High School Never Ends | The Endless Case of Peer Pressure

Posted on Tuesday, July 31st, 2012 at 9:17 AM

By Nuella Iyoha

Nigerians have perfected the art of making life choices based on other people’s oppression/impression of them; The Art of Keeping up Appearances. There are some people who have what I call “Chameleon vision”: their eyes can rotate to see what others all around them are doing, and quickly move to conform as seen. Make a conscious decision to develop central vision and focus on what’s best for YOU and you will discover some things are REALLY unnecessary. Not those shoes or that party. Your friends will not laugh because you declined to go out with them due to low funds; they will laugh at your obvious struggle to impress.

FRIENDS

May our “friends” not be the death of us—Amen. Most people think peer pressure is something that ends when the clock strikes twelve and you turn twenty years. Sadly, this isn’t so. Our friends’ impression of us can dictate our life choices, old or young, positively or negatively.

-          If you know you cannot afford those shoes as well as dinner tonight and for the next five days, then don’t go to the mall with your friends who can! Their spending will just make you bring out your card also.

-          If you know you can’t afford Peruvian, honestly just rock your Supreme Ultimate with pride! I mix it up all the time; very few people can tell. And even if they do, so? You paid honest money for your weave.

-          If your friend is married and you’re still single, it’s okay! And if all your friends are married with children, it’s okay to not go out with them, if you can’t help but feel bitter when they start talking about nannies, summer vacations and their husbands’ promotions at work.

-          If you know you can’t afford to go to lunch with your colleagues, to that Thai restaurant whose food you can hardly pronounce, it is okay to look for the nearest Buka and eat rice and ofada stew! Eat it with so much relish that your colleagues will want to follow you on your next lunch break.

-          If you are late for that interview and there’s traffic, it’s okay to jump on an Okada! Don’t sit in that hot cab and worry about who will see you. Your job or ten minutes in a Jincheng?

-          It really is okay to say ‘No’ when a friend asks for money. If you can’t afford it at the time, please don’t discomfort yourself just because said friend considers you a ‘Big Girl/Boy’.

-          You are still living in a rented apartment, and saving towards a home with your fiancée, but a group of friends intend to charter a jet to Vegas for the weekend. It is okay to say, “You know what guys? Not this year”. Let them laugh. They will still show up at your house-warming.

WEDDINGS:

Wedding seasons are a blurry of invitations, hen-nights and Aso-ebi colours. And it is easy to get overwhelmed, stressed, and yes, broke even when it is not your wedding.

-          You can’t afford Aso-ebi for your friend’s wedding? It’s okay to say no! Why be in debt over a wedding that isn’t yours?

-           If you know you can’t afford the ten thousand naira all the bride’s friends have to contribute towards the bridal shower party, it’s okay to say you aren’t going! N10k so you can eat a piece of cake and sip champagne? When you’ve not paid your bills? Prioritize please!

-          All your classmates are contributing towards a snazzy gift for the couple or souvenirs to be shared at the reception, and your wallet is not exactly smiling at the moment; it is okay to gift something you can afford, or offer your services on the wedding day. Like helping out with serving or if you’re a caterer for instance, helping with the cooking for the house guests. Be thoughtful in your giving, not foolish.

-          Don’t blame your friend for wanting a destination wedding in Dubai, or an out of town wedding. If you cannot afford travel expenses without living on Indomie for the next 2 years, it’s okay to not attend! Send him/her a gift, or use work as an excuse to avoid going even. But don’t incur debt to impress anyone. No one cares, really. This moment isn’t about you.

-          And are you the bride/groom? It really is okay to have a small wedding with 100 people. This is YOUR life and YOUR financial future. Don’t let anyone, even your parents tell you different.

 SOCIAL LIFE:

My friend’s younger sister once told me she wanted to go to a party in Lekki. Meanwhile, she lived in Alausa. So I asked her: how are you going? She said by taxi. Who with? Just her. Who does she know at the party? No one. I asked her to sit her silly self at home.

Living in big cities like Lagos, Atlanta, Abuja, etc, the desire to impress our peers and even strangers in social interactions is at an unbelievable high. So we buy dresses we can barely afford, get in cabs and go to events that bring us no personal value whatsoever.

-          You survive on the NYSC stipend, so why get in a taxi, pay N4000 to commute to the island and N5000 to get back to your home in Ikeja, just to go see a N1500 movie at Silverbird? It’s okay to buy popcorn and invite your friends to watch a DVD at home.

-          Why dress up and go to an event you have not been personally invited to, with zero knowledge of if you will meet anyone you know, or if networking opportunities are available for your business/brand? Why are you there?

-          Why spend a whole month’s salary to buy an outfit, borrow some extra money to do your hair and transport yourself to an event just to get photographed on the red carpet, in the hopes of appearing in ThisDay Style or on BN? It really is okay to not honour every invitation you receive.

-          Why dress up EVERY weekend, go clubbing, only to get bored, get irritated by the cigarette smoke, come home and crawl into bed reeking of sweat and stale smoke. It’s okay to put your radio on and dance in your house. Seriously.

-          If you know you can’t afford to pop bottles or buy shots, it is okay to drink water with a slice of lemon. Or stay home.

