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Mya Williams: People Change

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One evening, years ago in secondary school, the Titanic was chosen as the movie to watch for movie night. I was about 13 years old and my whole class and the rest of the boarding school crammed into the hall where a projector had been set up to watch the movie. As we all know it was an extremely sad and emotional movie because Rose lost Jack, the love of her life – after much sacrifice and struggle to be together.

After the movie ended, there was not one dry eye left in the hall; as everyone filed out of the hall, some were bawling seriously, some wiped away silent tears while some just looked really downcast. I looked around the hall and couldn’t help but feel weird. My eyes were very dry. While the story touched me, I was removed from the emotion my 13-year-old counterparts were feeling. This went on for a couple of years – a seeming lack of emotion.

Fast forward many years later and I sometimes cannot control my tear ducts; even when I chastise them strongly, willing them not to disobey me especially when it is in public, they defy me. I am now the person that cries when a movie or book is particularly sad or particularly good (especially if it is a true story).

I sometimes cry when I’m listening to someone tell me about the grief they have been through; I find myself drawing from the person’s experiences and transcribing it to my own and this sparks the most in-depth emotion in me. Sometimes I cry when I am hurt or feel unfairly treated.

Growing up, we lived in an estate where most of the families were very friendly and all the kids and parents knew each other. That’s where I met one of my oldest friends. I would literally go to her house EVERY SINGLE DAY, no kidding. It, of course,didn’t help that she lived only 5 houses away.

But it wasn’t only my neighbour’s house. I’d ask my Dad to drop me off at the houses of my friends from school; sometimes day visits would turn to over-nighters. This infuriated my Mum and older brother particularly… but I just hated being home – my Mum would say, “you just like to gallivant all over the place”.

Now, many years later I LOVE to just stay at home. Of course I still enjoy hanging out with friends but I also thoroughly enjoy vegetating at home alone in the company of a good book, good TV show or good music and something to munch on.

This one I am not proud of; but in recent years, I’ve found that I use swear words a lot. This hasn’t always been the case and I am now aware of the words when I say them, but this hasn’t necessarily sparked any significant change. I hope it would. I don’t swear at people though, I just use the word(s) for emphasis/description.

Most significantly though, I have a newfound respect/tolerance for people’s individual idiosyncrasies. Up until as recently as 2 to 3 years ago, I would complain constantly about the seeming lack of effort some of the people in my life put into our relationship. Due to my passionate nature, I had certain “standards” for friends and I felt that if I could go above and beyond for them, they could for me too. I can’t put a finger on when exactly the pin dropped, but I have come to realise that the few close friends and family that are in my life, mean very well and are loving in their own peculiar ways. They may not manifest this love in exactly the way I might want but it is there and I feel it especially when it is needed the most, so I therefore try not to sweat the small stuff anymore. It’s still hard sometimes tough.

Finally, I have learnt to respect people’s personal choices generally. I have never been a Judgmental Judy but regarding some particular issues and topics, in the past I would be that person who would have that very strong stand, rigid even. With time and experience, that saying, “Don’t judge someone until you’ve walked a mile in their shoes” couldn’t be truer. The simple fact is we don’t have to understand someone’s journey but we can respect it. I am now a very strong advocate of Live and Let Live.

Let’s hear how you have evolved.

“Everyone is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Be kind. Always”

Photo Credit: Dreamstime | Rocketclips, Inc.

Mya Williams is a fiercely passionate and fun loving rebel/nonconformist. She loves to write in her free time. She emphatically believes that certain societal customs and norms must be challenged if one is to have a truly fulfilled and happy life.

16 Comments

  1. Girlbeingreal

    July 28, 2015 at 9:16 am

    Yea people change indeed. I used to cringe when I hear some certain swear words. But now I find it a useful tool sometimes to convey my true feelings. It’s really expressive.. Lol. But only in front of people that wouldn’t find it offensive. Change has indeed happened to me, I couldn’t see or even imagine an existence outside the circle of heaven, hell, God on the throne. Evolving above that was the biggest change for me. It was very scary but liberating. I find that I tend to look at things from a bigger picture rather than the accepted “no questions asked” way. Change is better when there is an evolution to a better you.

  2. David I. Adeleke

    July 28, 2015 at 9:30 am

    It’s really important to understand people, as you have said. We, also, have the desire to be understood and that sometimes causes a strain on our relationship with others. But when you start to reach this understanding, things get better. Good article here.

  3. ferrari

    July 28, 2015 at 9:37 am

    All of this is totally me…except i used to cry a lot over everything until like 2 or 3 years ago when i decided to stop crying…in public.

