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BN Confession Box: My Husband’s Ex-Wife Wants to Take My Son…Because She is His Birth Mother

Nkem Ndem

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Hi guys, BN Confession Box is a feature on BellaNaija – curated by Nkem Ndem.

The Confession Box is our virtual confessor’s box where BellaNaijarians can let loose and say their deepest and rawest fears.
These letters are from you, and we’ll ensure that your identity is protected. Everybody needs some form of outlet or the other.

***
I have read stories in the news about people maltreating their step children, and I have never understood it. Children are a gift from God and should be cherished whether they come through your womb or not. I have always had this mentality. This is why I did not have a problem marrying my late husband, even though he already had a son from his previous marriage. Our son was just 2 years old at that time. His mother had abandoned him and run off to chase after richer men. My husband had no choice to divorce her and move on. When I got married, I took the son as mine and you cannot even tell the difference between him and my own birth children. In fact, when I lost my husband, my family and I had a fight over me taking on the responsibility of the boy in addition to my own two daughters.

Now, almost 12 years since I last saw the brake light of my son’s birth mother, she contacted me on Facebook and sent me a message that she wants to come and collect her son. At first, I ignored the message and some weeks passed. Then she mentioned again that she now lives in the US and wants my son to come and stay with her and her new family. She mentioned that I had not legally adopted my son and if I did not cooperate, she would make things difficult. This second message got me very upset and I replied her that she lost any rights to the son when she turned her back on him and if she was serious she would not be sending Facebook messages, she would be in Nigeria making real efforts. I mentioned this to my son, who is now a teenager, and he said to me he was not interested in traveling with the mother, that I was the only mother he knew.

Yesterday, this lady showed up at my house unannounced. She was with my late husband’s cousin and this broke my heart because none of my late husband’s family had ever supported me or these children since my husband’s death. Now, the same woman they castigated was the one they were bringing to my home. To avoid any scene, I allowed them into my apartment. She brought all manner of stuff for my son and then she gave me an ultimatum that I either cooperate and help with the visa processing for my son to relocate and live with her, or be prepared to give him up in a few days so he can stay with my husband’s cousin until he is ready to travel. I was weak because I knew that with my husband’s people involved, and on her side, my hands were tied.

This boy may not be from my womb, but he is my only son. Yes, I know that traveling to the US would be a great opportunity for him, but it would mean me losing him and not being there to protect him in the case of anything. I mean, who knows what ulterior motive this woman had for the boy. I have told his mother that I will cooperate, but in my mind, I have no intentions of doing so. I feel guilty with this plan I’ve hatched, especially since I may be depriving my son of a better future…but I am his mother. He belongs to me. Am I wrong for wanting to protect him?

***
Do you have any confession you would like to make or shocking tale you’ld like to tell? Please send your story to features(at)bellanaija(dot)com.

Photo Credit: Kouassi Gilbert Ambeu | Dreamstime

Nkem Ndem is an energetic and highly accomplished Media Consultant who loves to help small businesses, especially women-led, grow their online presence using the right digital strategy or transition from traditional organizational boundaries. With years of experience in Copywriting and Editing, Content Branding and Strategy, Social media, and Digital Marketing, she is clearly obsessed with Digital Communications. She is the Head of Content and Lead Consultant at Black Ink Media - an Ideation and Content Agency that excels in providing fresh, creative digital services to content-centric businesses. Find out more about her at www.blackinkm.com or send her an e-mail at [email protected] Also follow her on IG: @nkemndemv, Twitter: @ndemv.

61 Comments

  1. Susie

    July 24, 2017 at 2:59 am

    Dear lady, if you didn’t take steps to adopt him then I’m sorry but he’s not your son & neither does he belong to you just because you took care of him.

    His mom may have abandoned him but she carried him for 9 months, birthed him& breat fed him. Kindly allow her to take her son & focus on your own children that God has blessed you with

    • Mama

      July 24, 2017 at 5:43 am

      She carried him for nine months is not an automatic pass. Someone else has been caaring and nursing him for 12 years, lets not overlook that.

    • Omoté

      July 24, 2017 at 10:48 am

      Dear Susie carrying a child for 9months and birthing that child is nothing compared to caring for a child for 12years. Only when you have sat up all night for 2-3 nights straight, mopping a sick child just to keep his/her temperature down or worrying every second you drop them off at school till u pick them up, will u understand why she’s being this possessive.

