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Titilola Edu: I’m the Only One Allowed to Beat My Child

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“I am the only one allowed to beat my child” Kemi said.

“What do you mean?” Ganiat asked, “So her teachers in school cannot beat her?

“No, they can’t, it’s not even allowed in her school” replied Kemi, with Sophie backing her up.

My friends and I were visiting our friend Kemi and her family for the weekend.

One of the topics of conversation was whether or not pupils should be beaten in school or by third parties.

Gannet and I insisted that pupils could and should be disciplined, but it had to be proportional to the offense committed. Also, the age of the child should be considered.

Kemi and Sophie argued the opposite; their main grouse was that the so-called proportion was not measurable. A lot of factors outside school environment could provoke a teacher to beating a child, and sometimes control is hardly exhibited. Pent up frustrations would be vented on the innocent child.

The cane played a major role in my childhood, both at home and in school. Looking back now it seemed like the only language “we” understood. There was a fear of that long stick – especially the slim ones.

We were exceptionally stubborn and playful kids. I remember a time my sister locked me up in the deep freezer; thankfully there was no power supply that day.

Another time I fell from a tree which Momsi had warned us not to climb. I played pranks on lesson teachers and no amount of scolding worked. Thinking about it now, the fear of being beaten only surfaces when there’s a high probability of getting caught. My parents never spared the rod; they even encouraged my teachers -especially my Dad. He would even tell my teachers to beat me very well.

Oyinbo behaviour is telling your kids to go to their room as a punishment for bad behavior. Which room sef? That’s if you even have your own private room. Imagine hearing: “you are grounded”

Anyway, the issue is whether a third party is allowed to discipline your child by beating them?

For me, to an extent, yes! But please, don’t go overboard with it. I’ll do the rest.

What do you think?

Photo Credit: Steven Frame | Dreamstime.com

Titilola is a Legal Practitioner, Entrepreneur, Introverted Extrovert, a freelance creative writer and a Rice&Stew Enthusiast. She blogs at https://gidigirlkronicles.wordpress.com. Follow @ttlawla on IG and @ttlurla on twitter.

17 Comments

  1. Cindy

    April 3, 2017 at 5:09 pm

    It is a big NO for me!! Like your friend rightly said, do you know if they would know when to stop?? How would you be able to tell that?? Don’t allow things you cannot control!

  2. sophie

    April 3, 2017 at 5:51 pm

    I align with Cindy, it’s a giant no for me, at that nursery stage beating is unnecessary, reprimand, showing disapproval can impact a child more than a rod. When my niece was little there is a way you beat her and she will think it’s “play”. But when she perceives you are angry with her she would cry, apologise & promise not to err again, secondly when their attitude calls for beating, I will beat her my self, close friends & family can as I don’t intend to nurture a brat, but no strange person should touch my child, I have seen how people quickly become strict disciplinarians when it comes to other people’s kids bit pamper theirs silly.

  3. tunmi

    April 3, 2017 at 7:17 pm

    do parents even know how or when to stop?

    Abeg, stop beating children.
    Stop taking out your frustrations on them
    Stop hitting their fragile bodies.
    Because you do it ONLY because they can’t fight back.

  4. john

    April 3, 2017 at 7:25 pm

    beating of children or househelps should be declared a crime with its own prison sentence..

  5. Rose Okwy

    April 3, 2017 at 8:13 pm

    Touch my child and die, period!!!!
    Many wicked teachers do not know the difference between discipline and abuse!!

  6. nunulicious

    April 3, 2017 at 8:15 pm

    It takes a village to raise a child…if i’m out about town and your pikin misbehaves around me enough to warrant a little smack, I’ll gladly oblige you. You and I will be speaking the grammar later.

    If my pikin misbehaves in school or in public, I expect the mommies and aunties to smack am small. If the said pikin is reported to me and the teacher no beat am, I will take the pikin to the teacher to be spanked. Especially rudeness or laziness, those two, I can’t deal with.

    • Randommer

      April 4, 2017 at 8:34 pm

      Lol when I come and beat you for assault in my child, I hope you won’t complain

  7. Anne

    April 3, 2017 at 9:16 pm

    This is tough reality but the world is not as before. Looks as though there is more wickedness and we can’t use the same tools, when I was younger mum trusted us with even uncles and aunties but now my cousin wouldn’t even let my male cousin bathe her children. What am I saying? Can someone else exercise the kind of self control a parent would exercise due to instinct and love. Why do parents set up nanny cameras these days. The heart of man is desperately wicked..I don’t want to raise spoilt children. I pray my children meet good people through life who will discipline them because they want them to turn out well not some mean people who are angry with the earth and are ready to take it on anyone including babies.

