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Ms. Elle: Dissolving Friendships

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dreamstime_m_921229I have often pondered on the word ‘friendship’. By my definition, it symbolises a mutual relationship between two or more people who are close to one another and share confidences a.k.a friends. The Encarta dictionary describes friendship as mutual feelings of trust and affection and the behavior that typify relationships between friends. The keywords there are mutual feelings and trust. The other day my little niece asked me, “Aunty, who are your friends? What are their names?”. She always tells me about her friends in excitement and innocence; and that day after one of her endless chatter, she remembered to ask me about my friends. I was a bit lost in thought about how to answer the question, however simple it sounded. Never mind that I have hundreds of ‘friends’ on Facebook, I still couldn’t answer the question without thinking first.

Over time, I have come to the conclusion that friendships are not set in concrete. The person you consider a friend today may end up being an acquaintance tomorrow or even worse a foe. There are many reasons why friendships dissolve but in each case I know, there has always been some sort of betrayal of trust involved. I remember the many times friends have betrayed me. Right from secondary school till date, I still meet such friends who literally use me and dump me. They get close to me on purpose with the goal of benefitting something from me, and the minute they do, they dump me or betray me in the most hurtful of ways.

Saundra was one of my closest friends in secondary school. Thankfully I did well in school so I was an ‘A’ student. At first I thought she was really kind, she had befriended me upon resumption of school after a long holiday. She resumed early that term so she kept a seat for me and became my seatmate for the next three years till we graduated from secondary school. It was not until my final year when she started behaving funny that I realized she was using me. She told me she had kept a seat for me and intentionally became close to me so that I could teach her and she could be as good as I was. Now this is not the best reason one would want someone to be their friend, it sounded cold and really manipulative. Once she felt she had got what she wanted, she literally became distant and unfriendly. That was my first dose of betrayal from a trusted friend.

Fast forward to University and I was caught in a similar web, I became friends with Dora who ended up betraying me. It had something to do with a class test which held on a day I missed school because I was ill, and she didn’t tell me about it. It was from someone else I found out about the test and thankfully the lecturer organized one for me afterwards. I felt really hurt because what it implied was that she wanted me to miss out on the 30 marks CA that semester and obviously fail the course. I couldn’t understand why she didn’t tell me about it because we always read together, and I helped her understand difficult subjects. Not bragging, but I was academically strong. Naturally the friendship dissolved that semester and I didn’t look back.

Then came final year and I made a new friend, Samantha, another classmate whom I later realized got close to me for the same purpose of gaining from me academically. We would prepare for exams together and even times when I hadn’t read enough I would still teach her the little I knew a day before exams. The way she changed towards me at the end was quite shocking because I didn’t see it coming. She would out rightly ignore me when she saw me and frown and was just angry with me for reasons I didn’t understand. I came to accept that as well and let go. Many years later when I grew more mature I confronted her and asked what I ever did. Surprisingly enough, she denied ever behaving that way and even asked for my forgiveness claiming she didn’t mean to. I just smiled and let it go. That was my first time addressing such behaviour with one of such friends and it helped me to let go and be free to move on.

At Masters level, I faced the same experience with my roommate whom I grew close to and because I had become confrontational I promptly asked what the problem was and she said it was nothing. I let that go too.
The peak of this betrayal saga was when Brianna, the girl I thought was my closest friend from University, whom I sacrificed quite a lot for back then, recently changed towards me and just cut off the friendship to the point of unfriending me on social media.

Now I am in no way claiming to be perfect and painting a picture of being forever hurt. I definitely may have hurt people unawares and maybe there is something I keep doing wrong over and over again which I do not know about. But my point is I have been hurt several times by friends but I have learned how to not let it hurt me anymore. This is what I call the winning attitude. I initially went from letting go and still hurting, to confronting them and forgiving. I have come to the point where I have accepted it and have become indifferent. I now accept people however they are and never expect too much anymore. I have battled bouts of depression phases, prayed many times about this repeated cycle and asked God to help me. I am happy about my present state of indifference because it has helped me a lot. I had to develop this attitude for my own sanity and good health.

