BN Hot Topic: Marriage Financial Wars!
Posted on Wednesday, October 19th, 2011 at 1:54 PMBy Glory Edozien
If you are a regular reader of Bellanaija.com, you’d know that the BN Hot Topic Feature is reserved for Friday’s. However, today a friend of mine sent out a broadcast message that totally blew me away. The broadcast message has created such a buzz in my girls group on bb that I decided to be an original ‘gossip’ and share it with my wider BN crew- aka YOU!
Please note that the following Broadcasts was received via Blackberry Messenger. Its authenticity has not been verified, however it is being shared on this platform to discuss financial issues in today’s marriages.
“Emeka and his wife Ada have been living in a supposedly rented duplex in VI for the past ten years. He just recently discovered that for the past 10 yrs, the house they had been living in belonged to his wife and they had been paying rent to an agent with normal yearly increases and the money goes to Ada. What would u do if u were in Emeka’s shoes?”
AS IN WHAT! Was the only response I could muster! There are so many dimensions to this saga that one is hard pressed to decide where to even begin. Clearly such levels of deception speak volumes on the type of relationship between the couple. At first glance, it’s easy to blame the wife -Ada. Her actions may suggest some deep seated character flaws which could range anywhere from greed, selfishness, mistrust, lying, to being the supreme commandant of the conniving club! But a closer look at the situation, compared with the general stories we hear about marriages these days, could paint an altogether different picture.
One must begin to think about what would make a woman collect rent from her husband for 10 years without revealing her status as land lady. We’ve heard so many stories about men who have families scattered in various parts of the world, only to be revealed at the philanderer’s demise. At which point, the ‘secret’ and ‘known’ families begin what is mostly a bitter and usually publicly humiliating battle for his estate. We’ve also heard about men who for reasons best known to them, prefer to support the lives of their mistresses, rather than face up to their marital and family responsibilities. I’m sure we also know or at least have heard of some men who after marriage prevent their wives from engaging in meaningful employment but refuse to support the lifestyle she had before they met. Perhaps, such stories have influenced Ada’s mentality and led to the scenario above. Perhaps also Ada and Emeka had also adopted a somewhat ‘liberal’ financial relationship where each party takes care of a particular aspect of the home and no questions are asked. Thus Ada found it unnecessary to reveal her land lady status.
Or am I making unfounded excuses for something which is wholly wrong and completely indefensible? Are situations like the one described above, symptomatic of the society we are slowly morphing into? One where we are all focused on numero uno and fixated on getting ‘ours’ regardless of who we affect in the process? Aside from infidelity, many divorce cases sight financial differences as a key factor in the breakdown of a marriage. Could cases like this and the possible reasons behind such actions, contribute to the failure of today’s marriages?
Enough with my opinions! What do you guys think? Is Ada well within her rights to collect rent on a property she legitmatley owns, regardless of who pays the rent? Is it permissible for her to keep secret the extent of her estate from her husband? Under what circumstances would Ada’s deception be permissible? What should Emeka’s response be to his wife? If you were in Emeka’s shoes what would you do? On a wider level, are there any unspoken rules that govern the financial transactions in a marriage? If so what are they?
Let’s debate!
Photo credit: minglecity.com
Tags: BN Hot Topic, finance
like in OMG!!! *sad face* rigth now. this is crazy ”secrecy” of the highest other
gbagaun
What if Ada only did this to appear as a normal girl to attract a husband and on marrying him found out Emeka was not who she thought he was, for societal pressure stays on and she is waiting for the day it will end
and let the comments begin *rolling out drums** gbon gbon
If I was a man, and Ada’s husband, that marriage is over. Let me tell you why.
1. For Ada to be the landlady, and not tell him, is pure deceit and greed. I assume that the man contributed to the rent, and maybe even paid all of it. I assume that there were days when paying the rent was a problem, and they had to go without some other thing to be able to afford it. I mean, the BBM talks about normal yearly increases. Not only did Ada sit by her husband and murmur platitudes when he worried about the rent, but she did that while snickering ‘You go pay my money, whether you like it or not’ in her heart. I bet you she even encouraged her husband to go without something he really wanted, so that he could pay the rent…to her.
2. For Ada to team up with an agent, and use the agent as a front to collect rent from her husband, is the worst kind of disrespect ever. NOBODY can tell me that the husband was never an object of ridicule behind his back , for paying rent to his wife without his knowledge. How can you love someone, and humiliate them like that, moreso in front of strangers?
3. I don’t care if she bought the house, built it, or inherited it. If she had property, it is her place to tell her husband. It is women like this who make marriage hard for other honest ladies who are willing to give it their all. If you cannot trust your guy, why marry him? especially, why marry him THEN deceive him? Does that make you better or worse than him? Why marry somebody, exchange bodily fluids, tie your life to theirs and make them the parent of your children, share spiritual, emotional, and yes financial ties…and you can’t tell them you have property?
I don’t care how many times Ada may have been hurt – she should value her marriage and her husband, more than she values her bank balance. Period.
ps. everything I just said, would equally apply if the shoe was on the other foot.
GBAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Tiki, u v said it all
First yayy!!!!!
Ok! This is a serious issue but Ada must have done dis for reasons best known to her.
I dnt blame her sha…..but it depends on the traits or type of person d guy was b4 marriage….money changes so many things.
i shall comment more l8tr
I don’t see anything wrong with what Ada did. At the end of the day, the building is an investment for her and she needs to collect her returns regardless of who’s responsible for it. However, it would have been respectful to inform her husband of this beforehand and given him a stern warning that their business and personal relationships should never mix!
Girl, no dey yan trash, nothing stops her from having a building as an investment and keeping it a secret from her husband but why did she have to make them live in it and continue to siphon money from her own home? HABA! there is more to this than meets the eye! that woman na confirm wolf in sheep clothing… gbagaun!
Uh huh, you’re one of them! There are less evil ways to collect ROI… I agree there’s a reason behind her collecting money from her husband; it could have been payback, but this is just evil IMO.
SAY WHAT?!
bella naija stop deleting my comments ohh….
they always delete my comments # annoying
Trust me , there is more to this story! for a woman to hide such information from her husband says a lot about the relationship.
There must have been some past incident that informed her decision. I’m not saying what she did was right, but look deeply, she must have been stung for her to do such
You know what… before I got married , I would have screamed deception of the highest order. But since I’ve seen what marriage to a typical Nigerian man is like, through my marriage and close friends’.. I’m not quick to judge. Especially in Nigeria where a man’s family like to assume board of directors in the home.
Glory, you are right.. its symptomatic of how demoralized our society is. She might just be a selfish and money grabbing woman, but more than likely there’s more to the story.
I totally agree with you, there is more to the story than meet the eyes. She must have a genuine reason why she did what she did…
i think that something in the past must have prompted ada to act the way she did. i am not saying what she did was not bad but there is no smoke without fire.
Wrong on all levels!!
What a sad story!but for peace to rain, I suggest that Ada apologise sincerely to her husband, and return all the money to him.
NEVER!!
LOOOOOL @ NEVER
Lailai!!! We are looking at their lives from outside. No one knows what she saw in him that made her decide to do such. For her to have done that for 10yrs could mean all through out their marriage something was up, and she had to make sure they were on leveled grounds without him knowing. Or she didn’t know how to break the truth to him, and in order to keep up the charade, she had to increase the rent according to the market price that way he won’t be suspicious. It happens.
Sometimes, men can be a bit mull-headed about things. Maybe from the beginning, he couldn’t afford a home in VI, and she didn’t to live else where…thus the beginning of the lie (selfish, yup). Or maybe he wanted a home badly in VI and could not afford it, so she concocted a lie to make him happy.
Many men are very uncomfortable when the wife is the wealthier one in the family. Even worse, the owner of the home. So really, if the case were that she did it mainly to keep his pride in check and allow him to be the MAN of the home, then it was a selfless act.
