BN Hot Topic: The Power of Words! Slicing Through The Heart

Posted on Thursday, August 16th, 2012 at 3:16 PM

By Atoke

I’ve had ZERO zeal to write this week! I complained to my friend, Tayo about this and he asked if I’d run out of people to visit. It was very funny because I actually glean ideas from things that happen around me, the people I visit and the places I go in Lagos. The truth is, living in Lagos is VERY interesting. I know it has been rated as being the 3rd least livable city and all but this city is a vault of information and education.

Every time I drive through Oshodi market I make a mental note to write about something but by the time I get to my desk and I face the mountain of work, I can’t remember what I want to write about. Most of the time, I find inspiration in the little things, the things people around me say or do. For instance, the way people start conversations around these parts is very interesting.

You’re now fat oh! What have you been eating?”

Oh wow! I think I just got my mojo back! Let’s talk about how people find the need to comment on EVERY THING they see without thinking about the effect on the person they’re talking to. Have you ever wondered why people feel the need to constantly ask newly weds about pregnancy? At a family function some years ago, one of my cousins felt the need to ask my sister-in-law what they were waiting for? She poked her finger into her sides and said “You’re still doing SiSi! Time is going o!” The poor woman was more hurt than mortified when she told me about it. They had actually been trying, but it just hadn’t happened. I remember telling my mum to warn that cousin because it really wasn’t any of her business.  Apparently, this is a cross many newly married women have to bear and it got me wondering “Who are these people who can’t mind their business?” Pregnancy isn’t something that can be hidden (at least not for long) so when it’s out you would see it. Do you really need to keep asking? Bearing in mind that you don’t have all the information at your disposal to make conclusive, definitive and unsolicited assertions!

Words have a way of hurting deeply. They cut deep down and slice right through your heart and many times when we say some things. When my friend shared an experience with me last year; she had a miscarriage and as she slowly dealt with the pain and turmoil that comes with that experience, she had to deal with people who constantly commented on her weight and her tummy. I wonder if it isn’t better to just say nothing if one has nothing uplifting or positive to say.  I heard the story of someone who was driven precariously close to depression because she put on some weight after taking some pills which had been prescribed to regularize her cycle. Every body and their dog dispensed weight loss advice and this girl found herself slowly receding into her shell. She stopped going out, she slowly lost her self esteem and became a shadow of her old self.

Can you guys relate to this? Can you share your experiences of times when people have said something to you that have actually hurt? If you’ve said something to someone that you felt the need to say, can you share what made you do it and the response you got? If someone says something potentially hurtful or inappropriate to you do you smile it off, or do you promptly tell the person off?

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  • 105 Comments on “BN Hot Topic: The Power of Words! Slicing Through The Heart”

    Comments
    • Marock August 16, 2012 at 3:28 PM

      I know disis’ lame but; “yeah! I’m first:)”

    • Chattyzee August 16, 2012 at 3:32 PM

      Atoke, nice post. God will grant you inspiration. I can totally relate to this post in every possible way (except the pregnancy aspect). I have memories of different times in my life when people had said something that really hurt me. Mind you, I have forgiven them, really, I have. But some words are just too difficult to forget.
      I remember when a friend of mine lost her mom. I went to the house to console her and pass the night. The next morning we were making breakfast for everyone when she walked into the kitchen and said “Do you want to finish the whole food in the house? Or was it food you came to eat here?”
      Needlessly to say was hurt and offended. I understood she did not mean it but that was 5 years ago and till this day, I still remember. We need to choose our words wisely when addressing people. I for one take things seriously.
      Can you walk up to a white person (even ur friend) and say “girl, you are becoming fat o?” If she commits suicide, it’s you they will come and carry. Our tongue is the deadliest part of our body, we need to learn to tame it and put it under control. I’ve talked about the tongue on my blog. Think below you speak and when all else fails, silence is the best answer for a fool. Check me out below.
      http://dprodigalchild.wordpress.com/
      http://www.youtube.com/user/Smexymiable/featured

    • ACCA August 16, 2012 at 3:32 PM

      FIRST!!!!!

      • gurly August 16, 2012 at 4:23 PM

        False

        • Non professional opinion August 17, 2012 at 11:04 AM

          Perfect response.

    • lolly August 16, 2012 at 3:41 PM

      very accurate….. when dere is pimples on my face and some people sees me and start saying stuffs like “ahhhhha see your face, what are you eating, why is your face like this” like i didn’t see my face in the mirror before leaving the house….mcheeeew.

      • Dara August 16, 2012 at 7:27 PM

        LMAO

    • iwa August 16, 2012 at 3:49 PM

      Hmmm…I can remember when a stylist at a salon silently told everyone in there that she couldn’t make my hair cos am *iya eko* referring to my being bald. I was deeply hurt,dat I had to cut my hair cos I didn’t want the experience to repeat itself .I don’t blame her much cos she didn’t know I lost my hair to a severe allergic reaction. Well am over it now, buh I still had to be on skin(low cut) for 4yrs.

    • LatestBabe August 16, 2012 at 3:56 PM

      Well, so true about your write up. I was just thinking about same thing yesterday. For me i have learnt to just smile and respond appropriately when someone says something hurtful or insensitive to me because for some, they are just making conversation and do not mean to be hurtful though for others it is their way of pouring out their envy. But whatever the motive, if you have to retort to every insensitive remark you will end up being a disagreeable or hateful person just like the people you are complaining about. Tough life!

