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Susan J-Enyenihi: Smart in Love? Or Just Stupidly in Love!

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‘What nonsense! Why will she give him all her salary?’
‘Father in heaven! Na marriage we come so.’
‘She had better shine her eyes.’ Sho!

I listened intently as my mother and aunts discussed. Immersed in their discussions, unaware of happenings around them and gathered like witches who own broom sticks.
One aunt had complained that her daughter had stopped sending her allowances and the group thought it, stupid.
I noticed my mother’s expressionless demeanor. Only heaven knew what she was thinking of. Was she thinking, I will do same to her?

Even though, my mother is not one to rely on anybody, the thought alone almost threw me into fits of laughter. One that I could not express at that moment but only in the company of my siblings.

The chatter continued. I waited patiently to join the conversation and finally I said.
‘Aunty, it could be that ‘sista’ is planning a family project with uncle and they have agreed to save all their money? I don’t think ‘sista’ is that wicked o. She loves you and…’
I had barely finished making my statement and I could see all my aunties, five of them, staring at me with red hot eyes! They looked speechless but trust the one popularly called ‘Aunty Pat’ to act as the chief speaker.
‘My friend sharrap! What yeye project will make a daughter neglect her mother?’
My mother laughed. For goodness sake, why was she laughing?

Aunty Chichi continued: ‘These millennium children. See eh, in marriage and while dating, one has to be smart. Listen and listen well. It is not everything you will tell your husband or your boyfriend. Some things are better left unknown. From your financial worth to personal properties, and even flings, consider the situation before you confide in your love interest. Even when you have to fill important forms when you get married, put the names of your kids in the next of kin box’.
Aunty! Haba! I chuckled.
Keep quiet. One of them pulled my ears…the ears of a full grown lady!
Jesus Christ! Ah Ah! It hurts.
I wailed. They laughed. And the sermon continued.
It was not strange to hear such statements made by a well-educated and travelled woman. I had heard lots more from colleagues, friends and acquaintances; people who seemed to be in healthy relationships and others who appeared happily married.

Statements such as and not limited to these:
-My partner does not know my financial worth and actual number of properties.
-I have a love kid, my spouse must not know of.
-I have a secret crib where I go to chill when I am stressed out.
-I send money to my parents, without my partner’s knowledge.
-I am building a house in the village, must my spouse know?

The list is endless. Shocking, maybe not, but true. These little ears of mine have heard things.
How about relationships? That is a story for another day.
One is not advised to act 100% vulnerable and 100% in love. Some women are schooled by life to forget Cinderella stories and tales of Sleeping Beauty. How about the men? They learn that Aladdin was lucky.

In today’s world, no matter how much in love, one is, it is the head and not the heart that should direct our emotions. So, most people say.

Sometimes, I ponder on how love, as beautiful as it is, has now become mathematics?
You love someone. It seems you will never lie to or hurt that special someone. You can swear that you will take a grenade for that special someone. The association stands the test of time, sometimes blossoming into marriage and sometimes not. Regardless, while both individuals are still involved, somehow things change. Telling half-truths and lies are allowed. Priorities change. Is it a case of familiarity brings contempt? I honestly do not have an answer.

Later that night, during dinner, I could not help but ask my mother for her thoughts on the matter. Putting on her signature smile, she said: ‘There will be highs and lows. There will be laughter and tears. Always communicate with your partner. Watch and Pray. Shine your eyes well o, not just for you but also for your partner. Don’t sweat it’.

We talked about different love matters that we had heard. We hailed some, we booed at others. At the end of the chit-chat, I reaffirmed my initial thoughts on the matter.

No matter how hard, man tries to be perfect, the ‘lover’ and the ‘lovee’ will fall short, sometimes. Both are imperfect and bound to take the easiest way out in some situations.