    • slice

      July 24, 2017 at 12:24 pm

      Recently I decided people like you are the worst. Don’t say what you don’t know. Poster you sound weak and annoying. I can’t believe you’re saying there’s nothing you can do. Please grow a back one. Your post is actually annoying. Imagine hatching up a plan to send your child with such a person. Get a lawyer.go to court or go to court by yourself have some fight. Do something

    • Tokunbo

      August 18, 2017 at 9:17 am

      How do you know she breast fed him? were you there?

  2. chique

    July 24, 2017 at 3:06 am

    There’s an adage in my place with goes like this……”who born this pikin?” is what matters not “who train this pikin?”…..an adage is enough for the wise…

    • tee

      July 24, 2017 at 1:08 pm

      Stupid adage

    • Zi

      July 24, 2017 at 3:34 pm

      Very useless adage @ chique

    • Corolla

      July 24, 2017 at 3:37 pm

      Dumb adage.

    • Nneka

      July 24, 2017 at 11:41 pm

      @Tee ….Abeg chop knuckle!!!

  3. MyView

    July 24, 2017 at 3:19 am

    Your son’s interest comes first in this case. Your interest is secondary. Your son probably has a better chance of education and preparing for a future career abroad. Your son is a teenager so chances of him forgetting you if he travels abroad is very low. Once he’s adult he can choose to cut ties with his birth mother if she didn’t treat him well. The birth mother might have changed and has become a better person. if she has sinister plans for the son she gave birth to then you can rest assured that law and order works better abroad than in Nigeria. but I doubt she has any evil intentions from the way you’ve described her.
    Unless you are able to equally give your son the best opportunities in life, to be the best he can be with the resources we have available in Nigeria then forget about my previous suggestion and fight to keep your son even If it means going to court to settle the matter

    Life is not easy. When you are presented with choice A or B and both choices have negative elements to them, choose the option with the less damaging effect

  4. Xala

    July 24, 2017 at 4:08 am

    Take heart, he is a teenager- let him go. You will always be his mum. If you have taken care of him, been good to him and nurtured him. He will never forget you. Do not worry, he will always be your son, no matter where in the world he is.

    • Poesy

      July 25, 2017 at 7:46 am

      Really? And what if that decision makes him think she abandoned him? Remember he’s a teenager. – he’s in a crucial phase in life and such thoughts go with the territory. What about his welfare with the birth mother? Who knows what kind of environment she will place him in? And if there’s no emotional connection?
      Kindly think things through before typing out ‘easy’ platitudes.

    • bibi

      December 14, 2017 at 2:32 pm

      Let him go to the US. When he is 18 he will choose to come back to you. You officially adopt him, and come to the US to be with him. Just talk to him and ensure he understands

  5. dupsy

    July 24, 2017 at 4:40 am

    Why don’t you try to get a very good lawyer and present the facts to him? Yes she is his birth mother but where was she for 12 years and what if she has an ulterior motive for the boy? The fact that she is now in America doesn’t automatically make her to become a saint all of a sudden! Did she try to get in touch with the boy during these 12 years? Can she produce evidence to show this ( even though she might claim your late husband prevented her but she should show evidence to substantiate this claim). What is her family situation in America now? She has to prove legally that her home and current life is conducive for the boy. The fact that she is the birth mother doesn’t automatically give her the upper hand especially since the child in question is now a teenager, he is 14 years old. He too would be asked if he wants to follow his birth mother. I think you need to see a good lawyer who specialises in family court issues before you throw in the towel. I also feel that whatever happens try to find a way to be friends with her because she gave birth to your son, I also feel your husband’s people might also be trying to use her to get to you and frustrate you. What ever you do, seek legal counsel, keep your cards close to your heart, pray and if the last resort is to let this boy go, trust God and know you did the best for him when he needed you the most ( he would never forget that) but don’t hand him over before seeking out the best legal advice.

    • BigJoy

      July 24, 2017 at 11:04 am

      Your comment is so on point. I have this friend who went through the same but she was the child in question. Her mom was an airhostess and got involved with a Brazilian pilot. Out comes my friend. Brazilian daddy passes and her mom was being cared for by another NIgerian pilot. he was friends with the Brazilian daddy. he eventually marries my friends mom. After sometime Friends mom and Naija pilot get separated. she had two boys for him. She was never legally adopted but custody matter went to court. Naija daddy was able to prove that Mummy was unfit and unable to cater for all the children financially n co, he won custody for all his kids including my friend.