    • anon

      April 3, 2017 at 9:40 pm

      the fact that people think a child that isn’t beaten is a spoilt child is the problem. Beating a child is NEVER out of love, at that point you were irritated and frustrated and that’s a problem with YOU. All the beating that people heaped on their children in the previous generations, just look around. Is it the shit government-built roads and lack of simple infrastructure or the evil pastors or the rapist students/bosses/uncles or the useless husbands that beat and/or cheat on or control their wives or the evil wives that maltreat their nannies or the cyberbullies that troll celebrities? Were all these people not beaten as children and raised up in ‘strict’ homes? We hold on to culture like it’s not human beings that determine what culture is, as though culture came down like the 10 commandments from heaven.

    • Bimbo

      April 4, 2017 at 12:05 pm

      It makes me sad cause parents do not understand that children should be “brats” . Children do not develop the social skills that enable them relate to others till A bit later in life so they cry and act out to get their message across. A well behaved child is more often than not an abused child!

    • anon

      April 3, 2017 at 9:41 pm

      abuse has always been there o, like domestic violence and adultery. It hasn’t increased, just more talked about.

  8. MrsK

    April 3, 2017 at 10:02 pm

    Family members (siblings and grandparents) can smack my child when he or she misbehaves. But outside that circle no one is allowed to hit my child because a lot of people are frustrated and need an outlet for all their emotions. And my children aren’t not your outlet

  9. Asa

    April 4, 2017 at 10:15 am

    Letter to my future child,

    Sorry o, you will be beaten and not just by me. My brothers are sane human beings, if they beat you, I will know you deserve to be beat up. My Mum is a loving grandma currently, if you do anything to make her beat you I will whoop your arse because I know you would have committed. Your father will not be an irresponsible man, I will choose a good man for you so if he beats you then you must deserve to be beat. You will go to a good school too and if your teachers beat you and explain what you did to me and that thing is very wrong, you might get a second beating. A teacher at school once flogged my brother and when he was reported to my Dad, Papa gave him even more strokes of the cane. Dear child, I chopped cane growing up. I was not maltreated, I just chopped cane if I acted stupidly and I did not die.

    You too will chop cane and not just from me. You will chop it from any parent figure who sees any wrong you do in my absence.

    P.S: I love you!

  10. TM David-West

    April 4, 2017 at 12:19 pm

    Suitable discipline from a sound non-malicious is permissible. Any other is unsolicited interference and I won’t welcome it.

    The question now is who belongs to the “suitable non-malicious” group. I’ll clarify when the time is right.

  11. Pipi

    April 4, 2017 at 12:31 pm

    My husband was not beaten as a child and he turned out quite well! I was beaten ehen and I turnd out quite well. It has a lot to do with the child oh! If they didn’t beat me hehehehehehehehehe! I would have been something esle ! We have a natural streak of been fool hardy in my father side of the family! We love to challenge authority and push boundary…. Both positively and negatively. The fear of crooner ass whooping us to set me straight oh! Till university sef! My last slap was just before my masters sef, mumsi had to reset my mouth. My husband has said there would be no beating of our kids and my response is then pray they take after u, because if they carry my character hehehehehehehehehe where they wud just sit down and break TV just to see inside then u talk b4 u come the next day the replacement TV has been broken u will know how far! I sha showed my parents something changed their beautiful abode into a dump in my 1st 10 years of existence. Mumsi used to like pretty things ehen nice glass settings figurines etc, my work was to break them, tear leather chairs! My play was crazy sha! They would lock me inside play pen whossia! I would just be beheading my dolls, taking apart my toy cars and trains lose interest and be looking for the next thing to destroy! Omo thank God for my parents oh! Some parents would have casted the demon from my head sha. With the cane I started to understand boundaries and speak up rather than throw a tantrum. Any of the methods has it ups and downs but it depends on the child

  12. Ahmed Makinde

    April 6, 2017 at 6:38 am

    To be honest, times are changing and what works while we were growing up would not work with children of nowadays. Yes discipline should be enforced, but discipline doesn’t necessarily have to be enforced by beating.

  13. Ire

    April 13, 2017 at 6:08 am

    The question is “when is it overboard?” I think children should be disciplined. The aim should be to correct and not just punish. Our parents & teachers beat us in the past to punish us for frustrating them through our disobedience/stubbornness. That wasn’t helpful at all. My dads later years strategy will be to let you know what you have done & how it affects not only you negatively. But then, there was already a disconnect in our minds because of the times when he just beat us anyhow. I have a friend who was never beaten with a rod but he has very good home training…he’s well behaved, respectful et al. I guess love is a better tool than fear at the end of the day.

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