Presently, I do not even notice how “frenemies” treat me. I do not bother with confrontations anymore and sincerely couldn’t care less. To answer my niece’s question, I said, “yes baby, I have friends”, and then I mentioned a few names with uncertainty. Yes I still have a few friends, though not very close ones, and I am open to making more. I try to maintain a warm personality and welcome as many people into my life but I am prepared for anything, as I now know that friendships can dissolve anytime.

Are there others who have faced similar experiences? How have you dealt with the situation? What’s your winning attitude when friendships dissolve?

Photo Credit: Jason Stitt | Dreamstime.com

Ms. Elle is a scientist by day and an aspiring relationship and lifestyle writer by night. She enjoys listening to people's stories, public speaking, traveling and catching bugs.. She likes staying optimistic and plans to launch her own website someday. You can reach her via email, [email protected]"

68 Comments

  1. GraceOfGOD

    November 27, 2016 at 3:34 pm

    @Ms. Elle

    Good afternoon MADAM. First of all I want to THANK YOU for sharing your thoughts and EXPERIENCES with us. Currently I don’t really know if I have FRIENDS and I am asking myself some questions like WHAT is really the PURPOSE of my LIFE. I am NOT depressed, NOT at all but I feel LONELY. Let me not DIGRESS from the MAIN topic with my PERSONAL questions. Have a GREAT day and stay BLESSED 🙂 🙂 🙂

    • A Real Nigerian

      November 27, 2016 at 3:48 pm

      I can be your friend if you want.

    • nene

      November 27, 2016 at 4:43 pm

      I’m assuming you’re young. You don’t have to be depressed. Sometimes it’s better to live a peaceful and content life without “friends” than to have friends who will cause you headache. Just be friendly with everyone and entertain yourself by going for social events. Friendship is not for everybody.

    • Marlvina

      November 27, 2016 at 7:41 pm

      @Ms. Elle, I totally understand you. It’s not ideal though to have a bunch of friends just as Nene pointed out, you might end up getting into more problems than you anticipated. To avoid loneliness, you can also associate yourself with a group. It may be social, professional, religious group etc, with this you’re able to interact freely, you feel more secure around people you share same goals and you get more engaged with these people rather than being idle and lonely.

    • Marlvina

      November 27, 2016 at 7:50 pm

      @GraceofGod rather not Ms. Elle…Lol

    • Elle

      November 28, 2016 at 2:17 am

      Dear GraceofGod, thanks for relating to the article. I totally understand you and have asked similar questions but not anymore. Please do not question your purpose, you are beautifully designed by God and I’m sure you are already fulfilling your mission on earth. Your purpose is not tied to friends. Yes as humans we crave close friendships but some friendships naturally dissolve and you have to deal with it. Try to get engaged in community, it helps to alleviate the loneliness. Get close to family and most importantly stay close to God. I believe true friend(s) will eventually come. Stay focused, eat well, sing, travel, do something you’ve always craved doing, you are NOT depressed. I have been through that and it really was difficult. You can also seek counsel with a spiritual director. Be cheerful, nice for no reason and stay optimistic. You are fine.. *plenty hugs*

  2. nene

    November 27, 2016 at 4:41 pm

    “What are friends for?” This quote can go both ways. Some friends are genuinely like an extension of your family, and many are there to gossip and compete, and get what they can get from you. You are not alone. I’ve confronted friends several times and they act like they never did what they did, basically the don’t acknowledge that they did anything wrong or they just give a sarcastic apology. I expect someone i call my friend to tell me if i’ve offended them and also acknowledge me when i’m honest enough to confront you on the matter. But i’ve realized people don’t want to hear the truth, they’ll say you’re too sensitive when you ask for honest answers. I’ve decided that everyone is an acquaintance. My close friend is my family and usually any man i’m in a relationship with. It goes both ways even guy friends, but it’s more rampant between friendships of the same sex.

