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Atoke: Till Visas Do Us Apart

Atoke

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AtokeThey tell you all the good spouses are ‘back home’, so you think long and hard. It is time to return to your roots to find that virtuous man or woman – the one to complete or complement you.  If you’re in Nigeria, you’ve probably watched enough Nollywood to know that the village belles and beaus may not be as virtuous as you’ve been told. So you just weigh your options and just stick with the devil you know within your locus. Your ‘abroad’ counterparts are not so lucky. Somewhere at the back of their minds, they still believe that finding someone from ‘back home’ serves them better than ‘these uncultured Akatas who will serve Mama with left hand’ {Akata is a bad word, let’s stop saying it.} You’ve probably done an analysis of what you want; your personality; your family background… you don’t really see how a white person, or non-Nigerian will fit into your equation. So, you consider all the factors, and you head on to Nigeria to find yourself a suitable mate!

However, the completion of the injunction to ‘leave & cleave’ is in the hands of the consular officer. To bring your Nigerian spouse to live with you abroad, you need to file the appropriate documentation. Then you wait for the papers to be approved. For some people, this is an easy process, and within two months of the marriage rites, they’re living together as man and wife. For other people, it takes up to a year, or two… or never.

How far? When are you going to join Oga?

Embassy hasn’t called us for interview, o! We’re just waiting

And there’s nothing as frustrating as being in the limbo – waiting. Just waiting.

In some cases, where the woman is the party waiting to join her husband, there is an expectation that she lives with her husband’s family while she’s still in Nigeria. She is, after all, now ‘our wife’. It is immaterial that her husband is not physically present; the embodiment of the family unit is enough. So, she takes on the responsibilities and duties required of being a wife – living with strangers. If she’s lucky, and meets with understanding in-laws, they can come to an arrangement where she remains at home (the familiar) while she awaits the decision of the consular officer. She is still Mrs. XYZ…only in escrow.

It is slightly easier for the man. There’s no requirement for him to move anywhere while he waits for this visa that will allow him join his wife. At most, he is probably just required to make a few phone calls to check up on his in-laws. He is, however, faced with some tough decisions: “Do I renew my rent in September? What if the visa comes and I have to leave?” “Should I sign this juicy 12 months contract? I don’t know if I’ll be here till next year”

So why does it take so long for spousal visas to be approved? I’ll try to address some of the issues that I can think of – off the top of my head.

I: Bigamy – You’re married to Shaniqua or Trabian in America. You haven’t properly secured your divorce papers and untangled yourself from the web tying you down.

II: Improper documentation – You haven’t filed the documents that show you’re eligible to file for a spouse. Maybe you don’t even have the right documentation (tax filing, legal status, proof of income or financial status)

While I cannot conclusively posit that these are only causes of delays in spousal visa, they are major factors. Filing the requisite documentation for taking your spouse with you to ‘the overs’ requires proper planning, and complete honesty.

A lot of times, our ways are not pure. Imagine someone who has been previously married in the US and not properly filing their divorce papers. Of course, during the routine checks it will come up that you’ve been married to Shaniqua or Trabian before. Now you want to bring in Modupe or Akintunde as your spouse? How? There’s no amount of ‘waiting on the Lord for break through’ that will help.

Two of my favourite maxims of equity are applicable here:
He who comes to equity must come with clean hands.
He who seeks equity must do equity.

Ensure that you’re honest in all your documentation. Most importantly, be honest with your spouse. If you have been convicted of a crime, if you’re living abroad illegally, or you’ve been deported before, please let the person you’re getting married to know. At least, let them be the one to make the choice to go ahead with the marriage. It is simply wicked to marry someone, knowing that there are more than exigent circumstances that will preclude you from living as a couple.

I’ve been told stories of Nigerian men who married women in Nigeria, promising to come back for them. After the first year of ‘waiting for paper’ they agree to start a family – the biological clock is ticking very loudly. The woman can hear it above the glare of her in-laws’ deadly stares. So they have baby 1, baby 2, sometimes baby 3. Husband visits every year, drops semen along with nice dresses from Macy’s. They return to their regular lives apart – with three children who know that Daddy lives in America. It is evidenced in the pictures and the Rebel phone calls.

But, how long can that marriage last? Someone once said that it is not compulsory for the person in Nigeria to go join the person abroad. “If it’s true love, the person in America can pack their load and join their spouse back home.”

