring cliche speech by the cake baker telling you what the cake colours represent. I’m also not a fan of the feeding each other bit.. For me what makes a good wedding is plenty of good food, good music and awesome photography. Can’t stand when people spend millions on hall and decor only to come and starve you. And please if u want to share souvenirs then just give everyone…. its soo rude when they give 7 people on 1 table and then ignore the last 3.

    • Ayaba

      September 9, 2014 at 10:38 am

      hahahahha do u mean they can come to a table of 10 give to some and leave out some?? haba!! hahahahaha chaaai!!! the weddings i have attended, after the guest have danced up to the couple and presented their gifts, there is always someone standing there with souvenirs to give to them as they make their way back to their seats. Even those who just dance and come up just to embrace and congratulate the couple, are given souvenirs. so it’s like if you don’t come up, u won’t have one. not the case of going to a table and give some guests while u leave some out hababa!!! even na me i go vex, if dem no give me hahahhahaha

  42. DOO

    September 9, 2014 at 9:22 am

    Most important at my wedding – my wife

    • Ivy

      September 9, 2014 at 10:57 am

      Hahaha! I like people like you.

  43. Cee

    September 9, 2014 at 12:46 pm

    I’m no expert but I’d say this is one area where less is defintelyyyyy more. I’d rather have a really small wedding ceremony. Church and then reception at the beach on a Friday evening with close friends and family. A few colleagues whom I absolutely adore and goof around with. All my favorite songs and some, for the guests; plentyyyyyyyy dancing and food;cake that people will actually eat and love. Almost like a mini party for my family and I.
    Thankfully my family knows how I can be. I doodn’t r’aye or agbara for that whole carnival of inviting elu n’ala. No asoebi, bridal train na umu nne ya for this being. Quiet and fun mbok.

  44. Cozygal

    September 9, 2014 at 3:24 pm

    Pls where is Miss Sociallyawkward? can’t find her even on Isio’s post.

  45. larz

    September 9, 2014 at 3:41 pm

    Pre wedding – thoughtful proposal
    Wedding must have- hubby and I and nuclear family. Mid-week registry including witness. Dinner at a restaurant afterwards
    Post wedding
    • Bestest honeymoon- 3-4 weeks long
    • 6 month or more later (once settled in matrimony). Party for family and friends a.k.a. traditional wedding. I am not bothered. I have a fixed budget and I am happy for whatever, provided they can pay anything in excess of my very small budget and do not stress me and beau for anything. All I care about is my outfit fitting and turning up on the day. Day time for the adults, evening time for the young ones.

  46. Easy n Gentle

    September 9, 2014 at 6:07 pm

    My mother, being the queen bee of her clique makes aso ebi a definite. I remember she once told me she has a 3 yr supply of aso ebis she has only worn once. My father’s love for white has also decided the colour. I also wouldn’t like people to complain of not being fed to their heart’s content.

    What is absolutely a must for me though is a perfect circle sing-song with my brodas. Everything else is negotiable

  47. ThatAbiribaBae

    September 9, 2014 at 9:34 pm

    Most recently, people are so engrossed in the “wedding must-haves” that they forget the “marriage must-haves”. And in my opinion, that’s why we hear so many troubling after wedding stories.

    I’ve always said that I would prefer to have a minister come into my house with my fiancé and I in PJs and declare us man and wife, Skype in people that can afford to be ‘skyped in’ (just immediate families); otherwise, message/call them afterwards and pass the news. No need for wedding planning headaches and all them shenanigans.

    Note I said it’s what I’d prefer but unfortunately, I’m a full blooded Nigerian and that desire is probably far from possible, especially at the trad.

    We’ll see sha… All I’ll say though is be very realist in your must-haves, as no one is really interested in whether you go bankrupt or how you decide to pay back your loans if it came to that. More than 90% of your guest, for those that have a mini concert as wedding, are interested in the next place to go and display their latest outfit on a boring Saturday, chops and gossip. The remaining 10% are probably your family. So be wise!

  48. Mimi

    September 10, 2014 at 12:04 am

    I had a small wedding – 100 guests, no bridal train, just chief bridesmaid and one groomsman, no aso-ebi though our parents chose to wear the same fabric, a dj who played all of our favourite jams. Church service lasted for less than an hour, there were no unnecessary speeches during the reception – ,just lots of eating, dancing and fun games and it lasted till 4am! Loved every single bit of it as it was almost exactly what I envisioned. Of course there were a few hitches but in the overall scheme of things they ceased to matter. Our parents were not too pleased initially with the whole thing been so ‘untraditional’ but they had a good time in the end. Long story short stick to your guns and have your wedding however you envision it regardless of what people think is appropriate or essential, at the end of the day it is YOUR (and the groom’s of course) special day.

  49. A Bili

    September 10, 2014 at 8:16 pm

    Mimi, its like you are in my head. Your wedding is the way forward and exactly what i want. but it is very difficult to pull that type of small yet classy wedding in nigeria. meanwhile, how were you able to convince your parents to have just a 100 guest?

