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Geraldine Ogwe: First Comes Marriage, Then Comes Love! Or Is it The Other Way Round?

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Ruth is one of my very few female friends. She is full of wisdom in scriptural matters. She can defend every verse in the Holy Bible. I am sure she knows all the names of the wives of King Solomon. She is also one of those who proffer biblical solution to every problem. 3 John 2 is as effective as Panadol in curing headaches. She is that kind of a person.

You can imagine my surprise when I was chatting with her on BBM.

Ruth: I need your advice.

Me: Okay.

Ruth: Can a lady marry someone she doesn’t love but hopes to love later?

Me: I don’t advise that but if we can move from hypothesis to the real identity of the lady, I can give a better and more practical piece of advice.

Ruth: A guy says he loves me and wants to marry me but I don’t love him. There is nothing about him that attracts me.

Me: Haba, even 1Corinthians 13 cannot make you love him? Not even Love Thy Neighbor as Thyself?

Ruth: I am thirty-two. I am tired of waiting for Mr Right that has refused to show up. This guy I am talking about is a good Christian but that’s all I like about him. Anyway, I know that God’s ways are not man’s ways. Sometimes, God gives us who we need and not who we want.

Me: Next time, tell this guy to move from your left to your right and you will find out that he can actually be Mr Right.

We talked and analyzed the reasons why she did not love the guy and the possible remedies. The guy was very light-skinned. If she wanted a light-skinned man, she would prefer a Caucasian. I suggested Shea butter cream and 3 hours sun tanning daily. The intensity of the sun had to be as high as that of Dubai in June or that of Maiduguri. The guy was about 5 feet 4 inches tall. I suggested she met Denrele. If he couldn’t spare his high heel shoes, he could at least part with his shoe maker’s phone number. The guy had a deep baritone. Just what the devil needs! You can’t cast out demons with babble. She didn’t love his hometown. You may visit there during Christmas only. It’s not as if you will be resident there. Can a New Yorker say s/he wouldn’t marry someone from Alaska?

My discussion with Ruth encompassed a comment on my earlier post on My Encounters with Love. The comment was from Iyke. He felt that love was overrated and instead of waiting to fall in love with the person of your dream, one could actually marry a responsible person whom one had no feelings for but who would be a good co-parent to one’s kids.

My elder sister wanted to marry before her younger ones. The love of her life was not thinking in that direction, so she decided to marry Mr I-am-ready-to-marry-you-now. To me, the man loves her. How many men go to the market to buy foodstuff and cook same for their wives? My In-law does. The guy washes her under garments too. He would personally sort her dirty clothes for washing. It was not the case of her shirts mistakenly flying into his laundry basket. Unfortunately, the guy does not even get an endearing name from my sister. She calls him his name. R-U-F-U-S. Not even Ruffy! That would sound like the name of a dog but you get my drift. Every pardonable “sin” from him is annoying to her. The guy has his faults too but she has not been able to manage him properly. If you are married to someone you don’t love, why make it so obvious? The good thing is that Dede Rufus knew there was no love from his wife initially but they both hoped that Cupid would shoot his tiny arrow soon.

Peace, my colleague, is married to the love of her life. She always tells the story of their love with relish. Unfortunately, marital peace has eluded her. She married a man who loves her but loves others too. Her husband provides everything for her and as such expects her to overlook just one fault of his- Infidelity. On the other hand, she wants nothing but for the love of her life to be faithful to her. She doesn’t want Ferrari. She doesn’t want Designers. She wants his 100% faithfulness. The only time she doesn’t whine is the morning after her husband makes hot passionate love to her.

Aham is a comfortable guy I know who is in love with a married woman whom he met when she was single. The lady didn’t want to marry him then because he was not ready. Now he is ready, and he is persuading the lady to divorce her husband so that they can marry each other. The lady has moved on from such theatrics but Aham has refused to move on. He still believes in “What will be will be”. I hope what will be is not a bullet to his chest.

Diepiriye is my brother in the Lord. He married a wife he had no feelings for. She too had no feelings for him. They were introduced to each other as a responsible Christian by a mutual friend. They have been married for fifteen years. They live in peace and they hardly discuss each other with friends. Two weeks ago, he told me that he met the woman whom he would have married and immediately she touched his shoulder, virtue went out of him. There was a kick downstairs. I asked him why he didn’t marry the lady then, he said her parents didn’t accept his tribe for their daughter. I asked why he didn’t fight for the girl, he told me that when a man was ready for marriage, he was ready and if the desirable was not available, the available became desirable.

My dear Nancy had to wait for three years to get her father’s blessing to marry a man she loved. She insisted it had to be Iniabasi for her to be truly happy in marriage. The father finally succumbed. They got married on their eleventh anniversary of dating each other. I told her that she deserved a long service award.

I think that marriage should be based on love and physical attractions first before other factors are considered.  I won’t marry a person I don’t love at present. I don’t have the prophetic anointing to know what will happen in the future. His touch will absolutely irritate me! I can’t afford to kiss a man I have no chemistry with. I wonder how actresses do that. I must love you and be physically attracted to you before considering marriage with you. When you are away, I should miss what you do to me more than what you do for me.

Is it worth it to be married to a person you didn’t love but hope to love later? Is it fair on that person? Are you comfortable knowing that your partner is a good parent but not a good spouse? If your partner is a good parent and a good spouse but you just don’t love the person, what are you waiting for? Would family pressure, peer pressure and personal pressure push you to marry the available but not the desirable? Is marriage such an achievement that you need to compromise your personal happiness just to be married? If the person you wish to be married to is not ready, would you wait or would you marry who is ready? If you would wait,how long?

Photo Credit: Dreamstime | Michael Zhang

127 Comments

  1. miss know

    September 10, 2014 at 2:41 pm

    you just made good points. what are you willing to sacrifice for love.
    thumbs up girl

  2. No man is God!

    September 10, 2014 at 2:49 pm

    Geraldine, you got me laughing all the way 😀 Thanks dear! This came just when I was feeling errr…. I am not sure of the adjective now. Great article!

    • Geraldine Ogwe

      September 10, 2014 at 3:33 pm

      You are welcome, dear.

    • great

      September 11, 2014 at 11:41 am

      what a beautiful article! you are indeed blessed with so much wisdom and depth. This article is so well written and sincere.I can relate to this in so many ways. With friends , family and even myself. In my case my husband changed after our child’s birth. All he thinks about is only himself. buying every latest car and not new clothes for his child. I don’t know if true love exists ! Particularly in this generation ….

    • blue

      September 12, 2014 at 12:47 am

      Geraldine can you please make a post on marrying someone of a different religion in Nigeria? I really enjoyed this one. So much wisdom even though I was laughing half the time

  3. Omolola

    September 10, 2014 at 2:50 pm

    Geraldine.u write so beautifully! Well [email protected]

  4. Valerie

    September 10, 2014 at 3:00 pm

    I’m engaged and we both love each other. I personally would not marry someone who i don’t love. When i was much naive, I almost made the mistake of settling with someone I really didn’t love talk less respect..