Fair point!

Visa-related problems are a big thing in many relationships. You meet this really lovely person you think you want to spend your life with, but they’re either in the country illegally, or they are there on a study visa. This means, there’s an added complication of filing – which you may or may not want to be tangled with.

Sometimes, it’s not even the filing applicant who is the problem. The dependent they’re trying to file for probably has a sketchy immigration past. The spouse in Nigeria has probably claimed to be Uncle Lekan of London’s daughter in 1995 and now wants to claim she’s Chief Ebenezer’s child. Paper trail, people. Paper trail.
So, here’s how I’ll conclude: if your spouse to-be is in ‘the overs’, have a serious conversation with the person.

Do you have any criminal records?
Have you been deported before?
Are you married? Or in the middle of a complicated divorce?
Do you file your taxes regularly?
Are you in debt with terrible credit score?
Barring all unforeseen circumstances, how long do you reckon this filing process will take?
If we never get the papers, what happens to our marriage?
Do we love each other enough to be faithful to each other even if we don’t get to live together in the same country? Not that Elizabeth will be here washing your brother’s clothes and you’ll be in Boston keeping warm with Camilla.

This life we have to live is only one. Let’s not make it too complicated with our own hands.

You probably wanna read a fancy bio? But first things first! Atoke published a book titled, +234 - An Awkward Guide to Being Nigerian. It's available on Amazon. ;)  Also available at Roving Heights bookstore.Okay, let's go on to the bio: With a Masters degree in Creative Writing from Swansea University, Atoke hopes to be known as more than just a retired foodie and a FitFam adherent. She can be reached for speechwriting, copywriting, letter writing, script writing, ghost writing  and book reviews by email – [email protected]. She tweets with the handle @atoke_ | Check out her Instagram page @atoke_ and visit her website atoke.com for more information.

64 Comments

  1. ola

    April 27, 2016 at 8:22 pm

    *drops semen and nice dresses from macys*. Oh Lawd????

  2. American Belle

    April 27, 2016 at 8:32 pm

    Lol….
    I have read your articles a lot of times, but never commented. I love the one from last week where you discussed having babies abroad and this one. I can relate because I live in the US, and experienced the former about 21 years ago. My cousin stayed with me for 4 long months, she brought het 11 month old and I had a 1&1/2 year old. My husband and I ended babysitting her daughter a lot of times.The latter, not personally but have heard a lot of stories about such issues. The other situation that you did not discuss, is men leaving Naija for greener pastures, they get here and have to divorce their wives, so they can be married to the person that will file for them.
    My honest opinion is, it is not fair to either woman, because in the end someone gets hurt emotionally. He may never return to that woman in Nigeria, he is divorced from her in the eyes of the law, and the American woman on the other hand, he will probably leave , divorce her so he can bring the one in Nigeria here.
    The bottom line is, may God renew our country so that we will all stop checking out like Andrew.
    Good write up.

  3. el patron

    April 27, 2016 at 8:46 pm

    kira kita aiye! wahala aiye! he no easy!
    but Akata is not a bad thing..its just a Yoruba description of a very black thing…Yoruba will say oloju dudu bi ti akata! its necessarily doesn’t mean bad its just a description.
    we call latinos cocoye or cocoyo, same way the AA call them chico….codes mehn its just code!

    • NaijaPikin

      April 27, 2016 at 9:36 pm

      Erm cocoye, akata, nigga, chinco, cracker, spiks are all derogatory terms. If you have been using these terms, abeg cease and desist

    • dee

      April 27, 2016 at 9:44 pm

      Akata means dog/animal…. ergo it is bad to call another human being an animal.

    • Amanda

      April 27, 2016 at 9:52 pm

      If only you know the true meaning of Akata. It is a derogatory word.

    • Honeycrown

      April 27, 2016 at 10:00 pm

      @ el patron, I’ve heard “akata” means wild untamed animal not very black thing as you say. And even if, why would you want to call someone a very black thing eh?

  4. 'Deola

    April 27, 2016 at 8:55 pm

    Do Americans, Canadians and Britons leave school and start dreaming of making it and living abroad? Something is fundamentally wrong with Nigeria that makes life so damn complicated. I have the feeling that unless we solve this fundamental problem that I assume is political, we won’t get our economy right. Till then sha we go continue to hear these stories.