      Please get a good lawyer and look for ways like dupsy said. if you lose, then you know you tried your best..
      XOXO

    • tee

      July 24, 2017 at 1:10 pm

      Sensible comment

  6. truth

    July 24, 2017 at 4:50 am

    Madam, please give the boy to his mother, but ask that you remain in constant contact with him. Like someone said above, since you never legally adopted him, you are just a good hearted woman who took care of him and we pray he never forgets that. But don’t be selfish, let him go and have a better future. Also, you never know what the mother who supposedly abandoned him had been through abroad. This is the moment you will have to let him go. use the wisdom of Solomon, my dear. A good mother is always selfless.

    • mua

      July 24, 2017 at 11:33 am

      and what’s the guarantee that he will have a better future with someone who had the heart to abandon him at the age of 2 (even if they move to disney world).

    • Dabota

      August 6, 2017 at 6:29 pm

      It’s interesting how many commentators automatically assume that once someone has relocated abroad e.g to America, all their problems will be solved. How do you know she has a good job, a better home environment and will provide better opportunities? Go to America and see their inner city schools full of crime, drugs and gangs. Does this woman know what it takes to raise, supervise and discipline a teen? Will she oversee his homework and assignments and collaborate with his teachers to make sure he’s doing well in school? What about his friends and younger sisters he’s being taken from? The selfish person is the birth mother. She obviously needs to prove a point – that she is able to bear a child like other women. Otherwise her first worry would have been how uprooting him at this stage in life might adversely affect him. He will be arriving in America to attend middle school with a different accent. His classmates will likely laugh at him for it and call him names. His teachers will act like they have no idea what he’s talking about, which would be embarrassing and painful for any child. Who will he confide in? Who will notice he’s having problems? The woman who knows him inside out will be thousands of miles away from him. His sisters won’t be there. All he’all have will be loneliness and a Jane come lately in the name of a biological mom.

  7. Mama

    July 24, 2017 at 5:39 am

    Just a question for those who are saying let him go because his mother is abroad, if she were in the village somewhere in Nigeria would you say the same thing? If you say the boy should go with his birth mom, your reason should not be tied to her being abroad. What should be paramount is whether she has the best interest for the child she abandoned, whether she is home or abroad. You’ll realize this boy has no emotional connection with his mother and is basically going to be traveling to a new country with a stranger, so don’t be too quick to say let him go; his step mom has every reason to be concerned. Going abroad doesn’t always mean a better life just so you’ll know. If the step mom had abandoned the boy the way she did (if that is true) would she have a son to come back to. What she try to do first is build a relationship with her child, win his confidence before throwing the word abroad in the mix.

    • LemmeRant

      July 24, 2017 at 6:23 am

      Inferiority complex. That’s all

      They believe living in america = being rich.

    • Mama

      July 24, 2017 at 9:03 am

      @LemmeRant: You got that right.

      Please excuse the errors in my comment, I had a headache trying to read it…lol

    • dupsy

      July 24, 2017 at 3:07 pm

      Thank you and God bless you for this comment. Many of our Naija people think America is all green and glorious based on the movies they watch and the fake instagram posts they see but the reality is that though America holds a lot of promise, for immigrants and colored people you have to overcome a lot of barriers to be able to make it. We don’t know the current situation of this lady who wants to just come and yank a child out of the loving family he has always known and take him to a foreign land surrounded by strange people he doesn’t know. Do you realize this boy is at a very vulnerable age that can make him get entangled in gangs ( very easy for black kids to join gangs in America especially if his birth mother is living in such a neighborhood), he can easily get into taking drugs, and a whole host of other dangerous activities which is very common and rampant in black communities in the U.S. The fact that he is in Nigeria in a loving, stable home and where he is connected to his sisters and a mother who loves him so much can definitely make this boy to rise up to anything in the future. If he finishes his first degree and can get very good grades who tells you he can’t move abroad and continue his education there? But if he goes to America now with a strange woman who hasn’t even taken the time to connect with the woman who has helped him to grow into a teenager ( how do we know she has his best interests at heart?) and ends up taking repetitive mug shots in prison because people are saying she is his birth mother! Please my people stop all these stupid sentiments and my dear poster get a very very good lawyer to look at this case, you would be surprised that the legal system in Nigeria might turn things around in your favour. If she doesn’t have the courts backing in Nigeria, she can’t take that child out of the country, Pray to God and do all your findings in order to protect the interests of this boy ( God put this boy in your care to shield him from danger, forget all this birth mother threats) He will lead you to the best conclusion but don’t allow her or anyone to threaten you with all this birth mother hulla ballooo. If I was that woman, I would come making friends with you and appreciating you for all what you did for that boy. Even if I want him to come to America, I will make sure that you can even follow him to settle him down with my new family. I won’t come fighting you for taking care of the boy I abandoned for 12 years!