    • Atukpa August 16, 2012 at 3:57 PM

      I can relate to the pregnancy questions. Hubby and I married 2years and the questions don’t end. To Gods’ glory we are both fine ( no fertlity issues). We decided to tell his family he has a prob, and my family that i do. They’ve been very quiet since. When they think theirs is the problem, they shut up. Its almost funny, if it wasn’t so sad.

      • Boyo August 16, 2012 at 6:10 PM

        Very smart thing to do. The Lord will grants your hearts’ desires very soon. Amen

    • Anie August 16, 2012 at 3:59 PM

      I can totally relate to this piece. I did have a personal experience of being compared to someone who shared the same first name with me during my undergraduate days. In the words of the commentator (though paraphrased) I was the ugly version of the namesake in question. Although in face value, others might have termed it to be a joke, but the words did hurt deeply and hunted me for the rest of my undergraduate years. It felt even worse when through out my 4 years in Uni I received no advances whatsoever from the opposite sex (although this could have been as a result of my unsocial nature, a resultant effect of my withdrawal from mundane activities). I felt the lack of attention from the opposite sex was as a result of how ‘ugly’ I was termed to be, but thank goodness for wisdom, it took me over 5 years to see past my fears and forget the resentment I felt. Words do hurt like a knife. We need to be careful of every word we speak…Thanks for sharing!!

    • Onyi August 16, 2012 at 4:01 PM

      Mine is dis whole marriage question,its sooooo annoying cos pple r always asking wen r u getting married n even pple dat shldnt even be asking will ask n even go on giving plenty of advice dat i hv heard lyk a gazillion tyms.well i jst tell dem very soon.

    • Anonymous August 16, 2012 at 4:08 PM

      Hmm Alot I can totally relate to the regularizing cycle one.. I noticed changes in my breast and body.. had to stop immediately bcos I was conscious about myself and what people wld say but today levels don change…

    • words indeed hurt August 16, 2012 at 4:15 PM

      I had sum tiny marks in my forehead,which I had as a result of illness,I hate to be reminded and they kept doing that”hey wat dat marks about,is it as a result of being a SS”? I will look deep with hate into the person eyez and look on.I have learn to start making hair style that will always cover it up,though I’m glad it almost invincible now,but if I ve my way, I will like to get them remove surgically.people always talk not just in nigeria, but globally .

    • tk August 16, 2012 at 4:23 PM

      lol@ atukpa.. now that’s a smart move… But do be careful what you say with your tongue. Death n Life are in the power of the tongue… I can relate to this very well. Got married 4 months ago and everyone at works keeps saying stuffs. IF i sneeze or say am feeling abit dizzy, they’d say “it’s d babies abi?” Even when i was on my period and was feeling a bit feverish, my boss was feeling like an experienced father.. Even up to using belt o, they’ll say don’t choke the babies na.. I’m like what is it with you people? We’re trying at having one buy please don’t need the constant reminder everyday!!!

      • Atukpa August 16, 2012 at 5:27 PM

        I know oooo, but when i insinuated that i was the prob ( i rejected it as i was saying it).
        I just said ” it’s not him, he doesnt have a problem”. they jumped on that and didn’t ask for more.

    • oyin August 16, 2012 at 4:31 PM

      Been married for almost two years (decided to wait for 1 year) and everybody especially people we are not that close to make inappropriate comments. All i keep thinking is, God forbid we had a problem conceiving, all those comments wld hurt sooooo bad. A lot of Nigerians are very insensitive and crude all in the name of caring……as far as im concerned, its mostly gbeborun. By the way, i just found out i am pregnant! :) yaaayy

      • D Pretty August 16, 2012 at 5:02 PM

        Congrats Darling…May God protect u and ur unborn child

      • Chi-ka August 16, 2012 at 5:12 PM

        Congratulations girl!!!!!!!! :)

      • Ib August 16, 2012 at 10:06 PM

        Congrats Mummy-to-be>God’s proctection

        • Ib August 16, 2012 at 10:07 PM

          protection i mean

      • sylvy August 17, 2012 at 9:48 AM

        Congrat dear, am so happy for you. God will keep you and your baby safe IJN…

    • Lois August 16, 2012 at 4:36 PM

      I totally agree with @LatestGirl, she just said my mind. Sometimes, people tend to find a way to alleviate themselves of their low self esteem by bringing others at their disposal down. About 15 years ago, in High school, I was referred to as ‘Abacha-Head of state’ by a classmate of mine. It was puzzling for me when it went past joke and became a temporary alias for me in class(she was the class clown and everything she said tended to go viral). It began to hurt and later affected my self esteem. I was confused as I had won few awards in my hostel describing my looks to that of Tony Braxton who was really a star of our days. I would even have done something to shrink my head size but before the term ended I realised all she wanted was to shoot me down as I was better in all ways than her. She had a huge head and just had to feel better by pulling someone else down. Few years back, my Mother-in-Law embarrassed me by calling me “wretched looking” just because I don’t normally and didn’t that day tie Aso-oke or proper gele on my head to church with her. My husband loves modesty in dressing especially to the kind of church we attended. I was so embarrassed and near tears. Irrespective of how costly the lace I wore was with the gele, she still loudly called me wretched looking in front of maids and family members. Then, I began to wonder if I was wretched in looks. Now, I understand her grouse better and I put her in her place all the time by just going quiet or just simply saying”that is the way I want it” firmly. I am happy at the topic and I thank the writer for it. I only hope you’ll write on how people can easily move on from what people say and not allow it to define who they are or their life

