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Young Forever: There’s Power When Women Stand Together



No one understands a woman like a woman! This is why we women have to stand together and stop fighting ourselves. It is often said that women are their own worst enemies, unfortunately I believe this is true.

This is an irony to me because we women have gone through and are still going through similar experiences, so you will think we would be able to identify with our shortcomings, our struggles and with each other. But no, the opposite is the case.

A woman has been abused but instead of identifying with her, sympathizing and helping her go through it, her biggest critiques are women. Women will ask her what she wore or why she was even there in the first place.

A successful woman is being celebrated, but instead of rejoicing with her and give her accolades; fellow women will say she must have slept around to be able to have all she has… especially if she’s within a certain age bracket.

A woman who’s still expecting the fruit of the womb is being persecuted by a fellow woman – sister in law or mother in law, worse still by women who may have had to wait for a child.

Now don’t get me wrong, I am not saying no one can be corrected or that women shouldn’t be objective, I am simply saying we should identify more with our sisters. As women, we have and are still going through similar situations.

We know what it feels like to be treated like second hand simply because we are female.

Most of us have been sexually exploited and abused.

Most of us have being termed good for nothing, our achievements discarded simply because of a marital status.

Why can’t we use our struggles to come together as one instead of fighting each other?

Also I have to ask, why most women are wicked to helps, treating them like rags especially a female help.

Or why a woman uses everything within her power to destroy the home of another woman, so that she can come in?

These are some of the things I can’t just understand.

Why do women hate each other?

I personally believe it’s because we see each other as rivals and competitors, fighting for the “prize”; the man, in other to win him.

We are envious of each other even to the silliest of things, clothes, hair, shoe, bag etc.

I am NOT a SAINT! I am not exonerated of these things; I have done some of the things I am presently talking about.

But then I had to ask myself why we hate each other? Why?

In offices, in church, you will be on your own dressing according to your pocket and taste, but another woman is having sleepless nights, because she wants to outdo you in the fashion department!

The funniest part is you don’t even take notice. But just walk by, and a woman will look at you from the crown of your head to the soles of your feet so she can size you up. Whenever you show up, you are assessed.

You won’t even know you’ve made enemies who just hate you simply because you showed up!

I think that it is rather unfortunate.

I believe with the whole of my heart that there’s something powerful about women coming together. If we identify with one another, there’s no stopping what we can achieve.

In the words of Phylicia Rashad, “Anytime women come together, with a collective intention, magic happens.

It is my opinion that the devil knows the power of united women that he’s done all within his power to make us enemies.

The truth is a woman is incredibly powerful, but we don’t just know how powerful we are. No organization, church, society, can grow or be productive without women. A woman especially an educated one; builds a nation.

You’ve heard or probably even said it yourself, “I can’t be best friends with a lady” or “guys make better friends, even I too once said it.”

But I have come to realize from my own personal experience that it is near impossible or difficult to just be friends with a guy. More often than not, one party starts catching feelings. Well, that’s a topic for another day.

It is possible for women to support each other, encourage each other to be all they can be without being envious or jealous or fight over a man.

Permit me to use this example, Mary the mother of Jesus and Elizabeth her cousin.

Both women were pregnant with mighty men, but instead of Elizabeth being envious of Mary or Elizabeth saying who’s this small girl dragging pregnancy with me, Elizabeth recognized her place and recognized Mary as the mother of the Lord.

Elizabeth’s son was to prepare the way for Mary’s son; my gift may just be what you need to birth yours or to fulfil your dream.

Let’s stop this senseless silent war and see each other as channels of blessing to one another.

Dear older woman, you’ve been through what I am going through, please don’t despise me when I call for help, teach me in love using your experience. I beg you not to be envious of my youth; you can right your wrongs by not letting me make them.

Dear younger woman, please let’s slay together. There’s space for all of us.

Dear woman, I love you! You’re incredibly beautiful and powerful, please can we be friends?