  8. Kelz

    July 24, 2017 at 5:48 am

    Why is everyone quick to tell her let him go. Is it because she’s supposedly in America? I think you owe yourself and the boy the responsibility of doing the right thing. Where does this mother work, what are getting living conditions like, her morals are already in question if she actually left her home and her young 2yr old for richer men. You should hire a lawyer to guide you, even if you didn’t legally adopt him does not mean you don’t have the right to want the best for him. Going to America doesn’t automatically mean a better life, many are starving over there. Why the sudden interest in the child accompanied by threats, I mean the woman should be grateful to the person that took care of him when she wouldn’t.

    Get a lawyer lady and make sure that if you hand him over to her, it is with a clear conscience that she is someone that you can give your child to else the boy will never forgive you if it turns sour.

  9. PD Young Billionaire

    July 24, 2017 at 6:44 am

    Madam,you are a good woman because you raised step son like you would have raised your biological son.You can try and seek legal help but if the case is not in your favor,I will advise you release the boy.It may be tough at first but trust me,you will get over him with time.Trust God that he will reward you for your labor of love over the boy.

    • PD Young Billionaire

      July 24, 2017 at 6:46 am

      *your step-son

  10. adanne

    July 24, 2017 at 7:00 am

    let me hear, that she is his birth mother and ? my mum has raised all of us her step children like we are hers ever since my bio mum passed away, and guess what, that woman will do anything for us, hell she has sold gold,property to pay school fees and my bio mum’s side has ignored us for the better part of 20 years. Coming out of her womb makes you the person who gave birth,not the mother. There’s nothing i won’t do for my mum, i am hustling as hard as i am right now just to be able to give her back even a quarter of what she gave us.

  11. Ej

    July 24, 2017 at 7:46 am

    Ahan lemme rant, are u single, married? Your comments are intelligent

    • denzel

      July 24, 2017 at 10:19 am

      he hates women dear, especially the ones that believe in equality. Except you’re a ‘patriarchy princess’ according to Twitter slang, don’t bother

  12. ***

    July 24, 2017 at 8:14 am

    Na wa!
    God bless you madam… I assure you two things; your labour will never be in vain and your son (yes your son) will never forget you… she has used america to entice him and how many teenagers won’t fall for it? I don’t advise a legal battle because I can think of many ways his biological mother can state her case and make it valid plus this is nigeria, sentiments must take precedence…the battle may drain you pschologically and financially and also drain the lad mentally…that woman didn’t fly down for nothing, trust me…she will give it her all and together with your husband’s family they will come after you with everything they have got…do you have the support of your family? Consider all these…I understand how you feel but you have to let the boy go

  13. Ada

    July 24, 2017 at 8:16 am

    Notwithstanding what you have said about the boy’s mother, we are not privy to the circumstances that led to her leaving her husband’s house, we do not know if she was even divorced or merely separated. We also do not know if she was deprived of her child, by her ex-husband, particularly when a male child is involved as I have witnessed a lot of that. Even you do not know whether she left for richer men as your husband told you,however that doesn’t make her any less of a mother. But here is what we know, THE BOY IS HER CHILD, HER SON. The issue of the circumstances of the marriage is much more important because if she was legally married, a divorce proceeding would also indicate who has custody of the child. In the event that the person with custody dies, custody falls on the other parent and not his step mother, although depending on the circumstance. Do not waste your time and money with any lawyer, hand over Her SON TO HER, as the law favours her. I am a bit skeptical about what you must have told the boy, particularly if she was deprived of her child.

