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Afam: The 6 People You Need to Unfollow on Instagram!



dreamstimeextralarge_30905627The year’s still fairly new so it isn’t too late to introduce some new habits that will improve the quality of your year, or the rest of your life. There’s really no better time to do away with everything that’s been making you feel like a used condom (worthless) or an extinct animal (dead). And I’ll wager that a good number of the post dump and pre flush feelings find their beginnings on your Instagram account. It’s one of the reasons why you think that procrastination is a bad thing. If every trip to Instagram mid report/assignment/real life situation leads to you being depressed then you need to get unfollowing.

The Great Ex
It’s been said time and time again that there’s no use crying over spilt milk. You must stop stalking the one that got away, or the one that didn’t work out, or the one that you couldn’t bear to be seen with. They may have left you feeling warm and fuzzy once upon a time, but now your stalkerish activities only lead to uncomfortable thoughts and suicidal tendencies. Be like Adele and send your love to their new lover or delight in the fact that they haven’t found one yet, and unfollow. Failure to do so may lead to dangerous situations. You could end up in an apartment in some unreachable corner of the world with a horny beast of a human being who just won’t take ‘no’ for an answer.

There’s always that guy or girl whose Instagram account exists to hurt your feelings. Instagram accounts are the highlight reels of someone’s life; but if someone’s highlights seem dedicated to making you feel inferior then it’s time to take your leave. It’s far cheaper than paying a therapist to treat your inferiority complex.

The New Lover of the Ex
Don’t do it. Don’t do it. Don’t do it. If you think it’s a good idea ask yourself the following questions.

Would you:

Stand in front of a moving train?
Willingly inject yourself with heroin?
Sky dive without a parachute?

No? Then don’t do that either.

If you would actually do any of the above you’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t.

The Loathing I Have For You is Fantastic
There are people in life that you feel unadulterated hatred for. In the lines of one of the greatest songs from Wicked the musical


Unadulterated loathing.

For your face, your voice, your clothing;

Let’s just say – I loathe it all!

Every little trait however small

Makes my very flesh begin to crawl

With simple utter loathing.

There’s a strange exhilaration

In such total detestation

It’s so pure, so strong.

Though I do admit it came on fast,

Still I do believe that it can last.

And I will be loathing, loathing you

My whole life long!

They could be fashion people that always get it wrong, or Instagram comedians that always fail to make you laugh, or thirsty hoes over there, who would really better spend their time as porn stars. Get rid of all that bad karma. Hit the button. Don’t be silly. You know the one. It’s the one right at the top of their ‘gram. The one where follow used to be before you had a sip of haterade/ I tell you, it’s more addictive than heroin.

The Ones Who Make You Ask ‘What Exactly Do You Do For a Living?’
Some people seem to be permanently on holiday. Today arse cheek in Zanzibar, tomorrow cocktails in Malaysia, and on Saturday model chilling in New York. These people are the sort that I call international enemies of progress. You may want to criticise yourself for feeling the green beginnings of envy, but you really shouldn’t. If they didn’t flaunt their joblessness so vagrantly you wouldn’t be so glum. The way I see it, it’s their fault for making you feel so terrible.

The Perpetually Inspired Quote-Mongering Amateur Life Coaches
So you found enlightenment reading The Bible or The Alchemist? You spend at least an hour everyday looking for the perfect Instagram winning quote? Your mood is always a picture of a tiger that looks like it’s about to eat someone? Please keep your enlightenment to yourself this year. I’m perfectly happy stumbling through life like a narcoleptic epileptic drunk, and if I wanted to know what Martin Luther King Jr. thought about it, I would get a ouija board and ask him myself.

I’ve given this one a rethink, I dare say that it would be better to follow one of them. You can’t receive virtual life coaching from too many sources. If you do, you’ll be the broth that too many cooks cooked.

Photo Credit: Dreamstime


  1. bee

    February 4, 2016 at 12:37 pm

    lol @ the ones who makes you ask what exactly do you do for a living?