    • will August 16, 2012 at 4:36 PM

      i hv gotten doses of that in d past from gals especially buh i guz its their low self esteem talkin so i dnt bother much,buh i got one just few days ago… I wnt visitn my fiance at an estate lik dat and the next i knw a neighbour (man) who was actually busy workin oh on sometn dropped wat he was doin looked at me(frm head 2 my feet)like,u knw men gaze,and then continued wat he was workin on,imagine,his wife who was also present said eyin naa notice(you too notice she is growing fat now o,she’s no longer small/tiny like before,when her fiance first introduced her to us…….imagine i couldnt slap their faces…that mns they’v actually been discussin me alot…..issues ehn……and then my fiance mom(if am been offered food and i said am okay the next will be e ma fi ounje lo o,iyen o ma fe san ra ni ti e(dnt bother offering her food,that one ke,she wants to remain thin and doesnt want to grow fat)….Shey,i don suffer ooo,just cos i wan marry ehn oga oo! I wish i can just zip their mouth shut olohun!

    • Teebaby August 16, 2012 at 4:37 PM

      I can relate to this write up,I have been battling with health issues that has to do with my lungs,I have had two major surgery this year,am currently on steroids to keep the swellings in the lungs down,and I have added weight due to this,am so so lucky to be alive and I know this and give all glory to God,but when people see me,they go like(you have to do something about this your weight o)and it makes me feel so so sad,because I knw it can’t be that bad,I know one tends to gain a lot of weight when you are on steroid,am watching it but I’d rather a kind word from people than criticism,I know my weight can’t be as bad as people make me feel,I weigh 95kg and am 6ft tall,am working on I though but I’d rather be big and alive than to be skinny and be dead.

    • R August 16, 2012 at 4:45 PM

      Words can really hurt.
      I lost count of the number of stupid things that I’ve been told. They have affected my psyche and personality.
      It’d be lovely if folks, especially Nigerians, think of how our words could affect someone before talking. Shikena.

    • Onyinye August 16, 2012 at 4:48 PM

      Seriously, If u are not careful, people will destroy u with their word. i have been a reciepient so many times that i dont even notice them anymore. i am a plus size with big b****t, trust me, people dont let me forget dat. I will just be walking on the road, sombdy will snap a comment, Big b***t, big buttocks, are u sure any man is going to marry u and even my own dear couz have the mind to remind me that guys dont marry big girls so in other words, guys are reserved exclusively for slim girls. oooo…When u re not careful, they will kill ur low esteem to the extent dat u will do and endure anything just to keep one hell of a guy that talked to u, u start loosing confidence in urself, but thank God, i walked over that but trust me, its not easy. Some people just dnt knw wen to talk. De marriage wahala!! dat one i am still like 20 years old, but i developd rapidly like (big and tall for my age ), bt still sombdy will stop me on the road and start asking me wat am waiting for (as if he gave me one to keep) lol.. Okkkk, i do work ( i detest laziness) so i have my own account and spend it the way i want it and still people went and start asking my Mum “if she is not sure that i dnt have a sugar daddy” Thank God say i fine reach Sugar daddy level” lollll. Anyway, am still waiting for my Man ooooo

    • Lyn August 16, 2012 at 4:53 PM

      I went somewhere in VI for a meeting, while I was chilling at te reception a woman was actually waiting for somone else also…. She was talking to me plenty I dint like it though!until she commented on the lenght of my hair…. For Christ sake I had just a normal 20inches hair parted in the centre and guess what this woman said “your hair made you look like you are 35years old” (I’m in my mid 20s) she further asked are you? I replied her with a smile “No ma’am” some ppl sha!!! God help us!

      • Babydee August 16, 2012 at 5:18 PM

        Err….actually 20 inches is not “normal” length hair. When you go past 14 inches, it looks extravagant.

        • pearl August 16, 2012 at 11:12 PM

          20 inches is normal for some pple..my 20inches is below my boobs (which aren’t slippers boobs lol)..it depends on the persons weight and height.. 20 inches will b really long for a short n small person.

    • ose August 16, 2012 at 4:54 PM

      this is sooo true!!! pls i am appealing to all human beings, dont question couples about their childlessness. if you are sooooo concered pls PRAY for them and leave it at that. your gbegorun wont solve their problem…….

    • gurly August 16, 2012 at 4:59 PM

      The qtions go thus: Why dont u hav a boyfriend<When will he propose<When is the wedding<When r u getting pregnant<When r u giving us a boy/girl… It never ends. Just ask them to mind their business.

