It can be quite frustrating when you are trying so hard to just get your presence felt, and some random person just walks into the room and steal the attention of everyone… without even making an effort. This random person, who probably doesn’t even look great or smell nice, gets everyone eating out of their palms within minutes. He or she has the audience telling them their life secrets, inviting them to fabulous events and giving them freebies. The random person oozes so much charm it annoying AF.
Usually, when this happens, it is easy to encourage yourself by concluding that charm is an innate talent and cannot be acquired, or move on…rather than beat up yourself, because “who charm app?” Charm does not mint money at World Bank, it will not protect you from armed robbers or ritualists, and neither will it necessarily put food on your table.
Truth be told though, while charm alone will not get you through life or is not enough to help you achieve your destiny, it can make life so much easier and enjoyable. Think about it: charming people get more opportunities. We, humans, are naturally drawn to people who are polite, modest, agreeable, kind so it makes sense. It is easier for these charmers to gain the trust and love of others in record time …even getting away with murder, if they tried.
Yes. A number of people who are blunt, impolite, and even rude have fabulous lives and are extremely successful, but how well do they enjoy that success? How powerful is the relationship with the people around them?
Being charming, luckily, is actually a trait you can acquire. But how do you make everyone like you? How do you become the person that everyone wants to talk to? Here a few tricks to get you started:
Talk less, listen more
It easy to talk about yourself to others or share your opinion on topics, even debate over issues you do not agree with. That’s because you are human and humans are geared to want to share our burdens. However, one thing humans like much more than talking about themselves and their problems is having someone listen to them attentively when they talk. And the trick is, it is so hard to find someone who actually listens. To be charming, you have to groom yourself to listen to people carefully when they talk to you and emotionally react to their words.
Ask questions that encourage others to openly talk about themselves as well. Be curious and inquisitive, but not intrusive. While you are at it, ensure you do not talk too much. Say less in general. Listening more makes the people feel like they are important to you. Charming people already know what they know. They want to know what you know.
Allow yourself to be vulnerable and do not hesitate to show some affection
The thing about most people when they relate with others is that they start out feeling like they are being judged or that they are competing with others in some form or the other. So, in order not to be looked down upon, they put up an air or refuse to show their vulnerabilities. Unfortunately, charming people are nothing like that. They don’t try to win any unstated competitions with people they meet.
In fact, they compliment others and are genuinely impressed by others. Even more, they are not unwilling to admit a weakness, a failure or admit their mistakes and ask for help. They are not afraid to show a little vulnerability. They are not afraid to look silly or be awkward. They know how to let down their guard, and meet you at a genuine level. This is actually why people respect them. They do not hesitate to express their emotions incredibly well and show affection. They do not hesitate to show PDA as well.
Remember people’s name, but do not name drop
A very powerful way to charm people is by remembering their names of small details about them. It could be the bartender at your regular watering hole, the trainer at the gym, or the Uber driver from the airport. You could remember that your co-worker’s daughter had her first day at school the previous day, and ask how the experience was, or the person’s mother just had a surgery. Doing so is a great way to show people you care, while also making them feel important. If you are not great with faces or names, write down the little details you notice about people so you remember them for next time you meet. And when you do remember names, try not to drop them in conversations where they are not necessary. People who are charming are the kind of people who may know cool people, but they don’t talk about it or try to show off with it.
Photo Credit: Dmytro Zinkevych | Dreamstime