  2. johnny guns

    February 4, 2016 at 12:39 pm

    Who’s in the picture though!? :O

  3. Ss

    February 4, 2016 at 12:49 pm

    Add instagram boutiques to the list

  4. A Real Nigerian

    February 4, 2016 at 12:53 pm

    Yet another absolutely horrendous piece focusing on trivial issues that add no value to the human life. It lacks depth. It lacks flair. And in a desperate attempt to come across as exciting, this writer added elements of humour that are out of place and convoluted. The end result is a piece of writing that leaves you wondering what exactly you just read, and also questioning what the author hoped to achieve while penning this sorry excuse for an article.
    But hey, Nigerians love pettiness and mediocrity and I’m sure many people will smile while reading this and go as far as sharing a link to this article to their friends.
    Sad, beta, cringeworthy.

    • Who Mess???

      February 4, 2016 at 1:00 pm

      Ta lo so pa e?????

    • Anon

      February 4, 2016 at 1:32 pm

      Afam, this one is ‘The Loathing I Have For You is Fantastic’ one take note.

    • Nuna

      February 4, 2016 at 1:48 pm

      Take a bottle of chilled zobo ok. I’ll gladly pay.

    • Otony

      February 4, 2016 at 3:57 pm

      You need Jesus. Just this small thing this guy write make we use relax, your body don de scratch. Scratching body. Hian

  5. keke driver

    February 4, 2016 at 1:06 pm

    Nice one tho…lol @ “The Ones Who Make You Ask ‘What Exactly Do You Do For a Living?’”


    February 4, 2016 at 1:26 pm

    @real nigerian, y open the post if u gonna be this bitter. swerve jor!… those who need it will take heed . ,so pls stop being a critic

    • baka the man slayer

      February 4, 2016 at 4:43 pm

      why shouldn’t she or he be a critic.. isnt this a public platform where people have the freedom to write what they want! hian, gerrara here mehn!

  7. maryjane

    February 4, 2016 at 1:34 pm

    This was very poorly written Afam. Your attempts at humour/sarcasm came off wishwashy. Good topic but poor execution. You can do better than this.
    🙂 🙂

  8. @mainbosschick

    February 4, 2016 at 1:37 pm

    am none of the above listed lol!
    you can follow me through my name for a follow back jare!

    • Largerthanlifealice

      February 4, 2016 at 3:31 pm

      iya follow back o @largerthanlifealice

    • baka the man slayer

      February 4, 2016 at 4:47 pm

      clap for yourself.. you’ve won one sobo drink… mshewwww

  9. zee

    February 4, 2016 at 1:39 pm

    Nice post Afam.

  10. soraya

    February 4, 2016 at 2:37 pm

    If you unfollow all these people who is left to follow?

    Accept Instagram for what it is: materialism, envy-inducing, gossip and throwing shade

    • A Real Nigerian

      February 4, 2016 at 3:12 pm


  11. Plagiarism is bad

    February 4, 2016 at 2:45 pm

    This was the original article you lifted your whole article from
    Laziness and plagiarism at its peak. SMH

    • Atoke

      February 4, 2016 at 3:34 pm


      Thank you for visiting and reading BellaNaija.

      There’s no plagiarism with the article we published. The link which you posted only shows that the premise was similar, and ideas cannot be plagiarised.

      We urge our readers to please be careful when levelling accusations such as this.

      Thank you.

    • real naija...

      February 4, 2016 at 4:31 pm

      aunty is still plagiarism…. the title is exactly the same thing why couldn’t you rephrase the headlines or topic….. seems bella naija don’t know what plagiarism is. you think plagiarism is just copy and paste….. even with other points i could still see similarities…
      if you wish to use people ideas then state where you got the idea from!!!!!

    • Que

      February 4, 2016 at 5:14 pm

      maybe not plagiarised, maybe just inspired by…..