On the other hand, some people are just plain wicked, opting instead to hurt those who truly love them. Others are self-centered and bear the first name, ‘Evil’. God forbid bad thing!
As for me, I want to believe that I belong to the class of people who still believes in fairytales but ‘shine their eyes’. I can’t fit shout.

The thought of ‘shining my eyes’ made me smile. Personal experiences have shown me the advantages of being a smart woman. The concept of love and mathematics tugged at my brain a bit. My body signaled it was bed time.
My ears had heard enough for one day, I thought, as I lay on my bed hoping my left ear will heal before dawn. To think, it was not me that neglected her mother.

Smart in love or Stupid in love? Guys, what have you experienced?

Photo Credit: Dreamstime | Darren Baker

Susan Johnson-Enyenihi is a marketing communications professional. Call her,a self-proclaimed shoe addict and a happiness enthusiast. She believes in ‘doing the do’ and ‘living life’.

37 Comments

  1. The real D

    July 15, 2015 at 10:40 am

    So recently some co workers and myself were discuss how some lady tried to block a shot from hitting her husband in a theater when some crazy dude decided to shoot because this guy will either not stop texting or talking on his phone during a movie (not sure of the specifics anymore) and i boldly said as much as I love my husband (it is known in my office that my hubby is numero uno on this earth ooo) that i will not be standing in front of no bullet because i had to love myself first before i could love him the way God created me to love him. One of my co-worker who is closer to me than others was surprised because she knows how i am with hubby. (Smart or selfish …well i don’t know). But keeping secrets from my hubby is a Capital NOOO for me, i have seen how secrets have negatively impacted marriages so NAAAA for secrets, I believe in FULL disclosure and expect the same from him. We don’t have a joint account but he has an idea of what i make and i do for him too and we have an agreement on who pays what bills and what we are saving for.

  2. Dr. N

    July 15, 2015 at 10:41 am

    It depends in my opinion, on who u r. If u r Ruth who married Boaz, u will feel no need to tell lies. If u r Abigail who married Nabal d fool, u will have to take d reigns occasionally. One size doesn’t fit all. As for me, I keep an open book, trusting u to do d same. That doesn’t mean that u park ur brain outside. It means a partnership requires full disclosure.
    One day my mom called and asked for a certain sum and said “Don’t tell hubby what I need it for”. I told her I could not convince him to part wt such cash without explaining who needed it. She understood. If u present a united front, even d kids will get it

    • larz

      July 15, 2015 at 2:08 pm

      I love this comment! There is no one size fits all approach. However, when people starts planning to be deceptive even before they have met the man or allowed the man to show who he really is, then even Boaz’s patience can be tested. Sometimes, you attract who you are. A “smart” babe might end up with an equally “smart” guy who will probably do his best to outsmart you. Being smart is creating an environment where people feel safe to be themselves and then act on what you learn (i.e. to stay or to go).

  3. Gistyinka Blog

    July 15, 2015 at 10:44 am

    Hmmm very interesting piece — fairytales but ‘shine their eyes’.

  4. sad girl

    July 15, 2015 at 10:51 am

    My hubby and I were young lovers. These days I cant believe we are the same people. I believe naivety in love is dangerous. this love thing is crazy and can swing any way. now im blabbing. Im a rollercoaster of emotions right now…..

    • Tosin

      July 16, 2015 at 6:31 am

      honey, i know what you need: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fk6mXlwk_u8 daily
      you’re gon’ be alright.

    • Ogochukwu Nwosu

      July 16, 2015 at 9:31 pm

      I don’t know you honey, but everything will be just fine. Do you still do the things that made you feel happy and so in love?
      Please talk to God, He is really the only one that can fix things. I wish I could talk more to you privately, this is just a phase, be strong and draw closer to God.
      Lots of love….

  5. Not a Cynic but a Realist

    July 15, 2015 at 11:33 am

    It might not be right but I kind of support the smart woman mantra.
    Experience has taught me to use my head and not my heart and unfortunately I do not believe in “Love”.
    Also maybe marriages with Africans/Nigerians will do that to you. I have witnessed so many “not cool marriages” both in the family and out that i now believe love does not exist anymore.