  3. tunmi

    November 27, 2016 at 5:01 pm

    Friends ehn. Some friendships have ended when school was over and there was no animosity. And there are some friendships that ended in animosity. As in calling the police and accusing me of trespassing when I paid rent, and the other one ghosted with money owed. And there are friendships that have stayed. One still owes me money but the friendship is still there. With the others, we don’t talk every day or every week but the friendship is still there. Some friendships are mentally and emotionally heavy in a good way, kinda like a cleanse, that we only see each other once in a while.

    My take is that everyone has a usefulness and there must be a tradeoff. When you outlive your usefulness or the costs outweighs the benefits, then I terminate it.

    • What an ass

      November 27, 2016 at 6:33 pm

      “when you outlive you usefulness” you are the same kind of person the writer is talking about. How can you treat people like goods with expiration date? This is why the world is so messed up right now, everybody just wants to leech from the next person and move away when there is nothing left to sap.
      I notice most of your comments are silly .

    • tunmi

      November 28, 2016 at 3:13 am

      You should be useful to me as I am useful to you. If we are not gaining from each other, then there is no use furthering that relationship. Usefulness can mean many things and it is definitely a two way street

  4. Daybreak

    November 27, 2016 at 5:44 pm

    First time for me im going to address this. Ive had this friend from secondary school. We became close and best of friends (or so i thought). She got married after university but our friendship grew. Had kids…. I loved those babies like they were my own. I loved her too. Was friends with her hubby. Her mum was my mum. This was someone i woukd travel to see (we in different states) on her birthday just so she will feel loved. If i cant travel, i get friends to get my gift to her. Then sometime last year i hit a rough patch. Emotional breakdown. Became withdrawn and suicidal. I travelled home to see her and the kids. Her son was misbehaving and i spanked him. I left afterward. But before i left, d boy and i were back to being friends and playmates. After i got back to my base, we didn’t t communicate much. I later got in touch with her to plan her son’s birthday since we did it together always. She said she wasnt doing anything. I later saw pics on fb that showed she did do something for him. Before that, my parent’s home had flooded and she hadnt bothered to check on them despite knowing where they lived. I confronted her abt everything. It was then she told me i took out my ‘frustrations’ on her son. I apologised. But not before i told her she hadnt acted like a bestfriend cos if she had realised i wasnt myself, she was the best person to try to talk to me. She replied by telling me she felt she had to leave me alone to deal with my demons. Which i didnt agree with bcos that’s not what i do in her case. Fast forward about a month later, on my birthday, she totally ignored me. As in, not even a text or call.
    I deleted her number off my phone and dats been it. Honestly, i was hurt. Now, im almost indifferent. I just found out a week ago she has unfriended me on facebook. I guess now it’s permanent. I miss the kids. I had no real friend except her.
    Now, i keep to myself. Go to work during the week. And stay indoors watching tv on the weekends. Im not doing this bestfriend thing again mbok!

    Sorry for the article. I had to let it all out!

    • Missappleberry

      November 27, 2016 at 7:22 pm

      Pele dear. I feel your pain. Sending u hugs

    • Daybreak

      November 27, 2016 at 7:48 pm

      Thank you. I often wonder wether i wronged her in another way that i ain’t aware of.

    • M (the real one)

      November 27, 2016 at 9:08 pm

      @daybreak, girl!!!! and fellow BN readers:-) As much as I can relate to most stories shared on this thread, I have to come to realize that, for the majority, friendship usually requires some level of “compatibility” aka same socioeconomical level, same life stage….etc. This may be because most people are not open enough to whatever they perceive as a “différence”.
      Indeed, most people tend to either fear/ get annoyed at/ or impressed by one’s perceived/ real différences instead of embracing them or just respecting them.
      That being said, you can’t control others’ reactions BUT you have power of yours! Please refrain from allowing a sour person leave a bad taste in your “life soup”. Oya dip another full spoon into it and feed yourself till satisfaction….trying not to overthink the complexicity of humans heart (maybe that’s one of the secrets) :-).
      Please enjoy life, carelessly entertain people and let yourself be entertained too…cheers!