When you think about it from that point of view, the man should be thanking his God. Assuming she wasn’t bugging him for cash, the money he paid yearly for their home would probably go in to feeding allowance, kids clothing, upkeep of their home, and cash to take care of her personal expense. Some don’t realize that once they sum up the total amount of the petty cash that goes out of their pocket every week to maintain their homes, it surpasses the cost that goes in to renting their home.
For what???????
Abegi !!!!!!!!!!!
Leave that thing!!!!!!
Let her apologise and let them move out!!!
By now sef, the house go don small for them and their bambinos!!!!
Knowing Emeka, them go don born like 4.
Emeka should go and rent a duplex!!!!
Hell No!
This to me was no marriage between Ada and Emeka.
I’m married and I used to be the most selfish girl known at least in my family.
My mother the days following my wedding sat me down and told me: R u ready to get married? Upon my yes answer she said be prepared to share and work hand in hand with your husband.But get smarter and wiser if he starts misbehaving ( e.g. mistresses, family interference etc…)
God knows what prompted Ada to do this but in my humble opinion marriage is for 2 and if it’s not going that way let’s separate ways than leaving in lies.
bella naija dere is rily no reason from hell dat cn justify wat ada if dats ar real name is. if she had a good reason she wud hv come out clean from the beginning.10yrs no b 1hr
I want to believe this story is fiction, a figment of someone’s imagination. It’s wrong on so many levels. I don’t even know where to begin…. I’ll be back when i can articulate my thoughts properly.
D.I.V.O.R.C.E. straight away ni o. that woman can kill the husband
Emmmmmmm … why has Emeka not built a house of his own, after 10 yrs of marriage? Just playing devil’s advocate here. I thot in Nigeria the ‘manly’ thing to do is to have already built or eventually build a house that your wife and kids live in with you as a family. While I don’t condone Ada’s actions, she is well within her rights to collect rent on her property regardless of who the tenant is.
There is way too much left to the imagination here… could he have been wanting to move or build and Ada refused to follow or maybe he is just comfortable with not owning anything but is just upset at the fact that his wife is a landlady? What if Ada did not personally build the house but inherited it? #iamjustsaying
soo true. Why hasn’t Emeka moved into his own abode. She has a right to her money.
The reason why he has not built his own house is the same reason why he is living in a rented apartment secretly owned by his wife. The fact that she can conveniently & confidently do this means one thing, she is in absolute control. Further justifying my suspicion that some concoction from the underworld has been involved all along. Look, this case is ver simple! Emeka is married to the devil, whose only mission is to steal, kill & destroy! Only God can deliver him enerstly from this folly, for him to ever make it in life. Sigh*…………………………………WOMAAAAAN!
very true, this is the same thing i said to my self. maybe it was Adas ex-boyfriend that bought her the house as s gift, and knowing her husband would never live there she decided not to tell him
I agree with the second half of your comment. Perhaps she knew he wouldn’t agree to live in HER house. Rather than paying rent to someone else, or for fear he might make her sell the house, she decided to resort to deceit – which ofcourse is not excusing her behaviour. But, I think it is something to think about.
If everybody in lagos builds their house,who will now rent Ada’s property? abi u think say to buy land for lagos na beans.
and come to think of it from the story,the said house is located in vi,meaning that emeka must have been paying over 1.5million(plus increments) for the past 10 years..Chai that woman is wicked abeg
whats wrong in paying rent to your wife ? If you were a tenant, won’t you be paying rent to someone ?! Abeg Nigerians should go and sleep jooor. No, she is not a devil. She is a BUSINESS WOMAN. She probably took out a loan for this and needs to pay the bank back.
Lets not be quick to judge Ada as some men suffer from an inferiority complex when it comes to their wifes earning high incomes,some men do not want to marry women who own property, the list is endless that may be the reason why she kept it a secret though its not right from a moral point of view..
Ada, na wa oh! That’s some hardcore coding right there!
I think that there is a possibility that Ada was much more wealthier than Emeka, and he probably could not afford to rent a house in V.I. And there is a chance that Ada had offered to pay the rent, do it 50/50 or better still just move into her house but Emeka refused. So in order not to bruise his ego, she prolly came up with this plan of decreasing the rent of a property that she owned and renting it to him without him knowing. So that he doesn’t feels less of a man or whatever. I could be wrong but that’s what I think……………… What should Emeka do? well let her explain 1st
Could be sooo true.
exactly my tots..exactly
Wait sef! you be script writer? abi you think say this na film, why are you making up such fictional excuses for a real life event.. make una no do the one way go make me nack two of una head from my computer! Let me re-write your story; Ada had always been a “Runs” girl right from her campus days. she was supported by her mother and never really saw men as anything more than a means to end, her gateway to a rich life. She had advanced her art even when she was in the labour market and renting a crib in VI & eventually owning one wasn’t a big deal to her once she had made the right connections. She wasn’t getting any younger and so when Emeka came along he manipulated into thinking he married his love, yet to her, he was just a means to and end “Kids”. Thus, Emeka started living in love with the devil who was out to control him at all costs & use him till he was dryer than kilishi! so every month for the last ten years, she would cook a good meal for him spiced with recipes from the underworld. A pity, it took ten years for the strings of the puppetier to be revealed… Hows that for a story? huh!
This is stupidly hilarious am in the library preparing for my quarterly exams – all i could do to prevent not bursting out in laughter is biting my lips. Damn! You are witty!!!
Will or whatever your name is you sound like a typical lazy Nigerian man, who attributes a womans wealth to prostitution. God help you to come out of your poverty. Amen.
@kiki, i tink u got @will wrong, he just been sacarstic to @Bee, @ayoola and @party rider. am i the only one who read this story? it clearly says “rented duplex in VI (we all can estimate the cost of that) with NORMAL YEARLY INCREASE!!!!” THATS THE KILLER. it was nt a one day deceit, it was continous. contrary to wat @bee said, she wasnt trying to be nice, this was a well planned “project”. there is no excuse watsoeva for this. if she had a property, y let them stay in it n pay? y nt rent it out an get the same money from sme1 else? think about the agony the family wld go thru with the yearly increase and she wld be watching them? there is absolutely no excuse!!!! to all the ladies making excuses, how wld u feel if ur husband is the owner of the house u live in and u are asked to pay 50% of the yearly rent? make una no lie, hell wld be let lose!!!
LMAO!!!
lmao that is so deceitful.one has to ask what was she trying to gain from deceiving her husband because no doubt she knew it was wrong.
she is holding back, because once you marry yours becomes his and vice versa unless agreed otherwise. these are the sort of things people do so that when they divorce they have property and assets that the spouse never knew about. how sad
i have a feeling i like this Ada woman, deviously smart woman…lol. BEE i agree with u.
In my opinion, its not as bad as it seems, everything depends on the foundation of their relationship.
if they started off not divulging their earnings, benefits and properties then its ok for Emeka to keep paying the rent and pardon his wife for that. But if he is open with her, then she has done wrong by hiding the information from her husband.
I think Ada should have let the property out to somebody else, and not her husband. I am actually asking myself what if, eg, myself and my husband pool like 70% of our resources together, and out of that we pay rent and in actual fact the house belongs to my husband.Won’t i feel cheated?Would i ever be able to trust him again? I think what Ada did is very wrong. Someone that can keep that kind of thing a secret for ten years and not feel bad about it can do worse and can even kill you one day.
PRECISELY!!!! it’s bad enough that for some reason she kept the house secret, but she should have rented it to someone else, not the husband! Ah-ah!
Its ok,for ada to be financially stable,and av as many properties,b her own landlady,and do her own thn without her husbands knowledge.(it all depends on wat dey build their marriage on).however,i feel its very sad and selfish of her 2 collect rent on a property dey both live in,irrespective of who pays.it shows greed and lack of trust.for 10yrs,dats d height of no trust.it cld be anywhere else,but very unfair on d husband,for her to do such
If Emeka had enough money to be paying for Ada’s house, then he should have made enough money to build his own house. I don’t think she should have kept such a secret but, the guy self no try. What was he doing when his wife was building a house?