    Case in point, everyone is “calculating” in relationships. Men too are looking for girls with jobs with starting salary cap. Lmao.
    I have had men stylishly ask me how much I make on a date. Lmao. For this reason i borrow my mum’s fairly new Toyota Camry on dates and leave my “luxury” “cough” vehicle for mama to enjoy while I feel out ninjas.

    Nobody wants to be vulnerable and “Give their all”. Everyone wants to cover their bases.
    My male friends are always afraid of me cuz they say i reason more like a man than a woman and no man can deceive me. Lmao.

    I am blessed to have been gifted 2 plots of land in good locations by my grandparents and I just completed the gating and foundation on one of them after 3 years of hard work and saving all under 30 years of age. Alhamdulillah !
    My boyfriend does not know and will not know even if i end up marrying him. I intend to build a block of flats and lease to provide me with residual income which will eventually provide the capital to build my manufacturing buiness and quit the corporate career world in ten years or so.
    Personally perhaps these women have now seen the folly of given their all to the men in their lives only to be rewarded with cheating and disloyalty.
    I am in full support of not giving your all as a woman because we are at a disadvantage in marriage(especially a Nigerian marriage) If things go south.

    Women,Invest in your kids,(only birth the no of children you can cater for alone should crap hit the fan)Start your businesses, have your own career(STOP BEING DEPENDENT ON YOUR MAN FOR SUSTENANCE), always plan ahead and don’t forget your initial family(parents,siblings,etc). Also do not let marriage define you. Have a life focus outside of marriage.

    Heart 30%, Head 70%. Marriage isn’t what it used to be. Hope for the best but prepare for the worst.
    Act like a lady,………..,…..,, you know the rest.

    Remain blessed.

    • Tina

      July 15, 2015 at 1:10 pm

      I bet you’re an Igbo girl cos they are taught to marry their family instead of husband.
      I can understand not wanting to disclose financial info to boyfriend but not to your husband?
      What is the point of getting married then? To be in business partnership or baby making partnership As long as you don’t keep a joint account, how does telling your husband about accomplishments change things? Is he going to make you will your property or clear your account to him? Ladies, marriage should not be one leg in and one leg out. Even the bible does not think so. Yes I agree marriage is not what it used to be and men are not trustworthy blablabla but in order for it to work you have to give your all and truly become one( I.e NO secrets). I struggle with this everyday myself. Look at it this way, how will you feel if your husband does the same?
      It’s funny recently I was discussing with my mom about building a house and she advised not to let my husband know about it but I disagreed. Guess wha? After I told him he was so encouraging and had so much good advise and ideas. Of course the house is going to be in my name which was totally cool with him. He’s is even willing to relieve of some of our bills that I’m responsible to concentrate on the house. His words ” this will be an accomplishment for OUR family” . Glad I never listened to mom.

    • Zero

      July 15, 2015 at 2:21 pm

      Na mumus like you men dey poison come inherit ur property plus marry a far finer sweet 21 put..keep disclosing..carry marriage for head like government work!!!….do u really think he is telling u everything he does now?..muugu!!!!

    • nwanyi na aga aga

      July 15, 2015 at 2:28 pm

      The extreme need to castigate Igbo people mortally blinded you to the point where she wrote that she inherited 2 parcels of land from her grandparents..Do Igbo females inherit anything in their fathers house talk more of grand? …I am not even going to refer to her exclamation of Alhamdulillah! How many Igbo girls exclaim in such fashion?Reading and Comprehension need to be a separate compulsory subject in WAEC in this country. Read first before your ethnic bias jumps out to rubbish everything you feel you typed. Once you people jump online your ethnic hatred for Igbo ppl will jump out, you will not even reason with your brain before you start to yarn nonsense….msheeeew!