  14. free me now

    July 24, 2017 at 9:12 am

    Many of these stories are fake. They are just clickbaits. That’s all. However, I would suggest if this is true which I know it isn’t to let her go with her child

  15. Tosin

    July 24, 2017 at 9:22 am

    If there’s something major that you’re protecting the young man from, like she’s going to use his head for ritual lol or I don’t know something equally sinister, then yes, please fight for your son and make sure his mother doesn’t take him away to hurt him.
    Barring that, I say bye bye sonnie. You love him, he loves you, and that is a bond you’ll always share. Think of it as sending him off to camp, or to boarding school. Of course you’ll cry, but you’ll be okay. Nowadays there is technology to stay in touch anyway. Adopt another kid if it’s that serious. God bless you.

    And if it turns out that this story is fiction ehn, koboko fall on you. 😀

  16. Carter

    July 24, 2017 at 9:38 am

    It is very funny how some mothers abandon their child for years. The guy is lucky he has a good step-mother. I will be 33 in November and still don’t know my biological mother. I hope she shows up one day. The only question i have for her is “what have i done to deserve this”? How can someone abandon her son for 33 f**king YEARS? This beats my imagination.

  17. Ola

    July 24, 2017 at 9:55 am

    Just get a good lawyer and tie it up in court for a while…. The Nigerian court system can stretch this case for up to 4 years if you are lucky. By that time the boy would be 18years old and legally able to state where and with whom he wants to stay regardless of maternity…

    • Papacy

      July 24, 2017 at 3:38 pm

      Gotta love the Nigerian sense. Hilarious but good idea nonetheless.

  18. marlee

    July 24, 2017 at 10:06 am

    what i am interested in is what was agreed between the ex-now dead husband and his ex-wife. some men can say dont ever conduct me and my son, maybe the mother know why she waited till he died. and she come with a cousin of the dead husband. so . who know what went down before the second wife came along.

  19. Fabulous

    July 24, 2017 at 10:09 am

    Madam take this issue to court, don’t give him up just like that. Where has she been all this years? Please get a good lawyer.

  20. musingsofachristianchick.com

    July 24, 2017 at 10:10 am

    i can’t wrap my head around a mother, that left her son for 12 years, in the care of another woman.
    Secondly this womans approach reeks of ulterior motiveSSS, if she really wanted to give the boy a better life, her first approach would be to create a bond with the boy and not just whisk him abroad…the involvement of your husbands cousin, whom she probabbly bribed is just all shades of wrong.
    i wouldn’t advise a legal battle, litigation in Nigeria, can be hellish, and would only make things worse for you emotionally, in the eyes of the law she is his rightful and living parent.
    my advice ;sit your son down, explain things to him, tell him what you have done and show him that your hands are tied…this way he would not resent you for letting him go, and cherish the last moments you have with him, you would always be his mother.
    i just hope this woman does not carry him abroad to make him do illegal stuff

  21. AdaBekee

    July 24, 2017 at 10:11 am

    It is unfortunate that you’ll have to let him go especially given that the main tie that once bound you and the boy together (your husband) is sadly gone. Let him go. If you treated him right, he will find his way back to you in time.

  22. chic wen sabi

    July 24, 2017 at 10:17 am

    hmmmm……..let me thank the mother that took care of the child*MAY GOD BLESS YOU* I grew up in a polygamous home with step mothers though my mum was with us …….i can understand what she is going through. Right now am married and my husband has a daughter of 13years old….though he never got married to her mother but she has being living with us for a year now. i know she is quite attached to her mother, but she does not communicate with her biological mother (my husband feels that she will be influenced negatively by her mother* anyways, i know my husbands daughter may not look back if her mother comes around for her,,,,,,it can be painful but what can we do? Dear poster, thank God you have your biological children…..let go of him , it is emotionally painful(i am even angry with your late hubbys cousin…..betrayal). I pray that your son keeps the bond and remembers you…….but let go of him…..

    • anon

      July 24, 2017 at 2:03 pm

      please your case is not the same as the poster’s own. You’re watching a fellow woman being FORCED to stay away from her biological mum by your stupid husband and you’re keeping quiet. Nigerian women will tolerate any rubbish from their husbands just to answer Mrs. If you and him divorce tomorrow he will separate you from your own children and say you will ‘negatively’ influence them. And if you accepted his bad behaviour of his babymama, that is his proof.