    • nene

      April 27, 2016 at 9:48 pm

      truth!

    • Mz Socially Awkward....

      April 27, 2016 at 10:14 pm

      The “something” that’s fundamentally wrong with nigeria is its brokenness which leads to people wanting to abandon ship.

      Very simple. As it has been in the country since the days of John the Baptist, so does it threaten to remain until Armageddon. Hence the mass exodus. Nothing too difficult to deduce there.

      And it’s not a uniquely Nigerian problem – at some point in their own history, people from at least 1 of those countries you mentioned (Britain) chose emigration to pursue better economic opportunities.

    • ElessarisElendil

      April 28, 2016 at 2:12 am

      Unless you mean the Irish, most left because of religious persecution and the Irish left because they were being starved…………….due to religious persecution.

    • Teris

      April 28, 2016 at 6:52 am

      @elendil: starvation, religious persecution… endemic corruption, bh, agbero wahala… same thing. everybody is looking for a better life.

    • Mz Socially Awkward...

      April 28, 2016 at 5:24 pm

      @ElessaisElendil, until this very day, young people still migrate from Britain to Australia to find better opportunities for themselves. That’s relocation which takes place from one first world country to another first world country and many times, they never return to live in their homeland.

      My point is that people (when they find the flexibility to) will always move to wherever they think they can realise certain dreams…

  5. iyke

    April 27, 2016 at 9:02 pm

    I honestly don’t understand why a single man abroad would go back home to marry a woman that she doesn’t know. What happened to all the ladies where he is? Must she be a Nigerian? Painful thing is that most of these brothers lie a lot. How can you build a marriage based on lies?
    Case study A –
    You live in Europe, make perhaps €£40k per annum…am assuming you are a professional. Then you go home to marry Ronke whom you have known via facebook, instgram for barely 6 months, just because all your friends are marrying and you don’t want to marry outside you tribe. Ronke of course agrees to marry you for a chance to move abroad with you. Marriage done, waiting for spousal visa starts – maybe you wait for another 3,6 or one year at the mercy of the consular officer. Finally, you got your visa and arrived in Europe to start your new life. First few months both of you are excited, and enjoying the bliss. You can’t work at the moment as spousal visa in some cases won’t allow you to work, except study, until your green card comes out. Besides, even if the visa allows you to work, assuming you were a professional back in naija, you would have to start from the scratch here or go to school here to be able to get a decent job. While dealing with this, you get pregnant….sooner or later, irritation sets in between you and hubby. You can’t work and his take home pay isn’t enough anymore to cater for three of you. If he is rich, he will probably send you to school to go and do nursing or an IT course…if he has no money, you stay home frustrated and nursing a baby. Quarrel starts, you throw blames at each other and before you know it, you start making friends with ladies who would remind you that you can actually live under the social welfare as a single lady and be comfortable. You weighed the option, it suits you and before you know, marriage is broken and you move out.
    I am sure a lot of people abroad will understand this.
    Now I ask the men, does it not make a good economic sense to seek and marry a lady(Nigerian or not) who is already living where you are rather than going to Nigeria to marry a girl you barely know who has no idea the reality of life abroad? The girl who live in europe with you is already adjusted to life abroad and if she loves you, will put heads together to build your empire with you.

    Case B:
    Most ladies don’t ask questions. They get carried away. Ladies, when a brother who was not born and raised abroad asked for your hand in marriage, it is your RIGHT to know how he got his papers, what he does for a living..if he’s been married before, have kids, divorced etc. Demand for documents before you face situation that will overwhelm you. Make sure that you understand what you are going into before saying I do. A lot of marriages are so messed up in Europe because of lies and shaky foundations. Make sure you have plans of going to school or developing a skill set that will help you while you are here because the western structure/system isn’t built for a single person household.

    Find love where you are based and build your nest there. There are still honest and decent single naija men and ladies abroad who are keeping it real and holding their own. But if you have to go home to find a wife/hubby, make sure you are COMPLETELY HONEST about your status and ask all the necessary questions before you commit and entangle yourself with VISA drama.
    Be guided!

    • Mama

      April 28, 2016 at 12:07 pm

      This one you are talking is story that the Naija single lady does not want to hear at all. Marriage is the cure all!