    • M (the real one)

      November 27, 2016 at 9:17 pm

      *power over…
      **complexity…

    • The Real Oma

      November 27, 2016 at 9:41 pm

      Omg, this is so sad to read. @Daybreak, just like in relationships, sometimes we like our friends more than they like us, and from what you have written its obvious this lady does not like you very much, at least not as much as you like her… it will hurt but you will heal and you will make other friends. Don’t isolate yourself, go out and meet people.

      The last part is for me too sha, as i am not a very ‘friendy’ person. I am one of those people who enjoy their own company too much, but sometimes i feel lonely too and muse that a friend or group of friends wouldn’t hurt, but i don’t have it yet, but i am not depressed nor desperate for it.
      It will come when it will…

    • diva

      November 30, 2016 at 12:51 am

      The real Oma seriously u touched me there. Am so not lucky with frnds and I love too much I cld jump over a wall for Dem and they wont even cross a gutter for me. Frnds hv hurt me so bad loneliness is now my companion. Its sad but frnds r truly not for everyone

    • Anonymous

      November 27, 2016 at 10:34 pm

      @daybreak

      If she had confronted you immediately maybe the relationship would Hv been made worse. You allowed ur circumstance and situation to affect your interpersonal relationship. Yes I agree she should have understood. But maybe just maybe she has been for a very long time and simple allowed her maternal Instincts supersed her friendship.

      You need to work on ur self too. Life is tough. Even your family will one day stop giving excuses for your anger management problems. They will hurt you more than you can imagine. You need to decide who u want to be ; Joseph, David or Nebuchadnezzar.

    • Elle

      November 28, 2016 at 2:27 am

      Hi Daybreak, so sorry you had to go through that. I know how it hurts to break up with a friend who you thought was your bff. Try to pull yourself together and enjoy your life. You are valuable and God will surely send people who See your worth into your life. Smile, have fun, be open to new friends and don’t judge others based on another’s behavior, I mean give people a chance in your life. You are fine. Hugs*

    • Daybreak

      November 28, 2016 at 7:52 am

      Thank you Ms Elle

    • aj

      November 29, 2016 at 3:26 am

      I’m so sorry to hear that..next time try not to get too into a friendship…make sure she too is contributing to you emotionally.

  5. Darius

    November 27, 2016 at 6:00 pm

    Life has taught me a valuable lesson: if you want to sustain your friendships, be a mediocre. Naturally, most good friends feel bad when you underperform, but go green with envy when you eclipse them. Everybody has a jealous streak, and it’s perfectly normal to be happy for your friends and be a little bit jealous when they excel. What is not normal is when you let envy eat deep into your soul, and you become bitter, perpetually angry and frustrated. You would save yourself a great deal of trouble if you always keep it in mind that a friend today is a potential enemy tomorrow. Some of us will never get to experience the joy of true friendship. That’s ok! There are people I call friends just to be politically correct, but deep down, I see them as enemies because that’s what they are. They won’t hesitate to stab me in the back if the slightest opportunity presents itself.

    • Mama

      November 27, 2016 at 10:13 pm

      OMG…, you just described what I have been experiencing with my so called ‘friends’ , envy and jealousy. I have had some blessings come my way in the past few years, and boy has it revealed the contents of many peoples hearts, that I am shocked. It is a very scary experience when you realize the people you’ve shared a greater part of your life-your joys and pains, do not wish you well. My new motto now is ‘I will be loyal to those who have shown me loyalty, and be friendly to them who have shown themselves friendly’. Thats all!

    • aj

      November 29, 2016 at 3:31 am

      so true! True friendship is rare. A lot of haters abound!

  6. Sil

    November 27, 2016 at 6:11 pm

    I am just going through this with my close friend, went through things and didn’t bother to check she had her reasons but to me are excuses cos we make time for those and things that are important to us.

    What I have decided is…….really really take my time to know people before investing in them and give them just as much as they are willing to give back cos I have learnt that not everyone can invest in you emotionally, some don’t have the strength to or are just plain selfish. I am going to learn how to be selfish, look out for me. I used to say it doesn’t matter whether I get back but I have realised it does. I (we..I think) yearn for reciprocity and for people to be there for us. Or maybe family is just enough…..

