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Mobolaji Olorisade: Open Letter to Those Whose Mothers Haven’t Died

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Dear you who still has your Mother,

My mother died in May 2018. It’s not even 6 months yet, but there are many lessons I have learned since then that I couldn’t have learned otherwise.

I graduated from the University last year and this experience took my adulting to a whole new level.

In all my life, not once (and I’m not even joking) did I think my mum would one die. I’ve heard of people dying, even saw ghastly accidents with lifeless people on the road. I have friends whose loved ones have died – dads, mums, fiancés, brothers, cousins, but I had never experienced it so close. That’s why I need you to read this.

My mother had always been so strong, busy, vibrant; she had always been so there that I now think I took her strength for granted.

I don’t intend to make this letter about me, it’s not. It’s about you. You who can still call your mum or see her or laugh with her or cry with her or shout at her or rub her legs or buy her stuff. It’s you who needs to read this because chances are, you too will take those silly everyday often-taken-for-granted things for granted.

Go see her

Even though we both lived in Lagos, we didn’t get to see much because our family house is in Ikorodu and I work in Lekki. It only made sense to rent a place close to work. I went home for the 2017 Christmas holiday and thoroughly enjoyed myself. I remember my mum and I going to buy Catfish for the pepper soup we were to make for Christmas. It was a very random day. We laughed a lot. I remember sleeping by her at night, while she told stories of different times of her life. I always enjoyed my mother’s presence. Then I left home on the 31st of December, 2017, and returned in March 2018. If I knew then what I know now, that it was possible for my mum to die, I’d have gone home more often. She wasn’t one to hide her hurt, immediately gave me a piece of her mind (African mother style) when I walked into her shop that day in March. I took her seriously and made up my mind to go home more often, but a part of me still thought “She’ll always be here na.”

Well, she’s not.

You may have valid excuses, but they will mean very little when she’s gone. It may cost you your Saturday morning sleep, but make time to go see your Mum. She’s not going to be here forever, really. Call her

Luckily, this was one thing my siblings and I did well.

My mum could call for Africa! I’m the last child and was legit a mama’s girl. Even as an adult, I called my mum multiple times a day and she did the same. She’d call early in the morning to find out if I was at work and late at night to know if my sister and I were home safe. My mum knew most of my plans, she always knew where or what I was doing for the weekend, even the weekends I wasn’t home at Ikorodu. Our calls were mostly filled with random gist and it is perhaps what I miss the most about her – the fact that I could pick up the phone and tell my mum about the food I just had, or the great bargain I just made at the market, or the drama I saw on a bus on my way home. Very random stuff.

I know that everyone has their story and you might have been hurt by your mum and you may have hurt her too. Whatever the case, please call her more often. It may not be easy at first, especially if your relationship has been strained for years, but, like me, you may one day need to draw strength from the fact that forgiveness was a part of your mother-daughter/mother-son relationship.

I guess what I’m really saying is – drop your device right now and call. All you need is the random gist. I’ve always preferred practical classes to theory anyway.

Till next time.

Photo Credit: Dreamstime

Mobolaji Olorisade is a creative who thoroughly enjoys writing. She works as a Communication and Marketing Lead and recently started @WritersNeeded, a writing services and communication company to help professionals and organizations thrive. You’ll often find her hidden thoughts on omobolaji.com.

8 Comments

  1. Cocoa

    September 26, 2018 at 11:58 am

    Such a touching piece! God bless and keep and COMFORT you sister. Thanks for warning the rest of us.
    We do take the NOW and HERE with our family for granted.
    I will surely do better.

  2. Bumble bee

    September 26, 2018 at 4:41 pm

    Thank you for this, and most especially the last paragraph, indeed the relationship with my mom is strained and though she doesn’t call me, I try to call her. Trust me when I say it’s not easy forgiving, because I was hurt in a way that if someone would have told me my own biological mother would do that to me, I would have disagreed and to think after it all I’m still the one doing the call and she has refused to call.. it is well. I choose to forgive. I will forgive not because she deserves it but because I deserve my peace

    • Iyabo

      September 27, 2018 at 4:19 pm

      …my exact status at the moment…..its only just happened so the pain is too raw for me. I have forgiven her though because I think, if I must be betrayed, it may as well be my mum…

  3. ninja

    September 26, 2018 at 4:58 pm

    my mom turns 51 tomorrow. I give God all the glory and adoration. She makes me so angry sometimes but I try to remind myself that she’s alive and kicking.. not everyone has that. I am grateful for her.
    Thank you for this beautiful piece.

  4. Mii

    September 26, 2018 at 9:35 pm

    I totally agree with the writer, I lost my mum in 2012 just few days to my POP and life hasn’t been same without her. Going through some old pictures today and came across my mum’s picture. I never imagined my mum was going to die at the time she did, I always imagined her as a grandma but that never happened. The kind of pain death of a loved one lives can’t be explained, you literally feel the pain from your heart, it’s deep. Sometimes I wish I could spend just 24rs with her just to spoil her silly. If you still have your parents and siblings, please keep in touch with them often and spend quality time with them.

  5. Uberhaute Looks

    September 26, 2018 at 10:13 pm

    Lost mine in Uni 200Level… It’s never been easy! I still wish she were here especially as her grandchild is here…as I always need serious motherly advise and comfort…

    I miss you dearly maami and if I can do anything to have you back, I will do it very fast!

  6. Uberhaute Looks

    September 26, 2018 at 10:14 pm

    *was*

  7. Abi

    September 27, 2018 at 10:37 am

    Hmmmmm!
    I lost my mum in July 2018. I still can’t believe it. The pain and hurt i feel cannot be described. Although i thank God for an amazing life he gifted her, i wish she didn’t see so soon and so sudden.
    I totally relate with this article, my mum was my padi on all levels. I miss her terribly!
    Like the writer adviced, call your mum, go see her!

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