  6. Benson

    April 27, 2016 at 9:03 pm

    Akata is not a bad word. It’s simply a nomenclature for ‘African Americans’. It’s Nigerians uninformed about it that have that have successfully but wrongly tainted it as a bad word.

  7. Pearl

    April 27, 2016 at 9:03 pm

    Akata is not a bad word please, Akata’s will read this now and say, here we go we were right, Africans were degrading us the entire time, Please.

    • Mz Socially Awkward....

      April 27, 2016 at 10:33 pm

      It’s just the same as referring to someone or a group of people as “Ndi ofe mmanu”. A literal translation of that phrase shouldn’t cause negative feelings as it, after all, is merely a reference to people who enjoy a type of soup.

      However. We all know how it’s used – intended to derogate so that you almost hear the sneer behind the words. That’s the same way “Akata” has become used to address the African Americans.

  8. Angie

    April 27, 2016 at 9:05 pm

    I’m kind of in this situation now. Le boo wants us to marry and stay in Europe ( I have citizenship) but I want to come home. I feel there are a lot of opportunities at home. I even started investing back home about 2 years ago. He wants to come, get his papers then we go back to Nigeria.

    Nowadays our conversations are always about me not loving him enough to give him the chance to experience abroad even for 5 yrs. Mind you he visits a lot. Anyway, I feel he just wants the passport.

    • Teju TJ

      April 27, 2016 at 9:33 pm

      o girl, that boy only wants you for your papers o. The moment that greencard or indefnite stay touch him hand = guy will port.

      Please just move on with your life. It can’t end well.

    • Fashionista

      April 27, 2016 at 11:35 pm

      You’re not even married yet and he’s already talking about getting papers through you? he is rather forward – warning sign alert!

    • Nahum

      April 28, 2016 at 1:55 am

      Hmm, Angie! Angie o!!!!!! Please be very wise abeg. Bros only wants you for your papers. Abeg you, please in the name of God, just be very careful. Talk to you father and mom and find a solution to your dilemma, but this man wants you for your papers only!!

    • Oh boy

      April 28, 2016 at 3:59 pm

      My dear this is the honest truth.. he wants your papers, I’m only replying because I’ve been there. Which one is ‘experience abroad for even 5 yrs’ he is hungry to fly there and live that life and will probably do anything to do so. The way I thought my ex loved the ground I walked on, he was my moral support through Skype.. Prayed with me, studied bible with me.. We went on holidays together, he was here first studying – But also wanted to marry me so we could be together in the UK only, he said he hated Nigeria blah blah was suffereing.. Long story short he don shine eye for your papers so it’s always better to be with someone in your own country. God sent me to tell you this I’m sure. God bless x

  9. Pearl

    April 27, 2016 at 9:07 pm

    Here I just found this
    youtube.com/watch?v=tioAhTVPugE. Bella maybe you can put this up because there’s usually an argument every month on twitter about that word. I know that’s not what the article is about, I apologize. Just had to address it.

  10. Kokoro Dudu

    April 27, 2016 at 9:13 pm

    Some men actually want it this way. They got forced by parents or realities to get married but would rather live alone and rock life abroad. So even when they tell you the embassy hasn’t called, how do you know it’s true. I know it because I have seen it.

  11. Anonymous

    April 27, 2016 at 9:27 pm

    After reading your post, I just got more depressed and tears rolling down my eyes. Mine was accumulated debt, so when it got to the national visa centre(last stage before interview), he was asked to pay up and balance is financial status. Have a 3+year old daughter. The last time he was home was when she was 4months old. Had to move in with my sisters so I don’t try anything funny. Stop going to church cos they keep nagging about when am leaving, every church service I get depressed, cos of the same question s every time am in church. Some was a deliberate act of mocking, not of genuine concern for me and my daughter. He is still working really hard to pay up, but the saddest part of it all is that our eligibility will expire by June. So no hope;

    • slice

      April 27, 2016 at 10:38 pm

      How much is the debt?

    • Mz Socially Awkward....

      April 27, 2016 at 10:57 pm

      Oh, darling. ? You sound so downcast, really sorry to read about your situation.

