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Kemmie: 5 Things Every Woman Needs To Know About Love



dreamstime_l_31028927“Your heart is free, have the courage to follow it.” – Braveheart

It has been said that doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result is the definition of insanity. To the single girl, getting a good man to settle down with is a feat many are still struggling with. When I was younger, my mother taught me to look within anytime I am faced with a problem. She taught me to search myself first to see if there was anything I had done or was doing wrong. She always used to say it is only when you can honestly look inward and not find anything wrong, that you can look outside of yourself to figure out the root of the problem.

These days I would like to see more singe ladies apply that policy on life and relationships. Mostly I hear girls say things like I am done with men, or I just want to be single for a while or there are no real men and so on and so forth. But in all honesty, have you looked inwards and checked on yourself first before poking accusing fingers at the men? Could there be certain misconceptions that you have about what or how men ought to be that is affecting the way your relationships are turning out? Have you thought about the possibility that you just might be handling things a bit wrong and probably have to change tactics just a wee bit?

They say love is complicated, but in most cases we women are the complicated ones, the ones with an ego that we refuse to control, with daddy issues that we refuse to prayerfully deal with, the ones with so much emotional baggage only Jesus himself could marry us! Think about it today: what are the things that need to change in your life and in the way you view love? Relationships? If you were to meet you, would you fall in love with you? Below are 5 things I believe every woman needs to know about love. Even though the post is targeted at women (men, don’t get too happy; yours is on the way), I believe men as well could learn a thing or two from this.
Enjoy and let me hear your feedbacks!

Love is NOT about SEX, or how good you are at it
I think we as women pay too much emphasis on this particular point. As much as a good sexual relationship is important between a couple and can help build intimacy, it is never going to be the only reason a good man will stand by you or fall in love with you. I have sadly observed many a girl make this mistake thinking “If I just give it to him real good, he will keep coming back to me”. Ladies, please stop. There are far too many virtues and attributes that you possess that you just need to put forward so that a man can notice you. Work on being a better person outside of the bedroom; your manners, your communication skills, your spirituality – and see if this will make a difference in your love life or not. I am not saying don’t have sex. The choice to have it or not should be a personal one, but just don’t let it be the number one thing.

Love is NOT about money
So, right, I know I am definitely going to step on a few toes here. We all (men and women) love money. We love the finer things of life, we want security, we want a solid bank balance but lets face it: the average woman likes, actually loves money. The moment a man shows up looking like he has some dough, we are gone like the wind.
He might be an assassin or violent for all we care, so long as he has money we are game. Some of us will not even talk to a man who is not “smelling” of money or who has a fat account written all over him. We believe we have to marry Olorunsogo, ain’t nobody got time for Surulere.

Ladies listen; the truth is some, not all of us are going to marry into riches. The others are just going to be Michelles to their Baracks and support that man with a lot of potential and drive until he makes it big, and even then there is still a slight possibility that he won’t. And we do possess the power to be able to do just that! So quit waiting on the long line for some rich dude who just might never show up and get on with your job. You have not even begun to unlock your God-given potential to effect change. You will be shocked at the things you can accomplish when you tap into that inner strength. Eventually, you get a deeper level of satisfaction and fulfilment when you see that man’s dreams (and yours) and aspirations coming together and unfolding before your very eyes. But please, if you meet some super-rich dude asking for your hand in marriage (honestly) ditch my advice and marry. You only got one life to live. But if not, and the only brothers showing up are not necessarily on the same level of class as you desire but are hardworking, resourceful, goal-driven and have great, obvious potential, please get on with your job. The earlier you start, the better for you.

Love does NOT need you to become something or someone else
In short, quit faking it! Get real, the real you is easier to connect with and fall in love with than that perfect you you are trying to project. Real love only happens when you let go. I have seen women sleep over at their man’s and refuse to remove their make-up, or some who their men, in 3 years in a relationship, have never seen their natural hair; always on their Brazilians, Peruvians and Mongolians.

Girl, please! If that man cannot love you for you the way you are, you are probably better off without him. And I am sure it’s easier (and cheaper) for him to go to Brazil and pick a girl with all the real hair than pick one he knows is wearing it fake. In reality, you know we ladies only buy all these things to show off to each other, because seriously the guys can’t tell the difference and I am sure they ain’t really bothered. We are the vain ones and seriously its time to slow down and redirect our focus, change our perspectives.

Learn to love yourself unconditionally, with no excuses! Enough of the talk about being too fat, or not going out without make-up, I am not saying these things are not good, but please set realistic limits. Men, I am sure are tired by now of seeing human beings looking like barbie dolls. That stuff is good on Nicki Minaj, not on you. That is her brand, find your own.

Real sisters are a breath of fresh air, don’t be afraid of you to the point where you are leaning towards becoming someone else, just be the best you you can be.

Love starts with you, but it is not just about you
So you don’t love yourself and you expect a man to love you, eh? Or worse still, you love yourself so much, it is so hard for anyone to please you, let alone love you? Think again. Ladies, find a balance. You need to love yourself enough to still be able to make space for someone else in your heart. Remember, relationships, marriages especially, is not about 50/50, but 100/100, If you already gave 110 to yourself, what more is there to give?  Or on the other hand, if you can’t love yourself and all you do is moan about the bad head you have when it comes to love, then what can you give if you don’t have it?

Love is NOT a hustle
This one really gets to me, seeing 5-10 girls hustling for one man. They know about each other yet they stick around, hoping the guy will know they are the real deal. Ladies, where is our pride as women? Love ain’t no hustle, you don’t have to beat down the next girl to get the attention of  ‘your’  man! You know we are just making the men feel too cool with this attitude. And then the worst thing I hear is ‘Ah, there are too many women and very few men”….errr… so? Does that mean you will not find your own amongst those few? Real love usually finds you, sister. Well, sometimes you gotta find it but…you get my drift. I mean you have to be open and all, but trust me our mothers did it well when they waited for their men to come look for them and believe me it still happens!

So, what other points can you think of? Let’s discuss!

Photo Credit: Dreamstime

I am a lawyer, business woman, mom and wife who is extremely passionate about marriages, relationships and young people. I spend my spare time thinking up mind boggling business ideas, offering support to young people and singles, cooking, reading and writing. I believe marriages can and should be successes and will offer tested and trusted practical tips and lessons I have gleaned along the way and from others in a bid to help a person or two revive, restore, rebuild or simply replenish their relationships. Welcome to The Love Kodes With Kemmie. Here's to joyful, lasting, loving and beautiful marriages! Drop me a line or two @ [email protected]

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