One of the biggest mistakes I made when starting my company was getting involved in a venture because a friend talked me into it. I had made the commitment to invest, but even when it became clear to me that this venture may not go as expected, I still went ahead and put my money in it. Why? Because I didn’t want my friend to think I was broke. Too often we make decisions so that our friends will think a certain way of us, even when it is clear that they are the wrong decisions. I lost a lot of money, my parents haven’t let me forget till this day, and since then I have realised that I could have just backed out and I would still have my money. Many bad situations can be avoided if we realise it really is okay to say ‘No’, forget what anyone else thinks.

I love this saying: “Spend life with the people who make you happy, not the people who you have to impress.” Make a decision today to avoid people and even places that will oppress you to impress unnecessarily. Exercise your right to say ‘No’ today. It is Okay, really.

Have a beautiful week!

Photo credit:savagechickens.com

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  • 94 Comments on “High School Never Ends | The Endless Case of Peer Pressure”

    Comments
    • ohwlahdoonie July 31, 2012 at 9:28 AM

      so flippin true…really nice job done here.

    • emi July 31, 2012 at 9:33 AM

      Thank you so so much for this. I ‘m always saying that there are no rules when [planning a wedding or living for that matter cut your coat according to what you can afford. yoruba talk say “se bo ti mo” simple.

    • Shawy July 31, 2012 at 9:35 AM

      Nice one, and also be with people dat appreciate dan people who tolerate you

    • sassycassie July 31, 2012 at 9:38 AM

      a huge round of applause for the author of this article.

    • daarrmmm July 31, 2012 at 9:41 AM

      so true.

    • tosynka July 31, 2012 at 9:43 AM

      so true…so nice.. thanks

    • Kach July 31, 2012 at 9:43 AM

      WORD!

    • Temi July 31, 2012 at 9:46 AM

      Best article I’ve read on BN! So true, so timely ……….super

    • kemzi July 31, 2012 at 9:47 AM

      Loveeeeee this article. I always have this conversation with my sister about friends, family members who always want to “keep up with the Jones”. Just not worth it!!! I guess your upbringing has a lot to do with it and just being content as a person. Food for thought ya’ll. Nice one Nuella.

    • tbn July 31, 2012 at 9:48 AM

      I’m literally applauding this post here, because its so true and apt. Living in our society puts a lot of pessure on people to keep up with the Joneses. I shake my head when I hear the length some of our ladies would go just to have a peruvian or brazilian weave on their hair. Shebi its still good when you buy it from your pocket and soak garri for a few weeks after, what about girls who would sleep with HIV infested big men just to buy peruvian weaves to impress friends who will not be there when they are suffering with HIV. Really “spend your life with those who make you happy and not those you have to impress” simple!

    • kenny July 31, 2012 at 9:53 AM

      SO TRUE! I HAVE DEFINITELY LEARNT A WORD OR TWO

    • babe July 31, 2012 at 10:00 AM

      So true

    • purplepearl July 31, 2012 at 10:04 AM

      Thats Wassup!!!

    • Odior July 31, 2012 at 10:19 AM

      best post i have read in my entire life….trying to send to my friends to read oh…..MY GOD!!!

    • Kofo July 31, 2012 at 10:22 AM

      Well written and honest article. People need to stop impressing others at their own expense.

    • Re July 31, 2012 at 10:24 AM

      Love the article Nuella.

      Was just discussing this exact same thing with my sisters last night. Almost as if you were there. :-)

    • The truth July 31, 2012 at 10:33 AM

      thanks for this real advice. i just got a new job and was transferred outside lagos. i need to get a new place and settle in. Bills! bills!! Bills!!! Then, my friend informs me that i was to be on her bridal train. and have to come to lagos for the dress fittings. and subsequently, for the wedding. After calculating, flight tickets, accommodation, etc. mhen, i had to cancel o. took me abt 1 month to summon up d courage to say NO. But i felt better, at least i wont be eating indomie after d wedding. and considering dat ds friend only calls wn she needs favors; i didnt feel i needed to go and be all sad & grumbly at d wedding. There are actually friends i wld graciously enslave my self for.

    • Gold July 31, 2012 at 10:40 AM

      Can’t be better said……SO DAMN TRUE

    • Namex July 31, 2012 at 10:56 AM

      Preach!!!

    • @ajiriavae July 31, 2012 at 11:03 AM

      One word that a lot of people use to describe me a lot is ‘Ijebu’. I take it as a complement because it means my mother did her job by making me a good money manager. As far as I am concerned, Who am I competing with? I know girls who drive big cars but live in a hut. I know girls who go out of their way to wear costume that looks like gold and carry fake designer bags that they try to pass of as authentic. I can’t tell you how many people I know, both male and female that live on the Island, fly first class and dress the part who can’t bring out 20k in cash at short notice. It’s that bad. So I ask again, Who am I competing with?
      It’s about having goals. If you don’t have any tangible thing that you are saving for, you will easily get distracted and spend more than you can afford. The key is to always have financial goals that are important to you and keep your mind focused on that. That and the discipline to follow through.
      http://ajiristyle.blogspot.com/

      • ameenah July 31, 2012 at 12:09 PM

        really good advice, focus on what you are saving for. going to start using that. Thanks

    • ayo July 31, 2012 at 11:09 AM

      This is (over) on point

    • Adedoyin July 31, 2012 at 11:14 AM

      So TRUE!!!…..I remembered having to part with alot of money to be on a friend’s bridal train. I really didnt have the money that time but because some of ma other friends were going to be on the train. I decided to pay for it and postpone buying one of my Law school textbooks. Needless say that i regretted that action cos at the end of the day, i fell sick just before the wedding and i could not attend and of course ,clothes has been sewn and my friend refused to return the money. I had fabricate lies before my father could release money to me but mehn!! i don learn my lessons.