  5. Open Sesame

    September 10, 2014 at 3:03 pm

    Geraldine, are these people you mention real? Esp your sister? I loved to read their stories but cringed a bit cos I wondered what they’ll think of everyone reading about them…or maybe it doesn’t matter 🙂

    Anyhuu, I agree with you. I prefer love before marriage even though I’ve heard bible teachings saying ‘Wives love your husbands’ in other words ‘love the one you marry’ not necessarily ‘marry the one you love’. I dunno if I could…I’m a hopeful romantic…I want fireworks, passion, chemistry….I mean the whole friggin’ periodic table to go!

    God please 🙂 x

    • Geraldine Ogwe

      September 10, 2014 at 3:35 pm

      They are real people. Very real. I even saw Aham today. Guy is still dreaming.

    • Open Sesame

      September 10, 2014 at 3:44 pm

      Hehehe….thanks for the reply.

    • sweetie

      September 11, 2014 at 12:15 am

      Aham must be the greatest joker of all them all. Is he for real ???? when babe was ready , you were still doing presdident of baby boy inc , now that she has moved on , all of a sudden you are ready … I rebuke this sort of people in my life biko.

    • sisi jules

      September 11, 2014 at 11:40 am

      Looooooooooooooool

    • adelegirl

      September 11, 2014 at 12:15 pm

      Buahahhaahahaha at “Guy is still dreaming” I actually burst out laughing.

      Gosh! I really really enjoyed reading this piece. It was full of humour and truth too. For me, the man whom I thought was the love of my life wasn’t ready. I finally got tired of waiting after 11 odd years and I am marrying a wonderful man in a couple months. Now, I may not be head over heels insanely in love with him as I was with the ex but I am at peace and happy. He ‘ll make a good husband and father. When you get to a certain age, you re-arrange your priorities and let God’s will take its course in your life. Dazzall.

    • Vivian

      September 10, 2014 at 7:42 pm

      Love your husbands in the bible in other words mean LOVE as a verb, a doing word! Not a ‘feeling’ as we most times think. Same applies to love your neighbor, doesn’t mean go and have feelings for whoever lives beside you, it means ‘Show love’, translating to the fact that love is not just a feeling, it is a VERB.

  6. qu33n

    September 10, 2014 at 3:05 pm

    hmmmmm i must be in love b4 i get married biko, i cant stand d touch or kiss 4rm sum1 i feel nothing for. i just pray i dont wait too long for Mr Right.

  7. @edDREAMZ

    September 10, 2014 at 3:10 pm

    a.k.a EDWIN CHINEDU AZUBUKO said…
    .
    This gat me laughing “””Next time, tell this guy to move from your left to your right and you will find out that he can actually be Mr Right.””” but this write up is one billion dollars…..
    .
    .
    ***CURRENTLY IN JUPITER***

    • Geraldine Ogwe

      September 10, 2014 at 3:37 pm

      Thanks dear. I guess you owe me a billion dollars. Lol.

  8. pretti

    September 10, 2014 at 3:22 pm

    you are indirectly talking to me, but thank God the mistake never happen. nice article

  9. frozen

    September 10, 2014 at 3:22 pm

    I loved and was willing to wait for the bobo to be ready, i waited for 6 years and when he told me he was ready this year, i was ecstatic, fast forward June, bobo started singing ” I’m going solo”. He told me hebaint ready anymore and he wont be ready till the next 5 years when he will be 34. I’m presently 26, i did d math and decided to leave him though it broke my heart. I think i would settle for marriage first, then love later.

    • MC

      September 10, 2014 at 4:39 pm

      May I ask why?
      why is marriage so important to you that you will settle for marriage and not love?
      does that mean your life will not be fulfilled if not married (regardless who to)?

      I ask because, I’m the complete opposite. I’d rather love over marriage any day. Spending the rest of my life with somebody I know i don’t love and may not possibly love is frightening to me.

    • sweetie

      September 11, 2014 at 12:16 am

      well said!

    • Chu

      September 11, 2014 at 1:46 pm

      If a man claims he is not ready, he just doesn’t want you, plain and simple. A man that wants you will move heaven and earth for you. Even though he is not ready at present you will see the moves he makes to be ready, but asking for 5 more years? c’mon… Hun your decision to move on was the best,. Its painful at first but the pain shall pass. Its not about being desperate to marry, but rather not wasting your time on a failed project, time is something we never get back.

    • Ivy

      September 11, 2014 at 11:00 am

      It is clear that he doesn’t want you dear. Any man that needs a lady and cannnot do without her will “ready” himself & he even allowed you walk away. That man is seeing someone else and she decided to give him a chance that is why he is now unready….. Pls move on darling, when a door closes a floor-to- ceiling window opens.

    • KDK

      September 11, 2014 at 3:10 pm

      My dear, I can relate o. I was in a relationship with a guy who simply had my mumu button for three years. I was more the lover and he the lovee. One day he would say he won’t advice me to wait for him cos he was going for his PhD, the next he would say I was all he ever thought of. Took me for granted like another man’s business. I simply lost interest in the whole thing after 3 years and realising my self-worth. I am happy now and that’s what matters!

  10. Olaide

    September 10, 2014 at 3:22 pm

    I have found myself in a relationship where the guy is best a lady can have but I find myself irritated by any slight thing he does which leads to unwanted quarrel “EVERY PARDONABLE SIN” at the same time with someone whom I love so much but the feeling is not reciprocated(let me say not as much I will want) and if asked to choose I will prefer the latter.

    Relationship really has to with LOVE and ATTRACTION. Though I am not married but I would not want to go with the opinion of “hoping to love later”.

    • Tosin

      September 11, 2014 at 10:35 am

      decide to like him or break up with him. i feel bad for him.

    • JEWELS

      September 20, 2014 at 11:11 am

      Jesus Christ! You just described my last relationship. I mean the guy was so good to fault but I just felt irritated by small unnecessary things! JOWA I couldn’t stand his ass at all. I simply can’t explain that feeling honestly. Can someone at least shed a light to this? Anyone?

  11. sum1special

    September 10, 2014 at 3:24 pm

    Marrying someone you dont love is like seeing fire and entering into it. Bad mistake.

    • Bella

      September 11, 2014 at 9:30 am

      But on the other hand my dear, is it not better to marry someone who loves you more than you love then, like in the care of Rufus? I pity the guy but haba, see Peace (married to the love of her life who is also in love with other woman). I guess there is now of ever getting this marriage issue 100 percent right. In the end I would like to marry the man I love and one that equally loves me or EVEN more, but less haba! Dis marriage business e no easy. On the whole a very good write up Geraldine, I actually enjoyed the read, so realistic, with a sense of humor too, I see a few people in these situations around me!

  12. Bunmi

    September 10, 2014 at 3:26 pm

    Hmmmn, its just better to marry one you love and not just one u hope to love, Cos marriage itself is a long journey which could become boring with the one you, love how much more one you don’t love.

