As much as men don’t like to admit it, their friendship with other men plays a very important role in their daily lives. They may be all proper, masculine and devoid of feelings in public settings, but within their inner circle, they tend to let their hair down, show their vulnerabilities without fear of judgment and maybe even wash their dirty linens.
There is no denying that every man needs a core group of friends, but there is always one who is set apart from the rest, the one friend who will call him out when no one else will, applaud him when he achieves major milestones rather than try to push him down out of jealousy, and, most importantly, provide the well-needed shoulder to shed that single male tear when necessary.
Not every man gets the chance to share this unique bond with another male, but those who do confess that it makes the life of a man much more meaningful. This got us wondering: how does a man find that one best male friend? Are there universal qualifications? What makes the friendship so unique? And to assuage this curiosity, we decided to query a number of Nigerian men.
Here’s what they said:
“Sometimes you are able to avoid some major or even fatal mistakes as you go because you have a best mate around you who has made similar mistakes or experiences. You get to learn from him. You can get the blunt and honest facts from him when it’s necessary.
Generally, guys don’t admit it but they are highly critical of each other, so when you ask for the harsh truth, there is every possibility your feelings won’t be spared. You find that with this type of relationship, you bond over similar hobbies and tastes, and as such build a deeper alliance and connection that surpasses blood in a sense. Your male best friend will always stir you towards getting to the next step because men are natural hustlers, and so it also applies to people they are closely connected to. Questions like “What’s the plan?” come up a lot. Guys don’t generally like to show emotion, but nine times out of ten, a guy would get in touch with his feelings amongst guys or a guy that he is close with. There is an unspoken rule of loyalty and air of safety there so a guy can fully express himself without the fear of being seen as weak or less than.”
“So … I don’t make friends easily. I’m a bit of an introvert. Most of my close friends are people who have approached me or people who continued the conversation after I met them. I also don’t have a main best friend, but rather a close-knit core group that I lean on for support. There are also some friends I used to be very close to, but due to moving and traveling we are not as close as we once were. I would still consider them friends. Perhaps, due to my imposing stature and my resting bitch face, I am rarely ever approached when I’m out and about. Except in cases where we’ve spoken online or in the past. Basically, all my close friends were made at a small gathering like a game night or a house party, or through an introduction by a mutual friend.
For the ones I now refer to as best friends, they have the title because I trust them and can rely on them anytime. Lagos is a stressful place and it can be hard finding honest people to be there for you. I can open up to them and share my burdens. And I make sure to return the favor. The unique thing about our friendship, I would say, is that we are all kindred spirits. Even though our views on life don’t perfectly align, we have a central core set of values and beliefs that are pretty much identical, and this gives us a more complete understanding of how we all think. Moving back to Nigeria has really made me know what friends I can rely on and who I should avoid.”
“ Uhm … how did I even meet him? I think we had a mutual friend who introduced us to each other. Life has its way of doing things, because before the introduction, the friend who introduced us was very close to me. Now we’re all still friends. However, I am closer to the one he introduced me to. I don’t trust easily, but after a couple of years now, I can say that I do trust him. The others, not so much. Again, it is very rare to find someone with his level of maturity and responsibility. He is mature beyond his time and it is often refreshing to have interesting company. What makes our friendship exceedingly unique, I believe, is that we seem to understand each other pretty well. Not to say we don’t have our disagreements every so often, but we seem to be able to work things out. Also, there’s never a dull moment when he’s around. We have several memories shared, no idea where to start from; but suffice to say that we’ve been to a couple of soirées and haven’t been able to stop laughing during and after the event.
“My best friend and I are different and the same in several ways. From our taste in music to sports and even hobbies, there is so much that keeps us going. We met while registering as freshers in the university and we’ve been friends since then. What I find unique about my friendship with him is how we have other friends who end up being friends with both of us. Essentially, anyone that can be friends with me can be friends with him and vice versa, so there’s never a third wheel with us. When we are in a group of friends, every one of us have stuff in common, and there’s no awkward silence or unnecessary banter. We add value to each other.”
“We met through an acquaintance of mine and the vibe was instantaneous. He was genuinely invested and concerned about my welfare which was something I wasn’t experiencing much of at the time. We have a lot in common. He is playful and never afraid to make a fool of himself without fear of being judged or ridiculed. I’d refer to him as a really close friend because, like me, he has the ability to look at situations through logical lenses and has a quiet disposition. A great listener, always generous with his ears and stingy with judgment.
Our friendship works because he simply balances me out. He is younger, so it’s only normal to assume the role of the unsolicited big brother. I’m fiercely protective of him because that is what you become when you have someone who is genuinely invested in you, loyal, but not partial to your nonsense. He is more of a brother if anything. He gets me and our relationship comes from a place of respect and admiration of our mental and emotional strength and weaknesses. While I can’t recall anything in particular that he has done to memory right now, him just being a good listener and never being judgemental but impartial has been enough. Plus, there is this sense of assurance that he’ll always be there, no questions asked.”
Are you a guy and you have a bromance with your best mate? Let us know what makes it so unique! Hit us up in the comment section.