    • Personal Signature

      July 15, 2015 at 2:36 pm

      Not a Cynic but a Realist,

      I would love to ask you one simple question, What would you do or what would be your reaction if you find out that your husband has kept somethings away from you?

      From what you say and who you are, you will marry someone who has something going on for him as well. I mean your level or above. How would you feel if he kept all he had before meeting you from you?

      As a person, i would feel this guy doesn’t trust me with some aspect of his life and no need to be with him. If you realize later in life that your husband has kept many secrets away from you, don’t be annoyed okay?

      Go think about it!

    • Personal Signature

      July 15, 2015 at 2:47 pm

      And one more thing, ladies get the idea of children wrong!.

      You are not on this planet because of your children. You are here for your God, yourself, to do what He wants you to do and be happy & fulfilled doing them. To summarize that, For God and yourself. Children are a product of love and blessing from God. If you cannot get a man you will love and love you, don’t bother having kids.

      You are not here for any child, it is to make yourself happy. By happy i mean by being in love with someone who loves you and treats you right. Someone you could fulfill your assignment and goals together.

      Women/ladies, you are not to make any child happy at the expense of your own joy/happiness. The joy children give is different from the joy a partner gives

      Do you work, toil, suffer and labour all day long because of another life (child)? Naaaaa! It is for your self and your joy. Children should be a product of the love you share with your hubby. If you are a lady and all you think about is your kid or enduring marriage because of your kid, you need to re-evaluate yourself.

      It is your love and husband’s love that produces those kids. If you are working for those kids, you are just suffering yourself. You have kids to extend your joy as a result of the love you have for your husband.

      Many be working for kids and got no love for their husbands. I recommend you rather love yourself, treat yourself right, do all the nice things in life.

    • anon

      July 15, 2015 at 3:51 pm

      @Not a Cynic but a Realist;
      While i agree that you should not throw your critical thinking ability away and allow the man to do all the thinking for you in life, i still think you should give more of your heart in marriage (not relationship o, marriage) and not the 30% stated here. if you give 30% to your marriage, my dear, it will never work, the foundation is already shaky. Even runs girls give a little more than 30% in a runs parole. So when the man proposes for marriage, please say NO! if all you have is a mere 30% interest and trust in him, anything else will lead to a ‘dear aunty Bella’ post. Analyse if you can trust him with money, your future, kids future before saying yes, but once you say yes, my dear…. give your best to that marriage. You might think, money and career can assist you raise your kid, but my dear, life can sometimes be a pot of beans o.
      Keep being smart, but just as you can only get excellent results in your career by being more than 30% committed to it, you need more than 30% committed in basically anything you want successful, definitely marriage.
      My 2kobo.

    • FYI

      July 31, 2015 at 3:28 pm

      You are a smart babe!!!!! I wish I was this smart before I got married.

  6. Anita Osawaru

    July 15, 2015 at 12:22 pm

    Love is like a maths, whereby all equations has to be balanced, , just like the mother said love with your head and not heart, though its requires the heart for it to happen.
    In a relationship honesty is the best foundation that has to be laid which people calls disclosure, but in as much as been honest I can’t ask for permission from my partner before giving money to my parents. Damn its my responsibility, I have been doing it before we met, without my parents there won’t be my existence so he has to respect my choices with my parents but In as much as that my mum always say to that “don’t let anyone run ur relationship for you not even me your mother” so everything has a boundaries. I can only ask for permission when it’s a joint account.
    And as of next of kin my children first because bed can’t be all rosy everytime. Yes no marriage is perfect its just maintenance that’s all. My children will always come first because they are the whole of me even when marriage goes bad they are always there with me through thin and thick
    So any man that’s has true love for a woman he possess respect, ,honesty, love she as to always come first. It’s has to be unconditional, there must be comprises, and sacrifices, care and support e.t.c if he is not ready for all of this just for you then there is no love and my advice is leave him and find a better man don’t try to change cos he is unchangeable and don’t be mesmerised by the material things they comes and goes but true love never dies
    So face the heart break its a matter of time and ur real man will come knocking with all the qualities u want even more so my fellow beautiful women all disappointment is a blessing believe it or not.

