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Peculiar Okafor: Changing Mouth



‘Feminist until you get married
Activist until you get rich
Atheist until the airplane starts falling’.

This is one quote that aptly describes how we tend to dance to a different tune (Change mouth as we used to say when we were little) when our situation in life changes. You know those kind of people who speak vehemently about something until they get the opportunity to do it? Those are the kind of people this article seeks to describe.

We all have that one person who once swore that their rich uncle’s wife was the laziest and most extravagant woman ever. I mean how could the aunt in question dare to have a house help, go shopping everyday and not even allow her husband help the people around him. Then this friend gets married to a wealthy husband and then realizes that the challenges that accompany the lifestyle might have been what necessitated the aunt’s behavior. At this point, she changes mouth and starts saying things like ‘You can’t help everybody oh’ ‘The challenges of handling all the people that visit us as well as my day job has made me get 5 maids’, ‘I have to change my Wardrobe constantly so I don’t embarrass my husband’ bla bla bla. You’re changing mouth!

What about the folks who criticize others for spending so much money on their children’s education saying things like ‘Is it not just ABC?, ‘we attended schools where we didn’t have to pay that much’, ‘A child that will be successful will be successful’ only to make some money and spend millions on their children’s education saying things like ‘Children need the right grooming and circle of friends to compete on a global scale’ Issokay, we haff heard you oh! but …..errrm, you’re changing mouth sha.

The ladies who swear that they would never get married to a man if he doesn’t have the TDHGRT factor ( Tall, Dark, Handsome, Generous, Rich and Tush factor) only to get married to someone far off the mark. When you try to explain it by saying things like ‘I just got older and realized that what really mattered was if he had potential as well as my happiness, peace and contentment’ we agree with you, but my sister thou hast changed mouth full-stop.

The guys are not left out too. When you diss your friend’s wife, swearing that  you would only marry a woman with Halle Berry’s looks, Beyonce’s curves, Shakira’s dance skills and Michelle Obama’s intelligence and then end up with the average girl, your explanation of ‘when I met her, I knew she was the one so I had to let go of the other contenders and every requirement I had on my list and just claim her’ – while sweet and inspiring doesn’t change the fact that you have changed mouth.

Finally, those activists who criticize the government only to get a political appointment and become major champions of the government, we get it, you’re only doing your job, but you have changed mouth.

The essence of this write-up is not to cast aspersions on anybody in order to be funny. The real lesson is for us to realize that you really cannot speak about any thing untill you have experienced it. My mother used to say that the right to criticize is earned hence before you criticize anyone, you should have done whatever it is you’re criticizing about better than that individual or else you might just find yourself singing a different tune when placed in a similar situation as the individual you’ve been criticizing.

Remember the popular saying  ‘never judge a person untill you have walked a mile in their shoes’. Some of us don’t even bother to wear the shoes at all before passing out judgement with lots of confidence. From the celebrities we’re confident that a maga paid for their vacation, to the guy we know combines his day job with fraudulent activities, we’re quick to hand out our verdict (and ending the statement with ‘It’s just my opinion’ doesn’t make it any less severe). We should realize that people are fickle, growing, learning and doing the best they can given their peculiar circumstances. While we should not condone or encourage wrong doing of any kind, maybe we can love more and give people the benefit of doubt.

A wiseman once said ‘If God can delay judgement until after death, who are we to pass judgement on others especially when we really don’t know them or the challenges they face’.

That said, we learn and grow everyday so there’s nothing to be ashamed of in saying that our former beliefs were wrong. So dears, you can change mouth, your friends will forgive you.


Photo Credit: Dreamstime | Monkey Business Images

Peculiar is a Marketing communications personnel, she believes that one can have a full life without being bitchy and she wants it all 'A good career, love, laughter, wealth, you name it. She blogs at Follow her on Instagram @daworkdiva and Facebook ''


  1. richbee

    November 5, 2014 at 1:03 pm

    Extremely beautiful write-up and damn Great life lessons learnt from this wonderful piece…learnt to criticise less until i walk in someone else’s shoes. Love your writing

    • Peculiar Okafor

      November 5, 2014 at 2:14 pm

      Wow, Thanks a lot dear

  2. Personal Assistant

    November 5, 2014 at 1:09 pm

    Someone did full public marriage and later changed mouth and said the lady is his sister. Is that kain changing mouth allowed?

