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Aunty Bella: Miss. Need to Move On

BellaNaija.com

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Aunty Bella is our  agony aunt column on BellaNaija.We launched this column in the early days of BN and periodically feature issues sent in by BN readers. We hope BellaNaijarians can provide advice to help

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Hello everyone, I’ve actually never done this before but I really don’t know who to talk to for the kind of advice I’m looking for, or rather I’m too ashamed to even talk about it.

I honestly don’t know how I went from a man who worshipped the ground I walked on to being the other woman.

I recently moved to a new country (5 months) and broke up with my boyfriend because of long distance issues.

Met another guy who I knew from the onset had a girlfriend who lives in Nigeria so I wasn’t in the least bit interested in him. But he pursued me, and in the strangest way he actually grew on me. I couldn’t believe it but he did, and we dated for a couple of weeks before he picked up his girlfriend’s call one day in front of me and I said I was done.

I knew I was done physcially but he actually grew on me so it was hard to let go emotionally. So I would go a couple of weeks without even seeing him and think I’m finally moving on until I see him and then it’s back to square 1.

I’m a Christian and had been waxing in my faith till I met him. I stopped praying as much and attending bible study cause I kept feeling unworthy due to my feelings for him. I had been celibate for about a year before meeting him and within 2 months of meeting him we had sex.

We had an argument a couple of days ago and I said somethings I felt I shouldn’t have afterwards because he felt really bad after I said them. So, here I was feeling bad that he feels hurt about what I had said, only to log into Instagram to see a picture of his girlfriend with a lovey dovey caption when he was supposedly hurt about what I had sent him.

It was at this point I decided that I was ready to let go. I never in my life imagined that i would be the other woman as my ex was the best thing to ever happen to me. I honestly feel so down and like crap. Please I need godly advice as to get over all of this. I want to move on, and most importantly reconnect with God cause I know I’m so far off from him.

God bless you as you help a sister.

Photo Credit: Fotos.com.ng

18 Comments

  1. Papermoon

    August 24, 2018 at 11:34 pm

    You know what to do, do it?!!

  2. Anne

    August 24, 2018 at 11:38 pm

    Firstly, I admire your sincerity. You knew from the onset that it was wrong and you did not justify your actions. As a Christian, you must always remember the fact that the Father loves and cares about you. He does not condone sin but the devil enjoys condemning Christians so they feel worthless, useless and unloved by the father. Read Psalm 51. Bible also says if we confess our sins He is faithful and just to forgive us. Ask Him for mercy. I like David because he admitted his wrong doing but never walked away from God. A friend of mine, lady committed adultery. I met her after the sin. She is now on fire for the Lord, she gave excuses when she was not close to God, blamed it on the way her husband treated her but now she is so strong in the Lord, standing firm. Her relationship with the Holy Spirit is superb. Stop spending time thinking about the guy or both of you. Go back to your maker, his Word and prayers. Move on in Christ. This is not the conclusion of the matter, the Lord can re write your story. In fact, you will never commit fornication again because you let the Lord work on you and fix your eyes on Jesus. A strong hatred for sin will overshadow you. Don’t give up. God is your Father.

    1
    • Cocoa

      August 25, 2018 at 11:45 am

      EVERYTHING Anne has said.
      p.s: Your ex is NOT the BEST thing that ever happened to you…CHRIST IS. YOUR SALVATION IS…hold steadfast to this fact and see how your priorities will start to change. Everything else will pass away.G.OD WONT.

  3. Well...

    August 24, 2018 at 11:53 pm

    Well I think we have all done things we aren’t so proud of and that’s absolutely ok, I don’t think you need our help cos you already know what to do from your write up, move on and get back to God. How to move on? Cut off all communication and block him on every social media platform, it’s never easy especially as you have feelings for him but you will be fine eventually. Wish you the best.

  4. Mamamia

    August 25, 2018 at 12:52 am

    Men are wired differently. He may have done that to hurt your feelings. However, his doing that only proves he ain’t mature. Move on honey. You will find someone better, sounds like cliche, but, you will.

  5. Mamamia

    August 25, 2018 at 12:53 am

    *like a cliche

  6. jennietobbie

    August 25, 2018 at 4:30 am

    I just want to let you know that you are never far from God, no matter how horrible you feel. God is always there, waiting for and relentlessly pursuing you. So, do not allow the enemy trick your mind. Just go back to knees; even if you cannot utter a word–that’s more than enough for God. Start from there. As for the guy, let him go. You’ll eventually get over him. It’s not the end of the world, darling.