On second thought, WHY HASN’T THE MAN BUILT A FREAKING HOUSE? I mean, doesn’t he have plans or does he intend to be 65 and still be paying rent? Ada did one thing wrong…..DECEPTION. Other than that, you go girl! At least you didn’t give him HIV like most men do their wives these days.
PLSSS What is all this bullshiznit about the man not building his own house!!! Leave the man alone oh! It’s not supposed to be a competition between him and hiswife.They are to support each other. CONCLUSION: SHE IS JUST PLAIN EVIL……….
wow! Ada, the only wrong here is the fact that she collected rent on the property. As for buying the house without the husband’s knowledge ,that’s smart move as far as i am concerned.
Na wa
I for One dont like the idea of the super secrecy, I mean under no levels should you deceive your husband like that for TEN YEARS!!! no way!!! I just dont know y and I wont offer condemnation, there must be an underlining issue…right?
we all preach openness, and transparency…the truth is not many of us can deal wiht the bitter truth that comes with full disclosure. please know your artner and devise the right tactic to manage him or her.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with what Ada did. Its a great idea and i would do the same if i have the opportunity. Like someone said earlier there is more to the story. If it was me i would be doing it to save up for retirement with my Husband. It keeps the man accountable. if he knows its my house he might just not work as hard and rather he might spend the money on useless things i.e catering to a mistress, which in our society is not far fetched. At least at the end of the day when he realized the money was in a high yeilding saving accounts would he not be pleased or if he loses his job would he not be a peace knowing that his wife had his back?? Abeg abeg Ada carry go jo!
I totally agree with you
I was ready to leave a comment of how Ada is sooooo wrong on so many levels but reading ur comment I am thinking twice. Maybe this was the only way to save uo money for the family becos her husband spends without thinking. You can never really say when you are not inside a relationship. I am thinking that Ada will have a good reason for doing this. Glory u say Emeka is ur friend? please what kind of man is he? is he one of those I want to belong kinds? if he is then his wife might be justified
1. I believe it is morally wrong and unjusifiable for a wife to own property her husband doesn’t know about. It seems to me like tha marriage is built on deception.
2. It is even worse for her to make her husband pay rent to her, under any guise. Better to have rented the house to another person and pay rents to a different landlord – that is if the husband is not the type who will like to live in a house owned by his wife.
Call me foolish but I believe a marriage should be a partnership between equals; two friends who genuinely love and trust each other and are willing to share everything. I mean, you have unprotected sex with this man – running the risk of getting STDs & STIs or even HIV/AIDS. You sleep off like a log of wood beside him, having faith that he would not murder you in the course of the night. Why should sharing your money be such a hard thing to do? Marriage is for better, for worse. Better for the man, better for the woman. Worse for the man, worse for the woman.
By the way, I am still looking for my husband oooo. If you find him, please direct him to me!!!!!
sweerie, you do not know men ooohh. when it comes to money matter they are not diplomatic at all. many men do not tell their wives what their monthly salary is, because according to them they dont want the women to police them. but they want to know every kobo their wives earn, be it office bonuses abi na person dash you the money, they want to know. when it comes to money and marriage only the two parties involved know wats up!
oh please! enuff of the blacklisting of Ada. do ur thing. i see absolutely nothing wrong with what she did. People don’t just wake up and act that way especially women. i knw she is not crazy, she thought about it and did what was best for her. thumbs up
My answer to you is simple, when the “Miss” in your name becomes Mrs, do the same thing . yes, build a house secretly, get your family to live in it, please make it a big house O! so you can also accomodate your mother-in-law, some of your in-laws too including your kids, collect rent on the house without your family’s knowledge for just two years, and since as you say “there’s nothing wrong with it” let them know and see what will happen. C’mon perfect recipe for a happy life! Mugu.
LMAO……………………………………………………………@will abeg no killme. but true talk, 2yrs make ur mother inlaw hear am, the marriage is OVER!!!!
Emeka is just a lazy man, surely we must discourage this new breed of young men who think its ok to just depend on thier partners rather than go off and do some hard grafting . Kudo’s to Ada , if the reverse was the case everybody will hail Emeka as a shrewd ibo business man, Abeg i too like the babe
the story is probably fake. but if she did this for real i’m sure it was cuz the husband was horrible to her. by the way…how come it took 10yrs to find out? that means the two of them have been keeping secret bank accounts. and the two of them aren’t aware of what the other earns
No! it simply means there has been some concoction involved… ever heard of nollywood?
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Hmmmmm I’m sure Ada had a good reason to hide this from her husband….. She must have seen something in the man to not disclose her ownership of the house… Abeg women shine your eyes o! Especially women married to Nigerian Men!
Yes love and honour and obey and all that… but shine ya eye!
The Ada girl must have experienced some things with this guy to do what she did. Marriage or no marriage ladies hold ya side well well!
hiding something of this magnitude from her husband is a no-no but am sure she has her reasons. even if the guy doesnt want them to move to a place that is hers, she should have told the truth and probably looked for an agent to lease the place for her and still pocket her money. i like her swag but i aint supporting it sha.
That is the issue at hand, there is a possibility that if her husband knew about this house, the money that is supposed to come to her will go to the husband as it will now be their house. na so the man go take husband status dey collect rent on top her own house she no go see 10 kobo!
We are just observers. We don’t know emeka as well as Ada knows him. and that’s why i won’t be quick to jump on the blame-ada bandwagaon. Some men’s egos are out of this world. my friend is currently dating a man that exudes jealousy towards the way she spends her own hard earned money. they are only dating o, and they guy is alreayd interested in her finances. asking about her stocks, bonds, etc. everytime my friend buys a new chanel purse, the guy “uses” other reasons to fight with her even though deep down, the guy is just dying of jealousy that this chic is financially independent. The guy has loaned money from her and threaten to leave her w/o returning the money. to me this kind of man does not deserve to know his woman’s true worth (asset wise) otherwise, he might even plot to kill her (yes don’t underestimate the power of jealousy). which is what my friend has done. she has refused to disclose how much she makes to the guy and started hiding her purchases so the guy won’t keep using it a a reasons to constantly pick bone with her. moral of my story, ada has probably done what’s right, knowing the kind of man emeka is.
Why would you date or marry such a guy…..not an excuse for ada
Gbagaun! on point, one sentence, correct answer.
Waaa sere! I finished reading that and thought to myself…”ehnehn? and then? They are NOT married so she should take her chanel purse and find the next exit!”
Yes we dont know the circumstance surrounding all that happened between Ada and Emeka but as long as Ada knew that Emeka was her tenant and intentionally kept it from him for 10 YEARS, ODUN MEWA TAN!, she couldnt be more guilty! I have played several scenarios in my head and none of it finds justification for the act. If she had that house and rented it out to someone else without letting Emeka know about the property, I would find that acceptable. But this one, it is beyond my comprehension…
I am also curious as to why your friend is managing her man?!!!
you obviously don’t undestand the meaning of manage…manage means work it. you ladies are so funny. you keep leaving every man that has an issue and errrrrmmmm…you are left with none. same for men who keep hoping around looking for the perfet woman.they don’t exist. you find a balance within things you know you can live with but not so much a deal breaker. for my girl, she is fine and can put up with everything except cheating and battery. y’all stop pretending like ones you are married to have it all locked down in all dimension. perfect people don’t exist. you make your situation with any man or woman pefect based on how you manage (think managerial duties folks, abi u didn’t go to school?) his/her shortcomings. that;s what they teach in marriage counseling so go figure
it is only obvious ur friend has a death wish……..bcos that r/ship only has a bad ending. she should get out NOW.