      • ose August 16, 2012 at 5:32 PM

        lol

    • x-factor August 16, 2012 at 5:05 PM

      Nice post Atoke weldone…..the bible teaches that the world was framed by the spoken word, many literature affirm that words make or mar people and their world….I came across a guy called Masaru Emoto on the internet who by the power of spoken words formed crystals out of water

    • ephee August 16, 2012 at 5:09 PM

      it can relly be anoying and painful.just recently a married male colleague of mine at the office while making joke said my pregnancy was a mistake since the guy hasnt married me and it wasnt planned’ that he got married legally to his wife before getting pregnant. it relly hurt me so bad i shed tears for 30 minutes in the toilet.am nt used to exposing my life to people so some judge u from what they see and assume. i went back to warn him never to say such thing to me again and since then av been avoiding him,even if he has ben trying to make friends with me.thats how he insults my other colleagues indirectly. a man for that matter. BTW – AV HAD MY INTRODUCTION AND MY COURT WEDDING ALREADY ON A LOW KEY WHICH I DIDNT TELL THEM.

    • Chi-ka August 16, 2012 at 5:10 PM

      LOL. I still tell people today that I’d rather they picked up a cane and flogged me than say cruel/unkind things. Call me sensitive, I don’t mind, I’ve been that way since I was a kid. But again, you can’t control what falls out of people’s mouths sometimes.

      I remember when I was in high school. I had a classmate who was from a seemingly wealthy home, and I was just getting by. We had a quarrel one day and she said to me, “I’m not saying that we are richer than you o, but not everyone is on the same level with you, with this your torn daywear that you are wearing”. Choi! That thing entered weeeelllllll and I thought about my life that day lol. I forgave her years later and when I think about it now, it’s funny because fast-forward to some 12 years later, we both live in the US, both have graduate degrees, I have a job that pays more, and I have a green card that she is struggling to get.

      The wrong words hurt ALL THE TIME and we are all guilty of saying something hateful to someone at one point or the other… :) If only there was a 0.00005-second break between when the words leave the mouth and when they enter the hearer’s ear, we’d be able to reevaluate them first.

    • will August 16, 2012 at 5:12 PM

      Sm days ago i put on a tube gown that was way below my knee,i even use scarf,a gown my fiance saw me wear on our first date and didnt object too oo….i wore d same gown to his place and he frowned at it n said since am no longer searchin he does not want me wearin that FINE!!!…..i guz mama was eavesdroppn or will i say the discussion grew wings n flew into her ears,as soon as i sat dwn in d livin room,she sat down next to me and the next thing i heard….what is this???(holdin onto the back of the dress)is this sm dress or wat??pls dnt wear ds to my house again oo….I wept inside buh i dint let it bother me cos i wldnt be brought down by anyone….never,u wont see me cry!seriously,my fiance’s ex actually do wear the same tube when they were together but she nevr saw any wrng in it so y now???…

    • bellybutton August 16, 2012 at 5:29 PM

      U r so on point today. I was in the lift in my office building trying to read something the newspaper when i felt a sharp nudge on my ribcage. i lifted up my head with a scowl on my face, wondering why peolpe can’t respect personal space, only to be faced with two pairs of exasperted eyes in the petulant face of some work colleague who i knew so well i had forgotten her name. “U de fat o! u too young for dis kin body!” i could not believe she was addressing me as she is twice my 105kg self. I turned towards the mirror in the lift, filled with incredulity, swung back at her n said: “u sure say u de see fine? coz if u look well na di mirror u nor go tok to me so”. i exited the lift with a bemused expression whilst she had her mouth open. black man black! `

    • peaches August 16, 2012 at 5:29 PM

      so true!! i seem to be the only eligible spinster in my family at the moment and at every opportunity frds and family will ask …….when re u calling us for ur wedding? or at a wedding pple will say its u we re waiting for now ooo or who is the guy?? for petes sake!! as if i cld buy a husband off d counter mstschewwwwww!!

      • Pd August 21, 2012 at 12:07 AM

        They dare not ask me oh….cos am just gonna ve der heads for dinner. Phewwww.

    • funmi August 16, 2012 at 5:36 PM

      like i always say, wrds dont die. when people comment about my weight, i tell them “its none of your buisness, what if i want to be fat”. you dont just see people and say watever comes out of your mouth. funny thing is most of the people that comment about my weight are wayyy bigger than me. it must be their self esteem.

    • moi August 16, 2012 at 5:52 PM

      I remember an incident during my NYSC in Sokoto. A male corps member whom I wasn’t close to in camp just viciouslly told me that I have a flat chest. I’m sure he thought about it and apologised later during our passing out parade. I was shocked. Its best not to return the insults but to calmly tell them off. Some people lack home training and do not know how sensitive some utterancesces are.

    • florence August 16, 2012 at 5:59 PM

      WORDS ARE JST SO POWERFUL, I remenber whilr growin up, i used to big on the big side, n everyone complained. I decided to watch my weight, i wz so lean, dat dey stil complained, dat i looked beta, wen i wz so big. pple n deir mouth, hmmmmmm i fear dem

    • ola August 16, 2012 at 6:02 PM

      nice and very informative story.

      http://www.gistyinka.com

    • Welcome To CitiGist August 16, 2012 at 6:09 PM

      Words are indeed powerful; they can make and break a person.
      We have to be careful words we allow to reign in our minds.
      The Bible says the battles of life are fought and won in the mind.
      Our body system being small chemistry lab with series of chemical reactions taken place needs to hear the right words to stay creative.