  13. papermoon

    September 10, 2014 at 3:31 pm

    insightful and fun to read. i thought i was de only fool who believe in love

  14. jenny

    September 10, 2014 at 3:32 pm

    love first ooo although desperation can make u want to marry sm1 u dnt like talkmore of love bt its just the wrong to go abt

  15. Iyke

    September 10, 2014 at 3:36 pm

    You ladies are so excited like catholic school girls at a male stripper convention when it comes to Marriage topics! Get a grip ladies lol.
    ok…., remember ‘ Your Priorities’ when you are evaluating this article.

    • JOY

      September 10, 2014 at 4:10 pm

      iyke pls can u take several seats

    • Iyke

      September 11, 2014 at 11:18 am

      Exactly my point!
      I always take several seats, listen and think.
      Again, fantastic, if you meet somebody that you both feel the butterflies. However, since we can’t be sure that what we feel will last forever as we are all bound to change tomorrow, what happens to prioritizing your expectations and go for the key traits that you believe will keep you in a relationship instead of wasting your time thinking that he /she is the one?
      Honestly, It is amazing the amount of time you can spend with another….talking…laughing…exploring life situations… Baring truths…life spun on a dime…creating familiarity and knots of trust with time… Planting seeds of hope…desire that ignites a fire… Daring to dream against promise…hoping for gold…something special that shines…through the value of chasing time… Spending time…generously giving…bending and mending…challenging hearts that swell with living…eventually considering that life might be conspiring…two lives as one…in kind…how fine. But only to imagine too late for transparency…what seemed was not…what you thought you’d captured…got… All you had invested…intended and assumed developed…was simply the illusion of borrowed speculation…engaged and indulged but never owned or earnestly accepted… You fell in love with the idea of love…supported by another but never valued…fully condoned or committed too as their own… You were left on your own with a story and a cause you thought was shared…till you found out you were without regarded sincerity…abandoned and alone…with little care. What was…was nice…until it needed to be more than nice…then it was a misunderstanding…a challenged expression…a like you that didn’t mean I love you…misconstrued affection…a trip to nowhere…so it seemed…an aching awakening…a dream distorted…in real time…real life…for a heart that feels and bleeds…mistrusted… The aftermath of confusion…lingered dissolution…a forced conclusion…
      What is clear to me without compromise and shouldered regret…no matter the choice that you make or life delivers unchecked…YOU DON’T REALLY KNOW SOMEONE IN THIS WORLD OF FATE AND FACT…until you truly do and you can only know that when you focus on the key traits to sustains a relationship.
      I tell you again ladies, LOVE IS NOT JUST ENOUGH!
      And before I leave, I ask you, If the right person that you seek walked right up to you, possessing all the qualities that you desire in him or her, in all fairness and reality – keeping it 100% real – would YOU have all the qualities they seek in a partner?
      (Think)

  16. Love

    September 10, 2014 at 3:42 pm

    This is what I am afraid of, in the near future, settling for somebody else because my partner won’t be ready. I feel I am currently with the love of my life…but were the same age. He is 23, and i don’t see him getting married in 2 years time! His older brothers are approaching 30 and don’t seem to be looking for love…I can’t wait around till i’m approaching 30 for him…Am I wasting my time with him? I battle with this question daily.

    • F

      September 10, 2014 at 4:48 pm

      if you love someone and he too loves you, you have a good thing. Make sure you know his thoughts about marriage in general and how they apply to two of you. 23 is still young, so don’t sweat it, unless you are determined to be married by a certain age. His brothers may not be married but if your boo loves you and is determined to settle down, his brothers’ marital status won’t change his mind. Don’t agonize about it. What will be will be by the Grace of God.

    • In a happy place now

      September 10, 2014 at 6:58 pm

      kate middleton waited for her prince so u might get lucky girl. i believe if u love each other, u stick it out 2gether. ur love shud see u through. i once dated someone my age when i was younger n had similar skeptimism, i had to break off tho cos we wanted different things eg sex for him n not for me. i had to free him cos he cudnt wait n was really pressuring me, but not becos i didnt believe he wud make it.

    • sweetie

      September 11, 2014 at 12:18 am

      of course she waited for her prince , he’s the freaking prince of England ! doubt she would have done that bros that lives down the street

    • memebaby

      September 13, 2014 at 1:11 am

      wow..did I post this earlier ? I’m in the same boat, paddling with you girl.. had to take a break because I will be turning 23 in a few weeks, boo is 23 as well..but I’m I wasting my time with boo ?.. I feel he needs to do what he’s mate are all doing and not be tied down to me. I am scared that I’l be with him 4-6 more years and will become his “woman-friend” because girlfriend status for don expire lol.. we’ve been together since we were 17 years old,.

  17. akinwumi

    September 10, 2014 at 3:43 pm

    In my own world, love is very complicated and simple. I believe Love should be 50/50 between two people not lagging to one side. I pray to God to give me the grace to find true love soon coz I’m tired of all this 70/30 30/70 love code I’m having in my life. I need my beyonce and I’m ready to be your Jay z……….

    • loi

      September 10, 2014 at 10:37 pm

      true love is 100/0! 100/100

    • Owelle

      September 11, 2014 at 10:47 am

      Love can never be 50/50

    • Ivy

      September 11, 2014 at 11:11 am

      Ahem! Why beyonce & jayz? I sha agree with you, love is certainly complicated and simple. But once there is truth in ur relationship, then its not complicated anymore.

    • PurpleicousBabe

      November 4, 2014 at 11:51 pm

      @Akinwunmi, Love is a doing word not a feeling.
      A feeling is the attraction that you have for someone. Can attraction grow yes, time spent with someone can move pass physical to intellect and spiritual. Can attraction be a basis for two individuals to stay committed and opt to love each other. YES. Can you find other people physically attractive whilst in a relationship YES!, Are you exempted from finding faults in your partner cos you chose to love NO!.
      We live in a dynamic world that is influenced by various factors. Key thing is: knowing YOU, what you can handle and the consequences of your ACTIONS. Some people are willing to stay married and unloved? That is your prerogative as long as you are READY and REAL. Some people are willing to be loved and share their lover too. As long as you are REAL and not complaining.
      Some people are happy and content single.
      Some people are simply unsure and follow the bandwagon.
      Some people are philosophers, some people are spiritual, some people are factual, some people are deluded and some people are simply LOST. AS LONG AS YOU KNOW YOU.

      I absolutely loved the article. I thought it was witty so witty that I laughed all through.
      People want to be loved! but do not or have not or tried to LOVE themselves first.
      IF YOU CAN DO THAT, You will get your priorities straight.

      XXX

  18. Fisa

    September 10, 2014 at 3:44 pm

    A lot of Girls are guilty of this. They date a guy they’re not in love with all becos she’s 32 or 31…..they feel age is no longer on dr side so they go out for any available guy. I still dont understand how you can kiss a guy who you dont feel for. The saddest part of it is that they are still looking out in case they meet someonelse and the can easily replace.

  19. What am feeling

    September 10, 2014 at 3:45 pm

    Hmmmm, dis love matter no be small thing o!

    I believe the man should love the woman, and the woman should be love, be respectful and be submissive to the man as the bible instructs!

    If the man loves me but am not attracted to him in anyway, its a no no! but where we are friends, and he loves me and i like and respect and can be submissive to him but not love him, i think i will go ahead, I will pray and hope fervently that the love grows cos love fizzles away after sometime and its the friendships and companionship that will make the marriage last.