    • Zero

      July 15, 2015 at 2:25 pm

      Correct chic!!!

    • Personal Signature

      July 15, 2015 at 2:53 pm

      Anita i quote you,

      “Your kids come first to you than your husband” but in the next sentence you said “You should come first to your husband than your kids”

      For Anita: Kids first, husband next
      For Anita’s husband: Wife first, kids next

      Is that a balanced equation?

    • Anita Osawaru

      July 15, 2015 at 4:40 pm

      Personal signature or whatever u are called. I ain’t no time for ur blabing.
      Ur lifes prospective is different from mine, is men like u that are ungrateful! !!!!!!!!!!!!
      Sit down ooo no born if you die tomorrow na u burial yourself.
      Don’t work and Carter for your own children due to u being irresponsible. Its exactly ur type that make innocent womenn who naively in love single moms
      Just go and rethink about yourself and your life. Most importantly I feel sorry for whoever called u her bf, fiancée and husband u are nothing but a skamp

    • Personal Signature

      July 15, 2015 at 5:08 pm

      hahaha
      Simple comment has made you vex/angry
      Is it that you don’t understand it is a comment/ question/reflection or you think i was attacking your personality?

      It is inferior and insecure people that goes the abusive line-i won’t do that with you.
      Cheers dear

    • red

      July 16, 2015 at 1:49 pm

      @Anita, kila gbe , kile ju?
      I think you should reconsider your stance o. marriage is notlike that fa. it’s your husband first b4 children.. and you first to your husband b4 children

  7. Zero

    July 15, 2015 at 1:10 pm

    @ Not a Cynic but a Realist —Your comment is the best i’ve ever heard on bellanaija..you are excelling truly bcos you are worth it….Pls tell all these our african women oh..bcos many of dem don drop their brains for atlantic ocean…you should own a blog..Cheers girl..All the very best in your endeavours.

    • Anita Osawaru

      July 15, 2015 at 4:44 pm

      I feel u my brother u types are real people I this planet, just the same thing honesty u admitting it despite u are fellow men, never let your destiny to be torned with. U are indeed gallant

  8. Not a Cynic but a Realist

    July 15, 2015 at 2:10 pm

    @ Tina

    I am Yoruba from Lagos state.

    @ Zero

    Thank You and a blog is very much under consideration.

  9. MissDodo

    July 15, 2015 at 2:11 pm

    As a Boss Lady, I really can’t relate with all the secrecy stuff. I make my own money and if Man decides to take a walk, I’ll keep making my doe. How can I be thinking of money lost if a relationship goes south when my time invested is lost??! Then again, to each their own! Do what your heart and head tells you is right and do it with love.

  10. Personal Signature

    July 15, 2015 at 2:22 pm

    As i kept on reading, what came to my mind and spirit is that “There is nothing hidden that shall not be revealed”

    Even if your partner (bf, gf, husband or wife) is kept out of it, one day, we all shall stand before God and there is nothing hidden that shall not be revealed.

    As for unforeseen circumstances that is the reality of this age, Why marry a man/woman that you do not trust? Why trust your life and soul with someone you cannot trust your finances, investments, inheritances and belongs with?

    To me it just shows how materialistic we all are because if you can sleep beside the person all night long and you are not afraid of him/her stabbing you while you are asleep or sending a hired assassin to you or poisoning you, why should it be difficult to trust them with our finances (which is the crux of the matter)

    To dwell more on the realities of this age and for those who think they will divorce soon after they marry, as soon as you both are married, all purchases should be in the name of Mr and Mrs. In case your initial fear of divorce comes thru, then Mr and Mrs on all acquisitions solves the equation or problem.