    • debdara August 16, 2012 at 6:12 PM

      when you talk about being hurt with words, then i should write an autobiography about it. people that bring others down with their words have a low self esteem, wants to be like you or feel everyone should be subordinate to them

    • Ivy August 16, 2012 at 6:15 PM

      It’s really annoying….am a petite girl and am beautiful. While growing up, I had weight issue, I find it hard to gain weight but easy to loss the little I manage to accumulate. After secondary school, my mates grew, having boobs, hips and all, but I struggled with my weight, eating all sort, drinking drugs that could make me grow fat. Unfortunately I remained the same. So I decided to accept my fate. The luck I have is, i never ran out of male admirers so that help a bit. While in uni ,my friends who are trying to loose weight always say they pray never to be as slim as me. I cried myself to sleep that day, I felt like an alien, like is it that bad?!. Today am a graduate with a little bit of flesh am looking HOT!! While am enjoying my slim petite body the same friends are taking drugs to stay slim, saying I wish I have ur body , even after childbirth u will not grow as fat as me. I’ve come to realise that, that thing that u hate about ursef or that thing people criticise u for, will only turn out to be the outstanding feature that u will be celebrate for. Am so proud of my body, God has a reason for creating u the way u are. Be proud and be bold!

      • Slimgirl August 16, 2012 at 7:23 PM

        I can totally relate to you Ivy. I am naturally slim. I had taken all sorts to put on weight while growing up all to no avail. i would take Cypron, etc and eat like crazy – 4 times a day + snacks -yet nothing changed. Even when i managed to gain a little weight, it went off so fast and boy You need to hear the comments i got back then, I was called a boy, a tree, a plank, all sorts, and it weighed me down exceedingly. To make matters worse, my sisters were all curvy and people would be like, – you were did you come from. I have gotten over all that as I look so good now if I may say so myself and my confidence level is very high. I have never lacked admirers and I am very happy with my physique and my life in general. Only recently I went for a wedding and met up with a lot of people I knew back then, a number of them had mocked me in the past and everyone was saying I looked so good and some said I was like a model and wanted to know what i was doing to be that way, but back then, it wasnt easy at all and it really affected my psych. That is why sometimes even on this website, when I see some comments, like ” please eat a burger- your too skinny” when pictures are posted, I get very sad because, some people actually cannot add weight, despite what they eat. We really need to be careful with our words. They cut deep and are difficult to undo once said.

        • Uju August 17, 2012 at 1:45 AM

          @Ivy and Slimgirl, i just want to hug you guys. I remember in high school, i was really thin, pple made fun of me on a daily basis….but then one day, this girl said “you are so thin, how will your husband even enter you?” Fast forward 9yrs….i will be getting married very soon…Now i wish i can give her a VVIP ticket to my wedding night to see “how my husband will even enter me” But she ain’t worth it anyways.
          *now facing prosecutors of this crime with my big glasses and cain*
          If you don’t have anything nice to say to someone, then don’t say anything at all. Better still go and create “your own perfect” human being with your manually hand made sand and all……then you can criticize that person all you want since u made him/her. But until then…(in madea’s voice) put the SHUT to the UP…okay!…..THE SHUT TO THE UP!!!!

    • Amber August 16, 2012 at 6:19 PM

      Thank you jare…people (especially Yoruba women)…am Yoruba by the way….just open their mouths and feel anything can come out to just anybody.what is ur business if a newly wedded couple are yet to have kids,if someone is fat or skinny,if one person’s husband is ten or twenty years older than his wife.i can remember the first time I left naija and went on a holiday,someone saw me and said ‘lepa shandy’ u have left this naija for a while u did not get fat,what happened to u?(and the next thing I heard people saying behind my back that ‘only God knows what she’s been doing with her body)..if not for my mum I would have confronted them.some people will never keep their mouth shut,u just have to know how to politely help them to introduce their lower lips to their upper lips

      • BellaYankee August 17, 2012 at 10:13 AM

        Your comment shows that you’re from the bottom of the food chain. I’ve had the WORST things said to me by Igbo women but I’ll never generalize because it’s stupid to do so in a case like this.

        BellaNaija, I wonder why you guys steady post these tribalist comments but may not even post this one. This is ridiculous.

    • Ada August 16, 2012 at 6:41 PM

      I’ve made rude comments to friends and family members in the past. I cringe when I remember some of the comments. However, I did not think at the time that the comments were rude. In my mind I was just trying to make conversation based on what I overheard from adults around me.
      To be honest it wasn’t until I moved abroad that I realised that there are some things you just don’t say to people.
      The funny thing ( if you call being insulted funny) is that when you take offence no apology is rendered instead they try to defend their comment.
      Not sure if this is widespread across African continent or just prevalent in Nigeria, but Nigerians no dey mind their business.
      Someone I consider my close friend told me last year that I now look ugly and haggard because I’ve put on weight. I was soo shocked!
      I could have told her a few things that would make her think hard about her life but decided not to sink down to her level.