  20. lollly

    September 10, 2014 at 3:51 pm

    nice article, very funny too. I have to love or like very much before i marry o. physical and emotional attraction very key. spirituality and other characteristics too are very important but i would definitely not settle for the ‘best’ man who I’m not attracted too …..

  21. Glowing

    September 10, 2014 at 3:54 pm

    Love your Sense of Humor Geraldine : ) Thanks, insightful Post! You See…Sweetheart, Marriage is first for Companionship between Husband and Wife and not majorly for Breeding. The fact that it could work does not make it the best way out if couples seem to be compatible enough. A&B coming together in Marriage should be a function of Love, Communication, Purposeful living and Knowing there’s no way out after they are now Man and Wife, because even if there is departure, they will either bear a Divorcee,Widower or Widowed Status.
    I could assume here that love in this context is the fuzzy feeling that one gets being in love as well as the Attraction to ‘the one’. Really, I will love to be Attracted to my Spouse.
    In cases of compatibility, either by an Arranged Meeting, or liking and not being totally liked. It should be taken in Good Stride. It could be worked on based on frequent openness and persistent, enduring acts of selfless love, as long as the both parties are committed to it. Then it will work. If there is a Neck-in-Leg-Out party, that’s when there will be issues. This then is Plain Dishonesty! Because the decision to Marry-or-not-to was before your very eyes, yet took the plunge. It is only fair that the ailing party reciprocates. It comes in lots of forms the guilty party knows. Not necessarily Infidelity, which is a major way but Emotional Detachment, Investing in other non-physical emotional relationships in ‘that wise’ … ( habitual chatting with the sideline, little or no interest in conversations, Mechanical display of Affection…and a host of many others ).
    The relationship might take some time to function with regards to fuzzy-loving love, but very achievable. It has worked for some. It could still work.
    Really…Is it worth it…? I Believe there is not an outright Yes or No answer to the many questions. However, I think it is best answered by whoever is filling the shoes. Soul searching is really required as it is a matter of the Character and Values of the Personalities involved. I hope to find Love first. 🙂 No Desperation!

  22. Le moi

    September 10, 2014 at 3:56 pm

    Eph 5:22-25 thats what ma mum keeps telling me whenever i tell her i don’t love my ex-suitor(just saw me for the 1st time and he keeps singing to ma ears… “AM SERIOUSLY IN LOVE WITH YOU”).
    I told to go check himself very well o! But the guy no gree me… But seriously Dear Guys how do you do it? I mean you know the babe doesn’t love you(might as well even tell you sef to save the stress) but you still go ahead to push on with “marriage”?! Hmmm… Seriously o! Dis kind tin haff tire me sef

  23. graciemama.com

    September 10, 2014 at 4:01 pm

    “I think that marriage should be based on love and physical attractions first before other factors are considered. I won’t marry a person I don’t love at present. I don’t have the prophetic anointing to know what will happen in the future. His touch will absolutely irritate me! I can’t afford to kiss a man I have no chemistry with”

    You just spoke my mind Geraldine….I look forward to your write ups everytime….Kudos

  24. olahyra

    September 10, 2014 at 4:04 pm

    Hmmmm….food for thot… bur think dere might still be cases of getting attracted to d person but not sure if u inlove

  25. Anonymous

    September 10, 2014 at 4:15 pm

    It is NOT that complicated…..love is A CHOICE! It’s not the warm fuzzy feeling we get in our bellies (that is a plus!). We choose to love….I think we have been deceived by what Holly- and Nolly- wood have taught us about love. And so many ladies are going after standards of “love” that will forever elude them. Attraction, YES, love YES…but remember love is a Choice. It doesn’t “just” happen. You work at it, cultivate it, maintain it, nurture it, etc. That is real love, not lust and mere physical attraction that is called “love” these days. Godly ladies, find Godly men that have chosen to love and respect you, and you have chosen to love and respect in return, and let God guide you in the journey of life that is called marriage.

    • In a happy place now

      September 10, 2014 at 7:13 pm

      thank you for this. i sometimes get the feeling love is wrongly defined these days n mistaken to be only physical chemistry. however as u pointed out love is a choice n lots of hard work. i’ll keep that in mind.

    • jaguarnana

      September 10, 2014 at 7:23 pm

      “yawn”…

    • Vivian

      September 10, 2014 at 7:49 pm

      It’s a choice yes, but you make that choice based off of certain things, and physical attraction is definitely one of the determinants.

  26. Miss Pee

    September 10, 2014 at 4:18 pm

    Hmm, I’ll rather wait for the man I love than marry someone I have no physical connection to. My elder sis made a mistake and married someone she ‘supposedly’ love, yes I said supposedly love because if a man loves you he’ll provide and fend for you and not the other way, and then the man is not making any effort(s) in trying to help in the matter. I can wait for a long time depending on what is stalling the relationship to marriage, if it’s education (Obodo Oyibo or Naija), I’ll want to give him time to concentrate since it’s for our own good, if he doesn’t have a good paying job and he suggests we should wait for 2 0r 3 years for things to fall into place, I’ll wait, if it’s parental wahala, hmmmmmmmmmm, for this one it depends oooh, if the pressure is much and we can’t bear it, my broda o dabo.

  27. makeupbyebi

    September 10, 2014 at 4:20 pm

    Oh Geraldine i love the way you write! i laughed tru most it.
    Its pretty hard to advice on love matters because “I love you” is not what marriage is all about
    this is not to say one should not love before marriage. I married a man am in love with but we dey quarrel well (not life threatening, emotion wrecking things oh) for the marriage (at those moments I love you is not the issue).
    In my single years I resisted and fought off the pressures of “when will you get married?” but i took proactive steps i choose to be Miss Right for me! and a few years down the line i meet my husband and honestly i was not searching or looking our for a man. I was just enjoying my singleness, i was single and whole, you know had myself together. In short a friend of mine hooked us up, she had to bribe me with a pair of shoe for me to follow her on a double date! i even threatened her that if the guy nor try i break her head 🙂 To cut a long story short, i dated my hubby for 2years and a half before we tied the knot ( we spent a year planning the wedding for financial reasons) . To this moment we still working our lives out with the highs and the lows and sparks inclusive….. 🙂

  28. menoword

    September 10, 2014 at 4:43 pm

    I loved this Geraldine!!! Very witty but true. I have realised I need a friendship at least…love for me grows slowly, but it does grow once I have set my mind to love someone. I came to this realisation after falling dramatically in love with people and have the relationships crash equally dramatically. I don”t need love at first sight, friendship, shared interests, moments and perspectives, attraction to each other and a good heart will lead me to a long lasting, very satisfying relationship

    • chi chi

      September 10, 2014 at 7:18 pm

      Very true. Friendship, physical attraction, and respect tied together with a good heart and character will get/keep me going. The butterflies love is an additional blessing/plus that i will appreciate, but can do without if i have to.
      On another hand, it has been said and proven in many cases that love and attraction fades and cools out with time between couples, so it’s best to have them , PLUS OTHER POSITIVE QUALITIES in the beginning, so that when those cooler stages come, you’d have had your “magical moments”, and you’ll be content to settle with the other things. Not having love and physical attraction AT ALL at the beginning when it is supposed to be ‘sweeter’ is somehow.
      8 times out of 10, the love & attraction doesn’t come later.
      Finally, as our in-house ‘Mr. Sabi’ Iyke said above, individual priorities must be considered.

      jewelzmag.com

  29. Eny

    September 10, 2014 at 4:51 pm

    A very long post. However, its one I read through cos it spoke the thoughts daily resonating through my mind. For me, marriage is all about choice, consistency, responsibility, friendship, mutual respect, spiritual compatibility and ability to support each others vision, values, morals and beliefs. So where all this is missing, do I settle for the available?

