Akudo Abengowe-Adebayo: Public Behaviour 101

Something very embarrassing happened to me a few days ago. I had an appointment with a prospective project partner and we agreed to meet at a very popular eatery in Ikeja. I got there at exactly 10am which was our call time, but my guest was still held up and so I settled down to wait. I was checking updates on my phone when I noticed a movement at the table opposite mine, so I looked up and saw a very tall and huge man.

He looked like someone in his early sixties’, but what caught my attention was his dressing. He looked a bit out dressed; he wasn’t dressed for our climate at all. He wore a long leather jacket, faded pair of jeans and his beard was overgrown. Then, I noticed he was carrying what seemed like a heavy bag in his hands.

I watched with interest as he sat down, settled into the chair and then brought out a pile of that days’ newspapers from the bag. ‘Is he going to read all that?’ I asked myself silently, and watched in astonishment as he started reading each paper, going through it and even highlighting some areas with his pen.

‘Interesting’ I wondered aloud, and suddenly my guest came in and after a brief exchange of pleasantries we started our meeting. I totally forgot about the strange man and his bunch of papers.

We were neck-deep into our meeting when the man got up and went towards the rest room. My guest and even other people in the eatery cast curious glances at him. Such was the mien he had on him.

As the man entered the rest room, another young guy walked to his table, sat down and started reading the headlines of the newspapers, I didn’t understand what was happening and just concluded that maybe they had come together, until the man came out from the rest room and walked to the table. He screamed at the boy, asking him what he was doing at his table and shoving him forcefully out of the chair. My guest and I exchanged glances.

‘What is wrong with the man?’ she asked me. I only shrugged at her and continued to conversation hoping to be done and out of the eatery before any other drama occurs. Just then I heard the most annoying and nauseating sound ever. Apparently the man had tried to lounge a bit in the chair and just as he stretched his legs, a loud and noisy fart came popping from his body.

‘OMG’ I said loudly, not wanting to believe what had just happened.

‘Was that a fart?’ My guest asked me. I nodded, not wanting to open my mouth for fear that I may burst into hysterics. I couldn’t believe this man just farted publicly and acted as if it was the coolest thing in the world. He only just came out from the restroom for Pete’s sake. Just then he looked at our table

‘I want a bottle of water. Hello ladies I said I want a bottle of water’ At that point I got up, and so did my guest. We left the eatery without another word.

‘Are you sure that man is sane?’ my guest asked me.

‘I wouldn’t doubt it’ I responded, we hastily concluded our meeting right there and went our separate ways. I kept thinking about that incident and couldn’t wrap it around my head because the man is literate. The way and manner he was reading those newspapers would tell you that he could understand what was written in them. I concluded that he must either be a regular guest at the eatery or maybe a friend or relation to someone there; because I couldn’t fathom how he could get away with so much noise and other embarrassing behaviour in that place and the management had not deemed it fit to call him to order.

Please let’s be aware and cautious about our behaviours when we are in public places, it is very important and unfortunately we don’t learn everything we need in life in schools; some of them we have to deliberately teach ourselves.