    • Bola

      February 4, 2016 at 5:15 pm

      Its not plagiarism unfortunately. It’s just lack of originality. If you are going to copy someones idea, you better do a darn great job: even better than the originator.

      Another side to it. It’s very hard to find new ideas. If you are thinking it, trust, someone else has come up with the same idea. It has happened to me many times. Kinda like trying to register a new website: all the names are taken.

    • Corolla

      February 4, 2016 at 6:58 pm

      Oh really, warning you readers against posying5 accusations? Don’t you guys carry some unfounded stories. Abegi!!

    • Otony

      February 4, 2016 at 4:02 pm

      See this one. Having similar ideas isn’t plagiarism my dear. All this enemies of progress like you should be unfollowed in Instagram in 2016. Hian.

    • real naija...

      February 4, 2016 at 4:37 pm

      my dear having similar ideas isn’t plagiarism but when theres a lot of similarities example, having the exact headline it is and other similarities…. why do people and you always think people who state fact are just enemies of progress. I’m sorry for the likes of you!!! its a pity!!!

    • Anon

      February 5, 2016 at 2:20 am

      I KNOW! I was just going to say this. This is exactly plagiarism. If you lifted an idea like this in school, with the same sub headings, best believe a Professor will charge you with plagiarism (very blatant one for that matter), fail you, and might even report you to the institution.

  12. Bennie Egbedinni

    February 4, 2016 at 2:55 pm

    It’s a nice piece, funny too

  13. DD

    February 4, 2016 at 3:13 pm

    Erhmm my dear writer… its a huge world out there…you need to know and see the good, bad and ugly….. and that’s the only way people can rise when one follows all…. what you should be telling people to unfollow are the ones with all kinds of nudes and swearing kinda folks that will only lead you into injury, harm or danger…..if they travel so.. you can also get ideas on where to travel and places to visit.For the Bible quotes and motivation quotes, some folks find it helpful.. Different strokes for different folks…. all you should be telling folks is to be CONTENT , WORK HARD , STRIFE HARD, ENJOY THEIR LIVES AND TRY NOT TO BE COVERTOUS Inspite of the temptation out there… Thats why its called social media… if you don’t want to see the world and people’s lifestyle via media.. then don’t be on it at all..
    Inshort go back and think of what to write again.. ..
    My 2cents…

  14. Chinma Eke

    February 4, 2016 at 3:51 pm

    Sorry, we apologise. We are sorry we forced you to open this page and read this. We are also sorry we didn’t move you on to ‘more intellectually stimulating reads’.
    We apologise and hope you’re better now. If not, here’s a word to brighten your day; gerrara here mehn!

    • sammiewolf

      February 5, 2016 at 6:47 pm

      chinma eke…err…sorry. we apologise for daring to air our opinions about your friend’s work. we hope you feel betta now, and in case u don’t, pls find a cold bottle of origin…and yes, some!

  15. Teni

    February 4, 2016 at 4:16 pm

    i have unfollowed that M.B. chick – ah ah The show off of her and her husband and baby boy toddler was too much – after awhile i got bored. . Instafamous. Some times as a married woman you need to be a lil discreet, ah, ah , Everywhere they go they she will post update – we are on holiday in italy, we are holiday in abuja, blah blah blah . Low key and unassuming is more attractive.. Are you the only one who is married. ?

    I follow comedians, comediennes, inspirational speakers like Tony Gaskins , christian women with beautiful quotes. And a few food pages. Oh and i also came off facebook. I am so proud of myself

    • D

      February 4, 2016 at 6:10 pm

      It’s her life, live and let live. She never asked you to follow her, you chose to do so and when you realized you didn’t like the way she does things, ehen, you did your bit by unfollowing her. So move on. No need to continue judging the way she chooses to live her life. She does not have to align with your narrow and restricted view of what ‘married women’ should and should not do.