  23. Joymosu

    July 24, 2017 at 10:39 am

    Ma, you say this you took care of this your son for 12years?for me 12years no be moi Moi…. He will definitely remember you, do not stress about it, let him go with the biological mother, because if you do not, it might cause some psychological problem for the guy, turning him in between two mothers….. What is meant for you will always be yours no matter the time and space…… Just try to keep in touch with him, that all and also keep him in prayers

  24. Ada

    July 24, 2017 at 10:55 am

    Notwithstanding what you have told us, we do not know the circumstances surrounding the previous marriage, neither are we privy to how the marriage came to an end. We are also not aware if there was a lawful marriage between you and your late husband or whether the ex wife was divorced or merely separated. We also do not know whether she abandoned her child or she was deprived of access to her child, particularly where a male child is involved as it is mostly the case. We don’t know if she allegedly went after richer men and abandoned her son because that is what your late husband told you. However, here is what we do know, the boy is HER CHIlD, HER SON. If there was a divorce proceedings for the ex wife, the issue of custody would have been resolved, and upon the death of the parent with custody, custody falls on the other parent, although depending on the circumstance. Let me give you free legal advise, DO NOT WASTE YOUR TIME AND RESOURCES WITH ANY LAWYER, as the law favours the mother, more so when the father’s family who are even the closest to lay claim to the child after the mother stands with her. i understand how you feel but the truth is bitter. Your narrative made it seem like you singlehandedly raised the child alone, whereas the mother came for her child after his father’s death. I understand not wanting to let go, but you have to. I am a bit skeptical about what you have told the boy.

  25. Born your own

    July 24, 2017 at 11:02 am

    MADAM , abeg this is not debatable. return the son to his mother. your type will do worse . go born ur own abeg.

    • *rme

      July 24, 2017 at 2:18 pm

      Wow, your stupidity is soo bright. Did you even read the story?

    • Papacy

      July 24, 2017 at 3:43 pm

      This is the real example of “penalty entering throwing….” LMAO. please read the article carefully again.

  26. Ada

    July 24, 2017 at 11:17 am

    No matter what you must have told him, no matter what happened, he is now seeing his mother making effort. At the end of the day, it will make no difference to him. He may even resent you for depriving him access to his mother. The father of the family will feed him things, and accuse you of so many things, the mother will tell him how it was because of you his father threw her out. He will be sympathetic towards her come what may. I have seen it play out over and over again. The only time you can defend yourself is by what you do NOW. Please let him go. I do not know but I just hope that your intentions to hold unto the first male child of your husband particularly IF you were not lawfully married is not for selfish reasons. Forgive my bluntness, but we are not abreast with the entire situation to give good advice. whichever way, the best thing you can do for yourself, and for your children is to free yourself of a battle you will not win.

    • slice

      July 24, 2017 at 12:32 pm

      The boy said he doesn’t want to go with her. Please think of yourself at 12. Try to imagine what you’d have felt if someone came claiming mother and your mother sent you if. Even at my age, I can’t imagine it.

  27. Relocate

    July 24, 2017 at 11:23 am

    I think the woman that had been taking care of the boy since he was 2yrs old should have custody of the boy, since she has a better experience of what motherhood implies. Because how are we sure his biological mother woulnt neglet the boy in the future just like she had done.
    If you can leave your two-year old baby to the care of someone else you berely know. Then you would mostlike leave a more matured child, when the chips are down, in the future!

  28. anon

    July 24, 2017 at 2:15 pm

    So many questions you did not answer (We can’t answer truly if we dont know, afterall you’re the one that brought this to us)

    Sorry but I’m just using my lawyer’s mind to cross examine you, perhaps because I’ve seen all the comments stating why you ought to have the child, yet we have only a quarter of your one side of the story.

    What was the man’s relationship with ex wife? TRULY was the breakup because she left for a richer man (I feel like you dropped that bit in because you knew that the typical Nigerian would judge her and automatically side with you, the married mother) Your dead husband is innocent in all of this?
    When she left, did she want to take the boy, but was disallowed?
    How much contact did the woman have all these years? Was she calling and contacting, just that he lives with you guys?
    Did the woman ever try but your husband barred her? How consistently did she try?
    Was your husband much richer than the boy’s mother?
    What was her occupation/financial situation then, and what is it now?
    Did you give people the impression that he’s your biological child, and you dont want to face the embarassment? as you emphasised on how he’s your only son. I know that Nigeria has a terrible rapport with gender equality and you may care alot about the fact that he’s your only son.