      Almost feels like you’re a single parent (one of my cousins was in the same boat, had 3 kids in Nigeria during the “waiting period”) and it’s even harder without the luxury of financial independence. The key to not remaining depressed about it, is looking around for something to invest your time in while you wait. You’re praying, you’re concerned but take away the time you’ll spend obsessing about it and pour that energy into a venture or a business or learning something new… just whatever you can do to keep your mind and body busy.

      In no time, even the sad souls at your church who’re trying to capitalise on your pain, will see their jabs leave no mark. Girl, you’ll be so busy, na dem go use their own mouth advice themselves say e be like you no get their time. And I’m sure your husband worries about you & the little one being so far away, it’ll be good for him to know you’re getting on with other things and not so weighed down by what’s happening.

      Finally, you’ll both need to seriously consider how you want this to work out for the family. My prayers join yours, for God to give you answers to all you’ve prayed for.

    • Akin

      April 28, 2016 at 1:37 am

      great stuff

    • Osa

      April 27, 2016 at 11:39 pm

      MY DEAR i feel for you. You’ll be surprised at the miracle God will do for you, if only you must hold on to His word,and constantly in His presence, thaking and praying

    • Isaac

      April 28, 2016 at 12:09 am

      Slice wants to know how much. May be you should tell him.

  12. NaijaPikin

    April 27, 2016 at 9:28 pm

    These days it is not enough to just ask. The kind of lies people are telling ehn, I don’t know why God has not struck them down.

    Google is very kind to us. Google someone’s name and a lot will pop up. Criminal, marriage and divorce records are all public information in yankee so you should be able to get that.

    Other things to consider
    – Can you confirm what your spouse’ s source of income is? where he works? Not a bad idea to validate work by asking for work email and phone number for emergency. For you na verification process. Too many 19 boys parading as legit dudes.
    – Can your spouse hold down the family while you get settled and figure out work options.
    – Is your spouse using their legal names or dem don borrow someone’s identity?

    So many families are covering for their children’s shortcomings. They all partake in the lies long enough for you to get married and their child now becomes your problem. or with the hopes that you a responsible, law abiding person will fix their irresponsible child.

    In yankee, filing for spouse is the fastest process of all cases, then parents next. Both usually come through within a year. If you are waiting more than a year then know there is comma somewhere.

  13. Teju TJ

    April 27, 2016 at 9:36 pm

    Importation of husband/wife is such a bad idea. Imagine you have been living in America for the most part of your life and then you marry a man from Osun state.- Entrenched in the mind set that the man must control the woman and you must slave for his family. DISASTER.

    Why can’t you marry people of the same mindset as you. What you are looking for in Sokoto is right under your shokoto.

    • 'Deola

      April 27, 2016 at 9:46 pm

      Depends on how you twist it. Some married in America and in-laws call them monkeys and ridicule them at every opportunity. I am sure some also would wonder why these folks never married from home in the first place. The importation continues to work for many o !!!

    • Teju TJ

      April 27, 2016 at 10:23 pm

      Like I said, marry someone with the mindset as you. Someone you can relate to. Clearly, anyone who calls you a monkey does not have the same mindset as you.

  14. Honeycrown

    April 27, 2016 at 9:46 pm

    Very funny but true. My friends & I call them “laws yaw spouse”. I’ve never supported this practice because it’s usually not worth it. If I share all the stories I’ve witnessed & been told about, I will write a book but lemme gist una small. No be dem say, dem say o ….
    Slightly different but Many years ago, via a friend of mine, I met siblings who married each other from Nigeria so that the brother can bring his sister to America. After she finally relocated, the 2 mumus were even working together. Amean who wants to work with their legit spouse talkless of fake spouse? So many uncomy and not so funny situations ….
    Many years ago too, another friend was gisting me about a guy that had brought his wife over & one day at work the wife’s coworker said to her something like, “hmm hmm last night, your brother #%#% me real good” the woman couldn’t react at work because the husband had gotten her the job under the pretense that they are siblings. Hell broke lose when she got home and that’s how my friend was called in as per town person of the wife …
    Many of these don’t end up well. Many times the woman is disappointed in the husbands situation/lifestyle. And most of these couples are very incompatible especially in situations where the girl married down just to travel.
    Yes! Let’s stop calling AA “akatas” it’s very degrading.

