Dami Atiba-Sogules: What No One Tells Men About Fertility Until It Becomes a Problem

Most men grow up believing fertility is automatic. If everything works, then children will come when the time is right. It’s not something many men consider, question, or test. Fertility is assumed to be guaranteed. Until pregnancy doesn’t happen.

By that time, fertility becomes an issue, and for many men, the burden is not only medical but also emotional. In fertility clinics, it’s common to encounter men who are confident, accomplished, responsible, and genuinely invested in starting a family, yet are truly shocked to discover that fertility challenges can affect them as well. This isn’t due to neglecting their health; rather, it stems from the fact that no one ever informed them that fertility was something they needed to pay attention to.

In many African societies, conversations around fertility are shaped by tradition and expectation. Men are often raised to see fertility as proof of masculinity. Women, on the other hand, are expected to carry the burden of reproduction. This imbalance has consequences when couples struggle to conceive.

Fertility is Not the Same as Sexual Performance

One of the most common misunderstandings is the belief that sexual performance and fertility are the same thing. They are not.

A man can have normal erections, regular intercourse, and no sexual concerns, and still experience fertility challenges. Fertility depends on sperm health: How many sperm are present, how well they move, and whether they can fertilise an egg. None of these can be assessed by sexual performance alone.

Because this distinction is rarely explained early in life, many men delay testing, assuming everything must be fine. By the time testing happens, couples may already be emotionally exhausted and confused.

Past Fertility Does Not Guarantee Present Fertility

Another reality that often comes as a shock is that fertility can change over time. Having fathered a child in the past does not automatically mean fertility remains the same today. Sperm health can be affected by infections, untreated medical conditions, stress, weight changes, medications, environmental exposures, and age.

Many men confidently say, “I have a child already,” believing that statement ends the conversation. Fertility is not a permanent certificate. It is a health parameter — one that can improve or decline depending on circumstances.

Lifestyle Plays a Quiet but Important Role

Daily habits often seem harmless until fertility is questioned. Poor sleep, chronic stress, smoking, excess alcohol, untreated infections, prolonged heat exposure, and weight fluctuations can all affect sperm quality. None of these automatically means fertility is lost forever, but they do mean fertility responds to how the body is cared for.

The challenge is that these conversations rarely happen early. By the time lifestyle factors are discussed, couples may already be in crisis mode, searching for answers under pressure.

Why Men Are Often Tested Late

In many settings, fertility evaluation begins and ends with the woman. She undergoes blood tests, scans, hormone checks, and sometimes invasive procedures, while the man may be reassured or excluded entirely. This approach delays diagnosis and can lead to unnecessary treatment.

A semen analysis — a simple, non-invasive test — can provide valuable information early in the process. When men are included from the beginning, care becomes more efficient, more balanced, and more humane.

The Emotional Side Men Rarely Talk About

Men often carry fertility struggles quietly. Shame, fear of judgment, and the pressure to appear strong can make it difficult to speak openly. Many men worry about how they will be perceived by family, friends, or their partners if fertility challenges are identified.

Yet fertility challenges say nothing about a man’s worth, masculinity, or value. They reflect a health issue — one that deserves care, clarity, and support.

When men are given space to engage in fertility conversations without blame, relationships are strengthened, and decision-making becomes more collaborative.

What Needs to Change

Men need earlier and clearer education about fertility — not when a crisis happens, but long before then. Fertility awareness should be part of routine health conversations, just like blood pressure or general wellness.

Couples benefit most when fertility is approached as a shared journey rather than a gendered burden. Early evaluation, honest dialogue, and evidence-based care reduce stigma and improve outcomes.

Fertility challenges are not a woman’s issue. They are not a man’s failure. They are a shared health experience that deserves understanding, compassion, and timely care.

Changing how we talk about male fertility is not just about improving medical outcomes — it is about protecting marriages, supporting families, and creating healthier conversations for future generations.