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Ene Abah: The Prime of Her Life

Ene Abah

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She planned her life around him, everything concerning her revolved around him. She moved from country to country with him and would look for jobs wherever they were at the time. It was not the greatest, as she went for months sometimes without a job. Most times, the jobs she preferred were overseas. She was happy though to do the little she did to stay active. She spent more time at home to care for him as he worked really hard. This was one of the things she admired most, so it was easy not to hold anything against him. She had dreams of a career which she gave up when she chose this lifestyle with him but that she did with no grudge or resentment as he more than catered to her needs emotionally and financially.

She waited because she understood what his needs were at the time and was not impatient in any form with him. He was getting to the peak of his career and needed all the support he could get. She was his rock and his balance on days when he would lose his mind. She nudged him on and catered to him in every way possible. She was patient, she waited for him to get stable at work. She never pressured him about their relationship. They came across as the perfect couple, one of those couples anyone would look to with admiration. There were no promises, but everything was leading up to a final commitment.

She was fully invested in the relationship. She gave it her all, she gave him her all. She gave up so much and lost friends in the process. All they could see was that she was losing a sense of who she was, to be the perfect woman for this man. He treated her well, no doubt and they loved him. But where was she in all of this? She once was a vibrant young woman who had a career and contributed to causes. She always looked at issues from a perspective not many would see. That voice was slowly being quietened.

As always, she followed him to events where her contributions were valued as she was extremely intelligent. Some were intellectual, some were purely social, but she could hold a conversation and was totally open minded.
One of these events got her restless, extremely so. She had worked on a major project on the subject of the event. She had to drop out of the project when she followed him. It brought memories back, it kindled a fire that had slowly been going out. She started to get restless, she wanted to fly. She wanted to be that woman she once was and more. The discussion between them started and after a few months, she got a project and had to work elsewhere. She got her dream back but things started to fall apart with them. She returned unannounced to have a chat about the situation. He was cold, she felt empty, he looked miserable.

“Distance”…That was all he managed to say, but it was more than enough to bring her world to a halt. She had given up five years of life in her prime to be there for him.
She could not comprehend whether she was to give up the rest of her life to do that.
She wondered what would become of her career and whether he was interested in making a lifetime commitment to her. She wondered and kept asking questions to which he remained mum.

Ene Abah is an adventure lover, naturalista, food lover, travel lover, writer and is particular about sending positive vibes to others. Some of her interests are in writing, travelling, reading and generally enjoying life. Ene’s writing has been published in Top Chic magazine, Imbue magazine and on Imbue's website. She blogs at http://belletammy.blogspot.com.ng/ Follow her on Twitter @tammyabah and on instagram @belle.tammy

29 Comments

  1. Fabulous

    March 16, 2017 at 8:38 am

    This story is incomplete.

    • ekalor

      March 16, 2017 at 8:58 am

      i know right

    • Bleed Blue

      March 16, 2017 at 9:09 am

      I agree.

      This isn’t suspense jor, this is just incomplete story telling. Ene oya come back and do the needful.

    • Anne

      March 16, 2017 at 2:39 pm

      Na wa o. Shildren of nowadays. How do you give so much with no commitment. My ex boyfriend wanted me to move in with him. I declined patapata. I am not from the streets. You must marry me properly, no excuses. Thought women had sense. How do you give your life to a man. Don’t you have God, family or any value for your self. Haba, kilode. I make sacrifices in marriage. Everyone growing at the same time. Father, mother and children. I was properly honoured into husband’s house and still being honoured. No pride on my part. Na Baba God give me wisdom. You cannot afford not to have wisdom. Girls and women WAKE UP. There is fire on the mountain. Don’t let him squeeze all the juice out of you, before you realize it, you will be in trouble and your own Spirit will question you. Wake up and don’t be less than what your Heavenly Father planned.

    • Anne

      March 16, 2017 at 3:13 pm

      Yes, that is why I wrote the fact that everyone must be growing at the same time even in a marriage, not every woman will do 9 to 5 but there is just so much to do. You can start your masters, run a business. Not all women can joggle working under a boss and taking care of their homes. My uneducated grand aunty did some real estate and sold stuff. The day she died, family found one million naira cash under her pillow, at least that should have helped kick start something for burial. My point is this; you can help your husband, children and yourself. You don’t have to give up your whole life. And for people who keep seeing marriages falling apart, sorry o. I see relatives who are still together. They have challenges they have overcome already, they will probably have more to overcome but I see them using right principles, I can count 10 good marriages without thinking deeply and more if I do. The fact that the board seized the license of some doctors does not mean they should seize mine. The fact that some companies crash within the first 2years does not mean mine should and the fact that marriages are crashing on the right and left does not mean mine should.

  2. Mtscheew

    March 16, 2017 at 8:52 am

    Why you no finish am? Is this a tease or what?

  3. Ameh's love

    March 16, 2017 at 9:07 am

    This creative piece got me thinking of ‘me’

  4. Ijs

    March 16, 2017 at 9:22 am

    She was a stupid person to do all of this seeing ad they were not married

    • Roy

      March 16, 2017 at 9:30 am

      Even if they were married? She was brain washed.

    • Roy Keane

      March 16, 2017 at 10:53 am

      If she was brain washed then she brain washed her own self.