    • Honeycrown

      April 27, 2016 at 9:48 pm

      Silly auto correct …. My friends and I call them, “Layaway Spouse”

    • Chu

      April 28, 2016 at 2:55 pm

      Yea, I heard that story of siblings doing court wedding to travel. That to me is the height, is the abroad so important that it gets to that.

  15. dee

    April 27, 2016 at 9:52 pm

    Why are folks so ignorant in saying “Akata” is not a bad word???!!!!
    The word akata is a Yoruba word, it is used for a cat that does not live at home, the cat that lives at home is called Ologbo or Ologinni,so by calling African Americans akata they are only implying that the African Americans are blacks that don’t reside in the continent of Africa… However this is a derogatory word.. Why can’t you just call them African American??
    The white man gave blacks the word Nigger whc became very deragatory.. What makes you different from the white man?? Stop calling them outside of their name.. Hispanics, Asians, Blacks.. Just call them as they should be called not some stupid name you made up in another man’s country!!

    • dee

      April 27, 2016 at 9:55 pm

      Akata can also mean wild animal… You ppl shd pls do your homework before making ignorant comments… Y’all know how you feel when other tribes within Nigeria call you names to “differentiate you from them”… Mschewww

    • slice

      April 27, 2016 at 10:38 pm

      How much?

    • Danielle

      April 28, 2016 at 2:24 am

      I also don’t understand why people insist it’s only meant to refer to essentially African who don’t live at home when the word is only used for African Americans. Not Haitians. Or Jamaicans. Or black Brits. Or AfroBrazilians……I can go on.

    • Hmm

      April 28, 2016 at 8:10 am

      I have ways understood Akata to be a contraction of aká ata which translated literally means picker of cotton. It heartens back to plantation and slavery days and is not a new word. The truth is a lot of Yoruba names for people and objects are actually sentences which.describe their function or purpose. Olopa is oni opa which means the carrier of a baton. A funny one is oluwa ni oluso aguntan mi. Literally, the Lord is the guardian of my sheep. If the argument is now is about the appropriateness of a word that describes the forced labor ancestors of a people, I can understand.

  16. Favour

    April 27, 2016 at 11:22 pm

    Kai Atoke your articles are always on point. More grease to your elbows.

  17. SS

    April 28, 2016 at 12:03 am

    I would consider myself lucky,All praise to God,everything worked as planned,To God be the glory……papers everything sorted within few months,hubby has a great job,held the finances down,I just started work few weeks ago, after 3 years,getting pregnant,raising our child, everyone expecting papers to be sorted,God that did mine so easily is still on the throne ,he would it…..I keep acknowledging God because it would not have been possible without God…..ayo mi oni dibaje(AMIN)

  18. Akin

    April 28, 2016 at 12:36 am

    Wow this story is so me..funny enough i read my name in this write up…am thinkin of goin 2 naija 2 marry…at the same time am thinkin, so i will now return here and start livin like a single guy again and also considering so many other factors…Document is not d issue as I got my Citizenship now, so maybe d woman would only love the fact that I got d Passport.. i just feel going to naija to marry is too much stress. So i decided oboy forget marriage 4 now . Have a child here and think marriage later. I just hope i didn’t make a wrong decision

    • Joke

      April 28, 2016 at 5:37 am

      Akin, what I don’t understand is your reasoning that has become so pervasive for African men in America. Why is it that when you think in terms of women in Nigeria you think marriage, but when you think of women in America, even your fellow Nigerians, you think baby mama. I say this because of what you shared, Why? Please share?

    • Akin

      April 28, 2016 at 10:26 am

      Joke , for me I think is about who u meet abroad. if the person is a wife materia why not, but a lot of girls abroad have lost that naija culture, they want to control u like white folks control their husband, a lot of guys are afraid of this females putting them into wahala..bcos it has happend alot of time where u will see a wife send d husband to jail, even imported wives are not 100% safe as some of them will become wiser than their husband. so my conclusion is it all depends on d person, thats y guys just prefer d baby mama option and later look for a wife in naija….iwa lewa.

    • "changing moniker"

      April 28, 2016 at 10:47 am

      are you my Joke? from BUHS?

    • slice

      April 28, 2016 at 11:49 am

      Bc a few years after they marry the AA lady they start looking for naija wife. These guys ain’t loyal lol. All the things they sd abt the naija girls would be ot the window and they’ll be looking for home cooking etc. Obviously not all but too many to count.