If they are only dating, it is NONE of his business how much she makes and what she choses to buy, why should she be living her life trying to accomodate an irrationally jealous man, why can’t she leave the fool and find herself a man who will is self assured and wouldn’t care how much she makes or how much she choses to spend on what brand name purses? If it’s like this and they are only dating, na only God sabi wetin go happen if dem marry. She’s sitting there waiting for brimstone and fire to land on her head, abi? The man is showing his true color, instead of taking note and heading for the hills, she’s hiding her purse…very stupid!
LOOOOL….
U wont kill me ohh… NOLLYWOOD in making on BN…
Very soon they will make a movie out of this…
She BERRA LEAVES NOW…. A MAN THAT IS ONLY JEALOUS LIKE THAT DURING THAT….????? WHAT MORE?
for a woman to do such, she must have gone through a whole lot in the hands of the man. i salute her courage joor, some men deserve worst
This is seriously serious!! really Ada has no excuse for her action cos 10yrs truly is not 10days for a woman to have concealed such a thing from her husband. Except again they both always wanted badly to live in the said location and knowing her husband cannot afford as much goes round to get a seemingly affordable one which goes for peanuts, he feels its a good bargain and doesn’t even need to think of building his…and 10yrs lerra the house was hers all along
..totally cant crucify her jare
i wnt be quick to judge if i were yu..u can neva tell why a woman wld do such a thing but trust me something led to it. my parents ran a joint account and my father has been dead for 8years. my mum cldnt access a penny from the money which was predominantly hers cos of greedy uncles….they cldnt take the money cos she is the only surviving signatory and they wnt let her cos she is a ‘woman’….Ada must have seen somethng that has made her start to plan for her future…
i do not know what the reasons are but from what i have seen with my mum and uncles…i will not advise any woman to solely depend on her husband….some men still use their brothers as next of kin leaving the woman nothing but the mercy of his brothers….its a dicy situation. but as for me…..i married into a wonderful family so i know i wnt have any reasons to be that secretive….
something is fishy here coz there is definitely no smoke without fire.i guess there is a reason behind Ada’s actions which only God knows.
Its absoulutely wrong! No excuse ohhhhhhhhhhhhh.
He may have money to pay rent and not have money to build yet.
I know someone personally who when a suitor came to visit her in her place, his face fell and he told her he couldn’t date when he found out she owned the condo. As in straight-up he told her “ahhhh…you are not marriage material” Now, she tells guys that the place she lives in is a rented place. How do you know the same thing did not happen in this case?
The kind of nonsense Nigerian men have put Nigerian women through, I’m in complete support of Ada shining her eyes well. Everyone that is talking about her collecting the money, I can bet you some of that money is going towards buying food for the house and paying school fees for the kids.
OMG…..i bet this is the same thing that happened to Ada, only she couldnt now tell him the truth. Nigerian Men are really stupid. Which is why the foolish ones will keep ending up with either very wise wives like Ada or extremely stupid wives
Abeg Emeka go build house jare!!!!!!!!
God bless u tatafo…..all of u dat want to die because the poor girl is collecting rent on her property if and when u hve ur own rent it for free…business is business …so if u have a store all ur family and friends should be taking the products for free se…
i am sure the only reason she did not tell him his to save his ego so who can blame her
the issue here is not that she should not collect her rent but the fact that she kept the fact that the house belonged to her from her husband for 10yrs
I personally will not blame ada because my mum played the dutiful wife to my father and his entire family and after the death of my dad, she was thrown out with five kids all under the age of 10. We all went through hell and back and had to be withdrawn from the elite schools we all attended and enrolled in public schools. I thank God today that we all run successful businesses and have thriving careers.
I salute you guys and your mum.
From what ive seen of some Nigerian marriages. I would not be quick to judge Ada. She probably did not tell him because she wanted to protect his ego and at the same time she probably used the same rent to help the same man take care of the kids and the home. It’s really easy for peeps like aibee and tiki to talk about her deceit but you have to look closer to see the truth with most Nigerian marriages. Talking about marriage being a partnership between two equals is stuff you tell people who are not yet married and have therefore not made the mistake yet. For people who have already made the mistake , they need to simply roll with the punches , pray for God to help them , be financially smart and wise.We need to ask ourselves some hard questions. If she hadn’t kept the house a secret and had him pay rent would the family not have suffered, would he not bring his entire family into the house with them thinking and saying its my brother’s house thereby putting the poor woman through hell? Lately i’ve realized that a lot of people expect that all marriages can be cut with the same mould. People are different , circumstances differ and there the same solution cannot work for every one.
If this story is true, then i state emphatically ADA is wrong on all accounts! Building on what Aibee (and others in the line of thot said) if you can trust a man with your life (not worried that he would poison you or infect you with HIV) why not your money? Not matter what type of person Emeka is, lazy, greed . . . whatever, Ada you opted to marry him so you should be ready to live with him.
Ladies i know they are no perfect prince charming out there but Managing a man and his xters that you aren’t happy about is totally a NO NO!
all i’ve been muttering here since as i read this is : “ten yrs…ten whole yrs”. Someone capable of hiding something this huge is certainly capable of anything!!!! Ten whole yrs?! *speechless*
Don’t worry, you’ll get over it. It’s only a house/shelter.
na house you day mutter ten years a beg husbands dat have an entire family for over 20 nko kit
Well, well..let him/her without sin cast the first stone.It is so easy to judge when your not in someone’s situation.Well if i owned a house and a husband who is yet to build (no fault of his ,all fingers are not equal)i would do same.In our world
today Wisdom is the key.Ada is the smartest…u go girl.As for Emeka this is not deception,this woman needs to protect what is hers before you came into her life.Marriage they say is one institution you keep learning,there are no set rules,what works for one can work against the other.If we knew this couples in person,am sure Ada is the kind her husband would be proud of.Emekawould never fail to brag about how independent his wife is.If Ada could carry this off,then she must have a strong character.Am sure from the rents,she would have used some to take care of Emeka and her personal needs.Here fully discribed is our super woman,the kind nigerian men like who would not bother them.What is the holabaloo about?investment is investment,makes no difference to me who is meeting the repayments!!
very true
Theres nothing wrong in been ambitious and having a property, i just think the way she went about it is wrong! I would prefer if she rented the apartment out without her husband finding out about it! But to let them live in it and allow him pay rent for what she owns without his knowledge its pretty FUNNY! i dont think shes devilish i just think she thought what she was doing is not that bad n besides she knows her husband well and think its best to handle him that way! Not a wise idea tho.
Wow, I don’t even know what to say #Baffled.
http://www.emblemofbeauty.blogspot.com/
HMMM or maybe i should say greed because she increase rent every year and allow him to pay instead of encourage him to build their own house together! SHES SELFISH!
she increased the rent to make it look like it was a normal house he was renting. if you were the one staying in a house in VI were dey rent no dey increase for 10 yrs, wont you ask questions.
No more love in this world but gains, selfishness and wickedness
Ladies not that you are teaching men some sense here
What Ada did is nothing compared to some comments am reading from ladies here. Seems ladies are just out to get kids from men and be socially termed as married.
You people asking what the man has been doing without building his own, cant you read in between the lines? Right from dating period, the man collects his salary pay all the bills, buys things to satisfy her but the lady keeps her own
To even call back is a problem-i have so many working class single ladies living in their fathers house that tell me they dont have credit. Then i wonder what they use their money for- they cant spend their money but the guy can spend all hes got buying all the gift and going to eateries to satisfy them.
I am very sure that the man must have contributed in building the house or the woman was using her own salary to build the house while the man was spending all hes got to satisfy the family.
I just hope these men would wake up from their slumber and stop being slaves of love. You are being sucked and drained all in the name of love while the babe spends her money buying clothes, shoes and cant contribute nada to the family/home
Thought marriage is about companionship-but the reality is that its parasitic. One benefits while the other suffers. As Ada collects the money, she builds her own account and wont even care when the child has to pay their tuition fee
This is wickedness of the highest order. Wickedness in high places
Thanks for opening my eye to see another aspect jare. If any lady wants to marry and she cant contribute to the progress of the family/home, let her fade away
what a world! this generation is gone!
lazy ‘men’ always have an excuse. dont bother with a wife, just get urself a sugar mummy.