  30. Geraldine Ogwe

    September 10, 2014 at 4:57 pm

    Thanks all for your comments.

  31. vivian

    September 10, 2014 at 5:10 pm

    Love come first oo

  32. Ecnieca

    September 10, 2014 at 5:22 pm

    Love is very IMPORTANT cos it makes you overlook lots of things in marriage .Luv and the fear of GOD makes your marriage blossom and you guys will be role models to other couples.

  33. Oma Ngozika

    September 10, 2014 at 5:26 pm

    It’s love then marriage for me ohhh,spoke to an aunty who asked me about my future husband and when I explained things to her,this woman had the audacity to tell me that I should just look for one of my suitors and marry,that the love will come later, I was dumbstruck!!!

  34. Metche

    September 10, 2014 at 5:36 pm

    Geraldine, thanks a lot for this wonderful piece. I don’t think any one would love to marry someone you don’t have any atom of love for but because of societal pressure, parental pressure and also peer pressure. In this our present generation marriage is the ultimate. If you are not married, you will not belong, and every lady wants to belong.

    I used to attend “Single and Married” programme by Pastor Chris Ojigbani. All his teachings is based on Marry and then learn how to love your husband just like the Bible days. As for me I can’t stand the touch of somebody I dont love.

  35. yvee

    September 10, 2014 at 6:01 pm

    Geraldine you write effortlessly. Bia when you write a book, let us know. Nice write up.

  36. Anonymous lady

    September 10, 2014 at 6:10 pm

    Should I be waiting for the fire works? What is love actually? 4 me, love is a thing of the mind. If I have a good friend whom I respect and care about, I can marry him.

  37. Meggi

    September 10, 2014 at 6:11 pm

    I think luv should come first before marriage. Marriage I̶̲̥̅̊s̶̲̥̅̊ a form of partnership, you can’t partner with someone you don’t luv. I want †̥ marry someone I luv, someone I WȊ̝̊̅ℓℓ wake up †̥ see and Ḅ̷̥̊ε̲̣̣̣̥ fulfilled. Life I̶̲̥̅̊s̶̲̥̅̊ not all about doing what everyone I̶̲̥̅̊s̶̲̥̅̊ doing. Seeing your younger ones getting married and you J̶̲̥̅̊u̶̲̥̅̊ƨ̣̣̣̇̇̇̇τ there doing t̶̲̥̅̊ђe̶̲̥̅̊ bridesmaids thing. I̶̲̥̅̊s̶̲̥̅̊ kind of frustrating that one might Ḅ̷̥̊ε̲̣̣̣̥ thinking of settling down with t̶̲̥̅̊ђe̶̲̥̅̊ available, its a no no Fø̲̣̣я̅ M̶̲̥̅Ƹ. I pray †̥ find t̶̲̥̅̊ђe̶̲̥̅̊ one that WȊ̝̊̅ℓℓ make ♍Ɣ heart beats faster very soon because I can’t wait †̥ wake up †̥ see him by ♍Ɣ side everyday. Kudos. Geraldine Ogwe nice one.

    • Oh Tee

      September 10, 2014 at 6:34 pm

      @meggi what’s up with the IRO,BUBA and GELE your letters are wearing. -_-

    • bimx

      September 11, 2014 at 8:58 pm

      LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

  38. Oh Tee

    September 10, 2014 at 6:28 pm

    This is the reason why I don’t lead guys on. Once I’m not attracted to you there’s nothing in this world you can do that will change that feeling, instead I get irritated by the gestures and the sweet name calling ugh!!… So marrying and hoping that i’ll love him as time goes on ain’t for me. Lets love ourselves silly before and till death do us part 😀
    @Akinwunmi lol which babe doesn’t want her Jay-z….Are you ready to put up with anything and everything in the name of love

  39. teekay

    September 10, 2014 at 6:43 pm

    I believe in friendship then love follows, I ve never been in love before I just use to like people, but I believe in having a strong friendship then love grows from there

  40. In a happy place now

    September 10, 2014 at 7:03 pm

    i believe in love before marriage, however sometimes i wonder what if u meet the one u love n he has major faults such as infidelity, wouldnt it make more sense to settle for the good man who loves u more? well i dont know but am still waiting for the right man whom i would have feelings for n be happy with not someone i would have to force myself to like much less love. i pray i dont end up settling for available in place of desirable. i trust my God.

    P.S i hope these r not the real names of ur friends cos wouldnt that amount to breach of privacy sharing their stories and names this way.

  41. Funtizzy

    September 10, 2014 at 7:14 pm

    Love comes before marriage.you need to love the person back, like he loves you .

  42. Connie

    September 10, 2014 at 7:45 pm

    Brethren, love before marriage is overrated. Before I got married my husband and another guy were talking to me. I was more in love with the other guy than I was with my husband. The only problem was, me and the other guy argued and quarreled a lot and if we had married the arguments would have sucked the love out of me. But my husband has this sense of peace and maturity about him so after will got married I noticed all these qualities and more about him, that my love for him began to grow exponentially. Although, `love’ might be important but if you have peace with your spouse your love will have no other choice than to grow.

    • Chy

      September 11, 2014 at 5:18 am

      Hey Connie, you did love your husband before you married him if you found qualities in him that you liked. Those are the qualities you like in a person and appreciated in him. If he didn’t appreciate and liked those qualities, you wouldn’t have liked him enough to marry him.

      I think people are misunderstanding the sentence “marry the one you love”… I think is more like marry the one you find something about them that you like and appreciate. We are more happier and feel love when we are appreciated. So Connie you did love your hubby before you married him. Your love of who he is, is the reason why choose him and not the other guy(even though you found that one attractive(I think is more of phisical attraction only)).

      We should all focus on what we like and appreciate in others; I think that should help us all in picking our mates/partner in crime. If you marry someone, that you know nothing about him or her that you like and appreciate, you may have just did both of you injustice because love may not just grow out of nothing. I like to think that love grows out of like and appreciation of something your spirit finds beautiful and of quality. So I say marry someone you find qualities you like and appreciate in them. These qualities are qualities you deemed necessary to give you peace and happiness for the rest of your life.

  43. abi

    September 10, 2014 at 7:59 pm

    Hmnn,love love love,am in love rite now and am 32 but my boyfriend isn’t saying nothing yet and am not pushing but dere is dis guy 2yrs younger Dan me but desperately and madly in love wit me but dere is nothing he does dat I ever like nd he knows, he even told me he wants to propose to me but he is asking me first bcos he knows I wld reject his offer which would be more painful.