    • K.O August 16, 2012 at 6:44 PM

      I can 10,000% agree with you…in fact I dont think I could agree with you more!! NIGERIANS HAVE A BIG PROBLEM. I constantly get told about how I have put on weight AS IF I AM BLIND OR NOT UNHAPPY ABOUT IT ENOUGH. I often wonder whether they think people are unaware of what is ‘wrong’ with them or they just imagine that the comments have no effect/don’t hurt. IT IS RIDICULOUS. Maybe because we live in a collectivist society? Where everyone thinks they can dabble into the affairs of others? I really can never understand it. I am sooo close to telling people to pissss offfff. But God bless you for this article though. You couldn’t have expressed my thoughts better. x

    • sandra August 16, 2012 at 6:49 PM

      Hmmmm…Thats why i love

      http://www.viralsplash.com

    • Noms August 16, 2012 at 7:09 PM

      Words are very powerful and sometimes misunderstood. The way they come out give different meaning to the speaker and the listening. For me ooo,with the way everybody is going about marriage for me @times i forget how old i am. I hear thing like,we are praying for you… after a job the next thing is marriage… Move on with your life … i know they mean well but they should know its ones life and no one knows whats best for one than oneself.

    • MIss tee August 16, 2012 at 8:33 PM

      Lovely write up…..especially in regards to pregnancy….pole shld never say stuff to a married couple without kids….when are we going to get a playmate….we are praying…stop doing Sisi…..it’s very very very painful……I love Kids so so much but we have been trying for 2 years , I know we will get there but pole have the most hateful comments…..stop exercising…don’t go to the gym….GOd help us and our words…..very painful

    • juliet August 16, 2012 at 8:41 PM

      A beautiful pregnant lady in my work place was told that she is too lazy while others pregnant woman are jumping up and down and i want blaze on the stupid lady that say that.
      a man told me one day that am too fat and am size 12.i looked at him and say to him u are a mistake to a man’s world,it can be hurtful, i have stop counting and i don’t care what anyone says about me,u don’t let anyone brings u down,for what we dwell on is who we become,
      why should i care about the stupid things some people says to about me.live ur life is all us.God bless

    • Princess of Zion August 16, 2012 at 9:38 PM

      As human beings, we will pry but I’ve learned to exercise self control because certain questions like “how old is she? How come she’s not married” or things like- what brand is your watch really don’t matter!

      It’s the Celebration of Marriage Week, appreciate your spouse today!
      http://www.princessofzion.wordpress.com

    • elenu razor August 16, 2012 at 9:38 PM

      Lovely! I was just about to send a messsage to someone on my contact to tell him how unhealthy I think his eating habit is and point out what sort of health issues this may lead to later on, thank God I read this erlier I quickly cautioned myself, the guy might have a eating disorder and won’t be nice for me to hurt him any further. Pheeew I pray he someday gets the help he needs.

    • I am beautiful August 16, 2012 at 9:40 PM

      I definitely can relate to this post. I used to be alot meaner to people and make bad comments to them this is because while I was growing up my own mother would tell me how ugly I was and how I would grow up to be very ugly, my aunts would also join her in insulting me. it made me sad all the time. then I usually carried out my frustration by insulting other people. now I’m learning that it doesn’t actually make me feel better. Im learning to respect people and see things from the beautiful perspective. and reminding myself that I am beautiful no matter what.

    • yemz August 16, 2012 at 10:18 PM

      Good one

    • ember August 16, 2012 at 10:33 PM

      words can be forgiven bt not forgotten. i dated one sorry mistake of a human being while in secondary school. we split when i got into 200 level in the university after years of tolerating his sorry self. he said something i’ll never forget “you’ll end up lonely like ur mother after killing her husband with AIDs” I lost my dad when i was 10 to food poison while he was away on a business trip. I’m 23 years now, a proud young graudate and entrepreneur, while he’s busy wasting away gambling, smoking and doing yahoo yahoo. he asked to be forgiven, and told me how he’s been to several prophets who told him he wouldnt prosper if he didnt apologize to me. i don’t believe his story but i prayed and forgave him. people really need to watch what they say.

    • Anike August 16, 2012 at 11:22 PM

      @Atukpa: that was so wise!!! I am really impressed and by the grace of God your prayers will be answered soon.

    • Interesting August 16, 2012 at 11:32 PM

      In Nigeria people never mind their business and I hated that about our people. Now that I am abroad, I just distance myself from felow Nigerians because they don’t know how to control their mouth. They start giving advice even when you don’t even need their stupid advice.

    • Thatgidigirl August 17, 2012 at 12:26 AM

      I don’t understand why people think its okay to question a girl of marriageable age about the presence or absence of a suitor, or inform others about their weight gain or loss. Shey i don’t have a mirror, scale or cant feel my clothes getting tighter on me? I went on “the pills” to tackle my issue of hormonal imbalance, and this made me go up a dress size plus. I have been struggling to loose the extra weight for a while now but ppl wld not just let me be on the weight thing. Am i supposed to start explaining to everybody that im treating for hormonal imbalance or wear a slate on my neck that answers the question even before they ask? Its bad enough that i stopped buying size 10 clothes and started buying 12-14 within one year, you now have to rub it in for me. People puhleeeeeze censor your words.

    • Chy August 17, 2012 at 1:30 AM

      Abeg, lets shame da devil… I sometimes say things that hurt others. I don’t knownly do it. I’m naturally blunt and some ppl don’t like it. The ones who appreciate my great personality tell me that some of my words hurt them. I have tried to correct it but shit anit working. I just tell me friends to let me know when my words are biting; all I can say is ndo(sorry).