  50. Onyi

    September 11, 2014 at 1:31 pm

    Traditional Marriage with complete list is a must. After all it is the real marriage. The court wedding is where I am going to have my dream wedding. Simple dress, Very light make up, simple braids, lovely dress to make sure I am in shape for the next few years, plenty food and drinks… And that remix of naija gbedu from my DJ, family, few friends present, well thought of souvenirs, hate some souvenirs people share, My fine Husband sitting beside me on the table with our parents. No need for those five-minutes-thought-of-wedding-gifts-packaged-in-a-hurry at the market by my Umunna. and then I am done.
    But Wait o… My mother and his mother are in the women’ union in the church, that cannot work. We must enter Church. Variety of food and drinks and moreso small chops must be plentiful. Long reception. I can’t deceive myself, I can’t even impose small wedding, Not when all your family don dey pray for you and you have a lot of siblings and cousins with a lot of friends you know… Did I tell you I am also the village champion, The whole village go come be that… LWKMD…

  51. ify

    September 12, 2014 at 10:01 am

    I also want about a hundred guests at my wedding,no bridesmaids,no aso ebi,still classy and all. Pls visit my blog liflblog.wordpress.com

  52. lady

    September 12, 2014 at 2:23 pm

    We are eloping..
    our folks don’t know,we are giving them free reign with the traditional wedding,or our mothers would die of apoplectic fits.
    i can’t wait to see the look on their faces when we get back and i am almost certain my ma-in law would hate me for a while but she’ll get over it. I cant imagine doing double planning,i cannot come and die.

  53. Chinwe

    September 23, 2014 at 3:24 pm

    I had a basic wedding-no aso ebi (though it was a purple, pink, lilac affair, which to me also meant wear if you have but if you don’t just attend anyway) no pre wedding shots, no cake talk n kneeling down to feed oga, no bouquet, no pixs on our souvenirs. Just moved all that money into food n drinks. it was simple and fun, with good old oldies all the way. have no regrets

  54. yeancah

    September 24, 2014 at 4:07 pm

    i’ve been screaming since i could remember that i want only 50 guests at my wedding minus myself and groom makes the rest 48..
    no kneeling down to feed hubby, strictly by iv as your iv is attached to your table. want to be able to recognise my guests by their first names.. No aso ebi..
    CAC church service 1hr max.. renting of wedding gown but a lovely reception gown i can re-rock.. No live band, just an awesome dj .. a dj can mix whatever a live band wants to sing, thats when they’ll be hailing people to plaster their faces with money….i’ll be baking my cake myself so no need for one caterer to tell me the ingredients and significance to my marriage…afterall what is the correlation between eggs, flour and a sucessful marriage?? No plastic tray gifts, or basket or dishes or glass cup to the couple.. i’ve taken care of that before i decided to get married… No bridal train just chief bridesmaod and best man, Yes to plenty of dance, fun and games . if dem born you well gum money for my forehead…
    Lastly respond to the RSVP if you are/you’re not attending cos i’ll work strictly with the guest list…

  55. addie

    October 8, 2014 at 3:37 pm

    i never understand pre wedding shoots either. But they’re nice to have for the couple’s website.
    People use to use photos the couples took together while they were dating and they would show that at the wedding. But I agree that there are several things that can be removed. I mean, what’s the point of having multiple ceremonies and multiple outfits? I wonder how people can afford to attend multiple weddings in a month in Nigeria. Especially if you had to buy new aso-ebis everytime you go to a wedding.
    coilsandglory.com

  56. ebony

    October 9, 2014 at 2:09 pm

    whew! feels good to know that pre-wedding shot is overrated. photobook sef is overated jare (130K for wetin?). i am compromising on having a bridal train because i vehemently said no to aso-ebi( no energy to go to eko abeg). i am saying yes to D.J, yes to Reception dress(i wont be able to really step to my fav tunes in my wedding dress) and i watched my mum lose her gold wedding bands a number of times so am going for tugsten carbide and plenty to eat and drink. shikena.

  57. jajay

    October 9, 2014 at 3:55 pm

    lmao…well we broke so many traditions.
    no maid of honour, no bridesmaids, lawn wedding, stated at 4pm and reception went into the night!!!no changing, no hightable, we sat with everybody else. no marquee, we just strung paper lanterns across the lawn in our colours.
    people kept asking what colours to wear…:D I asked them to just dress nicely and they did.

    no center pieces( they were expensive for no reason) we just put champagne in icebucket as center pieces on every table…it was half the price of center pieces.
    we didnt rent any car( saved $200 per car) as we just came down to the event from the hotel room, sunday church we went in our own normal car.
    mc was super (check him out kabuteymymc on ig) it was fun, modest and only real people came. everyone keeps drooling over the simplicity.
    Del and I went through the day like it wasnt serious.

  58. be beibae

    October 10, 2014 at 8:15 pm

    I wish I was like Y’all. ..but I am jst sooo weird…….I don’t want a white wedding….I knw all dat talk bou pastoral blessing..court wedding check….nor b my fault…I don’t like d whole pressure….maybe I will change my mind…
    as for trad nd reception family fit takeover dat one but na court oooo …hubby I don tell u …lol..

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