Aunty Bella is our agony aunt column on BellaNaija. We launched this column in the early days of BN and periodically feature issues sent in by BN readers. We hope the BN family can offer insightful advice as well.
Recently I watched a movie “Temptations ” by Tyler Perry, and I could see my life been put on screen, maybe not all.
I came from an averagely strict family where you are not allowed to date until 18, which I really never had a problem with, I could describe myself an a bit above average lady physically, growing up I knew I was getting a lot more attention from guys, men, etc. but I always encouraged myself that I wasn’t ready for all that all through my teenage years and it worked out well, and I felt I could keep myself for my future husband too.
I met my first guy at the age of 17, but he had to leave the country for his post grad. It was an innocent relationship and after (2.5 years) of he being out of the country he got tired and broke up with me, I was hurt but by this time I learnt to build a hard shield around me when it comes to love and men.
At 21 I met this new guy, oh my goodness I still believe this guy had a manipulative power we used on me, initially I wasn’t going to give in to him regarding dating, but looking back now I realised he was a “smooth operator”, he agreed we become just friends and he was ok with that, I felt like I was in Heaven having a very handsome man, wealthy and godly all in one and he is just going to be hanging out with me whenever I want without asking for anything in return, and not seeing any other lady by the side too, I sure was living the life. A year into this so called friendship, I had to travel out for my post grad and my “Friend from heaven” helped pay up my tuition, and paid for an awesome studio apartment with monthly allowance too.
I was really happy. Just few weeks before I left, I decided to visit my friend at home as I have always done and decided to sleep over (first time), Mr. Smooth allowed me sleep in the guest room without wahala. I got extra comfortable and decided to spend another night, and since that night my life till now never remained the same.
I gave in to him after him telling me how long he has waited; can’t I see he loves me and how we will be together forever? I tried to resist but I was too weak. Everyday till I left we had it- atimes more than twice a day. I told all types of lies to sleep over at his place. I kept convincing myself I was traveling and by the next time we meet I will have a better hold on myself. Oh I lied! I was addicted to him. To make matters worse we used to see often – either he travels in or I am in Nigeria most times camping with him. I later realised he was a BIG CHEAT; all those times I thought he was waiting he was actually cheating and I didn’t even know if I was a side chick at that point, I kept accusing him and Mr. Smooth kept denying.
After (3) years I made sure he wasn’t paying for my accommodation at this time or monthly allowances, I tried to cut him off, but it was so difficult. I was totally and helplessly in Love/Lust! I woke one day spoke to myself and gradually cut off ties with him and he didn’t even bother going the extra mile trying to mend the relationship. I was broken and I got back on my feet, got a great job and found someone new. It got to a stage when I recall Mr. Smooth I was filled with anger. He tried coming back but I didn’t allow him, I got married and was so happy.
Now Mr. Smooth is back – telling me how he made a mistake and wants to get married. I told him that I have been married for over 2 years now; I told him how I love my husband and would never divorce. But I get bored in my marriage and tend to think of Mr. Smooth. We even agreed to meet in an entirely different city. Sincerely I just thought meeting him would be a mockery at him, so he can see how good I turned out and I never stopped speaking of my husband. I lied again to myself. It was all hugs, kissing and almost making love again.
Watching the “Temptation” movie to the end, has jolted me back to reality. It’s over a year we met and I have tried not to communicate with him ever since. I still think of him every single time. I pray to God to help me erase him from my memory but it’s not working. I try to think of the bad things he did so I can atleast hate him, that works for just a short while. Lord help me, it hasn’t been easy.
I’m sorry for the really long post and typos, but I would sincerely like to read comments of where and how I went wrong.
Photo Credit: Dreamstime | Oscar Williams