    • Issababe

      March 16, 2017 at 9:56 am

      The point of this is, dont give up your life for a man or a woman even if you are married. You have to feel complete before being in a marriage

    • Pink

      March 16, 2017 at 1:56 pm

      Even if they were married, with marriages crashing by the second these days who is to say the story would have ended differently?

    • nito

      March 16, 2017 at 4:54 pm

      For every 1 marriage that crashes, 10 more are thriving. Bad news always tend to be louder than Normal/good news.

  5. Missy

    March 16, 2017 at 9:25 am

    i love this peace

  6. Aibee

    March 16, 2017 at 10:36 am

    I guess the author does not intend to complete the story for us. She probably doesn’t know the end of the story herself.

    It is the story of many women, all over the world. Sadly, some of those women don’t have their financial or emotional needs met by their men..

    It is the story of women who have to “submit” to their husbands and bury their dreams in order to cater to their husbands, to dull their brightness in order for their men to shine, to relocate to places where nothing exists for them because that’s where Mr. Man can achieve his dreams.

    It is the story of women who finally remember those dreams they once dreamed and wonder if Chairman is worth abandoning those dreams for.

    It is my story.

    • O

      March 16, 2017 at 11:32 am

      Aibee, I am with you. Same story. Given so much, I don’t even know me anymore. Filled with such sadness and restlessness to get things going. I don’t want to wake up at 60 and wonder how my life would have been, had I chosen to pursue my own dreams, and not another’s….

    • Beht why

      March 16, 2017 at 2:58 pm

      Please I beg of you! Find your light and find it soon enough. My mum is almost 55 and regrets abandoning everything in her life for the sake of her marriage; and I mean every single moment. It’s truly heartbreaking. Please, find your way back to that little girl whose eyes were full of hope and expectations. Lots of love.

    • Mz Socially Awkward....

      March 17, 2017 at 1:12 pm

      Ironically, I sometimes wonder what my alternate life would have been like if I’d yielded to the Nigerian narrative for women and instead of chasing my dreams, decided to fall back and fulfil society’s expectations that I get married in my early (but not surely not later than mid) 20s, started popping babies, maybe tried my hand at part time work…. raised a family as my primary objective…. would I have found enough there to replace the longing for fulfilment in one part of my life (i.e. financial independence, career growth, etc.)…. or would I have been filled with regret?

      This thought was idly flitting through my mind just this week. And, of course, now that I know what I know and have tasted what I’ve tasted, it’s inconceivable to me that I sacrifice all of that on the altar of someone else’s dreams (mbanu, unless we’re in agreement to sacrifice together)….. but for the me that was still in my early 20s, all of these were still dreams which I hadn’t yet even come close to actually experiencing….. so, I could easily have given them up if the right man had convinced me to (and one in particular almost did).

      Don’t berate yourselves for the choices made back then. At the time, those might have been the only ones you had….. & even if they weren’t, you still had to select an option completely blind of the future (as any one of us could have).

      To echo @Beth Why, just begin from here to find your way back to those expectations again, now that you know what you know. I’m still fully inspired by that viral testimony of “the Moi-Moi lady” as it just confirms this adage by my Port Harcourt people – Any time wey you wake, na im be your morning. 🙂

    • Ene Abah

      Ene Abah

      March 16, 2017 at 11:59 am

      Spot on Aibee! The motive behind the story is to point out that people should not be made to give up their dreams with no compromise (which continues to happen to many). And it goes both ways I would say. I hope you find a balance soon.

    • Grace

      March 17, 2017 at 1:26 pm

      The story is complete because the point was made.

  7. i must talk

    March 16, 2017 at 12:04 pm

    The things we women see and go through under the umbrella of marriage….no be small something! some of us are actually living in denial. You earn more than him = wahala, you earn nothing = nsogbu, you support him = trouble!! When is Christ second return????????

    • babe

      March 16, 2017 at 5:23 pm

      women must stand up to their vision and belief.
      dont be a push over because he is taking care of your financial needs… but remain submissive

    • Grace

      March 16, 2017 at 7:56 pm

      Striking a balance is the issue na. The fact that you are supporting someone does not mean you should forget yourself o. You can do the 2. I am currently praying and cracking my brain, thinking about school too. It is not hard at all. Some women also need to be humble. Most of us won’t leave an office job in the bank to study tailoring like Folorunsho Alakija. The feeling of having your own money is sweet. Don’t forget that women. I am not advising you to leave your office job o. I am just advising you to have your own money. Office or business, na you go understand better but you don’t have to do nothing. God does not want you to be a slave, push your faith beyond where you are right now.

    • Mz Socially Awkward....

      March 17, 2017 at 1:13 pm

      Gbam.

  8. Chadel

    March 16, 2017 at 2:15 pm

    nice

  9. Nengi

    March 16, 2017 at 3:37 pm

    Nice,

  10. babe

    March 16, 2017 at 5:18 pm

    this got me thinking and i wonder if am the one u all are talking to..

  11. Idomagirl

    March 17, 2017 at 1:23 am

    You don’t have to forget yourself, your dreams and stunt your growth because you’re being supportive.
    I don’t believe in being supportive at the expense of my own growth, what kind of dreams are you pursuing that requires me to completely grind my entire life to a halt?
    Sorry not here for that.
    Let us both grow together and support each other, no be only you waka come.
    Of course there will be sacrifices & compromising but why should only one party be the one doing that?
    That’s the quickest way for resentment to come in.

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