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5 Perks of Having a Bestie of the Opposite Sex

Nkem Ndem

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“Is it truly possible to have a best friend of the opposite sex with no strings attached?”

Believe it or not, men and women can be friends. Just friends….no strings attached, no intention of crossing the line by eventually falling in love or having sex! Being a girl with mostly close male friends, I have first hand experience. And while there is the irritating and unending struggle of always having to defend the platonic nature of the friendship, there are indeed so many advantages to having a BFF with different genitalia.

Here are a few:

Emergency dates/plus ones
It is easier to bear the stigma of being single when you have a male BFF. They come in handy as your plus on for weddings, parties, events and even family gatherings. You not only have someone to take selfies with, you also have someone to trade small gossip with at boring work events, dance with at the reunions or just someone to hold your purse when you go the bathroom. Even more, they are a good way to defend yourself and boost your confidence should you run into an ex. Not only can the bestie speak for you when your voice refuses to show up, you can spice things up and taunt the ex by making him feel you and your bestie are now an item; his suspicion that there was more to your friendship was true after all. A good bestie always plays along.

Perfect Wing Mates
Having a bestie of the opposite sex not only reduces the competition when you are out, but they can assist with picking up chicks or giving the dude the much-needed signal. “Hi, my friend over there finds you attractive, what do you think? Would you like to come join us?” It is easier for the potential bae to warm up to a guy when there is a female middle man. Also, a guy finds it flattering when they are being lobbied for a female friend. It feels less awkward coming over to the table or giving their number out.

They are your cheat sheet to understanding the mind of the opposite sex
They are of the opposite sex, so they can actually give you authentic insight as to how people of the opposite sex thinks…and this usually is of great advantage to your love life (if you are heterosexual) as they not only grant you access to most complicated part of the opposite-sex’s brain, they can help you evaluate your love life from a different perspective. You don’t have to read self-help books when you have the real deal as a Bestie. Again, they become your second eyes as they vet your love interests before you get emotionally involved so that they see the things your infatuated eyes fail to see.

The relationship is drama free
Unless you are a teenager or a drama-loving clinger who derives some sick pleasure from pulling a sort of power play on other humans, you know that life is a lot better when lived drama-free. Same-sex friendships usually come with a lot of drama as there is a subtle and underlying competition between the two of you, whether you want it or not. You see and feel things the same way and it much more difficult to truly resolve certain things. Als, you seem to be vying for the spot in the universe but in the case of friendship with the opposite sex, things are completely different. There is hardly any drama as things are straightforward and simple. In the situation of potential drama, it is easy for the other sex to help them disentangle and get some guidance about how to handle situations without much judgment or fuss.

They recognize and call you out on emotional BS
I am going to tell that b*tch she is a whore!”Please don’t, you are the one being a b*tch right now.” Basically, they are in the best position to help you stay grounded emotionally. So many times I have called my male besties to moan over something emotional and they shut it down, also vice versa. They handle it so much better than my friends of same sex. Somehow they are more in tune to your emotional tendencies and know how best to get you out of the funk without necessarily killing your spirit, especially when it concerns relations with other people. They are also able to manage your communication channels (texts and social media posts) and send constructive messages on your behalf when you are emotionally inept.

You can truly be yourself
Even when you are dating and you are super-close to your bae, you worry that constantly reaching out to them would make you too available or portray you as being clingy. You are still cautious about certain things. However, with an opposite sex bestie, you can talk about anything at any time without necessarily having to moderate the timing.  You can be extra goofy and even cuddle without being afraid you would ruin it. Also, you comfortably send them lewd memes and discuss topics such as farting, period, and of course, sex in unnecessarily graphic details -without feeling judged.

Photo Credit: Kantver | Dreamtime

Nkem Ndem is an energetic and highly accomplished Media Consultant who loves to help small businesses, especially women-led, grow their online presence using the right digital strategy or transition from traditional organizational boundaries. With years of experience in Copywriting and Editing, Content Branding and Strategy, Social media, and Digital Marketing, she is clearly obsessed with Digital Communications. She is the Head of Content and Lead Consultant at Black Ink Media - an Ideation and Content Agency that excels in providing fresh, creative digital services to content-centric businesses. Find out more about her at www.blackinkm.com or send her an e-mail at [email protected] Also follow her on IG: @nkemndemv, Twitter: @ndemv.

29 Comments

  1. Papacy

    July 17, 2017 at 1:21 pm

    All true. I take exception to the “cuddling” part. Don’t play with the Koko. Unless he’s gay then OK.

    • James

      July 17, 2017 at 3:38 pm

      Even if he’s gay jor! Imagine your boyfriend cuddling with his lesbian “bestie”! Get the fuvk outta here!

  2. jayden

    July 17, 2017 at 2:00 pm

    In all interactions, set boundaries.