      • Non professional opinion August 17, 2012 at 11:34 AM

        I find that people that are blunt are usually very sensitive and surround themselves with people to scared or tactful to tell them the truth. if you want to cure your tendency to hurt people , I suggest you tell people to write down on paper what they really think are your negative traits, including physical and not to holdback.
        You will gain new insight on your “great personality” and your tongue will magically curb itself.

        • Mz Socially Awkward... August 17, 2012 at 1:54 PM

          I completely agree and my question to people who claim to be “very blunt” is this – how come they don’t apply the same bluntness to ALL areas of their lives? Eg. why not go to work and be “blunt” to your boss about his wife’s weight? Or go to school and be “blunt” to your lecturer about how ugly he is? Why is this bluntness not applied everywhere with equal measure?? I’d love to see truly “blunt” people just go for it… just be fully and totally unhesitating with the bluntness!

    • AnONYMouS August 17, 2012 at 4:27 AM

      I remember growing up, how people would call me and my siblings children from broken homes. I remember one scenario very vividly and I remember telling myself that although my parents were seperated I would do my best to turn out even better than kids from “un-broken” homes. I thank God today, we are role models for many children from the so-called good homes. Words are very powerful!

    • justmeee August 17, 2012 at 5:13 AM

      nice article

    • Berry Choco Latte August 17, 2012 at 8:28 AM

      LOVE LOVE LOVE this post! I’m so going to put a link to it on my Facebook page.

      Seriously, I feel like Nigerians have NO TACT whatsoever. I’ve had serious self-esteem issues in the past, and slowly got over them after years. But BAM, I move to Nigeria for NYSC and the comments are taking me back to that dark place…

      “When are you getting married? Your younger sister already married and has a child”
      “Why’s your hair like this? (my hair’s natural) Please go and relax it. I’m sure guys don’t ask for your phone number”
      “You should only eat once a day so you can be healthy” (Excuse me?!?)

      I was on a double date once, and my date kept saying how great the other female looked – esp after having 2 children. When we went to the concession stand to order drinks and popcorn, he very loudly said “SHE’LL DRINK WATER, NO POPCORN” I literally want to cry and die at the same time.

      Even last week at work, I told someone I wasn’t really hungry so might skip lunch, and he goes “Yes, you eat too much and like food anyway.”

      *hiss*

      http://ajebutternysc.blogspot.com

    • Janet August 17, 2012 at 9:11 AM

      Nigerians don’t mind their business. Period. If you say anything insensitive to me, I will put you in your place. Period.

    • Aibee August 17, 2012 at 9:31 AM

      I can totally relate to this in several ways:
      1. when I was an undergraduate in 400l Law, I started started dating a fellow student and we went on a lot of dates. I cooked a lot too cos I used to spend 3-4 nights a week at his place. Of course I gained plenty of weight due to the overfeeding. A male classmate I wasnt even close too all said to me in Yoruba ‘Its like you are following Roe vs. Wade oh, you are getting fat oh, be careful not to offend God”. For the uninitiated, Roe vs. Wade is the United States Supreme Court decision that held that a woman could have an abortion, even if the pregnancy wasnt putting her health at risk. Because I gained weight, he accused me of having abortions! I really felt bad but I’ve gotten over it sha.

      2. Back in secondary school in FGGC Sagamu, a room mate told me that she wasnt in my class and her parents are reacher than mine, blah, blah, blah. I just replied her that when she makes 2kobo, she should come back and lets talk but till then she should just stop ranting about her father’s money as it isn’t hers.

      3. I’m 27 and unmarried, and boy the questions. When will you marry, has he proposed, when is the wedding, is that the Bros? Just the other day I sent out a BC to selected folks telling them a friend needed accommodation in Yaba and to help look out for one. I got all sorts of reponses – your boyfriend looks rich, you guys should get a place in lekki!
      People should just learn when to shut up and mind their business abeg.

      • Aibee August 17, 2012 at 9:35 AM

        I meant *richer jare*

    • pinkdiamond August 17, 2012 at 9:37 AM

      yea words really do hurt, i remeber telln ma friend of how i had some sexual infection, then months latre she says she has it too, and why i was tryn to tell her wot to do , she opend her bigmouth (in d presence of her roomies) n said ehn i got it from you……………i was so hurt and i askd her if have ever had intercourse wif her or if we share stiffs……. thats bdw……. my point is people shud tink bfore they speak………………..nice post toks

    • pinkdiamond August 17, 2012 at 9:38 AM

      * dnt hold me responsible for wrong spellings abeg………..blame it on typo error

    • Seun August 17, 2012 at 9:49 AM

      Life and death are truly in the power of the tongue.

      T hate it when pple tell me |you are too fat”, “you need to loose weight”. It makes me sad and has really affetced my self esteem. Truth is, I have a few nasty comments to say to them too but I hold my tongue. but if it hits me harder someday, I’ll def retaliate. Meanwhile, Let them talk. I will decide whether or not I want to loose weight.

      Like the article said, pple generally just spill trash out of their mouths without consideration for the hearer’s feelings. Its called selfishness, tactlessness and downright stupidity

    • efe August 17, 2012 at 9:51 AM

      Well am skinny and loving it….Apologies to no one….l would say love who you are and never bother about wat others say about you or to you…You were created to reign…..their comments or opinions dont matter and cant change who God has created you to be SHIKENA!!!