    • Adedoyin July 31, 2012 at 11:15 AM

      I had to fabricate lies*

    • ij July 31, 2012 at 11:26 AM

      truer words have never been said.
      just like those colleagues at work that want to go for drinks every flipping Friday, i nicely tell them no thanks , drinks every Friday when i’m busy planning how to buy my ticket to naija for Dec , then do shopping for my 1 million nieces and nephews ndi ala, come and carry me
      The joy of being an adult is that you can say no and not give any excuses

      • Funmi O July 31, 2012 at 12:03 PM

        Do you really have to buy presents for everyone? I ask because it is a work in progress for me too. When I am holidaying in Nigeria, there is this expectation that one must buy gifts for everyone when coming back and the costs really pile up after buying ticket and all. Next time I go home, if someone asks ‘What did you bring for me?’, I will respond ‘What do you have for me too?!’.

        **I am not talking of your nieces and nephews and not you per se, just in general**

        • Pendo July 31, 2012 at 5:57 PM

          i used to do the same gift buying thing not anymore, nowadays unless you send me the cash to buy it am not bringing it besides they will take half your stuff anyway (i stopped that too) and for the little ones candy will always do and you can buy plenty of chocolates at duty free lol carry clothes you no longer wear or were planning on giving out anyway for the suitcase snatchers to remain with

    • Nnenne July 31, 2012 at 11:30 AM

      spot on!!!! i’ve learnt a long time ago never to displease myself to please anyone. thumbs up to the author of this great piece

    • Elohor July 31, 2012 at 11:30 AM

      May God bless you for this article. It has really encouraged me.

    • Biodun July 31, 2012 at 11:47 AM

      The most insightful article i have read thus far on BN. A nice break from relationship talk. (BN take note).Please a lot of Lagos people have to read this…honestly. It is now an epidemic. I have had a few friends borrow cash from me (which they are yet to pay back btw)because they spent all of theirs trying to impress people that don’t give a rats ass about them. At the end of the day they’re just going to piss out your N300k worth of champagne that you bought at Likwid. And they call me Ijebu? Really?

    • Onyi July 31, 2012 at 11:47 AM

      Soooooo true,its jst sad dat pple go all out to impress n end up borrowing n borrowing n borrowing.i hv an aunty dat is hving mental breakdown cos of living above her means n putting her kids in sec schs dat pay over a million a term abi session.its jst crazy.

    • giggy July 31, 2012 at 11:53 AM

      Truth is bitter but has to be told… Why go clubbing when there’s cool fm on friday night to keep me going? Gosh I just love dis writer.. May God bless you. Cut your coat accrding to your style, u aint responsible to anyone but yourself!

    • chinco July 31, 2012 at 11:54 AM

      Plsssss tell them ooo, I’m very happy watching my cable or buying a cheap dvd 2 watch with a bottle of savanna dry n home made peppersoup (did that this broke weekend, and was very happy). I really can’t kill myself. I earn an honest income. I should enjoy myself with events n vacation I can afford not 2 show off.

    • Yeni July 31, 2012 at 11:55 AM

      Best article I’ve read in a while. So true

    • kay July 31, 2012 at 12:04 PM

      love the article. Really gud stuff but i personally tink bin opressed can help kick start that inner determination to succeed rada dan acceptin d average life. #jst saying.

    • amina July 31, 2012 at 12:05 PM

      its also ok to say no to your boyfriend if you are not ready for sex, and not care if he would diss you to his friends. His loss, your gain.

    • Princess of Zion July 31, 2012 at 12:10 PM

      Very true, peer pressure doesn’t end but you are an adult; you don’t need to conform, if you can’t! Only the counsel of God shall stand, so if you can’t afford something, don’t do it just to impress.

      http://www.princessofzion.wordpress.com/2012/07/31/excelling-as-a-woman

    • lola July 31, 2012 at 12:15 PM

      nice write up, i’ve always been an advocate of cutting your coat according to your cloth, if i have two yards of material, instead of planning to sew an elaborate skirt and blouse (who are u deceiving?) sew the top or short gown your two yards of material can sew, i stopped keeping up with the Jones a long time ago cause the Jones have all gone broke

    • Betea July 31, 2012 at 12:30 PM

      Dis is a superb article…thumbs up

    • Somebody July 31, 2012 at 12:40 PM

      Nicely written post and I totally agree but I must say that blogs like Bellanaija also play a huge part in encouraging this extravagant, larger than life lifestyle.How you may ask? Well, you would have to agree with me that Bellanaija ONLY puts up classy weddings, or expensive nicely cladded individuals on their website, how then do you encourage the youth not to be extravagant and to cut their coats according to their sizes if all you do is glorify those who do these things, start featuring NORMAL and NORMAL weddings aswell and then maybe people would understand that it is okay to be NORMAL.

      Please post this comment.