Photo Credit: Dreamstime

Adejoke was born in Zaria, Kaduna State (which she absolutely has no recollection of) and graduated from the University of Abuja with a BSc in Accounting at Gwagwalada (which she can’t believe she still lives in). She started writing because her life was boring and had no one to talk to, so she thought, why don’t I talk with the whole world? Her blog was born after she discovered a passion for writing, and that writing is therapeutic as she now lives a joyful purposeful life. If you visit the blog, its description says, a lifestyle blog created with a purpose to impact and inspire people to live their best life (helping people to have sense) which sums up what she loves to do. When she is not writing, she is baking (she makes the best chocolate cake) or disturbing her sister who she loves to pieces.


  1. Moyin

    May 22, 2018 at 9:40 am

    nice write up Adejoke, you have said it all, I don’t know why we have this silent hatred for ourselves. Henceforth I’m open to love and will give love freely too to my fellow women.

    • Adejoke

      May 24, 2018 at 8:50 pm

      This comment just gladdens my heart. This makes it all worth it. Thank you.

  2. Dammy

    May 22, 2018 at 2:10 pm

    This is very apt! We must check ourselves as ladies, let’s compliment that person instead of bashing her. Let’s learn to support instead of being envious or try to pull down.
    We can all shine together.

    • Adejoke

      May 24, 2018 at 8:51 pm

      Thank you for your comment.

  3. John

    May 22, 2018 at 4:32 pm

    One of the best and honest article on BN.
    For the first time a BN writer recognises that majority of women problem comes from women not men but be careful before the fems accuse you of pick me.

    Also , I love the fact that you talked about house maids.
    I have always said that if government start arresting madams that abused and brutalised their maids..all the jails in Nigeria will be full of women.

    But no one talks about that.

    Women are the greatest abusers of children.

    Now, I am going to be honest as I can

    There is one problem in your article.

    You talking about women sticking toghther is just good on paper.
    It just like saying blacks should stick together no matter what.
    They tried that nonsense with obama and think they have arrived and the result is trump.

    There is a reason I say any sane person should avoid 2 groups, if you truly wants to be happy and avoid depression.

    1) pro blacks
    I believe in calling bullshit to anyone regardless of gender and race.

    So dont blame women who say they avoid their fellow women.
    They have their reason…one being that they give bad and delusional advises that is far from reality.

    Spoiler alert!!!
    My dear, even men do not stick together. I too avoid some men. If you want to see competition ..kindly go into any forum or orginasation dominated by men and watch them even village meeting.

    There is always clicks and cabal.

    The have and the have not..

    If all whites men stick together ..believe me slavery won’t have ended.
    If all men stick together, you wont see any woman in any top positions .

    You cant do anything about it.. if you want nag and complain till kingdom come.

    Every thing women or black people think they have achieved where made possible by men and white people.

    Our freedom was handed to us. Out of pity..we didn’t fought for it but America fought for theirs.

    The only difference btw men and women is that they are diverse in their competitions. Very important an impactfull.

    In men,
    It can range from just common sports to women to money to politics to business to power to religion to anything and back.

    while the reverse is always the case for women. Most of the things they beef about is just candy fluffy stupid things and of course “men” ,fashion ,Social media irrelevant stuffs. Who broke each others heart..Infact mostly nagging.

    So in summary, we should know when to draw the line bcos in a complex society like Nigeria …every intention can be used aganst you…tribalism and religion is killing already this country..where every tribe is fighting for their own one wants to tell anyone the truth bcos he or she is from your tribe we want to add gendar wars to it ..where women will agree to everything a woman does…and men will now say is that so ..lets do our own( afterall we have been doing it before )..our mumu don do ( so to speak)
    it is now happening but not as much as tribalism.

    And believe it or not, women will be the biggest loser in each scenario.

    Sorry for the typos.

    • Adejoke

      May 24, 2018 at 8:52 pm

      Thank you John for the complement, though you misunderstand some parts of the article.

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