  7. Pipi

    November 27, 2016 at 6:23 pm

    Aunty Eli, I came for you today! Please get off your high horse!!!! From your article you sound sooo selfish! I cam imagine people running away from you. You are what u attract. Friendship is sacrifice let that sink in….. Your friend might have been attracted to you because u are intelligent but did u ever notice she was struggling how did you help and impact her life. The truth is no matter how mean people are when you make a difference in their lives it shows. During my masters too I have had a random lady work up to me to say she was struggling and needed help…. And I gave my 100% to ensure she succeeded. Today she is one amazing friend I have. Have an open heart , be ready to forgive, share mutual interest, be patient, have emphaty. Friendship like romantic relationships are a two way street. Recently on my birthday my very good friend didn’t call or text me she normally will try to beat 12’o clock. Rather than get really pissed I tried to understand why and truth is work has been really crazy and I haven’t reached out to her I don’t even reply her last bbm. On her birthday by 12 I reached out to her, that’s what friendship is. Aunty Eli you sound like someone with a chip on a shoulder thinking everyone owes her something! Why don’t u see your intelligence as a gift to help these ingrates (friends) and see how u face will light up when u help a D student become an A student whether they thank you or not. Or when you help your colleague become an expert SAP user (the inner joy). I love my 5 friends

    • Pipi

      November 27, 2016 at 6:25 pm

      Walk*

    • Xoxo

      November 27, 2016 at 8:58 pm

      What exactly are you on about??? You totally misread what the article says. Just because you probably haven’t been betrayed by a friend or had someone you consider a friend be a leech and just take, take and take without giving doesn’t mean you should assume the writer is solely at fault. Some people are just horrible. If I start to share what I have gone through in the hands of ‘friends’ ehn. Sometimes I can’t believe how gullible I was/am. All they do is take and never give back. I hope you don’t run into one. I know how it feels and trust me it hurts like hell. Be thankful your own is good and don’t sound so naive. BTW your comment shows you are the one walking with a chip on your shoulder.

    • Elle

      November 28, 2016 at 8:33 am

      Thank you Pipi for judging me without knowing me. Congrats on being blessed to have real friends. For those who have suffered bouts of betrayal and backstabbing despite being sacrificial for friends, may it not deter us from opening our hearts when God sends true friends our way. Cheers!

  8. Walkalone

    November 27, 2016 at 6:27 pm

    Team walk alone since conception

  9. Realchild

    November 27, 2016 at 6:37 pm

    I used to have a few really close friends, but I was terribly betrayed. The first one really dealt me a heavy blow of betrayal, same as the second. In fact, my second close friend destroyed my relationship with my fiance. Engagement was in a few months time. I let him go and let my supposed friend go, too. Still haven’t gotten over it, but life must continue. Not doing the close friends thing anymore.

  10. Baby gurl

    November 27, 2016 at 6:58 pm

    I always love the articles on friendship cuz I relate most to the topic lol. The same way my high school friends and I grew apart, my uni friends went too. We are no longer friends now. Just acquaintances. Nothing really happened. Just grew apart. I always did the calling and texting but they didn’t lift a finger. I beat myself down about it initially but overtime I’ve come to realize that we were never destined to be friends forever. The others from our clique back in the days all live in one town and I’m the odd one out. My no 1 goal for 2017 is to start afresh in the friendship thing. I want to get like minded women(and men lol) with beautiful hearts and mature minds to follow me in my present journey to fulfilment and happiness. I used to get so emotional and sloppy about not having real close friends but it’s time to quit crying and start acting. In life you win some and you lose some. That’s just the way it is pipu! I need tips. In this Naija how person go fit find real gals lol. Thanks Ms Elle.

    • "changing moniker"

      November 27, 2016 at 8:22 pm

      You can be our friend.
      There’a a group on FB ” the YHP network”

    • Teju TJ

      November 28, 2016 at 3:31 am

      I am in the same boat. I’m not going to pretend like it doesn’t bother me because it really does. However, i have decided to use my time to work on the things that’l make me happy and hopefully everything else will fall in place.