      • Z July 31, 2012 at 1:51 PM

        @Somebody: Thank you very much for this comment. I was scrolling through the comments and had made up my mind that if nobody brings this issue up, then I would. Thanks for speaking my mind. I love the Bella Naija website, I really do. But BN also plays a part in promoting this “keeping up with the Jones’” mentality especially when it comes to weddings. Only the classiest and most expensive that cost tens of millions of naira are posted here. They are really nice, don’t get me wrong, but they’ve left folks like me seriously start considering eloping with my Mr. Right (when he eventually decides to show up).

        Anyways my point is, we really don’t have to impress anyone. Let’s just do what would give us genuine contentment and not leave us buried in staggering debt. I guess this is one of the few reasons why I appreciate living abroad, I feel no need to impress anyone. Its the exact opposite once you land in Naija, and the pressure begins for everyone to look fly, carry the most expensive handbags, the most expensive and latest phones (notice I said phones not phone) etc. Its crazzy!

        • Chattyzee July 31, 2012 at 2:48 PM

          I beg to differ with your assessment in regards to BN weddings. BN does not cover or solicit those weddings. People who want their wedding pictures displayed on BN have to email the pictures to BN voluntarily. So what if they only display high class weddings? I don’t see any problem with that. True, we should all live according to what we can afford. But I think you are being a little hypocritical by criticizing such lavish weddings. Abi if you can afford it, wouldn’t you do the same?
          http://dprodigalchild.wordpress.com/

        • Z July 31, 2012 at 3:54 PM

          @ChattyZee: abeg, I didn’t criticize anybody’s wedding o, puh-leez!!! I only said BN posts the most glamorous weddings, which are really nice by the way, no beef, but probably play(s) a part in the “keeping up with the jones’” mentality. Its constructive criticism and like @Somebody pointed out, maybe once or twice, BN could also post the well-organized and less expensive ones. That’s all. What’s with the use of harsh words like “hypocritical”? Aren’t we free to express our opinions!? Ahn ahn!?

      • Lucy July 31, 2012 at 2:55 PM

        This attitude of shifting the blame, or the influencing environment for the decisions that we take is just reductive, and if I may say also lazy. At the end of the day, the question I ask people is, did someone put a gun to your head. Afterall you are an adult, who should have the ability to think, judge and make decisions. Its that mentality that will blame Bella Naija for contributing to the oppression. Shu, I put it to you, their wedding features are lavish and elaborate, ehn, look at the pictures and pass na, go on with your day. Its like saying, because I read hollywood magazines, I should starve myself and be a size zero. Its not as if my career is linked to my physical features, so, wetin? Those women are paid to look the way they do. Back to the weddings, everyone loves looking at a fairytale wedding, even if you cant afford it, its nice to look and enjoy, if you let it affect you, that’s your problem, not BN. Some of us enjoy it, and some can also afford it, so why the pity party. Dont ruin it efor everybody. My advice is, if there’s any idea you can borrow, borrow it to suit your pocket, and not enter into debt. If you can’t borrow, oh well dare to dream, no one knows tomorrow. The people you are trying to “emulate”, do you know where the source of their money is from. Act your wage abeg, and stop the whining. No one is to blame for the decisions you take. Oppression is what you make of it, or how you allow it to affect you. Shikena.

        • Somebody July 31, 2012 at 4:54 PM

          The fact that I said YOUTH and NOT adults nolifies your comment. This behaviour of always trying to impress starts at a very young age, an age where one does not think deeply about actions and that exactly is my point. The youth are encouraged and made to think this lifestyle is the NORM.

      • Tolu July 31, 2012 at 7:18 PM

        Erm, zero over 10. What age range qualifies as youth, please? You mentioned BN adding to the oppression by showing lavish weddings, and events, and so and so. How many “youths”, are really affected by all these you mentioned, really, who many youths do you see at those events or at the weddings. What the characteristics of a “normal” wedding, is, i’ll like you to explain. As the kind of circles you move in dictates what is normal. As a person, based on upbringing and family, those BN weddings are the norm for me, and I attend and have a good time. I’ve also been to weddings to that are not as lavish, and it doesn’t take away from the beautiful day. Besides, youth is not an excuse for stupidity. The man or woman you become, usually starts from when you are much younger, so if any “youth” cannot take a stand and be themselves, then I question where the future of nigeria is headed. That one is even story for another day. A 15 year old girl, yes 15 year old girl just won gold yesterday at the Olympics event. 15 i tell you, so what were you saying about the youth again? There are millions of youth, making a difference to the the world, and making themselves proud, so, please don’t excuse the youth o, while they r feeling pressured to have the latest gadgets and clothes, their mates are achieving no mean feats, so please. Bottom line, if you succumb to pressure from anywhere, you have yourself to blame. Dare to dream, and follow your dream, one day you too will live big if you work hard, is a much better advice, than blaming some circumstances, people or events that contribute to oppression. At 13, I knew what i wanted to do in life, and I followed that dream, till where I am today. So, the talk of youth is just lazy abeg. I also have nieces and nephews that are in their youth, and they are sooo focused and determined, it brings a smile to my face. They are not the spoilt brats we see nowadays, who demand BB Torch from their parents. So try another angle, some

      • Tunmi August 2, 2012 at 1:59 AM

        I absolutely agree. I was raising an eyebrow while reading this article. Is this the same BellaNaija, shuoo. The article is well written and it stands as my favorite from BN, so far, but it is so hypocritical of BN

    • Rogba July 31, 2012 at 12:54 PM

      Thank you!

