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Ufuoma Uvomata: Here’s How to Know If You’re in an Unhealthy Relationship

It’s true that every relationship has its issues, but if you are constantly encountering these problems, it may be time to reassess the relationship.



It’s not easy to let go of someone you truly care about; but as much as you love the person you’re with, you have to remember to take care of yourself. It’s true that every relationship has its issues, but if you are constantly encountering these problems, it may be time to reassess the relationship.

You’re always on again, off again
We all know that couple that keeps breaking up and getting back together. If this is you, you’re not alone on this roller-coaster. For some reason, every time your ex comes back, you suddenly can’t remember why you broke up in the first place.

You make all the sacrifices and they make none
Whether it’s your time, money or attention, you are the only one going out of your way to give all the time. Your partner doesn’t make the effort to compromise as much as you do.

You are not a priority
Your partner keeps using being busy as an excuse to not talk to or see you. It feels like they don’t think about you when you’re not around.

It’s all about them
Your relationship is centred around your partner’s needs, goals, dreams, and preferences. They put value on the things you like based on how they perceive them and not how much they mean to you.

You don’t respect each other
You see your partner as less than you in some ways, and vice versa. Whether not as hardworking, smart, kind, or anything else.

They talk down to you
Your partner avoids talking to you about things because they think you won’t understand. You find them oversimplifying things and talking to you like you’re a child.

They make you feel like you’re not good enough
They compare you negatively with other people and only point out the things they want you to change about yourself.

They keep putting you down
No matter how excited you are about something, be it a new hairstyle or a new job, they point out all the reasons why it isn’t perfect.

You can’t go to them for emotional support
Your partner isn’t the rock you can lean on when you feel down. You find yourself going to others first when you need emotional support.

Your partner doesn’t acknowledge your success
They don’t seem interested in your success, or they try to make you feel like it’s not important.

They make mean jokes at your expense
They make fun of you and try to pass it off as a joke, then accuse you of not having a sense of humour when you see through it.

They get abusive or violent with you
Your partner gets excessively angry or aggressive and does things that make you fear them.

You constantly catch them lying
Whether it’s little white lies or big ones, you keep catching your partner trying to lie to you.

You lie to cover up for their bad behaviour
You feel ashamed by things they do and try to cover up for them, like trying to explain why they didn’t show up to an event with you when they said they would.

You feel lonely when you’re together
Even when you’re together, you are each in your own separate worlds. They have no problem ignoring you and you feel it would make no difference whether you are there or not.

They don’t share their emotions with you
You have no idea how they feel about what goes on in their life because they simply won’t tell you.

They make you feel silly or weak for expressing your feelings
They are uninterested in your feelings. They make you feel like talking about your emotions is a waste of time and it makes them uncomfortable

They act like you’re lucky to have them but not the other way around
Your partner tries to make you feel like they are a catch but you’re not. You should be grateful to even be in a relationship with them.

You’re afraid of them getting angry with you
You don’t feel safe fully expressing yourself with your partner because they might get angry. You have to walk on eggshells around them.

You don’t talk about things that are important
They blatantly refuse to have important discussions because it makes them uncomfortable. You never talk about the future or anything serious.

You don’t positively influence each other
You can’t point out anything positive you’ve learned from each other. You don’t share knowledge or teach each other new skills.

You feel used
Your partner makes you feel they only want you for a reason, be it money, sex, or your ability to open tight containers.

They try to use jealousy to control you
No matter what you do, you can’t get them to trust you. They try to dictate where you can go and who you can see.

They say bad things about your friends or family
Your partner has lots of negative things to say about the people you love. They try to alienate you from your support system.

You can’t describe your partner as warm, trustworthy or dependable.

There’s cheating.

It’s normal to make excuses for the people we love, and ignore the signs for as long as we can. But once a relationship starts to become unhealthy, find the strength to do what’s right for you.

Ufuoma is a writer focused on sharing what she learns everyday. She is focused on sharing useful information that she believes and hopes would help a lot of people.

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