    • divadivine

      September 10, 2014 at 9:02 pm

      i’m in a similar position. what does it profit a woman to chase after love that is not chasing after her?

    • chu girl

      September 11, 2014 at 8:41 am

      thank you ohh….. profits her nothing but heartaches……..

  44. hmm

    September 10, 2014 at 8:54 pm

    I think different things work for different people really. I dated my husband for 6 years swore I d rather remain single than marry someone else cos I loved him so much. It’s hard to even imagine someone you don’t love touch you. But many of our parents did not date or court like we do now and their marriages lasted longer. Now some marriages end in months some even weeks, after the couple were supposedly in love and could not live without each other. I am very happy in my marriage cos I married my best friend. So marriage before love could work for some and not work for others.

  45. divadivine

    September 10, 2014 at 9:00 pm

    this is so me right now. I think that love before marriage is ideal but my own dating experiences have been FAR from ideal, leading me to believe this is the only way…

    my only fear is what if I meet Mr Right after taking the plunge? 🙁

    • chu girl

      September 11, 2014 at 8:44 am

      I know…….cos I feel d same way. I ask myself what if I meet my Mr. Right after settling for someone I don’t really love. but then I say to myself, uche u cant have it all jare..lol.

    • MC

      September 11, 2014 at 11:35 am

      Why do you feel that you must settle?

  46. ceece

    September 10, 2014 at 9:10 pm

    i remember when I was in high school, in a social studies class, we discussed marriage and why people decided to be in (hopefully) a life long partnership with another person. These are what i can remember off the top of my head. So the reasons are by no means limited to the ff;
    1. Love
    2. Procreation
    3. Companionship
    4. Financial stability
    5. Social status
    Therefore whatever reason(s) you choose to marry just know what it means, what it entails and manage your expectations accordingly.

  47. NaijaPikin

    September 10, 2014 at 9:15 pm

    That’s why sometimes I fear all these bible quoting “Christians”. They are quick to quote, but do they really believe and apply these scriptures to their lives? that’s a different matter.

    Anyway to the main gist. Cinderella can be very deceiving. giving people the idea that your stomach has to bubble for you to know you are in love.

    I don’t think love is a requirement when going in . Like i always say “spend enough time with the devil and you might just become friends”.

    However i do think friendship, respect and some attraction (not the finest in the world, but you can’t be ready to puke when you see your spouse) . This will allow a healthy opportunity for love to grow if it already doesn’t exist.

  48. x-factor

    September 10, 2014 at 9:17 pm

    Whoa!
    Thank you for this Geraldine……..Hmmmm (Sigh)

  49. Mz Socially Awkward...

    September 10, 2014 at 9:30 pm

    Geraldine, I love your articles. Just wanted to say that (no be small “virtue went out of him, he felt a kick downstairs”… Odiegwu) and I’ve been meaning to since you wrote that other one last week about finding love. Actually typed out a full comment on that one, when Wifi suddenly abandoned my phone, flinging the comment into a black hole and me into frustration as I couldn’t even imagine typing the whole thing again.

    As for THIS topic (THIS VERY topic)…. In Patience Ozokwor’s voice, “hmmmm, nne, let us just continue to working on making heaven ohhh, because if dis Mr. Right & Mr. Let-me-manage-him-with-both-eyes-closed-whilst-I-fantasise-about-the-one-I-really-want-to-be-with matter is capable of robbing us of our salvation, ohhhh. Hmmmmm…”

    You get my drift. The thing na serious issue…. And a lot of Nigerians don’t even like to entertain honest discussions on this like you’ve done above. You just get dismissed as not being “serious about or ready for” marriage. Haven’t read the comments yet, though, so I may be wrong…

    • Mz Socially Awkward...

      September 10, 2014 at 9:37 pm

      *because dis Mr. Right &”. Ignore the “if”.

    • TA

      September 10, 2014 at 11:05 pm

      @Mz SA,Where you been girl? Missed you muchos. 🙂

  50. stephanie

    September 10, 2014 at 10:18 pm

    I almost made d mistake of accepting a proposal when I didn’t love d guy,I need all d feelings that comes bfor marriage abeg,I’m a hopeless romantic.I love Love!

  51. Koffie

    September 10, 2014 at 11:07 pm

    BN threw my comment away oo. What did I do o? You guys have taken my blue avatar as well. Bring back my BN identity.
    I was basically showing my displeasure at Geraldine’s exposure so to say of her friends’ gists. And I apologised in advance in case she actually had their permission. I can’t retype it all but I’m sure I’m not the only one who cringed while reading. A tad too much?

  52. Koffie

    September 10, 2014 at 11:08 pm

    I think my BN identity has been returned. Thanks *drops mic

  53. Busola Adedire

    Oluwabusola Adedire

    September 10, 2014 at 11:14 pm

    singing *if you ask me, na who I go ask*… All I can say is, motive is everything! Know why you are getting married before you say I do. I am not married but I definitely know that what people call ‘love’ is not enough. Marriage is not bread and tea, everybody should pray listing out the qualities they want in a partner. I know God is not a wicked God.. if you ask, you will receive it.

  54. Farida A

    September 11, 2014 at 12:40 am

    ooooo chile, just made my evening. God bless you. funny how I find myself in one of the stories.

  55. omoibo

    September 11, 2014 at 1:32 am

    Love is a two street, love is reciprocal, love is selflessness, love is a verb (action), love needs to be nurtured, I can go on and on. The way most people understand or profess love ends with lip service…

  56. brules

    September 11, 2014 at 1:52 am

    interesting!

  57. akinwumi

    September 11, 2014 at 2:59 am

    Sorry to digress. I’m baffle at how you people take this issue of pastor chris and anita as the man being the arrogant one…. Of what profit is for the wife if he divorce her husband on the ground of adultery the media is propagating? Why do you think is right for a woman who so call herself a pastor not be able to endure the trying times she is having with her husband. I’m of the opinion that women should be excluded from anything that relate to leading children of God, let us look at the example from the bible among the apostle how many woman are among them? Women all seem to be the downfall of men from the time of adam and eve especially men of God. What is her gain when she divorce him? Wealth?, fame?, glory?.

    Nigerians I don’t know why we always go religious on simple issue like this. If its pastor chris heading for the divorce what will you think of him? Forget about me being a BLW member I’m not. I don’t go to church again because I can now see the world inside the church and the church inside the world.

    I’m of the opinion that Rev. Anita should check herself if she is really a woman of God and talking about divorce and indefinite destruction of a whole house God. Please my opinion may annoy you, but I only welcome counter argument with proper citation from what happen in the bible regarding men of God and their wife. Thanks # I hate divorce#

    • MC

      September 11, 2014 at 11:42 am

      Her gain: Maybe sanity. Maybe self worth. Maybe happiness
      at the end of the day…why does it matter. It’s her life and she knows what she is doing and WHY.
      Hw do you know what she has not endured….in fact, why must she?…because everybody expects her to?
      so now what your saying that her life isnt hers to live?