And how do you know she was not contributing in the relationship,you just got 1 piece of information and you have built plots and scenes,you ve even come to the conclusion that marriage is parasitic,seriously?!!!!!!!!!
In my opinion, what Ada did was wrong on many levels. It depicts a serious crack in the foundation of the marriage and a breach of some of the key characteristics of a decent marriage which include honesty, trust and respect.
I can’t think of any argument that can justify such deceit and disrespect and for such a long period too. Fine, its not like everyone is totally honest in their marriage, but this is not an act one should reason out. It’s not like a “one thing led to another” excuse. This is a delibrate and conniving, well thought through, planned, long term and systematic betrayal.
Thank you jare hghg. The woman owns a property, she has tenants-albeit including herself-, and she collects rent. Would they pay rent if they lived elsewhere? Yes, so what is the problem? She didn’t tell man, oh well. Man is married to woman, woman doesn’t trust man, man doesn’t trust woman, not an original story by any means. Obviously, she did all the “running around” to find this place and handle getting the rent to the agent, ‘cos if the dude lifted a finger once in a while, he will know something isn’t adding up when he meets the “agent”. Not to say he didn’t contribute financially, he may have, but the whole arrangement of having one or both of them bringing in income, while just one handles where it goes is an issue. Even if he is paying all the rent, in ten years, the idiot did not for once try to find out about his landlord even if it is to negotiate rent increase, maintenance… He so got what came to him. So she’s his wife, he can add landlady to her title, and if he doesn’t like it, they can move somewhere else. Ada, you are industrious jare.
BAD WIFE+STUPID HUSBAND=GROUND ZERO……soon!!
oh please, wake up and smell the coffee, men do this all the time ( except the collecting rent part). If he loves her and he’s mad about it, he should forgive her. Stop vilifying her because she’s a woman.
Let’s not act like a bunch of naive hypocrites… moving on abeg
we should not be quick to judge Ada because you do not know what she is facing, it could be that the man hardly does anything for the family without complain or even to help Ada in her own immediate family even though both of them are making the money together. when a woman is put in that position she will eventually get tired and take action to be able to get some kind of financial freedom to be able to do stuff without barking and complain from your husband. this is me talking from experience
Definitely, the foundation of their marriage is shaky. There’s obviously no trust. When TRUST is breached, anything else is permitted. As long as no one knows what Emeka did, we can go ahead and crucify Ada.
Its is sooooo easy to castigate the woman bt ve u ever thot of what the man has done to her before now to make her heart so rigid,when we all knw the no of men who do things without telling their wives is higher ,so pls judge if n only if u knw what really led to it n if u can walk in her shoes for a mile.
what is the difference between what Ada did and a cheating husband with children outside wedlock? if a man does it the world says its a man’s world but a woman does it and she is called plenty unprintable names. Abeg make i hear word joor.
The difference is that a cheating husband is worse.Money can be replaced,but children can’t go back into the womb
There will always be comments.
Please NOTE: EVERY STORY HAS 3 SIDES
ADA’S STORY
EMEKA’S STORY
AND THE TRUTH ITSELF…………
Ada is a woman after my heart. ” Act like a lady, think like a man”
Who knows, the hubby may be the type that sees it a taboo his wife is better than him. But whatever the case may be, deceiving ones husband/ wife as the case may be, for as long as a decade shows that, oh my goodness…… there no love, no matter how minute between the both of them. Atimes, men deserve raw deal sha.
I do not see anything wrong with what Ada did except she should have rented the house to someone else. Some of us here have more money than it probably cost Ada to buy that house hidden in various banks without our spouse’s knowledge, but we are quick to comment here because its a ‘house’. My mother put my father through school yet he spent all the money they made together on mistresses and the only thing my mum has now to show for years of hardwork are stepchildren from different women. They even lived in better houses than we did with vacations every 4 months. Now tell me, how do you convince someone like me to ‘build with a man’? I recently got married but my husband does not know anything about the trustfunds my maternal grandparents left me. I have put the money in a trust account for my unborn children so that if anything happens to me, they can atleast be put through schools comfortably. Knowing the kind of vultures I have as inlaws, am certain they will fight me should anything happen to my husband. I am only 6 months pregnant and they are already telling me that females do not inherit in igboland. Please let us not be quick to judge, what we see from outside is atimes different from what people involved in the marriage see. If you marry a man who does not have secrets from his parents and sisters, believe me, you will keep somethings from him too. Call me selfish and calculating or what ever else you want, I do not care. I will protect the future of my children.
My dear, some people have not seen what others have seen that’s why they are quick to blame Ada. After my mom built a house, my dad threw us out and moved in with another woman. Meanwhile we were homeless for almost a year, lived out of my mom’s car for a week before moving into an uncompleted building. Shebi my mom was playing the good wife by letting her husband know of the property?
what if the man is a lazy one ,and telling him she owns the house would make him relax in his responsibilities,i don’t believe in deceit but i feel if he was understanding she would have told him.at least save up money to build their own house and then still put that one on rent and she will get her money, so it all depends on the guy( emeka). the kind of person he is.that’s the only reason she would do such a thing.
wow…..10yrs i dont know what to say but let get this rite maybe bros emeka lives in dat house before he met ada, and ada dont want to say anything abt the house when they started dating.
Wat can i say afta reading all d comments? She may have had gud reasons bt she get liver sha o, Ten years! And kept increasin d rents? Haba! Putin myself in d man’s shoes is not easy @ all.
I feel there notin wrong wit her having a houseof her own what is so wrong is the fact that her husband is the tenante in the houseis so carzy. Emeka should 4get about her a move onwith his life.Ada is bad news.
Nigerian women, you better shine your collective eye. Aim to be financially independent of any man — married or single, in your 20s or in your 50s! Again, I say, aim to be financially independent of anyone — husband, parents, etc.
SAD.
Well 1st things 1st,emeka should get a new house because you cant end the mariage and remain in ada’s place.
There is no justifiable reason for wat Ada did, how can u conceal that kind of thing for good 10 yrs, all I can say is that she is a very greedy person and does not love her husband. Anyway maybe she has her reasons for doing that, but watever the reason I cant stop imagining how the man must have felt when he found out. Marriage dis days is full of deceptions.
Its so easy to blame Ada or to tell Emeka to go and buid his own house. befire i say anythng i wld first refer every lady dt has made comments on this page to go and read proverbs 31. For Christ sake i am sick and tired of hearing women say Men r bad and o on. If women are complaining like dis all d time why then is it dat so many women also want to marry. The reason why we have cases such as this is because Marriage has lost its true meaning. Let all men be liars God remains God. If God called ue helpmates why them cant we be as God called us. why not just do ur bit as a woman as God has called you to do and leave d rest to r creator. Please note women u can not be wiser that God that created you as a woman. On the other hand if you feel you can’t live up to God’s standard my advice to you is DO NOT MARRY, this way you wont have to kip complaining all he dayz of your life.
In my own opinion and i mean strictly mine, there is no marriage btween Ada and Emeka as they are just living together. I also want to say enough is enough on dwelling on the negatives. There are so many marriages out there working out and doing well why cant we as women begin to look out for such examples and determine in our hearts to have good marriages. “As a man thinketh in his heart so he is”. With God on our side and in our hearts we can begin to see marriages work out so thta the coming generation will not fail as we are failing in marriages today.
“the shortest distance btw a problem and its solution is d distance btw ur knees n d floor. The one who kneels 2God can stand up 2anytin” – Steve Jobs
Thank you! Thank you!! Thank you!!! You said exactly what’s on my mind.