    Many are not ready to marry. They are not ready to let go of Me/I for Us/we. As long as you decide to marry, you two are becoming one meaning your goals, focus, purposes and visions blend into one. Money of both of you is for the growth of the family (u and him). The reason many fail to disclose their resources is due to selfishness, wickedness and hidden agenda. e.g I want to buy Bag or buy shoe or clothes and i don’t want my husband to know this is what i want to use it for. What will make your partner stop you from sending money to your parent that you will think of hiding it from him/her?

    If it is about personal needs to spend money on without informing your partner, You have an account, hubby has his account and there is a joint account for the family in which you both contribute to from your resources and you can use your personal ones for anything you want to do. (and other accounts like for the kids)

    As for Next of kin, just read Obasanjo’s interview some days ago that it was the eldest son of Stella that he mandated to collect the benefit of the package from the hospital that made errors in treating his wife. A man that needs to spend your money in the 1st place needs deliverance. A man that will even collect your money (assuming you are dead) and not use to train the kids not only needs deliverance, but needs heavenly intervention and forgiveness.

    What i read from ladies just enlightens men and makes them re-evaluate their basis for selection of partners, their mode of running the family and all. It seems to me that the ladies of this generation are beginning to device means and cook up ways that makes them smarter than themselves. The resultant effect is always negative. When Eve did her own in the garden of Eden, what was the end result?

    Many have dated and married with their head (smart lady) and missed God’s plan for their lives because to them, it is better to cry in a range rover than to be smiling in a honda. What if the range rover is what will kill you? what if the armed robbers come stealing the range rover? what if things turn around for the owner of the range rover and the honda man has to buy the range and its owner together?

    Men have come to know the kind of ladies looking for the ready made. When you come into their lives, they know how to treat you, they know when to send you packing without anything, as you didnt bring anything to the house, they know how to talk to you because you contributed nothing to their progress and wealth.

    Our generation feels they are wiser and smarter than the previous ones but it is sad to say that no other generation had it as worse as this. The rate and level of unfaithfulness, deceitfulness, divorce, break up, infidelity, social woes, disaster and catastrophe is highly unprecedented. Daily/weekly issues to deal with, news upon news of nothing encouraging even for the singles to get married…….

    Whatever we create for ourselves as the so called “SMART GENERATION of ladies, we should be ready to deal and live with it” If ladies feel they shouldn’t make their husbands their NOK again, believe you me it will get to the stage that men would reevaluate this and use someone else as their NOK and the remaining little trust left in marriages would be eroded and the institution of marriage completely broken down

    I end by saying you are what you think and what you fear is what you experience, like job. If this has been in your mentality before going into it, i fear this is what you will experience. As you think in your heart, so are you and will you be.

    If we follow the inspiration of the devil, we will end up with what he plans for us. If we follow God’s directives, we will end up with what he intends for us. The decision is ours and the ball is in our court

    I have said more than enough!

    • Blessedheart

      July 15, 2015 at 3:50 pm

      I really love your comment. I keep telling people, if you have the mindset that you’re going to have a completely open and honest relationship with your spouse, you’ll take your time entering into the relationship. Yes, people change but we should not allow fear and mistrust rule us. I can’t imagine having a house hidden from my husband neither can I imagine him doing the same. I know how much he earns and he knows how much I earn. We don’t have a joint account so I can decide to send money to my parents or siblings without needing his permission but I’ll probably tell him, especially if the amount is substantial. Marriage is supposed to be a union of two people, that is, two people becoming one and not two people trying to protect themselves from the other person.
      Also, I think it’s an evidence of a breakdown of the marriage institution when your children comes before your spouse. Did you get married to have a sperm donor or surrogate mother? I believe the first reason for marriage is for the companionship and for two people to come together to do greater things than they can do individually.
      That being said, if you’re aware your spouse isn’t trustworthy, then you may need to wisen up to protect yourself. If the person you’re dating/courting isn’t trustworthy then you may need to give serious thoughts to continuing with that relationship.