      I dont know these people. Had never heard of them until some weeks ago.
      I just cant figure out why it’s not common sense to some that if she is divorcing him that maybe, just maybe she has enough reason to want to. And why is having enough reason not good enough?.

    • MC

      September 11, 2014 at 11:44 am

      yes you hate divorce. cool. But how does their divorce (and anybody else’s) effect your life?
      any positive or negative effects?

    • Blessmyheart

      September 11, 2014 at 3:57 pm

      Deborah, the Shunamite woman, the other woman referenced in Kings, Ruth, Mary, Priscilla, Phoebe, Timothy’s mother and grandmother to mention just a few women referenced for good in the Bible. The Biblical society was quite patriarchal but please don’t make it seem like the Bible was all against women.

  58. Miss Mo

    September 11, 2014 at 4:13 am

    Wow Geraldine, I love this write.

    Enjoyed every bit of it and laughed too.

    I personally will not be able to stand living with someone I don’t like/love talk less of him touching me. Tufiakwa.

    Thanks much for this piece 😀

  59. Ruky

    September 11, 2014 at 4:15 am

    This might sound sad, but i always wanted a relationship whereby the guy loved me way more, not be obsessive, but he cared for me more than i did towards him. However i met this guy during my dating history, blew me off my feet. I was madly in love with him. He said the same thing, but he never committed. After waiting close to a year for him to commit, and he did. I called it as what it was-a fling, and then i met my husband. He had what i was looking for in a guy. Also, it helped i was attracted to him. I will be honest, and say everyday is a struggle because some days like this i remember that i loved a guy deeply whom did not love me as much in return. Yes, i did not fall in love with my husband prior to marriage, but a love developed from friendship, and understanding still applies.

  60. love is overated

    September 11, 2014 at 5:20 am

    Hmmm I married for love but men, i think it has died with d serious bashing of infidelity and the likes. Was so sure he was d love of my life but why would he keep cheating and reassuring me he loves me and it is just a habit. I have become so hard hearted now and not phased by whatever he does, that I think as made the love diminish significantly.

    • Chu

      September 11, 2014 at 2:04 pm

      Wow, I can only imagine what it feels like, at this stage as cliche as it sounds what you can do is to pray for your husband, that He has eyes only for you. Before I got married I used to quote proverbs 5, that my husband will be satisfied with my breasts only( its in the Bible). Make God the centre of your life and your marriage. He will answer, no mattrer how long it takes be patient.

  61. Tantra

    September 11, 2014 at 8:17 am

    Interesting comments.

  62. Tega

    September 11, 2014 at 8:36 am

    For me marrying someone you have no atom of love for is like burning in hell fire, Anyone who does this is practically digging their own grave before they die. I can not imagine people who get married to people they are not attracted to. I personally won’t be able to stand the sight of the so called husband let alone a touch. I will get irritated by the slightest things he does.. However, these things can happen back in the days of our parents where they respect marriage my mother has advised me to even settle as a 4th wife lol and she will say just get married to the available and you would find out that love will grow as time goes on. She will say she never dated my dad but as soon as he said i want to marry you. Gbam!!! she agreed and today they are still drunk in love and has never regretted marrying my dad, My point is for some it works and for others it would never, marriages these days has become a thing of joke as we see people who were madly in love, got married and after 1 month the marriage collapses. There are no right or wrong answers to relationship but i’ll advise ladies and gentlemen make sure you marry the one who makes your heart beat fast. Amen

  63. chu girl

    September 11, 2014 at 8:59 am

    right now I’m kinda confused. I met this guy through a mutual friend , and frankly speaking he is genuinely a God fearing man (in the true sense of the word). anyway he is in love with me and is really interested in spending his forever with me. long story short, I have a huge problem with his diction and Yoruba accent. its so annoying most times when he talks. I’m really trying to overlook it but good Lord!!! its there in my face, kai. Every other thing abt him is ok tho. but having bad diction esp is one of my pet peeves. don’t know how long I can manage or pretend really.
    my fear really is that I think it might affect our young rlship and also might make it difficult for me to love him. pls I need u guys opinion on this my mara……. thanks

    • TANTRA

      September 11, 2014 at 10:10 am

      This your matter get as e be o. Would you prefer he writes down his speeches instead of voicing them? If yes, suggest that to him. As for diction, send him to SHARP BRAINS ACADEMY or any WAEC, GCE and JAMB preparatory school. NNE, if the peeves are deal breakers for you, leave the dude. What you want will come to you if you have faith.

    • Owelle

      September 11, 2014 at 1:30 pm

      There are some things that love can overlook. Bad diction isn’t one of them. Even if u overlook it now, one day u’ll hear him talk(in public) and feel like shooting him. Do urself a favour and find someone whose faults doesn’t include one of ur pet peeves.

    • benita

      September 11, 2014 at 2:51 pm

      if you leave am hu go come marry him abeg do not leave to avoid collapse lmao

  64. akinwumi

    September 11, 2014 at 10:09 am

    @chu girl if your new bobo is not arrogant, you can as well teach him in subtle manner. Thereby turning him to what you want him to be for you since you said his a God fearing man….

  65. Tosin

    September 11, 2014 at 10:31 am

    Fun examples. I enjoyed reading.
    Monogamy makes it challenging, no, having to find alllll these diverse things in one poor unfortunate soul. Good to prioritize. Marry for money, power, arm-candy, good-parent, affection, shared hobbies, sexual-healing, great-roommates, spiritual connection, or whatever, just nice to know what’s most important to you and what you just can’t stand.

  66. jules

    September 11, 2014 at 12:20 pm

    How do i knw am inlove?……….. if its the butterfly in the tommy thing, damn dere is non in my tommy…..
    if its nt talking to this so-called “boyfrnd” for day………… i do dat alot
    donno wats wrong with me, might like the person for the first tym bur afterwards the person starts to irritates me… PLS HELP ME

  67. Grown Woman

    September 11, 2014 at 12:32 pm

    Lovely article.This idea of marrying then loving later is a challenge to me.There was a picture being sent around on watsapp the other day, this couple married and during the cake feeding/champagne, the lady was feeding the guy and no eye conctact whatsoever OMG as in i asked my self why did she have to do that to the guy??We women really need to calm down with this marriage issue.I believe any matured person should at least look for someone who is matured,respectful and compatible.Love will surely find it’s way but the problem with people these days, we tend to first search for love and forget to find the good qualities in a person.Gods love is perfect, it never fails and it if furious for us. 🙂 🙂
    BN:What is this im posting comments too quickly? haba!!