Why is this issue a problem in the first place? Men will always say, never tell your wife your total earnings cos she will help you spend the money. So what is wrong if the woman decides not to declare her “total” earnings too. Making them stay in the house is just the easiest way of getting more money into her own pocket and that is strictly business. Telling her husband she owns a house just probably marks the end of her lucrative business. Making them stay in the house means, why would you be paying another landlord when you can pay yourself. Abeg, she knows her husband better than anyone else.
i don’t pray to be in Emeka’s shoes but i think Ada did that to secure her future. i don’t blame her, people change.
wow,i’m speechless. Its so wrong she shouldn’t have done that cuz theres no trust anymore. to me i’ll consider a relationship like this over and done with, who knows what else she could be hiding. nah mehn.
if the man did not notice in the space of 10years,it means he is either not attentive or his wife is not extravagant.Only Ada knows why she kept it from her husband,it would have been really easy for her to rent the house out,so the thought that she might not get income on the house is canceled.If he can rent a house in V.I,it MIGHT mean he’s well to do so even if Ada locks up the house,she would ve still lived a comfortable life.Could it be fear that prevented her from speaking out? Or she was trying to save her man’s pride? All I know is that that marriage is probably not healthy bcos it’s not only men that like to brag, women do to and if she gave up her bragging rights,then something else must be wrong.STOP throwing stones,I do not support what she did but I will not judge her too.This is no grounds for a divorce,yes,he might be angry,his pride might be hurt,she might e been deceptive BUT women go through things like this(hurt pride,anger,deception,etc) and it has never(as far as I know) become a hot topic.Take a chill pill y’all.if u re ever in her shoes,let us know what u did
Hmmm this scenario is interesting, at first I thought that Ada was totally wrong and then I started thinking about the possibilities…..
From what we know they have been renting in VI for 10 years….that equates to millions of Naira wasted on rent, when they could have bought a place in a less desirable postcode…this makes me question the sensibility of Ada’s husband!
I am not condoning secrecy in marriages but once you have made the mistake of marrying a guy who is without his wits, it is human instinct to protect one’s self in anyway necessary i.e. Ada withholding info about owning the property.
This is just another point of view, the situation may not be black and white
i doubt her husband would have been comfortable living in his wife’s house for the past 10yrs, so to save his ego, she had to take rent from him. So her man can be the man that he is, a provider!
The story is the product of a fertile mind. it is not true. Also, if it were to be true, the marriage would not last long enough for the message to be broadcasted. Emeka would walk away from the marriage 5 mins after discovering the truth.
Sounds like the kind of tales you hear in Charles B’s radio shows.
Personally, I agree with what Ada did. For her to do that kind of thing, then her husband as my ppl would say, o ni lowo meaning, he get for hand.. And for those saying renting the house out to another person without letting her husband know would’ve been better than what she did, to me, it seems like y’all are contradicting yourselves bcos either way, she’s deceiving and hiding something from him.
i w’ldnt blame ada….bcos to most naija men marriage is a MIRAGE……an optical illusion!
….men who cn bear d thot ov their wives being richer, or ones who end up abandoning deir wive and kids 4 some other bitch! Abeg abeg abeg, she was just planning ahead…..cos ppl change..NAIJA MEN CHANGE!
But only inie minie thing i see wrong is she shldn’t av let them live there for 10 years…..she shld av talked her hubby into moving them into their own place. PERIOD!
ya’ll should be there saying “what Ada did is wrong on so many levels”! until you get married and watch the “sweetheart” you dated for years transform drastically before your eyes to this stingy, lazy control freak, you will not understand. I am married and will do what Ada did in a heartbeat.
People that preach full disclosure in marriage dont do it themselves so u better no listen to them. Even men dont fully disclose, why should the woman?! women have to asert themselves esp in such a disadvantaged position we find ourselves in. be SMART!
Even if you own your own house why rent it to your husband?!!! there are many would-be tenants out there biko. inform him casually witout too much detail, that your have some property (if it is a case of him being an out-for-all money grubber type of husband) and make your paper off someone else! but to be collecting his money deceitfully like that? haba
Wow! what scares me the most here, are the comments. Seems majority of women find this a very clever move by Ada. I’m so scared!!!
Are you all serious? I can’t even imagine having a friend with this mentality. Damn! I foresee a lot of single miserable women in my generation, and y’all be going to church praying for husband, lol. This mentality is just too unhealthy!
There are alot of married miserable women in this generation as well and in the generations of our mothers and grandmothers so nothing new there. Marraige in itself does NOT make one happy as we Nigerians might like to think. Being married to the right person that will love, cherish and respect you is what makes a marraige sweet. I know of too many women (along with their kids) who got kicked out of their husband’s homes after the man died and had no where to go after toiling with the man for so many years and being a dutiful, virtuous wife. African/Nigerian culture has no respect for women and it shows in the way society treat women e.g rape, molest, maltreatment of widows etc. Hence, though I am a man, I see nothing wrong in what Ada did. In Nigerian society, women either open their eyes or drown at the end of the day because I can tell you right now that many Nigerian men do not have your best interest at heart.
#WORD!
Coming from a man, I must say I am highly impressed. For one, I would really like to marry and live abroad, cos its better here in terms of all these drama (inlaws and people coming to take all you have worked for). Please when you get married, make provisions for your wife and children (as per savings and all). Even buy properties in her name, but you dont have to tell her though. Just buy it and keep it in a safe place. Cos I am glad that as a man, you can see the bitterness most naija women go through. I have a friend whose parents no longer sleep in same room. Imagine, he now even has a mistress outside that she knows. Yet they have been sharing and putting things together all these while..
LOOOOL….
U wont kill me ohh… NOLLYWOOD in making on BN…
Very soon they will make a movie out of this…
well said ohh about everything.. the ideologies of marriage in naija….
I cant even begin to imagine where to start explaining how wrong this action is on EVERY level linked and linkable to a relationship of any form; even a business relationship dare not survive this kind of deceit and greed. Some of u say she had seen hell at the hands of other men; was this the way to get back at all those men?
If i were Emeka, that marriage is OVER with NO grounds for reconciliation; a lawyer would seek out any grounds of which to ensure she got no money for support of herself whatsoever from the divorce and her family had best start making sure they returned every dowry paid directly and indirectly. She would have sat down ‘consoling and encouraging’ her husband to be able to make the rent each year and been looking forward to the same money going into her bank account with the help of the agent. Even that agent should be arrested and locked up for conspiracy to commit fraud.
Later women will turn around and asy men are wicked; very long hiss…..its so annoying and shameful that a woman who calls herself a wife would do this to her husband. Where are the values of marriage gone to? smh
how is this fraud? as I said before,I don’t agree with what she did but it’s really no grounds for divorce.it’s scary how ppl throw that word around.u think divorce is not a sin? to me,it’s just a quick fix for couples that are too selfish to work out their differences. what if she was cheating on him and he found out that out of all the kids they had,none is for him,what will u say?
Maybe I’m naïve cos I’m NYM but hiding such a fact for 10 SOLID YEARS…! If they didn’t live in the house, twould ve bn a different story. She might ve been protecting her α̲̅πϑ her kids’ interest in case of any mishap to the marriage, but at leastn she shd ve enouraged the guy so they’ll move out α̲̅πϑ she rents the place to someone else. Obviously, ‘happily ever after’ is rare these days in marriage, but some things aren’t it. Ironically, if the shoe was on the other foot, it wouldn’t have made this much noise.
Its wonderful to have an ideal marriages where there’s full disclosure, honesty, blah blah, but most often than not, its not the case. Especially in Nigeria. There’s definitely more to the story. Ada knows something about Emeka that we don’t.
Way forward: Its out in the open now, Emeka. Deal with it like adults (forgive & move on, or go your separate ways)
*an ideal marriage
BN, what ada did was wrong?…..but lemme ask….wat if ada’s husband was a really proud man and lets say dey desperately needed a house and all she cud tink of was her house in VI and suggesting to her husband dat dey cud stay in her VI house would b like a taboo….mayb dat led her to disguise it as a rented house so dat there cud b peace.
unfortunately, her idea turned out all wrong.
ha! This one looks like fiction oh but on a serious note.