    • iceking July 31, 2012 at 1:00 PM

      “Spend life with the people who make you happy, not the people who you have to impress.”……….The most funny thing is that after the whole impression,U will still be the running after such friends,not them after U,and U end up loosing much,why not be urself and handle things ur way.

    • missA July 31, 2012 at 1:01 PM

      fantastic thought process. I’m impressed or should I say opressed? lol *another type of peer pressure, pressure to be smart, is it ok to not be smart too?* lol just joking.
      Nice write up.

    • Somebody July 31, 2012 at 1:15 PM

      I just knew my commetn wont be posted, surely you know there’s an iota of truth in what was said that’s why u’re not posting it.. oh well.. At least the moderator got to read it.!

    • laughchild July 31, 2012 at 1:20 PM

      This is so nice n so true ,, for me av learnt ma lesson n trully even if u acquire all d tins for wannabe sake u re still gonna be struggln to keep up…threfore dat is Y i av started writn ma list of provision for skool i ll rAthr av ma locker full of essentials than wear gud cloths n borrow soap or tissue.m lol just sayn

    • Luminous July 31, 2012 at 1:26 PM

      I know some guys that buy fake Gucci and LV belt, just to impress. Trust me some people can tell when it is fake. Especially if you have the original, you can tell straight away….I have more respect to someone who wears a Ben Sherman or Ted Baker belt…….or you can go for the simple “no label” type….rather than wearing the fake one…

    • merciful July 31, 2012 at 1:27 PM

      So true! Gonna keep dis post close to me for major n constant reminder

    • T'missy July 31, 2012 at 1:41 PM

      Real talk

    • Maksy July 31, 2012 at 1:46 PM

      i really love this article, just last nite someone was pressuring into buying wat i can’t really afford now but of course i refused though she saw it as been stingy, i couldn’t care less…..

    • pynk July 31, 2012 at 2:15 PM

      THis article is highlighting contentment. Kudos to the author. Never make apologies for the woman u are or the one u aspire to be.

    • NKIRU July 31, 2012 at 2:19 PM

      so true, God bless the author

    • Brickyard July 31, 2012 at 2:26 PM

      Truly one of the best articles on here. It’s disturbing the trend we have going on these days.Everyone wants to keep up with the “pretenders”.
      I am notorious for being careful with money,i don’t play with my money at all. Family or friend,NOBODY can come and ask to borrow money from me,ko le work men.
      I NEVER buy aso ebi,and i have told friends,when i do get married,no aso ebi,come in what you can afford,its your presence that matters not how expensive you look.
      I can give countless stories. Last year,a so called Lagos big boy just launched a spanking new car,took people out to wash the car,and three days later he calls me up for a loan of 350k;let’s just say we don’t speak any longer.
      Another time i was about to buy a car,and some alakobas were telling me to buy a BMW or Range,and prove to awon enemies that im a big babe. Did i listen or allow myself to be pressured? NO. I bought myself a sexy Toyota that serves its function,can enter ANY setting and was well within my budget. I NEVER joke with my budget in things i need to do. Why pay 5m extra for a car?
      I’ve been using my Blackberry for 2yrs now,yet i see people change their phones like it’s free.
      I LOVE designer bags and have loads of them,but guess what?
      I ONLY ever treat myself to a bag when i have hit two targets at any time.OR when a deal comes through,i get lovely bags from associates.
      I then laugh when i see so called “big girls” come to my closet and beg to borrow stuff. Things they cannot afford because most live a pay check to pay check life. No plan,no focus,no life strategy,NOTHING.
      They’d rather buy cambodian hair than save towards a car.
      I know a babe who paid serious pounds for VIRGIN something something hair,and she hops Okada.
      A young BUSINESS woman o.

      I always tell young people,there was a stage in my life i was buying 20pound bags and 25pound shoes,everything is in stages,be patient.Na Lie. They NEVER listen.

      They now wonder how Aunty Brickyard can have all the investments she has and still look fab,since it seems i’m such a tight wad.

      And i say because i have somewhere i’m going in life,and by Jove I’m gonna get there. Hence i don’t play along the way. Now it’s all paying off. Bit by bit.

      MUST you fly first class when you KNOW you cannot afford it?
      People talking about “im in the lounge” just so you can know they are flying upper.
      Yet the bank accounts are singing a different tune.

      If you catch me flying first class at this “growing stage” in my life,better know that a business partner on the other end of the plane ride has footed the bill. I’m VERY happy in premium.

      Is it Gold? I laugh when i see the way women get indebted to the gold traders. Your salary is barely 300k and you are spending 150k on Gold? Child have you lost your damn mind? You are dressing for the office and you are dripping in Gold. WHY?

      I read in a book a while ago about money,and i put my own spin on it.
      Now i inject 75% back into my investments
      I save 20%….in the banks
      I spend 5%…this covers my car maintenance,domestic staff salaries,my personal stuff eg hair,nails,business lunch,dinner,travels,shopping etc.

      That way,im taking care of my future,saving for any needs that may arise and allowing myself to indulge a bit.

      I honestly feel for our generation,a bunch of bogus individuals.
      They’d sell their mothers eyes to fit into society.