  11. Friendship issues sha

    November 27, 2016 at 6:59 pm

    I haven’t always been an individual who has too,many friends right from when I was young.. as I grew older I appreciate people who stay in touch with you and look our for you

    Ghosting also takes place in friendships too. I never jump to conclusions without finding out if I have offended you. A close colleague suddenly went cold on me. I asked her twice if I had offended her and continued her coolness with me. I didn’t bother her again. Abi? I honestly can’t do friendship in a selfish manner., whats in it for me. Though we get attracted to a friend for some reason, being an outright user takes mad skills, training and a terrible upbringing.

  12. Emerald

    November 27, 2016 at 7:42 pm

    I really love this Article on ‘Friendship’. Honestly I felt this Article was written because of me. I find myself in such situation, but right now I decided not to have any friends. I had Friends when I was in Uni but we grew apart. I was the one always Calling them, they never did. During Exams they drew close to me. Right now I don’t even have any of their contacts. I decided within me to make a Fresh Start come 2017, New Friends, New Life.

  13. "changing moniker"

    November 27, 2016 at 8:21 pm

    Friendship can be difficult.
    Sometimes the best thing to do is to let go, however difficult it might be.

  14. Made

    November 27, 2016 at 8:22 pm

    I started losing my friend towards final year in uni. She started getting closer to some other girl. She was my best friend and only friend but I wasnt hers. We started avoiding each other even though we were next door neighbors in the hostel. Eventually we had a huge blow arising from pent up emotions. We both cried in front of a lot of people bet alas, things were never the same – a line had been crossed. We tried, well I tried patching things up, it didn’t work. We live in different states so out of sight is out of mind. I definitely mourn the loss of that bond because we were very close. Used to share everything thing together. It still hurts but like the saying goes, ” 20 children cannot play for 20 years”. Sometimes I ask myself where did I go wrong?? I guess some people come into our lives for a reason and for a season.

  15. MyCupOfTea

    November 27, 2016 at 8:25 pm

    Wow I thought I was alone. I got betrayed big time I confronted the two people I was close to then, they denied it all. I decided to keep my distance. Years later they had a big fight n came to me to report each other. Now I don’t have any jare, I keep is warm whenever I get messages or calls. I have stopped calling cos it was like I had nothing to do but miss them n call. Now I face my work jejejejeje no Facebook, instacrazy or Twitter. Stressfree I must say. I love making friends and hoping to make new ones come 2017.

  16. E

    November 27, 2016 at 8:36 pm

    I don’t think I have friends now. The only person I can call my friend now is far from me though we talk once in a while. The thing is that I do not really know ” How to make friends ” Lol. This sounds funny. Although sometimes I wish I have friends,real friends.

    Infact, I am just a chronic introvert. I enjoy being alone.

    • Ij

      November 29, 2016 at 4:43 pm

      You must be my long lost twin sister… Lol

  17. How to lose friends and alienate people

    November 27, 2016 at 8:47 pm

    I Should write a book on this, I have no friends in the real sense of the word, people are too weird, they only love it when you are down and throw you a pity party, as soon as there is any semblance of success to you they start acting funny, they will say you are “prouding” , forgetting that you have always acted like that.
    The other day one said “is this LI will turn to a billionaire???” I was beyond shocked! if you are bothered by someone (who you don’t know personally becoming a billionaire), how will a ‘close’ friend’s success affect you???

  18. Marian

    November 27, 2016 at 8:57 pm

    We’ve probably all experienced this at one point. Some more than others. ? If i start to talk, Chei! I’ve grown enough now that i understand to just do good always without expecting anything in return.
    Friendships will expire. People will let you down but God got you always!
    Not having any friend cam suck but Like someone said, invest your time and energy in something you like or pick up a new hobby.
    Go dancing, They have lots of dance classes all over yankee and you don’t need to bring a partner. Join a book club, volunteer at your local soup kitchen, Salvation army, nursing home. Nursing homes are awesome. Lots of lonely old people with no one to visit them. You will make their day and maybe start a new friendship. I love Old people. They give the best advice. Nothing like a 90 yr old lady giving you relationship advice.