1. Ada could be from a family where she saw her mother thrown out because it was her father’s house. As such, she vowed she’d never be THAT woman grovelling for shelter and begging for a place to stay so she secured her own property.
2. Knowing some Nigerian men and their astronomical egos, she did not let on to her husband that she owned the property
3. It has been proven all over the world from various research that women are more likely to contribute upwards of 80 – 90% of their income to the home while men fall in the 20s to high 40s as a percentage of the income they contribute to their homes. Hence why women need to be educated & why so many of them are breadwinners all over d world. You’d be shocked to know the scales tip in favour of women being the breadwinners.
4. Women tend to be better long-term managers of money. (another well studied fact). Ada might have had discussions with her husband on building a financial future which he wasn’t keen on investing in and she figured the only way to ensure that future & source income from him to contribute to future financial stability was through this slightly elaborate scheme.
I’d raise eyebrows if she was spending this money on shopping trips to Dubai & the latest Hermes bag or Deola Sagoe dress but if she’s simply stockpiling this money and investing it sensibly then Emeka needs to shut the hell up and be glad that his family has ego/kudi/pepper for a rainy day. No condition as they say, esp. in Naija, is permanent. If yawa gas, Ada foresight go fit settle everybody. Sha o di kwa risky oh. Me & my big mouth for no fit quiet for 10 years running. Nne chop knuckles!
i dont support ada in any way. deception of this kind is not excusable. that said some men like my husband can provoke a woman to do the likes of this. every dime i earn he wants. i see none of his money, not even stipend or food money. all because i am working and earning good money. if you sound surprised, dont be. i hear from many women in church and forums like this one that a lot of (nigerian) men do this in the name of they are investing their money on the family’s behalf eg building a house or doing business with his money and leaving the woman to fend for herself because she is earning. wrong, wrong, wrong. anyhow, ada should not have done this. i would leave her if i was the man.
I don’t understand you. You have just described your husband as the exact kind of man that needs this type of treatment and yet you say you don’t support Ada in any way. I’ld advice you to sharpen up my dear, don’t be naive.
I am sure she had a very good reason for doing this that has nothing to do with her being a nasty person and every thing to do with self preservation.
It’s better not to marry people like that (your husband, sorry to say) at all, but if you find yourself deceived into such a marriage the least you can do is take precautions so that you won’t end up feeling like a moron.
This is a tough one so I sampled the opinion of all the married women in my office and of course their sentiments differ just like we already have here.
My verdict………Trust, when you have been betrayed severally in the past, is such an enormous task. Aside, this singular incident, I will like to know if Ada had been very supportive of her husband and the family financially. Has she ever paid the rent when her husband was broke without embarrassing him into paying back? Is she a good (bearing in mind no one is perfect) wife and husband and kids respectively? If iGet a positive to all these enquiries, then i can conclude that even though Ada betrayed her husband on TRUST issue, she should be pardon by her husband with a promise never to allow such to happen again.
I’ll like to think of getting a contrary answer to my questions but it might distort my line of thinking, for now.
lmao, I just burst out laughing when I saw this , that girl is one conniving somebody what???!!!, how can she do that for so long and be comfortable with it. Sure the guy must feel like he married a stranger after he found out.
i will say ADA is wise.my grandma did this & to God be the glory she is reaping it. my grandpa was a bit lazy.my mum said he did not care for them.my grandma borrowed money from co-operative(ala jo)when he noticed there was money, he won’t go to work.she used to sell clothes.later my grandpa said he was going to marry a second wife later.u won’t believe that this woman sent her children (six) to school to university level,clothed them fed them alone.she started from buying and selling lands from the little she made without telling him.i must say ADA is wise and must have her reasons.
then again business is business.if he had known that ada had the house he wouldn’t have paid.But if the marriage was good ,’she should have told him.
a woman might not a man even after courtship.some just starts to show their true selves after marriage.also most women don’t behave like dat without a reason.
Women do not behave like that without reason but men behave like that without reason??
Clap for yourself.You are a sage!!
Why are u female commenters with the Miss DoGood attitude and plenty of love, truth and respect to give so unilateral thinkers? We’re in a dynamic world and things are fast changing. What if I told you that I am Ada and categorically state that this is no reason why the marriage should end. From whatever perspective you’re looking at this from, I can tell you I love my husband and I am a God fearing. And not selfish one BIT!!! You need to be in other people’s shoes before you let people know how unilateral ur thinking is. Anyways, I am one of the most selfless person I know around (jokes apart). However, marriage is not a one-size fits all project. What faces one person sure has the other side facing others. I am not an advocate for Total Women Liberation but I can tell you from the little knowledge I have garnered so far in a 10year marriage, I can only thank my God for wisdom. Please women secure your children’s future. A child can only have one mother but could have many suggestive fathers or even none(there may be some donor children) . A word is enough for the wise. Ada’s deception or whatever you call it could only last for 10years because that is how long the info needed to be kept away. Emeka, you need not divorce or do anything rash, only both of you should be willing to work out whatever led Ada to act that way which I am almost certain was as a result of what she has been through with you. Women really are not stupid or foolish, as Newton’s 3rd law of motion states, for every action there is an equal but opposite reaction. So all ye JUDGES/PROSECUTORS/SAINTS/ILOVEMYHUBBYHEAD&LEG please go take a rest. I rest my case. Thanks to all who made an attempt to comprehend the situation and were just not ready to cast aspersions on Ada, please my people always try to logically think things through before concluding. Rationale: always think the best of others, it will save u and our world.
this story reminds me of my cousin..
her jeweleries = her money.what do u i mean?
her and her husband have issues,which i really dont know the full story,but at a point he had problem with her making her cash.the funny thing is the guy is doing very well and even makes more than her..so the money she makes from her job and private business,she buys gold with them.he sees the jeweleries but obviously does not know their monetary value and so he cant say anything about it,and just assumes is one of the things women buy..when she needs money she sells them and uses the cash..
therefore,before we crucify ada, theres sooo much to this..you wont believe what some women go through in the hands of their husband..
at some point my cousin was sleeping with a pocket knife under her pillow
Na wa ooo, must one marry, that’s my first tot because all this won’t happen if Ada was single, then again our society hmmmmmm. I’ve heard many stories about women who trusted their husbands and suffered financially. Truth of the matter is what is wrong is wrong, deception is wrong. If Ada chose this way for reasons better known to her it still doesn’t make it less wrong. Na wa money can be bad ooo, very necessary also. Yet when we die all this money we won’t carry wit us hmmmmm. Its not easy to build house ooo pls I know first hand. Trust is also not easy to build and when broken that’s d end. Nigerian mentality, must one marry a man that cannot b true about his financies, every marriage counsellor will tell u finance is wot ends most marriages. As Ada has been “smart” she should also be ready to lose the marriage if that is the consequence. Pls let’s learn to face d consequences of our actions, it would make us reflect b4 we do somethings. Nigerian mentality……. I just tire as 9ja men no get pity d women too should me deceptive na wa oooo.
As for saving the money to build house for her hubby, I know a woman who did that and the hubby moved in wit another woman. Also as for children hmmmm, na prayers ooo, some children grow up and still don’t appreciate wot their mothers did and suffered for. My point is whatever decision we make for whatever reasons we should also be very ready and willing to accept the consequences.
As for saving the money to build house for her hubby, I know a woman who did that and the hubby moved in wit another woman. Also as for children hmmmm, na prayers ooo, some children grow up and still don’t appreciate wot their mothers did and suffered for. My point is whatever decision we make for whatever reasons we should also be very ready and willing to accept the consequences. By the way I come from a family where my parents had financial issues (one time a whole year mum was breadwinner) but they never had to be deceptive or hide facts, even though mum saved all her petty trade profits and did alajo with her bank savings. So must every woman now tag men as devils and cannot b trusted. Women always rise up in times of need but do they hve to be deceptive???? Marriages these days r not “made in Heaven” thus divorce will continue.