  3. curios

    July 17, 2017 at 2:23 pm

    #my opinion. I don’t think its possible to be best friends with the opposite sex without strings o. I am 120% sure that if you go and investigate those socalled “friendships” you would discover that one of the parties has feelings for the other, but they have realised that a “relationship” might not work… so they just quietly hang out in the friend zone and appreciate what comes. I have been in that position more than once. The last scenario was during youth service. She was engaged. There was an engagement ring in her traveling bag which she never wore. but as the chief friendship officer I knew. We started off as normal buddies, going to cds together and just joking…before I knew it I don fall yakata. I was madly inlove with her but at the same time I knew that was a no go area. We were extremely close and even her boyfriend who was far away was fearing, Almost everytime he called she was in my room. Eventually she too knew I liked her, she eventually read it in my diary but of course she always suspected. My dear it wasn’t easy being so close and being so far at the same time. The greatest joy I have was of all the times we spent together I didn’t let my emotions mess the whole thing up. There was a time I almost kissed her, we were in the room once and there was a way she turned her face was close to mine….all the wrong voices in my head were screaming, but somehow I managed to behave. Another day we were in her room something had gone wrong and she was feeling depressed and suggested I spent the night, she said I could sleep in the adjoining room , she desperately needed someone to talk to….in as much as i desperately wanted to be there for her I refused. I left her apartment late in the night and promised to get back to her first thing in the morning. The truth was… I didn’t trust myself. I am grateful I made these decisions. Today she is happily married and doing well.

    • Ephi

      July 17, 2017 at 2:30 pm

      Wow. Nice to see there are still guys like you with a sense of decency and self-control, who put their heads ahead of their emotions. Kudos.

    • Chief

      July 17, 2017 at 3:28 pm

      @Ephi….

      Absolute Tosh and Twaddle! You think a man can carry on a friendship with a female friend without any thought of hanky panky?? Most men would jump at the opportunity of having sex with their female friends because men think about sex every seven seconds,i know this because that man is me and every other men too.Men are likely to feel attraction for their opposite sex friends than women,for women friendship is trust,when they say cuddle,they really do just want a cuddle,when a man says he want a cuddle,he means that he will tolerate one in the hope it leads to sex.Sorry there’s nothing like self control.it’s simple biology that sparks could easily fly and it’s down to men’s testosterone which is constantly goading a man to increase and multiply.

      Bottom line: Women and men can’t be just friends because the sex part always gets in the way.Women generally think that male and female can “just be friends” while men are secretly hoping that there’s a chance that their relationship with their female friends can be something more.Women and men are often on completely different wavelengths when it comes to cross sex relationship….Period!!! This is not to say that truly platonic male/female relationship aren’t possible. it’s not possible for a real straight man to be best friends with the opposite sex. because Most men ‘ll use that friendship in the hope of getting sex.Why is it that when a man discovers that a good “female friend”harbors sexual feelings to him he is flattered? but when a woman makes that discovery she feels saddened?? because mainly women are not attracted to their male friends and most women sees the relationship as strictly platonic.

      I’m sorry to be the bearer of bad news,that wonderful male friend who offers you a shoulder to cry on,the one you are absolutely certain has no sexual interest in you whatsoever…That man is a liar,a cheat and a con man guilty of friendship fraud.

    • Ephi

      July 17, 2017 at 3:40 pm

      @Chief
      My point, as it seems you missed it, was about his sense of self control, not about whether males and females can be friends.

    • Chioma

      July 18, 2017 at 1:15 am

      @chief
      Speak for yourself. Your view of what and who a man is and should be is very distorted. Men who think of sex all the time and want to prance on every female has issues. It’s not normal and shouldn’t be seen as the norm.

  4. Ephi

    July 17, 2017 at 2:34 pm

    Although I think your female friend kept tempting you which wasn’t good, especially considering she was engaged / in a serious relationship. Why ask a guy to stay the night? Not right.

    • curios

      July 17, 2017 at 2:51 pm

      honestly knowing the kind of person she is. I doubt she was trying to tempt me. She is one of my mentors with absolutely strong values… as a matter of fact that was the major reason I started developing feelings. The way I see it is when you are away from home and family you tend to bond with people, these persons become your new family and when the chips are down you tend to cling to these people or turn to them for solace. if she was in her home state at the time she probably would have turned to her friends or sisters. In that environment there were other ladies and people but I was her FRIEND. it was something that happened over night it was built. I could either have destroyed it or Place more value on it. Simple!

    • Bee

      July 17, 2017 at 7:13 pm

      I think so too. She did like you. I have a great friend who is a guy like my bff. I don’t know if he likes me sha, but we have been friends for about 12years.

    • Zac

      July 17, 2017 at 11:40 pm

      Dude was too bent on saving the friendship so he couldn’t read in between the lines. If the girl offered him you such an opportunity and he couldn’t take it, you can’t blame her for not returning your feelings. Women do things on purpose.

  5. BlueEyed

    July 17, 2017 at 2:47 pm

    Honestly every girl should have a gay best friend or two….they are extremely good looking and 100% fun. Straight dudes always find a way to complicate things or catch feelings.

    • Lotanna

      July 17, 2017 at 9:04 pm

      All gay men are not ‘extremely good looking’.You are being stereotypical.