      On balance tho, naija ladies are also rejecting the so called typical naija man so many of those who come to naija to look for wife really can’t find anyone to accept them in the states. Again not all. But look well

    • "changing moniker"

      April 28, 2016 at 10:50 am

      please answer Joke’s question

    • Person

      April 28, 2016 at 11:14 am

      I am laughing at you so hard my sides are hurting. You do know what child support is, right? You understand what it means? I pity you o!

  19. slice

    April 28, 2016 at 1:59 am

    Free advice, in general under u.s. law it is faster to file fiance visa and bring ur fiance to the states than to marry a wife in Nigeria and try to bring a wife to the u.s.
    For whatever reason bringing a spouse takes way longer than bringing a fiance. So tho it might be tempting to be a legit wife before u follow him to Yankee, don’t do it. Let the one in the u.s file fiance visa for u, come in and then marry him within 90 days as required.

    Keep in mind some people know this rule but want to impregnate the girl first in naija for protection

  20. Suebeezy

    April 28, 2016 at 2:07 am

    I use the word avatar because to me, it describes the way African Americans behave at times. anyone who calls me African butt scratcher, monkey, crispy, and says I lived on a tree does not deserve my respect. a lot of African Americans simply do not like African.

    • Corolla

      April 28, 2016 at 3:26 am

      Good luck with stereotyping! #olodo

  21. Gorgeous

    April 28, 2016 at 3:12 am

    Akata means outside property or in UN domesticated cat. Yoruba people and their nicknames for things. I think it comes from the misconception that African Americans don’t have a lot of imbibed cultural norms or respect and tend to behave like uncultured people. Well most, not all. But who can blame them.

    • Ifeyinwa Mic

      April 28, 2016 at 5:40 am

      That’s not a very intelligent comment, although you tried to save yourself by stating”most”. Enough with the generalizations and stereotypes.

  22. Joke

    April 28, 2016 at 5:03 am

    Real tigz oh! she no dey joke!

  23. Chi

    April 28, 2016 at 5:48 am

    I hope one day we value our own passport . The only good thing about America is infrastructure , light and schools !!!

  24. Jane

    April 28, 2016 at 6:53 am

    Hmmmm, thanks for this write up Atoke. I’ve had so many ‘AKATA’ suitors asking for my hand in marriage. My first questions to them has always been, what do u do for a living? I hate it when they respond with ‘I send cars to naija for sale’. I’m like is that ur means of livelihood? Hell yea, anybody who lives abroad can send down cars to naija for sale.
    Thing is, I’m a trained lawyer in naija and not ready to do any menial job abroad just cos of marriage. I love naija die and I’m gonna stay here to make my name in d legal prof n any other relevant field. No time for uncle AKATA husband biko

  25. Mr. Egghead

    April 28, 2016 at 8:32 am

    I don’t think there is anything wrong in coming back to Nigeria to look for a wife/husband. Some people just want to keep the feeling of home and maintain a certain cultural environment. Some Nigerians in the US are just Americans with nigerian passports and the only thing Nigerian about them is their name.

  26. BeYOUtifull

    April 28, 2016 at 10:42 am

    thing is people are not even bothered about waiting, the hope of getting the visa is better than staying alone.

  27. Lauryn

    April 28, 2016 at 11:27 am

    So many negative stories. I know someone who wasn’t even looking for a wife. He came on holiday and fell in love with a girl in Nigeria. They dated long distance for 3 1/2 years got married and are living happily. Not all bad stories. There are great stories too.

  28. Duchess Maria

    April 28, 2016 at 5:18 pm

    “I’ve been told stories of Nigerian men who married women in Nigeria, promising to come back for them. After the first year of ‘waiting for paper’ they agree to start a family – the biological clock is ticking very loudly. The woman can hear it above the glare of her in-laws’ deadly stares. So they have baby 1, baby 2, sometimes baby 3. Husband visits every year, drops semen along with nice dresses from Macy’s. They return to their regular lives apart – with three children who know that Daddy lives in America. It is evidenced in the pictures and the Rebel phone calls.”

    I know a couple like this. Poor girl and her 3 children are in Nigeria living with the man’s family in Lagos , meanwhile the man is in America, living it up and carrying different girlfriends up and down the place. SMH.

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