Imagine this: After months of toasting Nkechi and taking her on different dates, she randomly calls you one Friday morning and says “Babe, I’ll be sleeping over at your apartment tonight, hope that okay with you?” Of course, you don’t mind. Are you kidding me?
After confirming the visit, your excitement starts to build up; your “agro-no-metre” starts to go into overdrive. But then as the hours go by and the excitement starts to turn into anxiety, you begin to worry about the impression your apartment will give. You also start to calculate the possible ways her visit could put a dent on your beautiful friendship with Nkechi. Even worse, if you have been lying to her about living alone, while in reality, you are squatting with a friend, you know it is time to pull every string possible, to ensure the first night at least goes well… before you start confessing your sins.
Basically, you do not want to mess things up, especially if you’re looking for something long term. Eventually, so you realize you have only one option: find a way to organize your apartment to send the right message. Obviously, it would entail much more than just cleaning and sprucing up of the place, because let’s face it, some girls can snoop for Africa. No matter how tidy and well-arranged your place is, they must find something. You have to make sure anything that can dampen the vibe or give her the impression that you a creep is completely eradicated. To do this, we have a number of ideas you may want to consider:
You already know this has to be number one. No girl, even dirty ones, wants to deal with all any kind of pong the first time they visit their baby boo or baby boo-to-be. Take some time to clean up your apartment, even if just a little; hide all traces of dirty clothes and clear out the kitchen. You may be sharing the apartment with friends and the kitchen area would be beyond your control, but at least for the things that concern you directly, ensure they are on point.
This is so that you can get away with making a comment like “ My dear, I’m tired of my flatmates, they are so disorganized and dirty” and pinning any other thing she complains about on your flatmates.
The bathroom area is also very important. Flush any remaining poop, and use bleach and Harpic where needed. It won’t make sense if she is pressed or needs to wash up and there is no conducive environment for that.
Finally, spray your room with air freshener. Do it at least 30 minutes before she arrives, so that it is not to strong. Make sure you do not have dirty clothes or stinky shoes in the room. A mixture of those smells and air freshener can actually turn into something very corrosive and you don’t want that. If you don’t have time to wash them or dry them before she comes, tie them in a bin bag so that you can contain the smell. You can even go ahead and tag them “for charity” so that she will be too distracted by your “kindness” to think of asking what is in the bag. Basically, ensure the apartment is clean enough to create the illusion that you’re a functioning adult who can clean up after himself.
Exorcise the Ghosts of Girlfriends Past
You have ended things with Naomi. Why do you still have her pictures on your fridge? Why is her nightgown is still hanging in your wardrobe? Are you hoping to build a museum about her in future? Please get rid of anything that belongs to girls from your past. You want to make sure Nkechi feels she is the only one worth the effort.
Nothing kills a sexual buzz more than signs that you’re still hung up on someone else, especially an ex. No one wants to have to compete or deal with that. Search the apartment and rid it of everything; from little items like another girl’s toothbrush, a half-used bottle of female shampoo, or a hair band, to more serious items like old love letters, framed poems. Everything should be discarded, or at least thrown in a box and buried.
Your aim is to ensure she doesn’t wonder who else is paying you a visit; because, little things like that will make her uncomfortable and can even cause a serious quarrel. You don’t want to lose her before you have even had her. Also, if you are sharing the apartment with others, please warn them, nobody should mention anything about any other girl. Even if the mattress in your room was a gift from Naomi, it is not your flatmates’ place to tell the story.
Get rid of roommates
If you share a one-room apartment with a friend in Lekki Phase 1 and Nkechi had no clue, the first night she is coming over is not the best time to start explaining to her that there will be three of you lying down on the mattress. Especially, if you and her have not discussed the possibility of a three-way.
Bribe your roommate; pull any card you can pull to make sure he does not come around the apartment all through the period the girl is there. Three, certainly, is a crowd and you do not want to spook her.
You do not have to go as far as removing any trace of your roommate. You want to stay honest and truthful as well. So, you can tell her when she arrives that your roommate is not around and you have the place to yourself. That way, she has it at the back of her mind that she may not always be able to chill with you alone in the room in the future.
With flatmates, it is easier. You can just let them know ahead of time that you would be having a girl overnight and they can either stay in their room for the period or at least behave and make the apartment comfortable for the girl. It would be weird if she comes into the apartment and your flatmates are sniffing coke in the sitting room. No matter how much you try to absolve yourself and say you are not like then, she will have that fear at the back of her mind that you may not be entirely responsible. You don’t want that.
Yes, you are a man; you do not need much to survive. But if you are going to have a girl come over, you should be willing to make certain sacrifices. Your apartment should not be empty and dry. Aside from the fact that a stocked up fridge will give the appearance of a homely man – which is something that will appeal to almost any woman, it will give you the opportunity to sample her cooking, and know if she can cook at all. It could also indicate if you are facing the possibility of buying from a restaurant for the rest of your life – should your relationship grow to the point of marriage.
For those who are squatting or who do not have a fridge, you may just want to make sure you ask her what she would love for dinner ahead of time and order it, or buy it on your way back. That way she has something to eat for the night, at least.
Aside from foodstuff in the fridge, you want to also have certain basics around the apartment like toothpaste, toilet paper, spare and clean towel, fan or AC, drinking water, running water, and fuel for your generator. You want to make sure the place is as comfortable as possible.
Keep the bedroom décor simple
The bedroom obviously will be the main focus through the night. Even if you both are saving yourselves and you have to sleep apart, you as the guy will be the one sleeping in the sitting room, corridor or floor of the bedroom while she is relaxing on the bed. Point is, you don’t want to creep her out with posters on nude females on your walls, or the satin sheets and lighting that will make her feel she is auditioning for a role in a porn movie. That picture of Nicki Minaj with her perfect boobs or glistening behind might be what gets you by on a lonely night, but you don’t want her to know that. Take them down and throw them away. Have faith that she will replace Nicki Minaj.
If you don’t have the courage to throw it away, fold it nicely and put in your documents folder or somewhere she won’t feel like she needs to search, the moment your eyes close in sleep.
For those who like to keep a shrine of lube and condoms under your bed, while it may show that you are virile and conscious of your sexual health, it may also creep her out and give her the impression that you are a player.
Do not use any sexually themed bed sheets. Something too mushy may suggest you are gay. Something too lewd will suggest you are a pervert. Women pay attention to the smallest details, so, the state of your bedroom will eventually matter in the long run.
Preparing your apartment for a girl’s visit is not much of a task if you think about it. You don’t even have to wait for a special girl to do it. You could actually just go ahead with it not, that way you will be more than ready if it’s impromptu.
Do you have any more ideas on how to get your apartment ready for a girl’s visit? Please share in the comment section below.
Photo Credit: Innovatedcaptures | Dreamstime.com