  19. Dare

    November 27, 2016 at 9:42 pm

    Good read

  20. frances

    November 27, 2016 at 11:11 pm

    I don’t believe in coincidences, everyone comes to your life for a reason. Thanks to betrayal of friends I have learnt forgiveness, that there are some truths I don’t want to know, that confrontation is pointless. I don’t keep frenemies that is akin to keeping a snake as a pet with no knowledge of how to handle snakes. If a friendship or relationship comes to an end ask yourself what is the lesson and move on. I have noticed that certain scenarios are repeated through the actions of various friends until I understand its purpose. Also, remember to be thankful for angels masquerading as friends I have had a lot of those too. The important thing is develop your character and be a friend that stick closer than a brother. Everyone need one of those.

  21. gemonyi

    November 27, 2016 at 11:36 pm

    I have learnt to forgive easily cos not every friend should be discarded.

  22. Bisi

    November 27, 2016 at 11:53 pm

    Friendship takes hard work.- Only the strong can survive.

  23. Ladyb

    November 28, 2016 at 12:13 am

    Anyone else in Atlanta looking to make new trustworthy and reliable friends? I am looking for a someone to call my sister. Send me a message on [email protected]. Am 29 years old.

    • Teju TJ

      November 28, 2016 at 3:35 am

      Too bad. I’m in Tampa. Anyone in tampa? Lol

  24. Bella

    November 28, 2016 at 12:33 am

    I really got disappointed by someone I considered one of my best friends. Still trying to get through it. Letting go and forgetting is the hardest

    • Elle

      November 28, 2016 at 8:25 am

      It sure is Bella but I can asssure you that you will heal in due time. First see if things can be worked out, otherwise let go and let God. I believe true friendships come from God and if we put our trust in him, he will help us do the selection. Every relationship has a lesson/blessing which should make you stronger.. stay focused, smile and have fun. You’re fine. *Hugs*

  25. alwayshappy

    November 28, 2016 at 4:36 am

    Pele Elle, rejoice over all the dissolved friendships because you learned what not to settle for. Quite a lot of folks are in dysfunctional friendships which in the long run will run out of steam at some point once one or both parties stop feeding it or fanning the destructive and damaging flames that hold them together. If you desire honest and true friendship, let God do the picking and weeding.

  26. Marian

    November 28, 2016 at 5:49 am

    We should so do a christmas gift exchange.

  27. Asake

    November 28, 2016 at 6:44 am

    Reading through the comments, I was wondering what I did differently. I have friends very close friends. I have 2 best friends even though the level of besties is not the same for us, just like how I decide to be in relationship with someone, it is the same way I end up with my friends, there has to be a click, the friendship has to be mutual and valued by both parties – Have I had very close friends that we are just acquitance as of today – Yes I do – life happened and we went on different paths, have I been betrayed?- I doubt but we have had big arguments that made us fall out. Apart from Primary School, I have friends from every stage in my life. As I grew older, I began to understand when to let go of a “friendship “- I personally do not think it is wise to be a bestie friend to someone who sees you as an acquitance – I have seen this happen severally.

  28. Mo'Diva

    November 28, 2016 at 10:11 am

    @Real Oma same applies to me and that’s bcos i’ve been taught series of lessons. @Daybreak pele dear shit happens that’s why it’s life

  29. Aisha

    November 28, 2016 at 10:23 am

    It has not been easy having someone called ur friend, I realised I invest more into d friendship then d other party. I just hope I make a friend who invest in d friendship as much as I do, cos I can’t stand d heartbreak of d so called friends anymore. Thanks Elle for sharing ur experience

    • trudy

      November 28, 2016 at 11:00 am

      hi Aisha, can we be friends? im a 22 year old Ghanaian girl .. would you like to be my friend? oh.. this is my mail, gertrudeasante1994 at gmail dot com

  30. BBB

    November 28, 2016 at 10:25 am

    My two cents; People come into our lives at different seasons/stages/phases as we journey into life. We simply enjoy what they are there for. Enjoy the relationship,lessons, memories etc.