    • trouble

      November 5, 2014 at 3:20 pm

      LMAO SHAAAAAAAAADDDDEEE *limpopos away*

  3. [email protected]

    November 5, 2014 at 1:12 pm

    Peculiar this post is ten over ten, 100%, loved it from the very start to the very end. And just so you know I’ve already stolen that quote at the beginning and nicely tucked it away somewhere.
    You already said it; some people say what they think they would do in a situation, unknown to them you can never know for certain until you’re in it. In addition to not criticizing I extend this to not judging as well.

    • Peculiar Okafor

      November 5, 2014 at 2:49 pm

      Wow, Thanks a lot dear. *blushing*

  4. Adenike

    November 5, 2014 at 1:12 pm

    It’s so true! I love the last statement. If God can wait till after death…who are we. I think sometimes judgement of others comes from the place of trying to feel better about oneself, choices made or lifestyle. For example, this person is living an extravagant life by having 10 Rolex watches, but I have a Louboutin so I’m modest.

  5. Kachi

    November 5, 2014 at 1:14 pm



    November 5, 2014 at 1:22 pm

    Interesting write up. Funny, yet so true.

  7. Thatgidigirl

    November 5, 2014 at 1:23 pm

    ‘never judge a person until you have walked a mile in their shoes’……I’m not even interested in giving you my shoes to wear for a second, i love those babies too much to share them. Don’t judge, mind your own damn business daz all!!

  8. Ephi

    November 5, 2014 at 1:26 pm

    Reuben Abati comes to mind here!

    • Cancel Reply

      November 5, 2014 at 4:27 pm

      OMG! I totally thought of him as I read the article.

  9. Ephi

    November 5, 2014 at 1:28 pm

    Nice article. But I also think the only constant thing in life is change. People mature and begin to see things differently than they used to. It’s all part of life.

    • Tosin

      November 5, 2014 at 5:03 pm

      Or like Boyz II Men put it: Iiiii know, I’ve made mistakes, I am what I am, I’m only human, so don’t (don’t) take my joy away, … (oya complete it)

  10. so true

    November 5, 2014 at 1:29 pm

    If we judge others, we have no time to love them.

  11. ChelizRuby.

    November 5, 2014 at 1:38 pm

    Lol. Mouth changers! Another name for jelousy. They like what they see, they just cant reach it at the moment, then they look for ways to bring the person down. Tsssshhh!

  12. madam

    November 5, 2014 at 1:47 pm


  13. Miami

    November 5, 2014 at 2:10 pm

    So true.
    A friend of mine from a very humble background called me last week and was sounding like those ‘rich’ people she used to detest years back, as she recently married a very rich guy. I have been smiling to myself everytime I think about it. Life sha……

    • L

      November 5, 2014 at 10:12 pm

      Girl you can say that again.. Learned earlier on not to judge until I experience it. My case was so dramatic and funny. While we were in school, we use to hear gist about our seniors in university. Al ledge promiscuity. The outgoing class condemned and were vehement that they will not be loose when they got to university… sha the following year, it was their gist we were hearing… The preceding class said the same thing.. the following year same gist coming.. I just concluded that eh! until I get to Uni I can’t promise my self what I will do or condemn others what they are doing..

  14. Modella

    November 5, 2014 at 2:28 pm

    Every words written is the absolute truth..I wish the write up never end!

    • Sam

      November 5, 2014 at 4:26 pm

      My thoughts exactly. It was so interesting it seemed so short. Good job Peculiar!

  15. baboushka

    November 5, 2014 at 2:34 pm

    Feminist until you get married – why do people assume that feminists are anti-men. The definition of feminism is “the advocacy of women’s rights on the grounds of political, social, and economic equality to men”… what does that have to do with a feminist getting married? Not to take away from your article Peculiar but a lot of people have the definition of feminism messed up. While feminists in the in say the UK are fighting for equal pay those in Saudia Arabia are fighting for the rights to be allowed to drive etc don’t get it twisted people this is not an anti-men or i hate men crusade it is a fight for equal rights.