  4. The real D

    July 28, 2015 at 9:54 am

    People change or is it that people learn and grow with time???
    The major growth i have to say is being non-judgmental, although i did not realize that i was, until college days, and a few friends pointed it out to me, now i am not the one that will tell you, you will rot in hell but if i feel strongly about something i will try to enforce my will on every single person around me, it was my way or the high way, and that easily rolls over into being judgmental because if people don’t accept your idea, opinion or thought process then they are just wron. I am however happy to say that i have since out grown that, I have learned to appreciate our differences and even if i don’t agree with a point of view, I am ok with agreeing to disagree.
    I am currently working on empathy, that one is one kind struggle, the truth is I really don’t care but i am praying God shows me how to care in some cases so that i don’t give people a bad impression.
    I was never a crier and still not a crier…yes i am that person that everyone will look at as a weirdo, even when i am going through a hard time, i might cry like a once and that’s it and may be for like 1 minute or even less and that’s about, my duct don’t necessarily work with how i feel sometimes but movies and books naaahhh i encourage myself by telling myself it is all fictional so naahhh… (Maybe it is part of that whole empathy deal)

  5. HerExcellence

    July 28, 2015 at 10:14 am

    Change! gud a tin we r in d change era too.
    for me, errm…i used to b very ‘hot blooded’, quick tempered and sharp tongued…lol.
    cant say if i hav let go of d latter completely thou (as i stil hav a ready cuttn reply to irritants on days when i am not soo in d mood’) but am a lot calmer and mature now. wuld subtly but firmly let u kno if u offend me.
    smthings however i v realised i hav altered…albeit not completely…..
    whereas i was very very shy and wuld rather stay indoors wit a good book or surf d internet all day now shaa thou stil shy, i enjoy goin out n havn a really gud time wit friends smtimes!

  6. B.U 'N' M.I

    July 28, 2015 at 10:48 am

    how scary. i discovered i have gone through this same change. many times i wonder how and why but i guess.. people change and paradigms shift. Circumstances may cos us to change (unconsciously). I have learnt that we have to stay true to out core values and also with wisdom be accomodating with others.
    I like your article dear

  7. Ebube

    July 28, 2015 at 10:54 am

    Very nice and very true. We often expect too much of people that we forget to enjoy the way they already are and the present roles they play in our lives. Being thankful for what we have or what we are presently getting is a sure way to live a passionate life. Thank you for writing and much blessings.

  8. Unique

    July 28, 2015 at 11:32 am

    Great Article!

  9. me

    July 28, 2015 at 12:42 pm

    i am aware that i am evolving,but there’s something or some part that worries me a lot,accepting that i can just be so shy or most times lack confidence in myself.how can i change this part of me…it exhausts me a times when i leave a conversation or an interview,then i remember i was supposed to say something but i just held back out of fear maybe or maybe just feeling that i wouldn’t be accepted…i pray to God everyday to change this part of me…..anyone on easy ways to overcome this? fogive my typos

  10. red

    July 28, 2015 at 1:04 pm

    great article. yes change! i have been through so many stages..lol.. short-tempered, inferiority complex, always scared,etc… now im a lot mature or so i’m told and i have more friends now..lol

  11. nene

    July 28, 2015 at 2:25 pm

    I used to consider such a friend that would not want to see me as much as I would see her, selfish! I used to love getting tipsy-drunk and laugh so hard I pee in my pants sometimes (lol) (oh Lordy Lordy). I used to do a whole lot of things that my few friends that knew me then and now, do wonder at the transfromAtion. #ogechi#people do change and InDEED!

  12. Naomi

    July 28, 2015 at 2:30 pm

    Beautiful article! Thank you!!

  13. mz_daniels

    July 28, 2015 at 4:03 pm

    I changed; crazy, tomboy, enters the room mouth first, extremely extroverted and noisy ( 0-17)

    Budding fashionista, cried waaaaay too much, deeply emotional, insecure (though only people close to me noticed) ( 17-21).

    Quiet, firm, talkative with close friends, aloof, irritated with people who talk a lot and feel the need to intrude, sucker for calm, thought through behaviour ( 21-date),

    Some things have however always been with me; walk my own path, not a joiner ( I’ve always done what I wanted to do, Camera shy ( I hardly take pictures, warris dat), love writing, don’t offer advice except asked, don’t famz, hate shallow people and friendships, don’t pretend to like people I don’t ( now I’m older , I will be very polite and diplomatic but no pinging you or collecting your number), believe that Jesus is the son of God and I love him ( that ain’t changing).

    • mama

      July 28, 2015 at 4:44 pm

      lol mz daniels…. i remember the 0-17 years of you well, cdsso :)….

      for me i think i grew. I realised things i cared about or paid much attention to never really mattered in the future (now)…… I grew!

  14. Nammy

    July 28, 2015 at 6:49 pm

    Lovely article. Yea people change, mine has mostly been with regards to friends, I usually give my all for friends and they do not reciprocate and it makes me very angry. Change happened, I stopped giving my all, stopped expecting much from my friends and i became happier

  15. Tosin

    July 28, 2015 at 8:34 pm

    i don sofffftttt, kai.

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