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Eva Bozimo: When a Man Says He Can’t Get Freaky with His Wife



I was having a conversation with a group of friends about relationships and marriage, and one of the guys said something that I found extremely mind-boggling. He said he could never have spontaneous or nasty sex with his wife. He said he’d rather do that with his girlfriends but never with his wife because he would start to perceive her differently. In other words, a wife can’t be too sexual because that will make her a hoe or irresponsible, and she can’t be tagged the million dollar word “wife material”. This was said with his fiancee sitting right beside him too. Clearly, it wasn’t some secret opinion of his.

This logic is very common in African and Nigerian men in particular, and I believe it’s very problematic as it is the major reason for the high percentage of cheating in our society. In an article, P. Diddy said one of the reasons he never married Kim Porter was because he could not do a lot of sexual things he did with her then if they got married. Okay. To play devils advocate here and not speak from just a woman’s perspective, isn’t the point of marriage to partner with the one person that fits your standards sexually, mentally and spiritually etc.? Why is it that a lot of men seek very different standards in their wives, and automatically start to treat them differently once they get married?

There are ladies whose husbands stop them from engaging in oral sex with them once they get married. A couple that explored the nightlife  and went on dates occasionally with their women quit once they get married and only the man is seen publicly afterward. It’s like you have exciting sexual moments with your girlfriend, but once she gets the ring you automatically expect her to become a prude. Clearly, you’d rather abandon your beautiful supple and sexual wife at home to go look outside for what you already have at home, right?

It’s very troubling because this narrative of men, that a wife must fit a certain image, is very unrealistic. A lot of women are willing to pretend to be what a man deems to be a wife, then after the wedding, she exposes her true self. Also, this is probably one of the reasons a lot of women also are on a cheating rampage these days as their sexual urges aren’t being met. At the end of the day, you have two people who used to shag like rugrats but then get married and it’s just not the same anymore. Same individuals, same sexual urges but with different expectations now.

Whatever happened to wanting a freak in the sheets and lady in the streets? Is that a myth? I strongly believe a lot of men have a lot to unlearn when it comes to the female sexuality and the perception of what a wife is and should be. I’m really not certain if this is a mental perception most men have towards women or if it’s because of the societal influence of what a wife should be, but I’d like to know what guys thoughts are on this…

Love & Light xo

Photo Credit:Dreamstime

Eva Bozimo is the editor-in-chief of the life style site candid lips blog. She’s a freelance writer and can be reached for writing articles for magazines, blogs, script writing and reviews. She created her platform to raise the consciousness level of people and to spread positivity. Also to recognise the challenges we face everyday, especially in Africa.Find her on Instagram: Twitter: @EvaChanel


  1. Sharon

    February 8, 2018 at 6:44 pm

    Should I then be worried when a man thinks of me as wife material and wants to marry me?

    • The Joker

      February 8, 2018 at 7:56 pm

      Be worried, you are only going to get missionary style from him. His evil fantasies would be reserved for his side chics – the ones he didn’t pay towards their bride price.

    • Red

      February 8, 2018 at 8:10 pm

      Hmmm. O je bi Ho! Wooooo, Mo ma Freak on till the very end. Dear Future husband, you better know this! 50 shades, dress up, poles and ish. Once we’re married, get ready for the “nastiness”. Ain’t nobody got time to be bored… or Boring. ?

  2. Yellow sun

    February 8, 2018 at 6:47 pm

    Errrm sorry to say..that man in your example is very unenlightened and he’s sense of reasoning is silly.
    I agree that sex in marriage reduces ..but it is not because the man thinks hes wife shouldnt be touched all the’s because life and responsibilities has happened and some weeks u can have loads of sex…and some u have drought…but saying u cant have oral sex with your wife is so silly….

    • Mrs chidukane

      February 8, 2018 at 7:27 pm

      Many people think this way. You will be surprised. I think it’s just a pathetic excuse to cheat.

  3. Deleke

    February 8, 2018 at 9:04 pm

    This one is even the least of my problems. I’m still praying for miracle that the dear wife even gives me some sef, before I think to that levels

    • Lol

      February 8, 2018 at 10:32 pm

      Please if you can, see a sexual health couples counsellor. This feeling of deprivation is unstustainable, unnecessary and unhealthy. I am a married woman with a supposedly bigger sex drive than my husband. However we have compromised on at least once or twice a week. Sexual frustration in a relationship is painful and isolating but nothing that can’t be worked through with communication, trust and understanding.

    • Deleke

      February 8, 2018 at 11:41 pm

      There is communication, trust and understanding. We have ‘communicated’ to at least do once a week, there is the ‘understanding’ that i would be turned down 9 out of 10 times, and the ‘trust’ that i won’t look for it elsewhere.

      She has kunkun said that she can go on without it, she only feels in the mood when she’s ovulating and then i ‘must’ come and do like i’m some fucking dog waiting on its reward/treat.

      Surely she is punishing me lol for something, what? I dunno. My dear i have gba kamu.

  4. Bunnie

    February 8, 2018 at 10:55 pm

    So true…..had this conversation with a married colleague at work. Apparently, her husband had allowed himself receive oral sex before they got married and now he doesn’t want her doing that. Maybe he’s unaware of the fact that she also derives pleasure in giving him oral sex?. One day, she told him no oral sex, no vaginal sex.
    If we enjoyed crazy sex before marriage and you come and start saying certain things are “nasty” now ehn…..recipe for trouble o. Don’t come and bore me in the name of ” I can’t do certain things with my wife”

  5. Bobosteke

    February 13, 2018 at 2:51 pm

    Na wa o. What somebody will not be hearing. Bia, husband in the future, draw ya ear well, well. After abstainment, you cannot come and be forming repentance or one style fits all. What do these people think, sef? That they are the only ones permitted to have desires only to be forming Spartacus with other women. Issokay. E ba wa n’be.

    Beht why; his fiancée sat there while he displayed such appalling talk. Men, I need me a Gemini.

  6. Okechukwu

    February 22, 2018 at 7:51 pm

    Nigerian men do really need to unlearn a lot of things. Your wife is still your girlfriend. Just another label because of some ceremony that maybe 25% of the guests would know intimately. You knew she was a freak at the talking stage, dating and engaged phase and suddenly you want to repress because marriage. Clearly discussions like this would need to be had by both of them, like adults, before getting the rings.

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