    • jaybird

      November 5, 2014 at 3:11 pm

      When u get married, u will realize that equal rights nor do work. She did not get it twisted.

    • Truth Teller

      November 5, 2014 at 5:41 pm

      @jaybird, no one is advocating for gender equality in a marriage. Most cultures and religions accept that the husband is the head of the home, inasmuch as we are ALL equal in the sight of God regardless of gender so I would say baboushka’s comment is in order.
      There’s nothing wrong in advocating for women’s equality outside a marriage. For example, a woman can be the president of her country, yet in her home, the man is the head. That doesn’t make her a bad person for having that leadership position and being the head of everyone in the country, get it?

    • baboushka

      November 5, 2014 at 6:24 pm

      @Truth teller Thank you!

    • tunmi

      November 5, 2014 at 3:28 pm

      Why thank you.

    • L

      November 5, 2014 at 10:25 pm

      Well my point of view ; feminist until you get married. Have you seen how some women have finally accepted within marriage to be treated unequally. Some times when my married friends have given up the battle of fighting for that equality and respect within the marriage. Confide in me. They say choose your battles wisely, enjoy your single life.
      Some will even be honest and say I saw it coming but I was tired being single..
      Yes your definition is correct but marriage in most African setting it’s a man’s world.
      Especially if the guy has potential and it’s where people are having their garri. You hear husband make statements publicly, my wife is not submissive .. ehn they no quote the whole chapter too….

  16. jaybird

    November 5, 2014 at 3:12 pm


  17. Truth Teller

    November 5, 2014 at 3:30 pm

    Very apt! The first thing that came to my mind was those crop of people that will condemn someone for buying an expensive car and even going ahead by suggesting what they should have done with the money, for example: ‘ They should have bought a ‘smaller’ car and helped people with the rest of the money, OR ‘ they should have given it to charity, vanity upon vanity is vanity’, OR ‘ how can anyone waste their money to rent an apartment in that upscale part of town ( good location, 5 minutes drive from work) when they could have used the money to buy their own property ( location: another state but close enough to town, during rush hour, 4 hours drive to work!)
    Such people, given the opportunity and money do much worse than the people they condemn.

    I’ll never forget a friend of my mother’s that told my mom that sewing for N1,500 was not wisdom.( this was around the year 2002 or so, her salary got upgraded…guess who was sewing for N5,000?

    How about those people that condemn other people,s children for having kids out of wedlock, only for their children to do the same? They find convenient excuses to suit their own like ‘it’s our culture to ‘test’ the fertility……e.t.c

    Another set of people are: I can not marry a girl that is not a virgin, God forbid me marry a loose girl’ changes to: ‘ I need a woman that has experience’.
    How about ‘ I can’t sleep with a man or stay over at his house before marriage, all these girls that do it are ‘Ashawo’s’, … That changes too!

    Aha, one last one: I can never use make-up OR I can’t use artificial hair, that’s for ungodly girls……..few years later: I’m just using the weave to cover my receding hairline and so on.

    Please note that I’ m not advocating for anything I’ve written but stating facts on how I’ve seen people ‘change mouth’ due to circumstances.

    If I’m asked to give changing mouth another word, it will be Hypocrisy.

  18. Ferrari

    November 5, 2014 at 3:38 pm

    I am guilty of the one about expensive schools #hidesface

    • anonymous

      November 5, 2014 at 4:04 pm

      Aww Ferrari, issokay. The writer said you can change mouth and your friends will still love you

    • L

      November 5, 2014 at 10:27 pm

      hahaa I also

    • L

      November 5, 2014 at 10:28 pm

      haaha I also

  19. Okaro

    November 5, 2014 at 4:19 pm

    “My mother used to say that the right to criticize is earned hence before you criticize anyone, you should have done whatever it is you’re criticizing about better than that individual or else you might just find yourself singing a different tune when placed in a similar situation as the individual you’ve been criticizing.”…….So are we not permitted to criticize our political leaders too?