  7. Hound

    August 25, 2018 at 7:10 am

    You need to force yourself to start praying and attending church services again, be amongst fellow believers again. Pray against soul ties and put physical barriers to this relationship. There is nothing God cannot do when you pray to Him.

  8. Lol

    August 25, 2018 at 8:41 am

    Don’t make a mountain out of a molehill. We are all unworthy and sinners…that’s the point. God loves you and is waiting for you. Mistakes are a part of life. Accept it and move on. Use this to understand the importance of your faith. Anything that moves you away from God is not part of the plan. Peace

  9. mrrook

    August 25, 2018 at 9:37 am

    I hope my testimony helps.

    I once asked myself if letting go was the way to go, how come I felt so lost. Then something happened.

    I would tell you a quick story. A guy in my compound whose leg had been amputated got a new prosthetic leg. I would run to my window to catch a glimpse of him in his new leg. What I saw was hell. His breath was heavy and sweat all over his forehead, each step he took was laborious. It took him like forever for to get from his door to the compound gate with the aid of a walking stick, which he couldn’t dare move without. I felt sad for him. He moved faster and freely on his crouches I thought to myself…and truly he did.

    Each time I hear his door open. I would jump to my window to “spy”…guess what as the days passed, I noticed his pace slowly but surely increased. He still needed the walking stick, but it was different. Eventually I got tired of my “spying” job, it wasn’t paying as high as I expected…so I quit. Then i saw him one day and it hit me like a brick, the walking stick was gone. He was walking by himself.

    Honey like this guy, the first few days/weeks would be turbulent. You would wonder if you made the right decision (moving on). Your days would feel longer and your nights colder. You would never believe the would pass.

    But like this guy one day you would wake up and realise you are late for work..then somewhere in the street, as you hurry along, you would realize you had forgotten your walking stick, you are walking….by yourself. You made it. What was meant to kill you had only made you stronger. And then you would realise…that pain was part of the healing process….

    I was going through a heart break myself…during the period I was spying on this guy. His healing process… was a valuable lesson for me and helped me heal too. I hope it does the same for you.

    I was going to do a write up on this to bellanaija at the time. I just somehow forgot. Maybe this message was for you.

    • mama

      September 11, 2018 at 12:15 pm

      Thanks for this. Loved it to pieces.

    • mercy achaye

      October 9, 2018 at 11:08 am

      THANK U

  10. Meelikey

    August 25, 2018 at 9:50 am

    Trace your way back to the “Old Rugged Cross ” and never look back or branch to the opposite way.

  11. Ada_ugo

    August 25, 2018 at 1:22 pm

    I second this post.
    And just to add to this, when people find themselves in situations they have no business being in, my advice is a little unconventional, but I say cut him off completely. If there’s anywhere you see him regularly, try to stop going there. I don’t believe in this talk of “Oh, I am matured, I can handle a platonic friendship with him” – you guys will just be going round in circles. Stop picking his calls. Stop calling him. Stop visiting him. Don’t let him into your house. You will miss him, and terribly so. You will probably cry. Go ahead and shed the tears, they are cathartic. Yes, cry it out. Then get over him. And then, you will have availed yourself to meet the amazing man that fits within your life’s purpose.

  12. Nwunye Tobi

    August 25, 2018 at 11:36 pm

    Try and compose a prayer for forgiveness and purity. Pray it morning and night… you won’t even realize when you’ll stop thinking about him. Add christian music often. Lust is a strong spirit, but you will overcome.

  13. Namenick

    August 26, 2018 at 8:14 pm

    Sometimes God allows certain ilk of people to cross our path, so he can point out our vulnerability. The strange but riveting thing is your piety with God will even be better than it use to be; once you start picking yourself up. Remember, the darkest hour comes just before the brightness moment.

  14. Timi

    August 30, 2018 at 10:55 am

    Hi, I know this is not in relation to the post but does anyone know how I can go about writing to Aunty Bella?

  15. Ada

    September 3, 2018 at 3:55 pm

    I’ve been here… I just avoided all physical contact, blocked all social media, said this prayer ‘God, i’m trying my best to stay pure, and look what’s happening..i know you didn’t bring me this far for me to be a sidechick…i know u want the best for me and I am ready for your will to be done”. I took a few courses and got my mind off the guy. The next time i saw him, i’m not joking, he looked short, i was like ” is this the person i’m even disturbing myself about?? ” Smiled, greeted and continued my business.

    My mother did not have contractions for me to be a side chic. Mbanu.

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