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Aunty Bella: Mr. Why Did She Kiss Me If She’s Not Attracted To Me?



Aunty Bella is our  agony aunt column on BellaNaija. We launched this column in the early days of BN and periodically feature issues sent in by BN readers.

This one was sent in as a comment to one of our posts. We hope the BN family can offer insightful advice.


Hi Aunty Bella.

I don’t know where to post this story, so please pardon me for posting here.

I was on a first date with a babe. It was a lovely night. We had a great time and laughed a lot. We kissed at the end of the night. Beautiful kiss. She kissed me herself when leaving, too.

Next day, I called to check up to her. I thot I’d found a wife. To my shock, she told me we can’t have a relationship. When I asked why, she complained that I wasn’t gentleman enough, saying I could have called Uber for her to get home, rather than followed her to a train station. Also, she claimed she likes someone else. And that the kiss doesn’t feel right, as expected.

As a lady, help me understand the Uber part and why you’ll kiss a guy you’re not attracted to?


  1. Californiabawlar

    October 16, 2018 at 11:38 am

    ? Laaro kutukutu ojo Tuesday? ?

    Anyways the kiss part I get. She has to kiss you first before deciding if it’s good or not, no? Or what more explanation do you need? Ordinary kiss lasan? People cohabit and gbensh themselves in every conceivable style for yeeez just to see if they’re compatible, not to talk of one kiss, after one date. She didn’t even string you along. Bros shift.

    Meanwhile, about the Uber, her head is not correct. You even followed her to the train station. You might be clingy, but you’re definitely not missing anything with this one here.

  2. chibaby

    October 16, 2018 at 12:01 pm

    Regarding the Uber thing. She sounds petty, entitled and like someone who is going to be a burden to you. Its a first date, not a full blown relationship and she really should learn to manage her expectations accordingly.
    As for the kiss part, women kiss men they are not attracted to for various reasons. Including curiosity, impulse and to find out if there’s any zing/chemistry.
    You cannot be everybody’s cup of tea and you should learn to be okay with that.
    If she is not into you, keep it pushing abeg, there is plenty of fish in the sea.
    In time, you will find a babe that is into you too.

  3. abby

    October 16, 2018 at 12:30 pm

    She’s mentally and emotionally unstable, unless you’re saying she’s 16

  4. Slice

    October 16, 2018 at 1:45 pm

    Cause u think maybe if the kiss is good, the budding relationship can be saved. If the kiss is also a let down, then bye bye

  5. Aunty Pempe

    October 16, 2018 at 1:47 pm

    I just heard the song ‘no scrubs’ and remembered this post….

    • Torch

      October 16, 2018 at 11:56 pm

      He doesn’t stay with his mama neither did he try to holler at her while hanging on the passenger side of his best friend’s ride!

      Just let it go man but if she holler which she will do (just to check and also make you feel like she’s not a bad person but don’t reach out to her though), try to make her feel like a friend. Ask her if she was a guy, where would she take a girl to on a kinda first date in Lagos (assuming that’s where you both live). Ask if ladies still appreciate flowers that you plan to take a flower along. She will ask who it is, tell her your ex just flew in from USA and you both are trying to pick up from where you left it!

      Quickly add ‘Thank you for the experience, I would have been in a dilemma now if you hadn’t said no because I can’t refuse *insert ex name*.

      After this, believe me you’ve found a side chic without a main chic yet for edible chops ?

  6. Frank Sinatra

    October 16, 2018 at 1:52 pm

    Did you do a breathe check before going in? Just a thought..

  7. Ade

    October 16, 2018 at 2:18 pm

    You better run for your life. It is not by force o. I consider you blessed that she told you the truth. Some girls will pretend, collect all you have and tell you they have been struggling to get attracted to you for the past 7yrs. Instead of wondering, you better go and thank God for showing you mercy. Even if you feel you are not walking right with God, appreciate Him o. This is what I call mercy. Let the girl go. Stay prayerful. Making the right marital choice is not by kissing at least you can tell by the problems in the society.

    • Baymax

      October 16, 2018 at 5:56 pm

      True. The girl was honest from the beginning. If all men and women are honest from the beginning, there’ll be less heartbreak and less time wasters.

    • Wilmz

      October 19, 2018 at 4:53 pm

      Lool this one killed me “Thank God for showing you mercy” hahaha so true tho

  8. Amaka

    October 16, 2018 at 3:45 pm

    Lol. U sound so pained… she’s probably just a flirt… nothing serious…

  9. Baymax

    October 16, 2018 at 5:54 pm

    I think she just lost interest after the kiss and gave you the whole uber and someone else story as an excuse. Perhaps the kiss showed her that she’s not attracted to you. I may be wrong though

  10. Amebo

    October 16, 2018 at 7:29 pm

    I thought first date was an opportunity to see if you like someone. If you are honest with each other there can only be one of two outcomes. Always be prepared for the other party not being into you. You should feel so entitled that you think u r everyone cup of zobo.

    Re: cab. I dont even get that. Did you pick her up from home ni in Uber. No be she carry her leg go date? Perhaps she just need an excuse to vent. It is really fine to tell someone you are not that into them, ppl shud feel secured enuf in that and not be looking for excuses left right and centre.

  11. Omah Lay

    August 15, 2020 at 11:08 pm

    Nice one

  12. Ajiboye

    August 15, 2020 at 11:13 pm

    Cool one bro

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