#1 she will NEVER return the money #2 I wl not judge Ada cause he must have her reasons for doing that…i saw d circulation as well and i was like hiya but where I dd not agree wt Ada is that what if something happens to her? dat means the house auomatically belongs to d agent unless she has made a will and back to d issue me i have told my husband times without number to let us do something, either we buy, build or whatever? he’s adamant cause we r abroad and i have told him once i have money i’m going all d way to buy maself a house, so if he comes to Lagos and rents my house from my agent..how is that fault of mine? plzzzzz lets be realistic…ADA u badt gan..i love u mwhaaaaaa
She was being dishonest and calls to question the relationship with her Husband.
However, majority of nigerian relationships are not based on trust, so it should come as no surprise, considering Men do it all the time. How many men out there keep their real earnings and secret bank accounts from their partners?!
Serves him right…they are not the only ones that know how to deceive and live o double lif.
Daughters of Eve, sharpen uppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppp! Be wise, love your husbands but DO NOT BE FOOLISH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Pray always for this men for there is an attack from the pit of hell on the male specie. Too many heart breaking stories of what women have seen in marriages. Some never live to relay the stories. A pastor once said he does not condone divorce but if the man is making life unbearable for you to the point that you’ve almost seen the grave, please give him space and start firing him with serious prayers. Your kids are more important than you can ever imagine even though the man was first in ur life b4 the kids came but u owe the kids more to have a beautiful future ahead. You and ur hubby are already in your future but the kids are just coming o. Please wise up sistas!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And ask for guidance, marriage is a big institution. Na big liar, the one who would tell me that her marriage is filled with rosiness all the way. I have had my own share of bitter pill, swallowed it hard and managed it to the best I could, took some steps I never anticpiated I would take in my life and still strategising on the ‘future’. But in all of these, my kids sure come first. May the Lord help us all.
The lady is going simple n short. Its dis kinda lafy dat can kill. Siphoning money from her own home without remorse is unacceptable no mata wat she must’ve seen in the marriage as two wrongs cannot make a right;that is if d husband wronged her significantly so. The deceit alone is sufficiernt ground for dissolution of d marriage if u ask me.
Men will be so quick to judge.As for me i can never say never.Am dating a guy i loved so much then voila!,in laws came ard like vultures and have not said i do yet.I dont blame ada and have learnt not to cast stones.If am in ada’s shoes i can do the same
Doesn’t it make you just wonder how well u really know your partner? how well you really know the person you go to bed at night with and wake up the next morning with? how well you really know the person next to you at work? or that person who’s been your neighbour for years? ??? Scary…
All you all commenting women you think you know where all your husbands property is? Or you think he’s going to tell you when you eventually get married? All the ‘what his is mine and vice versa’ talk is naive, idealistic and down right dangerous. This is Nigeria ladies, wake up and smell the roses or rather the shit. the vast majority of women know nothing of their husbands finances and as a result are easily disinherited when divorced or widowed. Ada is one smart and tough cookie. I could probally never keep a secret that long and would cave in the first year that he even slightly complained about the rent increase. That said, advice to Emeka: discuss this with your wife. Tell her you found out, tell her you’re hurt, tell her your trust in her is shattered and then find a way to fix your marriage. Work it out. Thats what married couples do right?
the only thing ada did wrong was allow her family live in the same house………….wen your married you wld understand ada
Ada is one cold chick, man! I am all for women’s independence but to be married to a man and make him pay you rent without his knowledge is a little cold. I am sorry but this kind of woman can feed a man poison a pinch at a time, watch him eat it and not feel a thing. Even if this man is a spend thrift and she wanted to protect her assets, there are many other ways to go about it without resorting to schemes and manipulations. This action speaks volumes about her character and the state of their marriage. What is a marriage without trust, honest and transparency…and not that everything in your gut must be revealed but you have to have a partnership!
pls leave her alone. ah! who builds a house for a man these days? she was just being smart n investing. any other pesn could have been the owner of that house n the man go still dey pay the rent. shikina! n come on the woman needed her money back some aw.
Q: ok now he knows wat is he doing with d info?
A: NOTHING!
IF I WERE EMEKA, I WILL ACT LIKE I DON’T KNOW WHAT’S HAPPENING. WHEN THE RENT OF NEXT MONTH IS DUE I WOULDN’T PAY AND GIVE ONE EXCUSE AND SEE WHAT WILL HAPPEN. *SHIKENA*
lool @ Lilly…GOOD ONE, i like. The situation is absolutely terrible! very deceptive! It should not even be a question because there are no grounds on which her actions might be dismissable.
the more I read BN, the wiser I become. This is marriage;not a bf/gf r/ship. If you can’t trust your partner, why get married??
WRONG!!!
Ada, no be am at all!!!
issues of trust come to play in this situation. however, we menfolk should be honest with ourselves, how many secret things do men do that their wives never get to find out in their lifetime. i know a family that for the past 10 years, d wife has been paying the bills, and by that i mean house rent, children’s fees, medical bills e.t.c just because the husband has made foolish financial decisions that set the entire family back drastically. i know for certain that the wife had gathered money to purchase land in Gbagada area of lagos when the going was smooth. she only had to tell her husband of her plans and what did he do? he convinced her that the time was not ripe for such and she should let them invest in a business that would yield good returns and they would subsequently buy properties. they have been married thirty six years now and they still live in a rented apartment and dont forget that the woman has been paying rent for 10 years now. thank God their children are grown enough to assist now. should she have been sensible enough and went on to build the house without d man’s knowledge, am sure situations would be better for them now. i really am sympathetic with emeka, but men can just be impossible beyond belief. and before you say i cooked up stories, the people in question are actually my own parents and i am a man.
She had her reasons after all men do so many things that their wives don’t know about asides that if the man was so wonderful i doubt she would have done that…
…I have no issues to with what ada did…and my question is so what dear husband found out hes been paying rent to his wife cum landlady…why is he overreacting?…hes paying rent either to his wife to another person..bottom line is, hes paying rent…….plss lets be realistic and remove sentiments…..
a relationship build on liar’s and their was no love from ada
pls pls pls Anita, if you cannot write English, refrain from commenting. kilode!!
wow. That’s too bad. I can’t imagine how the husband will react if he finds out.
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I think Ada was wrong…
first of….if she was so selfish that she could not share her all with her hubby….she should have atleast let sleeping dogs lie…and lease the property to another…
…and if she concealed it so that he would not refuse to live in a woman’s house…then 10yrs was just too long a tym to go down on her knees and confess that she did it for love(dats if its y she did it)………mhennn! she was jst too cold…infact she shoulda opened up before he paid the first rent…afterall, its just gon be btw them, no one has to know……. if after she opens up and he’s not having it…simple, make una go rent another apartment or build another house…ish.
…..above all….transparency and honesty shld nt b found wanting in a good r/ship or matrimony as it were………….from the onset, why manipulate the man?…show him ur cards, all of them…and if he’s down with it – good, if he’s not still good…get an alternative – na only her house dey V.I?
…chikena.
well well well, i wish i could read all the comments but its a wednesday and so duty calls.. Anyways this is what i feel: Emeka could have been a slimy dude. He could have been the type of man who would take care of mistresses and not his wife or home. He could have been the type of man that has demanded his wife stay home and pay her monthly. He could have been the type of man to maltreat her endlessly. Now if this house was a way to take care of herself and her children i would say thumbs up. if this was pay back for all the nasty things he had done to her in the past, another thumbs up. For all we she paid his way through law school only for him to be pickking uo strange women in the car he wouldnt have owned if not for her sacrifice. Only Ada knows why she did what she did but by god i’M SURE its a bloody good reason. and if i married a self righteous cheating not paying my bills kinda guy… Heaven forbid, I’ll do the same and everytime its time to pay rent, il gloat… hehehehehe….. Why must i declare my ALL to my husband just cos i am married? how many men do that really?? lETS be real.