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Aunty Bella: Ms. I Don’t Know Who to Choose



Aunty Bella is our  agony aunt column on BellaNaija.We launched this column in the early days of BN and periodically feature issues sent in by BN readers.

We hope the BN family can offer insightful advice.

Aunty Bella, I am a 29 years old lady turning 30 in December and I have two guys that are interested in me, who should I choose?

Mr A is an incredible guy, responsible, caring and loving. He is a good Christian too. He travels every weekend from Warri just to see me. The only problem is that he’s short… like really short. I don’t have anything against short guys but I am ashamed to say that I’m very conscious when I’m with him. The  ‘looking down’ thing gets to me at times. I feel like an older sibling. I also wonder if the reason he’s extra amazing is because he’s making up for the height. If he was at least my height or more, then he would be my dream man.

Mr B is tall, dark and handsome… but his character is…ok. I know no one is perfect and his imperfections are a bit daunting at times (there’s always pee around the toilet seat and on the floor whenever he uses the toilet, he can pick stuff off the floor and eat it) but I am not ashamed to be by his side when we go out. He’s responsible and know how to look after me.

I know they say looks should not matter, but I wonder if I will forever feel conscious of being with Mr A. My heart sinks a little anytime we stand up. What if I never get over this bit of him? Mr B is a genuinely nice person, I might be able to change him… or at least manage his imperfections..but he is nowhere near Mr A when it comes to character and integrity. I feel I have to choose between this two because they is always going to be something I don’t like in the next person.
Who should I choose, what would you advise?

Photo Credit: Dreamstime


  1. miss rouge

    September 10, 2018 at 9:17 pm

    Bella naija has become very dry. no one commenting on posts. ok bye

  2. Lolita

    September 10, 2018 at 9:27 pm

    Mr A. Even the way you have written about him sounds to me like he is the one you prefer. Besides, you will not be the first person to be with a short guy and you will not be the last. You will eventually get over “what will people think” as that comes with growth.

    I hope whatever decision you make will be the best one for you.

    Best wishes

    • poster

      September 12, 2018 at 9:00 pm


  3. larz

    September 10, 2018 at 10:14 pm

    Don’t marry either of them. If what you feel for them isn’t strong enough to overcome any shortcoming (pun really not intended) they might have, then those issues will only become bigger as your marry.
    Agree with @missrouge.

  4. Tutu

    September 10, 2018 at 10:41 pm

    Please don’t marry for height or looks. You’ll regret it.

  5. coly

    September 10, 2018 at 10:43 pm

    Mr B is your man.

  6. Mr. Egghead

    September 11, 2018 at 12:33 am

    “Mr B is a genuinely nice person, I might be able to change him… or at least manage his imperfections”
    You had better assume he’ll pee on the floor forever!!!

    Clearly your problem borders on the superficial so nobody can help you but you. It is a terrible indictment on your decision making process.
    You don’t have to marry either of them.

    • whocares

      September 11, 2018 at 1:18 pm

      lmaooooooooooooooo. i had this imagery of her with a towel forever cleaning urine off the floor. lmaoooooo. she is at lunch with her friends, she looks at the time and says “oh ladies,i am sorry i have to cut this short, time to do a little urine damage”.. cleans her mouth, walks out of the restaurant, hops into her car, drivers home, her maid hands her a towel soon as she gets in and she goes straight to the toilet, gets on her knees and starts cleaning urine.. yes, i have taken very absurd liberties with my imagination, but i had sooo much fun imagining it. lmaoooo
      now to the issue.. you are considering the choice between a man whom you admit has a better character and integrity and another with less character, integrity and even nasty habits to boot? The only difference of course being the height? loool. oh man..

  7. meeeeeee

    September 11, 2018 at 12:45 am

    pls can we wait on Mr. C 🙂 ?

  8. GraceOfGOD

    September 11, 2018 at 6:27 am


    Good morning Dear Sister. As a HUMAN like you I would say that it is NOT a good IDEA to hope to CHANGE someone after the MARRIAGE. ONLY GOD can do that. The ONLY PERSON WHO can give you the RIGHT ANSWER is GOD because HE ALONE knows the FUTURE. Talk to GOD and LISTEN to HIM. I wish you ALL the Best. Take care and stay BLESSED ???

  9. Cocoa

    September 11, 2018 at 8:09 am

    I wonder if Mr A and B are thinking who to choose between you and a couple other ladies.

    You sound like you’re shopping for a skirt or a top. These are human beings.

    You need to be SINGLE. You’re not ready for marriage yet. Let both of these men go. You need to spend time in the wilderness with Jesus and start reading your Bible to discover who you are in Christ . He will teach you and mold you.
    Only when you realise you are CONPLETE in Him will the right man find you if that is Gods will for your life.

  10. Remember

    September 11, 2018 at 9:30 am

    Remember, you are a cheat!

    You are double dating, leading both men on and giving them false hopes. Enjoying boths presence with you, going out with them, spending their money…..and i bet sleeping with them

    God knows your address. Your fellow ladies wont tell you this but if it was a man asking for this type of advice, the whole hell for don let lose by now

    Keep at it, a slong as you are cheating you wont have hwat you want perfectly in a man

    Add Mr C and D as well

    • poster

      September 12, 2018 at 9:56 pm

      I have not made any serious commitments to either of them and I am definitely not sleeping with them.

  11. Baymax

    September 11, 2018 at 11:47 am

    This is why it’s not wise to date multiple people at the same time. How would you feel if Mr. A and Mr. B are also considering choosing between you and one or more ladies?

    I feel you about the height thing though. Just for the record, I wouldn’t choose Mr. B. as Character and Integrity are far too important to me than good looks.

    My advice is focus on Mr. A and get to know him more without the distraction of another guy. Either you’ll get to love him enough to overlook his height or you’ll be more convinced that he’s not the one so you can end it and move on.

    Better still, put this matter in prayer. Don’t let your age pressure you to accept one of them when you know deep down you’re not in love. Marriage is a very serious matter. Mr. A or Mr. B may not be the one.

    • poster

      September 12, 2018 at 8:57 pm

      Thank you

    • ninja

      September 17, 2018 at 4:35 am

      evrything said here is SOLID! you have to show that mr urinator the door. like he should not even be here..focus on the first guy. everything clicks and if you still feel the height thing is a problem. please let that guy move on to go find his partner. i had a similar situation. met a nice man.. one of the sweetest man I have dated! but height.. i am 5″5ft and he is 5″6 -5″7 .. I did not like that at all.. will find excuses to not see him because I want height.. I have dated taller guys before him but it just didnt click. Thank God this man tolerated my stress.. I do not question his love for me and vice versa. not saying all this to change your mind.. focus on mr shorty for a bit.. if you feel you cannot do it.. pack your bags and bounce.

  12. Bukie

    September 11, 2018 at 12:39 pm

    None…You are not ready

  13. Slice

    September 11, 2018 at 12:48 pm

    Pick B. You can teach him cleanliness and you enjoy his company. a is good man but you’re forcing yourself to like him. Move on

    • ninja

      September 17, 2018 at 4:37 am

      eww.. cant teach a grown man personal hygiene.. slay king but lives like a pig! yuck

  14. bolintin

    September 11, 2018 at 2:44 pm

    Walk away from them…..and rethink with a clear bring

  15. Phyna

    September 14, 2018 at 3:25 pm

    Pls with long stories my love, go for Mr A,

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