  68. Chu

    September 11, 2014 at 2:23 pm

    I believe that people miss the foundation for choosing a spouse. Its allowing God to lead. I’m not being sanctimonious or anything, but this was a prayer I prayed a lot before getting married, I even made a covenant with God to choose the right man for me. I must confess that during it i was afraid God will choose a man I was not attracted to but will have to marry because its the will of God. But I came to realize that God’s plans for me can never bring pain or sorrow. I liked a guy so much and thought it will work, he was all I felt I wanted, but one fact, he was not a believer and said he can’t do without sex. Now here I was 30 years and seeing a good guy, but because of my covenant with God I knew sex before marriage was a no no. So as much as it pained me I let it go. I cried for days, actually fell ill and just couldn’t imagine where to pick myself from. I wanted top give up on the whole thing, then comes along a friend I had for years and he started showing me green light, for my mind I was like ‘oga park well, no be you own de do me’. But after lots of counsel and the nudging of the Spirit that I couldn’t resist again, I agreed and I must say that was the best decision I made. The love grew. This man will walk on coals for me. We definitely have tough times(I can have sharp mouth) but I’m always assured that it will end well
    As one Pastor says Ladies marry well o, its not about the butterflies when you meet, neither is it about the flashy things. The sum of the matter is let God be the one to choose for you, not your pastor, not your mother.
    Sorry for the epistle.

    • Ola

      September 16, 2014 at 10:14 pm

      Hello.
      I relate with your post. Currently battling a serious issue. Have a man i love alot even though we also do fight alot but we love eachother. I prayed about the relationship and initially hear anything from God but i had peace in me. Problem was my parents are not in support and kept saying that all the pastors that prayed with them concerning me and my guy said there was no way for us that it wouldnt work out btw us and his tribe Kogi Igala are mot good people blah b;ah like that. I kept praying to God but the pressure was becoming to much that they always used my matter as prayer point at devotionall. Long story short i let d pressure get to me and broke up with my boyfriend. I regret it till today and now God is speaking to me in dreams that if i held on a lil longer he would have seen us through. Now he’s feed up not sure he wants to get back together coz of the problems my parents have given him. What advice can i get from u. thanks,
      Ola-J

  69. Blessmyheart

    September 11, 2014 at 4:15 pm

    The first person I was in love with, we never had any relationship because I knew it wasn’t going to work out – we were too alike in certain ways. My first and only boyfriend loved me so much but while I liked him and he was very nice, it didn’t work out because I just couldn’t bring myself to love him back. Thank God I met my husband who ticked the important boxes.
    In my opinion, love or no love, just make sure you marry your friend because at the times when you’re not feeling ‘in love’, your friendship is what sustains the relationship.

  70. Dunai

    September 13, 2014 at 4:31 pm

    A Man of God once said “you love the man/woman you marry, you dont marrry the one you love”.Come to think about it Adam didnt know Eve God gave made her from him, in olden days they weren’t given opportunity to love/know their spouse.Thank God for civilization most important thing there should be attraction one way/other.We can actually love anybody once we make up our mind to do so.

  71. hello

    September 17, 2014 at 2:51 am

    This is my story!! All my family members want me to marry the available even doe I cant stand when he touches my hand. They say he is a good man. And that I am too young to see this. Im 22 yet they feel if I dont hold on to mr GOLD I wont find another and be able to marry in the next two years. Me I have tire o. I have cried prayed fasted. Everything. I dont know what to do. Its not like they are forcing me but they are scaring me. They make it seem like If I dont marry this one I would end up alone. Im not even scared of being alone but they make it seem like u may think being alone is nice at 22 but u wont like it at 37. And then it will be too late. Another issue of mine is that I havent even met any other guy that I can say I like. So im beginning to believe them. Somebody help me biko

  72. hello

    September 17, 2014 at 3:05 am

    I should add that marrying someone I dont love scares me. I dont think i can do it. I dont even think it will make me a good wife. And God knows i have dreamt of how wonderful a wife i can and will be. People say i am wife material cause I love to take care of those around me. Old young whatevr. I want to be happy in my marriage Thats why I pray to God to let me love this man. He is a good man. Not attractive but I have never been the type to go after attractive guys. The last two guys I liked were very intelligent. One was short and fat. The other was tall and skinny. They gave intelligent conversations. Hes also intelligent but our convos arent 100%

  73. Alice

    September 26, 2014 at 2:59 pm

    Lovely Article and totally on point.
    Love is definitely important but careful to understand the concept of ‘love’ in this case. You can be in love with someone whom you fight with, who cheats on you who has extremely nasty habits you cant tolerate on a normal day which would amount to a toxic atmosphere if eventually ya’ll get married. At the same time you may not necessarily see ‘sparks’ but have a relationship with someone you genuinely like, respect, are attracted to has most of the qualities you desire from a life mate and is your friend.
    Love enables you to accept the little faults from your respective spouses which would be intolerable from someone you don’t particularly care for, but it does not mean you should endure rubbish in the name of love. In the case of waiting to marry your ‘love’ especially for ladies I would say shine your eye and don’t be stupid in the name of love ooo! If after 2 or 3 years brother is not saying anything, except you are high school sweethearts, you need to find out where you stand or know nothing may come out of that relationship.
    This happened to me. I dated a guy for almost about 4 years with nothing being said about marriage. He did not even have the decency to break up before he started dating someone else, got her pregnant and got married, all within a year. I dated hubby for less than a year before we got married, and have been happy for five years now ( : He is my best friend and I love him more each day

  74. confused

    September 29, 2014 at 12:28 am

    nice write up.
    honestly this luv issue z a crazy and complex one.m presently in a relatnship with a guy dats z my age mate.we r both 26.we ve known ourselves since we were like 17,he lives on the next street to mine till date.i ve told him i am willing to wait if he z sure he wnts us to get married,bt right knw m sooo confused cos he has started acting a abit strange(like he wnts to still flenjo)and to mke matters worse he z d last born and his elder ones r nt yet married.i dnt knw if there z any hope for us rilly and to break up will be crazy as we don do street love tire for as long as i can remember.i rillynid advice here.
    but for me,i must love d persn evn if it z just tolerating luv(if there iz anytn like dat)

  75. TK

    October 15, 2014 at 2:05 pm

    Marriage isn’t easy at all, May God help us.

  76. ankem

    October 15, 2014 at 3:04 pm

    lol! i love your articles very educative and funny at the same time*thumbs up*

  77. PurpleicousBabe

    November 5, 2014 at 12:02 am

    @Akinwunmi, Love is a doing word not a feeling.
    A feeling is the attraction that you have for someone. Can attraction grow yes, time spent with someone can move pass physical to intellect and spiritual. Can attraction be a basis for two individuals to stay committed and opt to love each other. YES. Can you find other people physically attractive whilst in a relationship YES!, Are you exempted from finding faults in your partner cos you chose to love NO!.
    We live in a dynamic world that is influenced by various factors. Key thing is: knowing YOU, what you can handle and the consequences of your ACTIONS. Some people are willing to stay married and unloved? That is your prerogative as long as you are READY and REAL. Some people are willing to be loved and share their lover too. As long as you are REAL and not complaining.
    Some people are happy and content single.
    Some people are simply unsure and follow the bandwagon.
    Some people are philosophers, some people are spiritual, some people are factual, some people are deluded and some people are simply LOST. AS LONG AS YOU KNOW YOU.

    I absolutely loved the article. I thought it was witty so witty that I laughed all through.
    People want to be loved! but do not or have not or tried to LOVE themselves first.
    IF YOU CAN DO THAT, You will get your priorities straight.

    XXX

  78. suwa

    November 7, 2014 at 1:34 am

    Hahahaha Hahahahaha

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