  20. x-factor

    November 5, 2014 at 4:21 pm

    True talk and very insightful write-up……

  21. Rox

    November 5, 2014 at 4:32 pm

    Sorry O! I know this is unrelated but please does anyone know where i can watch Windeck tv series in English? Thank you.

    • iphie

      November 5, 2014 at 5:05 pm

      DSTV CHANNEL 151 mondays to thursdays 8pm……… you are welcome

  22. sum1special

    November 5, 2014 at 4:44 pm

    The writer is not far from the truth. Lots of people are guilty of these.

  23. Haleemah

    November 5, 2014 at 5:42 pm

    Nyc piece …….lesson learnt!

  24. PurpleiciousBabe

    November 5, 2014 at 5:42 pm

    We are all GUILTY !
    Everyone changes mouth as the writer puts it.
    I think what I will take away is the way I word my words. So perhaps I will say right now my desire is too blah blah but I know life happens.

  25. mayrie

    November 5, 2014 at 7:05 pm

    we are truly all guilty, very nice write up peculiar .
    Making plenty sense tinz

  26. D

    November 5, 2014 at 7:34 pm

    We have all changed mouth at one point or the other in our life. You grow and learn that what you thought few years back was the God given truth is actually not. We understand that for different aspect of life there is no one size fits all. Now there is a difference between changing mouth and offering legit advise. I can tell my co-worker who I know takes home the same $$ as I do that she needs to be putting her money towards houses or things that appreciate in value as opposed to the Louboutin and Range Rover. I can give that advise now because I know our pay grade because I know there is no way you can afford the monthly payments on the range rover and buy the Loubbys, LVs and Hermes and still invest the way you should be but should one of us get a pay bump and we can diligently invest and afford the nicer things that is not changing mouth. Changing mouth is pretty much saying if I was in making what my friend was making I would not buy this or buy that, only to start making that exact amount and do the same thing. There is a difference that needs to be made clear here.

  27. teekay

    November 5, 2014 at 9:20 pm

    I think this is one of the best post have read so far on BN … i am so guilty of this but thanks a lot lesson learnt…you cudnt ve said it any better God bless you dear…..

  28. Bide

    November 6, 2014 at 1:44 am

    One of the best article i’ve read on BN

  29. David Adeleke

    November 6, 2014 at 6:35 am

    Wow! So true.

  30. Muna

    November 6, 2014 at 11:23 am

    In the last few years I’ve found myself saying when I’m taking decisions, “this is it…I may feel differently about this tomorrow, but for now, this is how I feel about it and this is my decision”. I guess its bcos I’ve discovered that as the years go by and I get more experience, the way I perceive and understand things do change. so I’m starting to be aware that the decisions I made yesterday, I may have made differently today; and for decisions I make today, future experiences may make me see differently tomorrow. but one fact is that if one has fundamental values and guiding principles, though decisions and actions may differ as the years go by, the ‘template’ remains quite the same and outcomes are not too dissimilar.

  31. Indiana

    November 7, 2014 at 9:27 am

    Peculiar my love, I’m guilty as charged! I can remember when I was growing up, I almost swore never to marry any man from Ngwa land. I disliked their dialect and some of their traditions. I equally had this believe they are razz. Years later guess who I married? Yup! Ngwa man. Before my wedding my younger sis asked me, with this mischievious smile on her face,that almost made me want to bite her,”sis,but u said something about Ngwa people and their razzness”. I replied her that I’m older and more knowledgeable. Duh! U need to see me now come to their defense whenever anybody around me is talking bad about them. I guess we all are guilty of that in one way or the other. But the lesson there is, dnt be quick to critisize or pass judgement onto others without first understanding their situation in life.

  32. Peculiar Okafor

    November 7, 2014 at 1:26 pm

    Thanks dear especially for distilling the lesson of this loong article to one sentence.

    And I wish you the most exciting marriage with your beloved ‘ngwaa’ hubby

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