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Laiza King: Ladies, Stop Waiting For a Man to Fix You

STYLVO

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During a recent conversation with an acquaintance, I learned that ladies kept a checklist which potential life time bae must tick before things get heavy. This list contains qualities bae must have and things he must do or be willing to do, before he is even considered for marriage.

In the words of my acquaintance, “I’m not willing to settle o. Anyone who doesn’t check all the right boxes should just comot for road let serious people enter.”
Hmmm.

Instantly, my curiosity was piqued. My ears stood at attention.
Unconsciously, I started strategizing how to borrow some ‘hubby must haves’ from her list to add to mine. This was before I even knew what her checklist was.Blame it on the times we are in. These days, you never know if that one box you refuse to tick on the list will come back to haunt you tomorrow. You must make sure all bases and grey areas are covered.

I quickly asked her to enlighten me further on her checklist. Before proceeding to reel out her checklist, she graciously asked me to ‘listen, learn and adopt’.

The under listed were top priorities on my acquaintance’s hubby-MUST-have checklist:
-Be wealthy (No Negotiation. In fact, the richer, the better).
-Take her on exotic tours around the world (Durh!).
-Invest in her boutique and hair business. (Why is he my husband in the first place?).
-Be tall, dark and handsome TDH things (You go dark, you can’t go wrong).
-Take care of her family because they have all suffered so much (Even the African tradition recognises this. You marry a wife, you marry her family.).
-Have a house in Ikoyi or Banana Island, besides Aunty Linda I. just bought one (See why being wealthy is a must?).
-Must fly only First or Business class (Again, durh!).
-For some reason, she added that- while he gives her these things, she really doesn’t care if he cheats on her (All men cheat anyways. I can’t come and go and kill myself jare).

At this point, my mouth was so open a bird could have built a nest in there and I wouldn’t feel it.
Obviously, my acquaintance loved the good life…too much.
When I recovered from my shocked, I quietly asked her:
‘So, what are you bringing to the table’?
Silence……

Somehow, I managed to call on all the people skills I have acquired over time to change the subject without being rude.

While I respect the opinions of people, I also know that I am not under any obligation to swallow what they spew at me.

Training myself to think differently has really helped me acquire a mindset that is not rooted in the stereotypical. I can’t even begin to tell you how thinking differently has helped me as an individual. But I digress.

Every woman, heck individual, male and female- have a certain ‘spouse must-have’ checklist we draw up as we relate with the opposite gender. The heart wants what it wants, they say. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. From time immemorial, women have fantasised about that ‘knight in shining armour who will show up in all his regal grandeur and whisk us away in his golden chariot to a life where we live happily ever after’.

Problem with that fantasy is it’s just fantasy. Life doesn’t work like that. In life, you must be willing to work for what you truly desire.

Oprah Winfrey had this to say: ‘If you’re sitting around waiting on someone to save, fix or help you, then, you’re wasting your time. Because, only YOU have the responsibility to move your life forward. It doesn’t matter where you come from. I’ve seen people come out of the desert and from the deepest circumstances. It doesn’t matter if your mother had a PhD or not. What matters is this moment and your willingness to see this moment for what it is, forgive the past, take responsibility and move your life forward’.

Dear wonderful woman, you deserve the best. We all do. While most of us also want a wealthy and rich husband and all what not on our checklist, I’m here to get you to re-evaluate your checklist and start building and investing in yourself too. What are you bringing to the table? How are you preparing yourself to add value to hubby when he shows up?

Don’t you know a man with the rich resume you fantasize about also wants something similar from the woman he plans to spend the rest of his wife with? Little wonder the rich marry the rich. You attract what and who you are and not what you fantasize about.

The best form of investment people hardly talk about is investing in yourself. This isn’t restricted to your regular college education but more about building yourself from within, creating good habits, continuously reinventing yourself through skills that will also help you earn, growing your self-worth, maximizing your potential and consciously moving towards your purpose on earth. The returns on self-investment are endless when it comes to taking the first step to grow yourself from within and above all, it helps you to become the best version of yourself.

Ladies, no man owes you anything. It’s time to do away with that ‘needy ‘mentality and develop yourself to become all you were created to be.

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27 Comments

  1. Lem

    November 29, 2015 at 6:36 pm

    This issue has been presented in a zillion different packages. It has been soooo over flogged that it is becoming boring and dull. Yes we get the message of empowerment as women but please enough already!!!

    • You

      November 30, 2015 at 10:35 am

      How won’t it be over flogged? bcos that is your aim
      keep fantasizing my dear

  2. ify

    November 29, 2015 at 6:43 pm

    yh very true, but its just a normal teenage girl thing but once u start reaching 21 and that mentality is still with you then u need to check yourself. Not everyone will be lucky enough to actually have their fantasies come to reality, as for me tho i am determined to struggle to read and make it in life cos have reached a stage where have come to realize that i might not be one of those lucky girls

  3. Ibe

    November 29, 2015 at 6:56 pm

    Well said ! where are the ladies? the ladies don’t wanna comment because they’ve been hit hard by this piece. LWKMD

  4. left brain psycriatric doctor

    November 29, 2015 at 6:56 pm

    Is Buhari still the president though? Hardship unabated, fuel,food,water,security crises. Has been on fuel queque since 1 hour! Voters of this illiterate need evaluation in my office.

    • ElessarisEllendil

      November 29, 2015 at 7:38 pm

      O/.

      Oya I’ve arrived, wetin you wan do?

      On a serious note, Nigerians you’re in a democracy. The slowness of it all is one of its disadvantages, get used to it or you know willingly make me your benevolent dictator.

