Aunty Bella is our agony aunt column on BellaNaija. We launched this column in the early days of BN and periodically feature issues sent in by BN readers.
We hope the BN family can offer insightful advice.
I have been married for two years going on three. I have a baby on the way and a lil’ cutie toddler.
Before I got married, my husband and I used to dine out a lot, have fun going out a lot. We were basically best friends, because we did everything together.
Ever since I got married, my husband expects me to cook all the time, clean all the time with no help from him; he has prohibited me from hiring help, claiming he’s not trusting of outside help, even family.
Before I got married, I was very attractive, fixed my nails, always wearing at least a bit of foundation or tinted moisturiser and lipstick. but now I am too busy to even think of myself. I have natural hair and it’s always in a bun. People think it’s for trend, but it’s really because I don’t have the time.
My husband doesn’t help me with anything, and he has friends that come around unannounced. I still have to fix something for them, because he asks me to do it in front of them. Even when I frown, he just stays quiet till I’m over it.
To be honest I don’t know how it all got this way. There was a day food was burning, and he was right there; I was in the toilet and he didn’t even help me at all! He was just shouting my name that food is burning. After confrontation he said he wasn’t sure I didn’t want it like that, because sometimes I give him burnt food. LIKE WTF!
Did I tell you he’s always the one to complain the house is littered, dirty or smells funky. Ok can you do something about it? He won’t – only complains. He used to take out the trash, but then he started getting the gateman to do it. Now, I am the one having to walk down to the gate to get the gateman, because I refuse to take that responsibility up.
Can we please even talk about our child? He interacts with him like 1 hour out of the whole day, the rest is up to me. Once I leave work, I pick my child, go home and it’s work, work, work… till I am exhausted. I tuck my child in, and crash. I have to frown most nights to avoid another work of sex again.
I was enduring all these till I saw my friend starting to get recognition for her acting craft, and her husband has been the one pushing for the realisation of her dreams, and always gushing about how proud he is on social media. I had an opportunity to leave my low paying government job for a private well paying one, and my husband says no – that how will I have time for the family? He has even suggested I quit and start a business, but I vehemently refused because I think it’s a trap to be a house girl sorry housewife.
My husband fears God, quite successful. He doesn’t drink, smoke and all that, which I am grateful for; but his expectations of me are too much. I even feel bad when I can’t meet up to do everything he expects me to do, and still look good for him.
It doesn’t help that our parents are very traditional and don’t see the problem in my predicament.
I feel trapped everyday, looking older than my age. I am seriously considering a separation, but I feel like my situation is very trivial unlike other women whose husbands cheat and are emotionally and physically abusive.
Are there any women who have handled situations like this successfully?
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