Biodun Da-Silva: What it Means to Have a Life Partner

I have heard the term ‘life partner’ countless times, and recently, I have been brainstorming on its real meaning. When you hear ‘life partner’, you immediately think of a couple – a husband and wife, but I’ve come to realise that it means so much more. A life partner is simply the person you run life with. Life comes with its baggage and if you intend to live fully, you’ve got to live through that baggage with the person you’ve chosen to ride with you. So essentially, a life partner can be likened to an anchor for when the tides are calm and when they are turbulent.

Finding a life partner is the only business you do without relying on your years of education, but by trusting your instincts and feelings to tell who the right person is for you. Also, I know of some individuals that have told me that if they can marry an educated person, they are set for life. 

Education and experiences are good but they may not be excellent parameters for measuring who your life partner should be. Life is a marathon and what you need in a life partner goes beyond education and experiences. I’ve seen many people choose a life partner for the wrong reasons. Some marry because they believe a woman will be a good homemaker, for beauty, intellect, convenience, charisma, sex, personality or monetary gains. Others because they are from the same race, ethnic group or income level. These marriages have followed the same route – unhappiness and eventually divorce.

The requirements for a happy marriage are simple: love, compassion, trust, empathy, friendship, and so on. I have seen marriages that were built on love and trust breakup. Conversely, I have seen some built on convenience that stood the test of time. It is what it is; nothing is guaranteed. Above all, if you choose the wrong life partner, you’ll be running life all by yourself.

Since life is a journey of momentum, we all need a partner to experience moments with. Believe me; no one can journey through life alone. We all need family, children, friends, parents, associates, and most importantly, a life partner (spouse). A life partner is that person you journey with through the ups and downs of your life. A person that’ll be able to hold you when you slip, nurse you back to health when you’re ill, someone you can find solace, contentment and encouragement in when the going gets tough.

A person who’ll be there through the thinnest of thins and thickest of thicks. A partner to share your thoughts with, whose energy matches yours, has the mental toughness and is equally ready to journey with you to build a purposeful life together. The most important of them all is a person you love and who loves you back in the same measure.

Love is an important ingredient that cannot be ruled out of a successful life’s journey with a life partner. You must be with the one you love and love the one you’re with. Love is what makes a man and wife stick together through thick and thin for decades even in the face of unrelenting challenges of life. Being with the person you love gives you a sense of security, contentment, purpose and fulfilment that’s needed to live a meaningful life.

The purpose of a life partner in any individual’s life cannot be understated. Beyond rendering recourse at some of the most crucial moments in our lives, they bring out the best in us and complete who we truly are as individuals. As we grow older, we’ll begin to realise that what truly matters in life are intangibles such as happiness, time, memories, friendship, and the indomitable feeling of loving and being loved. And importantly, the peace and clarity of mind required to steer our everyday life.

With love, comes understanding; it isn’t complete without understanding. Understanding your life partner’s mindset, character and personality go hand-in-hand with the success of your union. You can’t go through life with a person whom you aren’t on the same page with.

If your purposes and interests are not aligned, your union is doomed to fail on arrival. A man with a progressive mindset cannot get entangled with a woman with a regressive mindset if the purpose of such union is progression. But if that happens, such a couple would be taking 1 step forward and ten steps backwards throughout the lifetime of their union. However, this is not to say that having the right life partner will exempt you from the challenges of life. It won’t, but it would make the ride worthwhile for all the parties involved.

Additionally, from a spiritual perspective, humans are spiritual elements. A union between two people runs deeper than what we see on the surface. You cannot be a fire and be married to water. We need a cheerleader, we also need a spouse that’ll double as an amplifier so that who we truly are and who we hope to become can be manifested for all to see.

Personally, I know true love exists. It cannot be wished or forced. Love yourself first, then love as if your life depends on it. Most importantly, love yourself enough to choose right.

“Love doesn’t make the world go around, love is what makes the ride worthwhile” – Franklin P Jones.