      Other side-Note has Bros B landed from Malta yet, I need to know if its time to unleash MFM prayer warriors on his spirit of vagrancy. Oga stay your country! “Nigeria is our only home we shall STAY!!! here and salvage it together.” Remember?

    • ElessarisEllendil

      November 29, 2015 at 8:10 pm

      * spirit of vagrancy. Buhari is many things truant doesn’t look to be one of them.

      “Reformed Democrat” should cease to be one IMO………a topic for another day.

    • Chic

      November 29, 2015 at 8:11 pm

      Omo Mehn..economy tight. Cash is not even flowing. I don’t understand. Ds year end get as e be.

  5. ElessarisEllendil

    November 29, 2015 at 7:34 pm

    EEYAH, one of the few things on my checklist is that “durh!” must not be in my future Mrs vocabulary. We had such a good thing too.?

    • femfem

      November 29, 2015 at 9:11 pm

      People that say Durh are very foolish. If you are still saying it after your 16th birthday, you need to go for deliverance from the spirit of juvenilism (it’s a new word )?

    • ElessarisEllendil

      November 30, 2015 at 12:21 am

      Chop knuckle!

    • Funke

      November 29, 2015 at 10:08 pm

      Ah ah! Are you a man? Why have I always imagined that you’re a woman. Maybe it’s the name you use.

    • ElessarisEllendil

      November 30, 2015 at 12:34 am

      Elessar and Ellendil is the name of a male character from Lord of the Rings. Dead giveaway in my opinion.

      The way Galadriel is Altariel would obviously be a woman’s choice.?

    • Tosin

      November 30, 2015 at 7:49 am

      lighten up. the writer used it “in character” even spelling it in the lamest way possible (where did the r come from?)

      ps: i don’t watch LOTR (boringest thing i ever tried to do, and I tried), the screen name has elle all over it and screams feminine, plus your writing is often a little feminine. not the first time this will happen in the comments, and proves that biological sex != gender at least in writing/commenting/opinion, they’re not the same.

    • Mz Socially Awkward...

      November 30, 2015 at 9:35 am

      *eyes wide open as I nibble crackers in fascination*

      Hot damn, Tosin! As in, Hian! Where’d those claws appear from? Nne, dem dey spiky and well-hidden ohh… see how you just swiped and drew blood!

    • Tosin

      December 1, 2015 at 6:17 am

      no fight intended.
      none. unintended meaning, maybe…
      i’ve had ppl on this forum think i was a guy, i think i’m a guy half the time, then i thought larz was a guy, thought elleris was a girl, and maybe when i watch LOTR will find the elle character has some elle character. none of this matters. the whole gender bullshit, whatever. read my books: big boy and big girl.

    • whocares

      November 30, 2015 at 10:39 am

      @E.E. chop knuckle solely for the LOTR reference. loool. How did I miss that? I have read the books more times than I can recall, and the movies too *covers eyes in shame* I cannot share this to my LOTR gang.

  6. Chic

    November 29, 2015 at 8:21 pm

    As u grow older as a lady, u realize that life isn’t about fantasies especially if u didn’t grow up with a silver spoon in ur mouth. U’re hit with the reality of life always.I envy those rich Kids who don’t have to fight to earn everything. It’s tough! U have to fight to live above the situation u grew up in. As well as carrying ur family along in every stage of ur success. The more reason i love Linda ikeji. She does not forget her family.Trust me, if u’re a lady like ds, u’ll have to fight to make it no matter what & not even waiting for a man to validate ur existence. U’re more realistic with what u want cos u know life is not a piece of cake. Having a good man will be like a bonus to u, if u’re lucky to find one.

    • Me

      November 30, 2015 at 1:19 am

      Don’t envy them oh… Na them rich kids get spiritual battles pass. For some weird reason I never fantasized about marrying a very rich dude because I always felt he either wouldn’t have my time or not love me the way me and my grow together in life dude would love ourselves. My fear with the grow together dude is after all the sacrifices I’ve made he would then start acting like they are doing him from his village. It is well Sha make I just focus on my career jare and let Gods will be done.

  7. Funke

    November 29, 2015 at 9:58 pm

    It’s funny how people are digressing from the topic of the article. Plus, yea, I agree “duh” is so sixth grade. Who says it anymore?

  8. beauty

    November 29, 2015 at 11:03 pm

    I still believe in the Knight in Shining Armour thought oh….

  9. Tosin

    November 30, 2015 at 7:51 am

    God bless you o!
    And many mistaking thickness of foundation for value…na wa o.

  10. babyface

    November 30, 2015 at 8:37 am

    It is very important that ladies are made to understand that no man owes them anything.People both males and females should be made to understand that nobody owes them anything.It is alarming to see a lot of people with entitlement mentality.

  11. Ify

    November 30, 2015 at 9:31 am

    i agree with this write_up, but a real Man should also be ready to take charge of the basic responsibilities. He should be ready in every aspect before getting married, so he can be in charge. thats how God made it to be, and its in the Bible.

    • OJ

      November 30, 2015 at 1:30 pm

      Here we go again bringing up ” a real man bla bla bla talk” so a real woman must milk her man dry abi? woman shouldnt take care of or support in basic responsibilities abi?

    • Tosin

      December 1, 2015 at 6:19 am

      that sort of explains where it’s coming from…preachers. ah ok. not my flavour, but ok. me i’m the real man and the real woman. whatevs.

  12. Adrian

    December 6, 2015 at 12:20 am

    Lovely article.Why are ppl so selfish,sometimes..It’s not always abt you..how do u better that bf/gf/fiance/finacee??Self development!You couldnt have written it any better..

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