      A society that is filled with people wey no send you on a good day.
      Let your pockets dry up and see how many people shall still be by your side.

      • Chattyzee July 31, 2012 at 2:58 PM

        You made some decent points here but you sound a little self-righteous. No one is that perfect. We all fall here and there for things that we know we should not. What matters is our ability to apply wisdom and understand that the negatives of over spending and living in debts, far out weigh the benefits.
        And as to your opinion on aso ebi, I think that’s just an exaggeration. Aso ebi does not have to cost 100k. I once bought ankara worth 3k (6 yards) as aso ebi. How you spend you money etc … i thought was unnecessary.
        http://dprodigalchild.wordpress.com/

        • Brickyard July 31, 2012 at 4:19 PM

          The question should be how much the 5% is don’t you think?
          It could be 1m and it could be 10m.
          Self-righteous?
          I don’t mind that tag really.
          Dependent on the circles you move in,i can honestly say that at a point,i refused aso ebi for two months,back to back. When i summed the total of the amount i would have spent,no joke,it was not less than 500k..
          My friends don’t do 6k aso ebi for some strange reason.
          It all has to be about the best of the best,and have you seen where aso ebi comes with uniform gold?
          So when some of us depart from some things,we know what we are talking about.
          And then when we talk about what we know and we are tagged self-righteous,hey…matters not.

          So long as i do not get grouped into the box of a certain Lagos big girl whose fingers were caught in the Gold cookie jar of another friend.
          WHY..
          She had to keep up.
          A few ratings and stripping naked,and she ran off to London to cool off.

          I love my simple life and make no apologies for it.
          When i feel i have truly arrived and i can spend without fretting,then ehn ehnnnnnn…..
          Until then,i’m VERY careful.

          All the best.

        • Sansarai July 31, 2012 at 6:17 PM

          Self-righteous ke? Pssshhhh. Brickyard, no mind am! This is a very interesting read and insightful too. Carry go…

      • kumzy July 31, 2012 at 3:20 PM

        Pls do tell us how you manage to only spend 5% on bills (ALL BILLS!!!!)…I find that hard to believe (not saying u’re lying please) BUT I do believe that as your investments get bigger, your bills will get bigger…even if your lifestyle is still simple…e.g u hire more staff etc…I really want to learn.thanks

        • Brickyard July 31, 2012 at 4:10 PM

          The question should be how much the 5% is don’t you think?
          It could be 1m and it could be 10m.
          Let’s just say my 5% covers ALLLLLL my bills,and my day to day lifestyle and then some.
          And I’ve met people who make even less than that work and go very far.
          It’s all about the sort of life you choose for yourself.

      • Lara July 31, 2012 at 10:05 PM

        I’m sorry, I am not impressed by your story. In every success story, where anyone can be inspired, i love seeing humility, and the “i don’t have all the answers factor”, but I do my best, and not looking down your nose at other people who have faults and foibles. You sound like you wrote the book on money management, and everyone should follow your lead. That is a very stuck up and off putting attitude, like someone who allows no room for people to have flaws. You are sooo not perfect, so please don’t pat yourself on the back. People have their own daily struggles, whether it is with managing money to feel among or something else. So because your own flaw is not being frivolous, doesn’t make you business woman of the year. Last I checked, I may not know your name o, but you are not the top go to person for business in 9ja, so please. The truly wealthy people, don’t sound so “I am better than other people” like you. Go read up on their stories, and you’ll see how simple and humble they are. Learn to be a little humble brickyard. With all what you have achieved, you seem to be soooo focused on money, money money. only 5%, goes to ALLLLLL your bills. Ema kpele. Hope it keeps you warm at night. I’m not sure you have room for a rich and fulfilling personal life, because you don’t sound like someone who has great amazing true friends. All the people you have mentioned, seem to be like those who live fake, all flash and no substance kind of lives, and if these are the people around you, then you must have share some common traits with them too. As they say birds of the same feathers? So, you may be prudent and all, but ask yourself really, are you all that? It is not your place to sit on your high horse, and think you are better than other people, because you happen to be a good planner, and saver and financial whiz kid. A little humble pie would do you good, because you don’t sound like anyone worth emulating sorry. No matter how good you plan, no one knows tomorrow. Life may throw you a curve ball and you lose everything. It has happened to the best of people. It is the kind of people that you have around you, and the relationships that you have that will cushion you and support you through those times, but if you have a knack for looking your nose down on people and their lifestyle, guess what, no one will be there to support you, and they will be happy to see you fail sef, so be careful, don’t toot your own horn. Let people be the ones that praise you, I really can’t stand people who are the loudest, see me, see me. I’m good at this, I did this and this, better than so so and so, and also maliciously laugh at people who are weak. People like you glorify materialism, to the point of worshipping it without knowing. Yet you can be making fun of your friends, who will do anything for material things. Take a look a the mirror girl, you are them too, just the other side of the coin.

    • Chi-ka July 31, 2012 at 2:38 PM

      Thanks for this article, Nuella, you are so on point! Lots of ladies, home and abroad, need to read this over and over again!!!!
      I was in naija in December of 2011 and looking around, it just felt like everyone looked the same. Don’t get me wrong: some people can comfortably afford all the luxuries. But there are people who spend their last kobo and even borrow just to rock designer stuff when they are visiting naija. It is not a competition! When you say you live in Yankee and you are carrying your Forever 21 purse, they look at you like you just said you live in Mushin. At least, I’m not living on Ramen noodles when I get back!

