I was out with my husband at our weekend date night, and because I am blessed with the spiritual gift of talking, I didn’t stop catching him up on my whole life. I also wanted to know if, were it an option, he would choose to be at home, get paid for it, and then spend all that time with his family. He said, No. He would rather have shorter work hours, instead of staying home full time.
Spoken like most men, I would say.
Flip it to a recent meeting I had with domestic queens. The speaker mentioned that the reason a lot of us were sad about being stay-at-home moms was money. If someone decided to pay us to stay home and care for the kids, most of us would jump at that offer.
I know I would, but I’m also aware that some women wouldn’t. This is not for those women, and, in fact, I am not oblivious to the fact that, beyond money, you also want to make a difference in the world, which would most likely require you leave your home.
Permit me to filter my audience today to that stay-at-home mom who may have sacrificed a career, or didn’t even get an opportunity to have one, as a result of marriage and pregnancy. The stay-at-home mum who is not making any money due to reasons beyond her control.
A mum like my friend O, who left her job to be with her husband and three kids in a foreign land where any kind of help costs an arm, a leg, and a uterus.
A domestic queen like my neighbor L, whose husband works in a different town. With twins to care for and limited cash, there is barely time for anything else.
Oh, or that stay-at-home mom I met recently, with her four kids and inability to keep any domestic help longer than two months, making it virtually impossible to even process the thought of engaging in any conventional money-making venture.
Yes, you want to make your own money and possibly make an impact, too, no matter how small, but the odds are heavily stacked against you.
How do you navigate this season, where you are absolutely dependent on your husband for everything, right down to your sanitary towel?
If only you had your own money, this staying at home gig would be easier and happier.
I hear you, mum. I really do.
However, here are two things that helped me. Yes, I run a couple of thriving businesses from home, but there was a season – and I can never forget that season – when all I needed had to come directly from Bolaji Olojo.
Oh, at first, I hated that season. I picked fault with everything my husband did that pertained to money. If he dropped money on the table for me when going out because I was asleep, I would attribute it to the fact that it was because I wasn’t making money. If I asked for money for XYZ and he didn’t have (genuinely), I would find a way and reason to vex, and even phone a friend to discuss the matter, trade stories and vex even more.
And that is the first thing I would ask that you don’t do: Stop discussing your offenses with people who would only make you feel worse, who don’t help the situation. It is useless. I had to completely stop it.
I also had to sit down and have a conversation with myself. I wanted to go back to work and make my own money, but the way my life and home was set up, I couldn’t afford it. This was my whole life and reality in this season, so instead of wishing it away and wasting precious time, how about I found ways to maximize the season and keep my joy?
Let me tell you, sis, the state of your mind is so powerful. If your mind is unsettled and constantly coveting the next season, you will see no good at all in what you have now. But when you put your eyes down, like my mother would say, you will find fruit in what you hitherto thought was a dry place
I don’t know what ‘fruit’ looks like to you and your season, but one of mine was my writing gift. I was faithful to my blog eziaha.com and shared what I knew with the world from my home. I still cannot forget the day one of my readers who constantly was inspired by my writing sent me ₦30,000. I was blown away. This from someone I had never met. Then another friend sent me money for my data for five months, as she said she wanted to make sure nothing hindered me from blogging on a regular basis.
Today, I am still writing on my blog and on several platforms, and am now making regular income—gifts aside—from my writing gigs.
Oh, but I didn’t just sell you a formula. No, ma, there are really no formulas or rules. However, one thing I know for sure is this: Dear Domestic Queen, there is fruit everywhere around us, but first, embrace your season and portion.