    Now, are you Igbo?
    Because if you are, under the court, that automatically means the son belongs to the father in such ‘babymama’ cases. Which could be why your husband had the son in his legal custody all these years

  29. marlee

    July 24, 2017 at 2:54 pm

    @Chic wen sabi, it is woman like you with stupid husbands who creates situation like this one. you are staying with a 13 year old girl and the two of you are preventing her from communicating with her biological mother. what kind of human being are you. imagine yourself deprived of your own kids. that why i said if you make your bed happily lie in it. it is this woman’s fault that the mother and son were unable to communicate and she surely know its true. ( may the dead husband’s soul never rest in peace.)

  30. Me

    July 24, 2017 at 3:40 pm

    America doesn’t necessarily equate better anything for the boy, it all depends on the true situation of the birth mother out there. There are also too many mean comments, this woman may not have carried this kid in her womb for 9mths however she was there for 12 solid years and one of the most difficult things to do is raising another person’s child as your own, that is not easy at all… let’s not berate her for that. However, as already pointed out she did not legally adopt the boy which is no fault of her’s either, let’s not feign ignorance on this, many pple have raised kids/relatives they did not have to legally adopt but then issues like this should make us have a rethink bearing in mind also our own legal system and its weaknesses. My prayer for her is that God grants her wisdom, that she may not taint the good she has already done and that whatever happens may the boy never forget her.

  31. OA

    July 24, 2017 at 4:25 pm

    Moot! As. much as it sounds cruel and unfair, no court will give a woman’s biological child to another woman because she raised him. Third parties hardly ever have custody rights unless they are able to show unfitness and or exceptional circumstances for the most part. Very rare. Unfortunately, running after rich men does not make a person legally unfit. We would be talking drugs,, criminal behavior for that to happen. The poster can try to see if exceptional circumstances exist but that’s a hard burden to overcome. Most laws are written to support the fundamental right of a biological mother to raise and have custody of her biological child regardless of whether at some point, she left the child with someone else to do the upbringing on her behalf. It appears the most the poster can do is to request visitation and even then, most laws defer to a parent as regards who they want their child to see.

  32. Josephine

    July 24, 2017 at 6:52 pm

    This is so sad. All you hear about is wicked stepmothers. This poster was kind and this is the thanks she gets.

  33. Mrs chidukane

    July 24, 2017 at 7:26 pm

    She should do her due diligence before parting with the boy. Google the birth mother. Check her status in the US. Get a good lawyer to advice her. The boy may wake up tomorrow to decide that he would have been a star in the US if not for his step mom so do consider that angle too. It’s not an easy decision. All the best.

  34. Sugamama

    July 25, 2017 at 7:54 am

    I don’t understand how you people are saying “let him go, God will reward you” “he will never forget you”. “he will come back in time” yen yen yen.
    What if he never forgives her for not fighting for him? And he sees it as an indication of finally getting rid of a kid who was never hers to begin with?
    Who says the woman in the supposed abroad has the best intentions for this child she knows nothing about? If she abandoned him at 2, how will she automatically connect with him at this age?
    The woman who has raised him so far is his mother. Madam, fight for your child like he is your child. Forget who born am, na your son. Show him that he truly is your child.

  35. Esmeralda

    July 25, 2017 at 12:46 pm

    I really do not like the sound of this “all of a sudden” kind of things. As far as me, my head and my heart are concerned you are equally the boys’ mother (biological or not).

    I am concerned she might not even have the wherewithal to cater to this boy. Living in America doesn’t expressly mean everything would be smooth and savvy. Afterall, kids also go astray over there.

    The only thing i see as a challenge is that there isn’t any legal adoption process BUT by all means give it a fight. Get a good lawyer, present all facts available. As much as possible, ask questions widely of how you can scale through this, seek legal help. There will definitely be a way.

    I am sure everything would go well, might take some fight but it should go well. However, if in the end its not the judgement you desire (which i really don’t hope for) then you’d feel better that atleast you did all you could in your capacity and your son would also understand.

    All the best!

  36. Hephzy

    August 9, 2017 at 5:49 pm

    Firstly, ensure you are calm then listen to your heart. Take viable steps after seeking worthy counsellors. Remember to take steps God would be glad you did and one that posterity would judge you right. Also note that he is moving from the known to the unknown. How sure are you of this “unknown” and how safe is it for him? Assuming he would be okay is the mother of all frustrations.

  37. Karen

    October 3, 2018 at 11:10 am

    OMG I never understood why love who is such a beautiful thing make people apart. Really I feel your pain but stay strong and in prayers. Love is never you took that little child, brought him and took good care of him is your child, God give him to you

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