    • Chioma

      July 18, 2017 at 1:24 am

      Most Gay men are in competition with women. That’s a dangerous ground to step in. Many like to turn out “straight men” which is the reason there’s an increase with men who receive sexual pleasures from other men but don’t want to call themselves gay bcos they like the benefit of both worlds.
      Fun is subjective. Men smacking, perking their lips, sharing makeup, heels with me is not fun to me. I like my regular men, it’s about setting your boundaries.

    • BlueEyed

      July 18, 2017 at 6:41 am

      @Chioma you are being stereotypical not all gay men are that way, the way us humans are different is the way gay folks exist in different types, so there’s more a millions regular “gay” men you can genuinely be friends with.
      @Lotanna lol forgive me….. but give them some credit quite a alot of them are extremely gorgeous like what ??!!!

  6. curios

    July 17, 2017 at 2:56 pm

    ****it WASN’T something that happened****

    BN I think we might need an edit button

  7. anonymous

    July 17, 2017 at 4:17 pm

    I had a bestie in school from 1st year. We were so close, I practically lived in his house and everyone knew us together; even my parents knew him. His friends used to tease and say that if anyone wanted something from him, they should tell me and I’d get it.

    In 3rd year, we had sex. He touched me all through the night, I said no and later went back the next day to sleep with him but I refused to date him so it was a FWB situation.

    Final year, he told me he loved me, I stopped talking to him completely. When I told my friends, they said ‘you didn’t know?, even a blind person could see that.’ Apparently his exes in 1st and 2nd year had told him to choose between me and them and he had said to them ‘she was here before you, she’ll be here after, either deal with it or leave. Don’t ask me to make that choice cos my friendship with her means everything’. Also heard from guys that he had warned some guys on my behalf.

    We are still close but not as before. The truth is, if I had dated him, we would have lasted cos we understood each other perfectly, we even looked alike but I said no cos I liked him as a bestie and to be honest he didn’t bring out the femininity in me, he brought out the dude in me instead.

  8. ***

    July 17, 2017 at 4:26 pm

    No shade intended o but I enjoyed @curios comment better than nkem’s article…lol

    • curious

      July 17, 2017 at 6:15 pm

      Thanks! But I think we must give up for Nkem Ndem, it isn’t easy to write such intellectually stimulating articles on a daily basis especially with such a polarized audience. Yes, there are days were I don’t enjoy the articles…but overall she is doing a very good job!

    • slice

      July 17, 2017 at 10:17 pm

      Very sweet of you curious. And I like nkems articles. They stimulate conversation even tho pple like to start their eelpoes by abusing her first. It’s all good. I hope bn is paying you. Get abused all the way to the bank

  9. Tisha

    July 17, 2017 at 4:29 pm

    WOW

    I really would love to have a male bestie but it has not happened for me so…

    I really liked:

    They are your cheat sheet to understanding the mind of the opposite sex
    They are of the opposite sex, so they can actually give you authentic insight as to how people of the opposite sex thinks…and this usually is of great advantage to your love life (if you are heterosexual) as they not only grant you access to most complicated part of the opposite-sex’s brain, they can help you evaluate your love life from a different perspective. You don’t have to read self-help books when you have the real deal as a Bestie. Again, they become your second eyes as they vet your love interests before you get emotionally involved so that they see the things your infatuated eyes fail to see.

  10. Asa

    July 17, 2017 at 6:37 pm

    Had me a male bestie twice. The first time I was the one who thought it meant more, but when I asked him, he set me straight. It stung shaaa but I moved on easily. The second time around it was the guy that caught feelings, he never asked me to spell things out shaaa. One time I referred to him as my friend and he got upset, he siad I knew he wanted more and I just did not care etc anyway he is in a relationship now. Male besties? Naaaah, one party is hurting the other.

  11. Mama

    July 17, 2017 at 8:29 pm

    All good and nice until you fall in love with the bestie.

  12. barrister lawyer

    July 17, 2017 at 11:54 pm

    Childish talk. Which grown person carries out this list of childish fallacies?

  13. Orise

    July 18, 2017 at 5:46 am

    So lemme use myself as an example, my besties are guys! I mean guys that I have known for ages and bae knows them and as bae, sometimes it makes him uncomfortable.
    Having guys as friends taught me alot but it’s hard work! When you have a male friend, first you have to analyze the guy you re making bestie, his values and how responsible he is, this will help you to know if your friendship will fall apart or not. Then boundaries must be built up!!! A guy will feed on anything you give him so feed him how you want those boundaries to be and trust me he’d respect and keep it for you.
    Lastly, you can’t be friends with someone you don’t like or love! Yes! Being bestie with a guy means you both like each other (personality wise and every other wise lol) but having that platonic relationship is very very possible. It works for me 100%, maybe cuz I act like a guy myself so when I’m with my guys friends I fit in perfectly.

  14. Na wa

    July 18, 2017 at 7:53 am

    @barrister lawyer. You are too uptight. How is this childish. Your life must be so boring haba.

  15. Sly

    July 18, 2017 at 2:37 pm

    @Barrister Lawyer.. I’m sure this was well carried out before posted here.. And I don’t see anything childish here.

  16. Ami:

    July 18, 2017 at 6:50 pm

    There is nothing like opposite sex bestie!

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