    • Dr. N

      July 15, 2015 at 7:27 pm

      Rather than marry a man I cannot trust it is better to remain single. Let us stop d behaviour of shaming single women pls. It makes ppl marry wt d intention of giving only a percentage of their commitment

    • red

      July 16, 2015 at 2:42 pm

      @Personal Signature, i agree with you. i don’t think secrecy is the right thing. truly the world has gone ….. haywire and women and children are not treated right in marriages, it doesn’t mean God’s standard has dropped. pple have tried to water down God’s reason for marriage and God’s intention for marriage so all these corrupt seeds are sown.
      we should all just pray for the right partner who we can share all with..having done all on your part leave the rest to the one who owns all. as a matter of fact, i understand the need to have a safe place to run to or sth to fall back on but hiding things doesn’t guarantee safety when things go south. honestly, ask those who’ve been there

  11. Zero

    July 15, 2015 at 3:30 pm

    Personal signature – – I’m sure you are a man…..stop all these brainwashing tactics..only mumu women will listen to that–tables have turned….I am a man too and i believe that men and women should do everything to make it work—equality in respect, love and all…this task should not be placed on women alone—if this aint possible for whatever reason, aint nothing wrong at all with being single–we all came to this world alone..

  12. reader

    July 15, 2015 at 3:47 pm

    True word @ personal signature. All Humans are the same searching for relevance, to be loved. when I fell in love at the age of 17, I promised myself i was going to love this person with all my being and treat him like he was me. 19 years later we are still very much in love and married. It is very hard for someone to pay love with evil, try it. Be honest, be an openbook to that one special person who knows you more than your parents, not the sex, he makes me weak kind of love but the one that
    sticks just like a mother will stick to a child no matter what.

  13. Just another girl

    July 15, 2015 at 3:56 pm

    Thank God I am still single and have been able to see firsthand the experiences my married friends have gone through and are going through. For me full disclosure is very important however whatever property/investments/savings each party accquired before marriage should be separated from property acquired jointly in a marriage. So if the house I bought as a single lady has my mum as next of kin let it stay so the same for him. . I decided long ago that I will have a joint account that goes towards retirement savings, bills, joint holidays and any other joint thing that we may need. You should also both decide who is the next of kin in said joint investments and then each party has their own separate account or accounts as they deem fit to do with as they like. I do not want to ever be in a situation where my sister asks me to lend her 10k and I have to check with my hubby first before giving it to her heck no! I should be able to withdraw money from my own account at my discrection to spend as I deem fit. I have a set amount that I give out to charity or whoever i feel is in need or comes to me for help each month i do not want any man interfereing with that because he feels the person asking does not deserve it or some other crazy reason.

    Ladies if you do joint acquuisition you had better make sure and verify that both names are on it and have a plan on how to divide should the need arise not just because of divorce or separation etc but should you both feel the need to do away with it and use the money for something else.

    That is how my friend currently going through a divorce found out that all the properties they had were in her mother in laws name as next of kin imagine that! To add salt to injury some of the properties were acquired with money her millionaire father gave them as a wedding present she was too trusting of the husband and since he was in the legal proffesion she let him handle all the purchases and paper work. Now they are in court battling it out.

  14. bee

    July 15, 2015 at 5:38 pm

    I THINK the bottom line is – if you are both honest and transparent it won’t solve all problems but you will be in for a better ride that if you are not.
    Good luck to all.

    • bee

      July 15, 2015 at 11:33 pm

      than not that

  15. Rose

    July 15, 2015 at 6:25 pm

    But come look why does my hubby need to chuck eye in my money….my money is mine…. his money is ours…..lmaoooo….aya bellanaija over supportive wife’s begin the attack

  16. Tosin

    July 15, 2015 at 8:38 pm

    debate! my work here is (almost) done.

  17. McSeun

    July 16, 2015 at 8:39 pm

    Thought provoking!

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