    • anu

      February 4, 2016 at 6:20 pm


    • Meme

      February 4, 2016 at 7:35 pm

      are you referring to Maky Benson? I get what you mean that she posts quite a bit but really I don’t think she is so so out there actually. I don’t follow her but she is always on my explore and I always ‘oo’ and ‘aaa’ at her pictures. In comparison to a lot of naija instafamous people… she comes across very sweet and is actually one I can manage. I know what irritates you about her tho… it is simply because her life appears perfect to you

  16. real naija...

    February 4, 2016 at 4:33 pm

    aunty Toke… This is still plagiarism…. the title is exactly the same thing why couldn’t you rephrase the headlines or topic….. seems bella naija don’t know what plagiarism is. you think plagiarism is just copy and paste….. even with other points i could still see similarities…
    if you wish to use people ideas then state where you got the idea from!!!!!!!!!

  17. whocares

    February 4, 2016 at 4:34 pm

    I dont have insta, but the last category here is the truth. I am far from being constantly grumpy, but I hate people that ooze positivity all the fecking time. Ahan. why? just live life -life is not happy, happy joy, joy sun shining out of our arse and we are burping rainbows all the time fun . (yes, I am thoroughly irritated today. In fact I just escaped one of such people so my irritation is still fresh. lol). Keep your quotes and unsolicited advice to yourselves plealze. And to think half the time they attempt to inspire you by telling you to do things you already do after they have annoyed the LIFE OUT OF YOU. Just because you just found the joy of daily meditation doesn’t mean some of us did not find it years ago (breathe whocares breathe. looool) it just might not show that I am calm and zen at this moment because you are irritating the crap out of me and I want to bitch slap you with my stapler. (really, I have derailed to my own random tangent, but indulge me please. let me rant) looool.
    Rant over.. maybe I should start this instagram business ke. It seems its the place people go to meet people now. Do people still go out and meet each other regularly? 3 out of 5 girls in my work place met their partners through insta. I was with a cousin the other day and a guy was staring at her. He did not say anything until we left the train and then she got a message from him saying I just saw you on the train. Apparently, he was on her instagram but she did not know him. I found it weird to be sure but that’s the world now.

  18. t

    February 4, 2016 at 5:52 pm

    This made me laugh.

  19. the generous economist

    February 4, 2016 at 6:22 pm

    Loool @teni..”subbing M.B”…I don’t fllw her bt I guess many of my friends fflw her so her feeds appear a lot on my search page…while I agree he posts may be many nd cause jealousy…it apparently makes her happy…I jst hope sme1 wnt try nd do smtin to cause her pain out of envy…bt hey…it’s 2016…every1 has freedom of expression

  20. Heather

    February 4, 2016 at 10:03 pm

    My Goodness =- Did she mention anybodys name. The whole world with Billions of people MB stands for one person abi. on instagram – some people are so full of shyt. The person did not mention any bodys name – she just put initials – so if you people are going to assume it some specific person then so be it.


  21. owl

    February 5, 2016 at 3:47 am

    As far as I am concerned people that overshare online are covering up for something they are lacking in their real lives.
    Such narcissistic behavior isn’t normal. in well balanced human beings.

  22. Interesting

    February 5, 2016 at 8:02 am

    “Would you willingly inject heroine?” Naija is truly a far cry from Yankee. That’s like asking, Would you willingly drink very chilled Coca Cola on an extremely hot day? Or asking the average guy, Would you willingly have sex with a girl with 34DD and a fat behind if she asks? The answer – Hellllll yeah! All day, every day!

  23. NIRA

    February 5, 2016 at 11:27 am

    Don’t mind him/her. I think this A Real Nigerian just thrives on being on the opposing side, always disagreeing and finding fault with everything. Sweetie it doesn’t make you unique. It just makes you very annoying and difficult to get along with. Hope you’re not like this in real life sha!

  24. sammiewolf

    February 5, 2016 at 6:49 pm

    ok. for a girl, this might be permissive, but for a guy….really? ideas all gone?

  25. kollytoe

    February 8, 2016 at 2:39 pm

    lol. International enemies of progress

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