      This “Keeping Up with the Jones’” trend is getting out of hand. For Yorubas, they’ll say you’re Ijebu. For Igbos, they’ll say you’re from Nnewi (no offence, I love my Nnewi people lol). Me I don’t care, I rock my H&M $25 dresses and Aldo $50 handbag with pride. I make the outfit look good, not the other way around :) . Will you beat me up for not carrying LV or wearing Ralph Lauren? Abi you will come and tear the clothes off my body? I believe every young person experiences this pressure, the difference is whether or not you are content enough with who you are and what you can afford. I’m not in competition with anyone, it’s not a race! When God blesses me (and I know He will) with thousands of benjamins to spend on Loubies, trust me, I shall spend accordingly lol! :)

      In summary, it’s all about being content! Love you, BN, and Happy Anniversary again!

      • Somebody August 1, 2012 at 12:56 PM

        GBAM!

    • Nono July 31, 2012 at 3:01 PM

      Re: the comments on BN Weddings: I must say that it’s a bit unfair to blame BN for posting “nice photos”. After all, when the pictures are mailed in, no one includes a cost price for their wedding ceremony. Do you know if cake, dress, catering, hall was donated? A wedding is a couple’s special day: however they choose to celeberate that day is of their own choosing, but best believe they will try to make it a memorable one.

      I think BN’s primary focus as a media company is posting Quality photos that are aesthetically pleasing. If someone with a 10million naira wedding sent in photos that were poor quality, I believe those photos will be rejected in favour of ones we would all appreciate.

      Abeg before they vex and no more wedding posts oh. Biko. :)

    • kumzy July 31, 2012 at 3:18 PM

      great write up…agree with what most people say

      think peer pressure is a bigger problem for some people than others…some people r just content people naturally (or brought up that way) and some struggle with covetousness/people-pleasing

      Some people like me we put pressure on ourselves not because we want to please people but because we are perfectionists…but still u learn to let go of some things esp as a Christian, you have the Spirit of God to help

      But definitely, don’t agree with always trying to keep up with the JONES’, if u see people doing something you like, see if you can do it with ur own budget, if not, get creative

      Think a GOOD way to avoid this peer pressure if to LOSE friends that make u feel pressured…that’s what works for me

      • Chi-ka July 31, 2012 at 3:45 PM

        “…LOSE friends that make u feel pressured…” that’s the most important key. That’s one of the ways I keep my head up, the right friends who love me, gucci, prada, or not! lol

    • lilly July 31, 2012 at 5:07 PM

      *standing ovation*…..i wish many people will read this especially this generation

    • Madam the Madam July 31, 2012 at 5:10 PM

      LOVE LOVE all of this. Great job Nuella. This was an amazing read.

    • cathy July 31, 2012 at 5:13 PM

      wonderful! wonderful! Bless your heart

    • Pendo July 31, 2012 at 5:50 PM

      i am e-hugging you right now Nuella….and i have emailed this page to a friend she needs to hear this

    • HappyChiq July 31, 2012 at 7:01 PM

      You are sooo right Nuella! The pressure to ‘meet up’ these days is unbecoming! I see a lot of young people fall under all the things you have listed out! I hope they take a lesson or two. Life is too short for strife! you are happier being content and living within your means.

      http://www.happychiqmusings.blogspot.com

    • towloo July 31, 2012 at 7:43 PM

      please post this comment!

      Its really ironic that the writer of this piece Nuella who seems to be advocating living within your means can put up a picture of someone on her twitter page saying the lady in the picture is wearing a 4500 Naira shoe! (Looking like some N4500 Ikeja under-bridge Qupid shoe. #GoldiesWelcomeBackParty http://pic.twitter.com/4tUszzmR). #iyawowest. Where do you stand! dont be a part of the confusion! Thanks

      • Tracy July 31, 2012 at 10:20 PM

        You know Bella Naija is part of the hypocrisy movement. The queen bee of most things materialistic. They represent the Nu Naija in truth and deed. 100% fakery. It makes for a great and entertaining read (before people will crucify me), but this article had be rolling my eyes and shaking my head. Take a good look at yourselves, staff at BN, and please don’t come here and tell us how to manage money and live within our means. Thank goodness I have the kind of upbringing and job that all these glitterati don’t impress me at all, not to talk of oppress me, but BN obviously caters to a certain strata of society, so it always amuses me, when I see such articles. It’s as if they suddenly remember that oh, we have some poor plebeians who also come here, so let us tell them how not to be oppressed by all the lifestyle of the rich and famous that we portray and live within their means. (You may or may not post this, but I wanted to give another spin on this article, and not the usual fawn, fawn, fawn, of which readers have turned BN to their bible)

        • Italian Princess July 31, 2012 at 10:39 PM

          This is so funny! You do realize that contributors send in stuff to be published on BN right? and who are these ‘poor plebeians’ you refer to? BN readers? I’m confused :s You need to stop sounding bitter on the internet… BellaNaija? QueenBee of all things materialistic? Lady… you need to get your facts right you know.
          Anyway, people will always believe what they want about things they’re completely ignorant about.

