Rita Chidinma: There’s More to the Girl Child than Marriage & Motherhood

Growing up, a lot of our parents had these deal-breakers when it came to who their daughters will marry. I can remember that ours was that nobody will come to marry us, then live abroad after the ceremonies while we remained in Nigeria. My parents always reminded us that if you were marrying di obodo oyibo (abroad husband), both of you must live together after the wedding, whether in Nigeria or abroad.

So we grew up with that consciousness that for our parents, this was their deal breaker. As female children, “marriage and motherhood” always hovered somewhere in our consciousness.

Times have changed since then; women now want to be so much more. A lot of our parents have also adjusted their mindsets to raise their female children to be all they can be, as opposed to raising them to be good wives for their future husbands.

When it comes to the girl child, the focus has now shifted from marriage and motherhood to raising founders, board of directors, game changers, presidents, CEOs, and so on.

“My daughter will never be a stay-at-home mom” is also a statement I’ve heard repeatedly from so many mothers. They’re not saying this because they want to trivialise the amount of sacrifice it takes to stay at home, putting career and professional development at the back seat or the amount of physical labour involved in looking after young children. Most times when they say this, it comes from a place of pain and defeat, due to their own unpalatable personal experiences of staying at home. It comes from a place of total financial dependence on their partners which “they’ll never wish on their enemies”, as I so often hear. 

A particular mom told me that her daughter will never get married if she didn’t finish her studies, have a job or business, and it didn’t matter if her husband was Mark Zuckerberg, Jeff Bezos or Obi Cubana, that it would never happen under her watch, and you know what? She’s well within her rights. You can imagine what she has seen and endured to make her arrive at her decision.

As a girl child, did your parents have deal breakers for you while growing up, relating to marriage and motherhood? Do you have one now for your daughter(s)? As a parent, are you raising your girl child to be all she can be and not just to get married and have babies?

In the last decade, there has been increased attention on issues that matter to girls amongst governments, policymakers and the general public, and more opportunities for girls to have their voices heard on the global stage. A lot of progress is being made, but there’s still a lot to be done.

In this year’s International Day of the Girl Child themed “Our Time is Now – Our Rights, Our Future”, here are some ways we can get involved:

• Share stories, blogs and videos of girl changemakers, and the inspiring networks and organizations that are resourcing girls, letting girls lead, and strengthening services for girls. Let’s collectively amplify their leadership, actions, and impact to inspire others.
• Engage government officials, policymakers and stakeholders to make more targeted investments that tackle inequalities experienced by girls, especially while accessing mental health and psychosocial support services in the face of conflict, forced migration, natural disasters, and the effects of climate change.
• Engage key female influencers across industries to be the face of change we want girls to see as possible. Role models speak a thousand words. Let’s change the global conversation and public perception of girl leaders.
• Amplify your commitment to raising awareness about and addressing factors that hold girls in your country and region back.

Happy International Day of the Girl Child! Together, we can.

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