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The Thing About Being With Someone Who’s Conventionally Attractive

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There is absolutely nothing wrong with an arm candy. Who doesn’t want an attractive date? We all do! It is easy to say that beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder or that looks don’t count…but when it gets real, most people will pick the one that is conventionally attractive.

Being conventionally attractive means the person’s look is along the lines of the society’s ideals of good looks. It is a cultural look and varies as people from different places have different aesthetic norms.  For instance, in Europe and North America, the tall, blonde-haired, blue-eyed, Victoria’s Secret Angel-type person would be conventionally attractive for a woman; the dark-haired, two day-old beard, perfectly coiffed hair, tall and athletic would be conventionally attractive for a man.

In Nigeria, it is a youthful, cute look with a certain type of oval face, light skin, curvy body for women versus toned build and full beard for men. It is easy to recognize these standards of conventional beauty by looking to the media to see what is promoted as ‘attractive’: Who is featured on the covers of magazines? What kind of faces adorn the front advertising campaigns for ‘beauty’ products?

Believe it or not, attraction is important to a happy healthy relationship…and it has nothing to do with vanity. When your girl or guy meets this standard of conventional beauty, your relationship tends to experience certain unique drawbacks and pros. And it doesn’t matter if you are conventional attractive yourself as well.

Imagine that you and your attractive date go for dinner at a trendy new restaurant that has a lot of people standing around and waiting in the lobby, and as you standing waiting to be attended to, you notice several other diners (especially those of opposite sex) noticing your gorgeous date…and one person even walks up to you two and tries to flirt with your date in the name of small talk. Rude!

Depending on how secure or confident you are, chances are that, it will seem like fun at first (considering you are the one with the sexy man/woman in your arm) but eventually, it will get more than a little irritating how much other people fawn over him/her or hit on them in public. Perhaps the most common drawback is the anxiety that comes with it. No matter how secure you are, it can get annoying having others hit on your boo unsolicited. You battle with intense jealousy and the fear that they might stray or that you might not be “hot enough”.  And maybe you will start eating more or less than usual; start drinking more alcohol or smoking more; have difficulty sleeping; e.t.c. Even if he/she is the most faithful person in the world, or is oblivious to all the flirting, the attention he/she gets from others will have a toll on you.

It would be easy to take consolation in the fact that you at least have an arm candy …No? but you even may not be able to have that, as people now tend to regard you as a superficial person who is only attracted to people for how they look. You are labelled shallow and plastic. And even if you know you are with him for more than his looks or you do not care what other people think, you find that it becomes a sort of stigma that sticks with you. When you eventually breakup with the attractive fellow, your friends start to set you up with only people who have that conventional look, or they let you know that they can’t help you since you are difficult, vain and only like pretty people.

In addition, there is the fact that pretty doesn’t come cheap. Most people who meet the conventional beauty standards (both male and female) are high maintenance.  Of course, some are just naturally that way and keep it on the low-key, but a larger percentage feel the need to work extra hard to stay that attractive. This means the woman may need the time and funds for body treatments, skin care regimens, hair care, shopping e.t.c; and the man may need to take a lot of time to go to the spa or salon for manscaping and grooming, work out at the gym, and may even go on shopping trips that rival your own. You will be stretched financially and may not be able to spend as much quality time with them as you would wish.

The less conventionally attractive a person is, the more likely he/she is to develop other areas and aspects of their personality because they can’t rely solely on their looks. But with the conventionally attractive, they are not under any pressure to impress anyone…they are already very impressive, thanks to their looks. They will not feel the need to make the required effort to service the relationship and they won’t take commitment seriously. In fact, they most likely will cheat if they feel they are not getting the maximum from you. They cheat because they can, and they know they can. Even more, the sex may not even be that great as they won’t want to take the responsibility to spice things up in the ‘other room’. They do not see the need to bring their A-game as their looks already are their A-game. They really have nothing to make up for in bed.

Perhaps what makes these drawback even harder to overlook is the fact that conventionally attractive people tend to have ego a size bigger greater than their astounding good looks.  They know they are attractive and they wear it on their sleeves. Most feel entitled, can be selfish and lack empathy. Of course this isn’t always the case, but the bad reputation comes from the bad apples that poisoned the lot.

Dating a conventionally attractive person is not always so gloomy, though. There are some pros to it. If nothing else, you get the pleasure of having a super sexy and attractive person eat at your side all the time. You literally live the life that most people fantasize about, 24/7. There is also the hallo effect it has on you, where people start to think you are super attractive as well (even if you really aren’t) because you are dating a person considered conventionally attractive.

Additionally, there is also the boost in your ego: your date is the total package, and he/she picked you! They could be with anyone, yet you are the one they finds special, they want to be with. It give a kind of rush that makes you feel amazing. And again, depending on how far the relationship goes, you will certainly end up having good-looking kids. While being conventionally attractive isn’t necessarily genetic, many of those features you find attractive are genetic.

Conventionally attractive people tend to come with the perks and VIP treatment as well. They be likely to to get loads of attention and preferential treatment because of their looks, and they can make it easier to get a discount at a store, get free drink at a club, land a good table at a great restaurant, e.t.c

Have you dated anyone conventionally attractive? What were the drawbacks? What were the positives? Share your experience with us.

Photo Credit: © Benzoix |


  1. Zpackman

    July 13, 2018 at 11:08 pm

    Very interesting write-up

  2. Cee

    July 14, 2018 at 12:35 am

    I am exteremely conventionally attractive. And I love ALL its perks, in addition to Calling the shots.

    • Mr Toned

      July 16, 2018 at 8:38 pm

      Are you single? Help me with your email ??

  3. JayJay

    July 14, 2018 at 3:44 pm

    This is one of intelligent articles that makes BN a unique blog in 9ja. My favorite part is the mention of the less conventionally attractive developing other areas. This has practically worked a lot and we’re all surrounded by endless examples. When other areas such as talents, career, etc are developed, your ‘aggregate’ beauty surges.

  4. Bowl

    July 14, 2018 at 8:07 pm

    Beautiful / conventionally attractive doesn’t define sexy most times. As a matter of fact only a few people are beautiful to a standard. Why ? God is all wise ! Most beautiful people are bland !

  5. chichi

    July 17, 2018 at 7:48 am

    Beautiful! I can relate to this piece. I once dated a conventional attractive guy and mehn, it wasn’t easy keeping up. Then i tried a less attractive guy and voila! he was trying too hard to impress me. Relationship is hard!!

  6. Mitch

    January 25, 2020 at 11:24 pm

    Lol the term “conventionally attractive” is a made up term that aligns with misogynists, incels, and overly salty insecure people. They contradict themselves with this thought scope of “I like people for their personalities” and “personality is where the real beauty lies” yet hypocritically gatekeep people they find attractive from this idea.
    Yes, there’s a societally implied “image” or guideline of who is pretty and who isn’t. And that’s fucked up on it’s own but this is basically that societal norm packed with added stupidity.

    The writer clearly assumes they have a psychic supernatural ability to determine that EVERY person that they, or society believes is pretty has a shitty personality and is too much “maintain”.

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