    When it stops becoming valuable, appreciate what you had and move on. Trust me, the respect remains but we move to new things/levels without baggage.

  31. LEM

    November 28, 2016 at 10:47 am

    Sigh…. This makes me feel so sad, just reminds me of my friendless status. I really need a friend
    : (

    • The Real Oma

      November 28, 2016 at 1:05 pm

      @Lem, do you live in Lagos? If you do, email me at [email protected]

  32. Confused

    November 28, 2016 at 2:22 pm

    I had a best friend. We did everything together. Out of the blues one day she told me she didn’t want to speak to me anymore. Ahn ahn, I even thought it was a joke. hmmmm like play like play she stopped responding to my messages or calls. On my child’s birthday she didn’t call or such to even say happy birthday even though i posted pictures on instagram, snapchat, facebook etc which she saw. I’m still so confused and broken. I have even begged incase I offended her and I have/had no idea. It hurts so so so so much, I literally carried her like an egg. We are birthday mates so we call ourselves twins. It’s been 3 months of her going incommunicado on me and honestly I’m not over it yet. When my sister saw how the thing was affecting me, she took my phone and from my accounts unfollowed and unfriended this my bestie so that I wouldn’t see her posts anymore. Life has lost abit of colour for me and i am so terrified of friendships. I feel like a part of me is gone and even my husband knows how much I valued that friendship. Now when I sense anyone trying to become close friends with me I just run in the other direction. I will never have a best friend again only acquaintances. No more will I put myself at the mercy of anyone because of a friendship anymore. Never again will i wear my friendship heart on my sleeves. I am so done.

  33. nk

    November 28, 2016 at 4:01 pm

    My only friend is relocatin to another continent. I need a friend in abuja. [email protected].

  34. zeebaby

    November 28, 2016 at 11:46 pm

    Awwww, sorry Confused. It happens. I am the queen of” best” friends betraying/dumping me. I guess it’s partly my fault cos I am too open n trusting. And also, cos I am a pushover who tolerates a lot of crap from friends till the cup gets full then I go beserk!. I was so emotional abt having issues with my best friends dat hubby had to ask if. We were just lesbians.LOL. I am still learning to guard my heart. My university bestie, relocated to Canada without telling n ghosted with my money sef. Anoda friend started getting too chummy with Ex le boo till they started going on vacay together without telling me. He didn’t marry either of us thankfully. NYSC bestie lasted for 11 yrs. We started to drift apart with marriage. And I noticed she wasn’t happy wn good stuff happens to me. I was pretty hurt wn she questioned my new job n wondered how I got it. I miss her n her kids but I already know how this things ends. I am happy n thank God for a few friends whom I can’t call bestie, but I know we got our backs… psychologically, spiritually, physically n even financially, if d need arises. I will save my emotional needs for hubby/family n pray that they don’t break my heart too

    • aj

      November 29, 2016 at 3:52 am

      “Anoda friend started getting too chummy with Ex le boo till they started going on vacay together without telling me. He didn’t marry either of us thankfully. This happened to me too lol.” I can laugh about it now but it wasn’t funny then.

  35. aj

    November 29, 2016 at 3:17 am

    Girl if I start on the topic of friends where would I stop? so let me not start! I have dealt with fake friends all my life from the ones that want me to help them in Spanish class , to ones who slept with my so called boyfriend before we broke up to the same one that wanted to fight me because I yelled at her for taking cheap shots at me. Funny thing is I always know from day one the type of person they are but I continue with the FAKE friendship until it dissolves. Going forward, I hope to put sneaky girls at arms length when I detected any fake behavior from them. However, I can vouch for myself that I am a wonderful friend to people if you are to me too.

  36. Me

    November 29, 2016 at 12:41 pm

    Do anyone wants to be my friend. I am in Dallas.

  37. Me

    November 29, 2016 at 3:15 pm

  38. Ij

    November 29, 2016 at 4:48 pm

    I’m an Introvert but need new friend. I’m in Ph. Email me at [email protected]

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