      • Nuella July 31, 2012 at 10:28 PM

        Hi Tolu *smiles*
        Thanks for helping me plug my alter-ego’s twitter account *smiles*
        I have seen expensive Qupid shoes. for about N6k?
        I have seen cheap Qupid shoes, for about N4500/5k.
        I hate all of them.

        People who are familiar with the shops under the bridge at Ikeja (like me) will know what I am talking about. I was trying to describe the TYPE of Qupid shoe. And you may have seen another tweet where I didn’t like what the the lady in Louboutins had on either.

        Perhaps what you should have taken away from that tweet is: I shop under the bridge at Ikeja.
        #Pleasantries :)

        • Nuella July 31, 2012 at 10:52 PM

          PS: And I was referring to her dress. Which looks like the shoe I described.

    • femena July 31, 2012 at 8:31 PM

      they call me cheap/stingy or antisocial all the time because i always tell my friends that i dont have the money for whatever they want to do and i cant afford it or when they wanna go somewhere and be making all these plans and i tell them i dont wanna go. i’ve been called all sorts of name cus of my speaking out and telling them “HECKS NO”!! lol sometimes they’ll come bck and start gisting me or they’ll regret going to the event. name calling will never remove any flesh from my body, say say what u want abt me, am the one u’ll come to later and beg for money when u don squander ur own

    • ALT July 31, 2012 at 10:10 PM

      Its very much ironic that we can see some sort of this same peer pressure this post talks about right here in the comments…

      p.s. I will like to thank “Nuella’s friend’s younger sister” **clearing throat** for making me read this post…

    • Yewizzy July 31, 2012 at 11:30 PM

      Love the article! Solid home truths although I don’t believe anyone is blameless when it comes to the issue at hand. We can all be better people. x

      http://www.shelovesthefinerthings.blogspot.com

    • Sade August 1, 2012 at 12:01 AM

      @Italian princess. Some parts of Tracy’s comment, I agree with. As regards the lavish weddings, I find it very very hard to believe that it is ONLY, the lavish style wedding pictures that are sent to BN. If you believe that, that’s naiveté on a whole new level. BN gets a bucket load of traffic, and it is not believable, that its only the couple who meet or live abroad types, or the ones who have mega million weddings, with very familiar celebrity and political faces present that are sent to BN. Tracy’s comment was QueenBee of “most” things materialistic. Ah ah, the typical 9ja second person reporting. When did most and all, stand for the same thing. Lol. I don’t think tracy is bitter, she just happens to be one of the few people, who have started commenting about the flashy expensive stuff that BN portrays these days. If you’ve been following the comments on some of the posts, some comments have been clamouring for reality, something everyone can relate to, something “normal” stuff. So when Nuella’s article mentions trying not to keep up with the Jones, who no like better thing na, lol. the vanity in some people, will push them to want to be seen on a blog like BN. Instant celebrity. Social media has created an avenue, where you can be famous for being famous, and make a ton of money, so, some people are jumping on the wave. So, be a little more open minded, and not tag everyone who doesn’t fall in love with BN posts as bitter, haters, jealous, and co. Please can we all just stop those labels, its getting old. I don’t like something, and automatically i become a hater or jealous. Shu? That part i still don’t get.

    • Ajoke August 1, 2012 at 3:50 AM

      Thank you

    • AnonYMOUS August 1, 2012 at 5:58 AM

      Lmao @ all the comments. My two cents; be contented with what you have. Everything in life is in stages. There were times in life I bought bend-down, do i still buy them now? Oh well…i go thrift shopping a lot. But you get the message. And whatever you’re wearing whether it is 2’5 Qupid or 1’2 okrika wear it with confidence and look good.

    • meee August 1, 2012 at 9:07 AM

      I just LOVE how when there are people trying to learn something positive, some other people decide that the *sunshine and vanilla* is just too much and decide to come muck up the atmosphere with their negativity. Perhaps it is to just so they won’t have to look deep within themselves and realise they need to change. Who knows? But please people, thgis isn’t the forum for all this. There’s a place where you can rant, spew bile and go back and forth with people who have your time. Don’t know where it is, but I know it definitely is NOT in this comment section. It IS possible to state your opinion without coming across as an anarchist. Don’t be the proverbial bad apple. Please.

      Plus: if you dislike this site so much…… Why are you always on here then?
      Love + Light

    • eyeballs August 1, 2012 at 12:11 PM

      Thank you Nuella and Brickyard. i made a final positive decision to say no to a desire to use my savings for wants and not needs and it all because i read this article and the comments. i have now decided to get to my desire step by step, not taking decisions that will be detrimental to my financial future. i have to say that BN comments are always spiced up with variety, wit and drop dead humour. i laughed so hard as i read the comments, the hate, spite , love etc u just have to love. well done good peolpe for speaking your minds. u brought sunshine into my day!!!

    • Ancella August 1, 2012 at 12:42 PM

      love this article soo much.personally i think u have the same ideas like me and i appreciate that it has been put out at last so that many youths of this generation will know what it is like to prioritize.there is a so called “in fashion” trend that most youths want to follow.I hope they learn so much from u Nuella.You just won yourself a fan.please share more

    • christy August 2, 2012 at 4:01 PM

      Not strange to me,knew this for long

    • Pd August 4, 2012 at 10:51 PM

      Yeee…. Mo gbe! ……well thank u…..i will try .