    • lilz August 17, 2012 at 10:00 AM

      words! words!! words!!!
      i can never forget what my former boss told me one day…in fact i just thought about it on my way to the office this morning… I’m one of those people who were far from serious in uni and it showed in my result but trying to brush up with all them professional exams..so i made a mistake one day at work and she told me “you know why companies like shell and mobil employ only people who made first class and 2.1??? because they pay attention they can’t make such mistakes..people like you can not work there” and i felt useless but i told myself I’m not that dumb, I’m smart, I have potentials, and I’m a more serious person now and refused to bother..i left that office and where i work now (an oil and gas firm) I’m appreciated and my MD actually told me just yesterday ” Do you know you are very smart???” and I’ve worked there for just a month…people have said a lot of hurtful things to me, at such times i go to my quiet place (only if it is worth it) and talk myself out of it..i counter everything they say by talking positively to myself. I’ve developed a thick skin for words.. strangely in a way i would say they’ve helped boost my self confidence and with that i can do whatever i want and go wherever i want.

    • Bella Naija Critic August 17, 2012 at 10:32 AM

      Thank you so much for this post BellaNaija.
      I remember coming back to Nigeria and putting on weight, not even going up a dress size o, still a fabulous size 8 but I’m one of those unfortunate people who all the fat goes to their arms. And people would not stop making fun of me, I stopped weaving short sleeves and tee shirts. and it was hot!
      Then I had a bad reaction to something I was eating and didn’t know what, I had the worst acne breakout and blackheads all over my face, pimple growing untop of pimples! I’m fair skinned so it was so obvious! Even foundation only made it worse. Everyone blamed it on my weight and had a suggestion on how the pimples came about and would go, oh buy this cream, that scrub. Ugh. Imagine getting stopped by strangers on the road advising you about your pimples and blackheads!!! Nigerians!!! Fast forward 3 months later after Reaccutane ( the best acne solution) saved my face and I hit d gym big time with a crazy toned body and people are begging, pls tell me how you did it! All I can say is sometimes, bad words only make you stronger!

    • Somebody August 17, 2012 at 11:07 AM

      Words are really powerful, they have the power to make or break you. I remember in Junior Secondary School, I was constantly teased about being ugly by one particular boy, fastforward to over a decade later and I’m still healing and trying to build the self-esteem which I lost…

      People should be very careful what they say to others and people should also learn to disassociate themselves from people who utter such hurtful words. It’s really sad that this goes on in relationships too!

    • Mj girl August 17, 2012 at 11:16 AM

      Atoke……!This is nice….my marriage turned just 4 months last week and u can imagine what I have heard in four months…ESP from pple I dont expect it from.it hurts seriously bun I have just decided to put it behind me.cos hurting sef wont make pregnancy to come

    • Inebaby August 17, 2012 at 11:32 AM

      NICE POST!
      I can relate to this with the experience I had just 3 weeks when my father passed on! For the very first time in my life I could not eat nor make up for 3 days! I was to resume work on the 5th day so I had to go to the Salon on the 4th day to make my hair because I was actually looking rough! While in the Salon, a Lady who knows me and has heard what happened to my dad, said something that really hurt me; “Ha! Mitch, what do you think you are doing? You just lost your Dad and you are here making your hair, for who”? I was really upset but I just ignored her and carried on! We just need to be very careful of the words that comes out of our mouth whenever we speak to people!!!

    • uniquelyisi August 17, 2012 at 11:57 AM

      Truth b e told, i have been a victim of badly-timed words. Worse for me is that people in the church are no different and when you respond saying how hurt you feel by those words, they say ‘U are being too emotional’. People should learn to be sensitive to other people’s feelings.

    • African August 17, 2012 at 11:58 AM

      And we come back to what we see on BN, Linda Ikeji and worse, Ladun Liaidi everyday. Some of the comments shock me. I feel that if you are the kind of person that wouldn’t speak horribly to anyone in real life, you wouldn’t do it online either. I think the root of this issue is poor manners and\or orientation even before jealousy and envy. I know I have become so much more sensitive in the way I speak to people about their issues since I left Nigeria\became a more mature Christian.

      To your questions at the end of the article, I personally will correct anyone who says stuff that puts me down, as long as I have some sort of relationship with them. I know if someone corrected me like that, I would never speak unkindly to anyone else. If I have no relationship with them, then I’ll just try to ignore.

      I can’t help but remember when my Aunty called a lady getting married (well, marriage blessings) an ‘ugly bride’. It’s been about 13years ago but I still remember vividly how how countenance changed. My Aunty then tried to make out like she was joking but the damage had been done. Words are truly like eggs, once broken…

    • sugar-ray August 17, 2012 at 12:23 PM

      Now everyone is relating to the post and rememebering all they have been told, while you’re down memory lane try and remember the remarks you’ve made about/to people and STOP it cos a lot of you after reminiscing here will still move on right back to it.
      lets wait for red-carpets fotos to be uploaded and y’all will become guilty again and you forget these persons are also BN readers and see your comments.

      • SongSeungHoon August 17, 2012 at 4:34 PM

        God bless you for this comments. You just wrote what was in my mind.

    • Southernbelle August 17, 2012 at 2:05 PM

      Words really hurt o! but the one thng i know is that i always have a reply for whatever rubbish someone has to say. and yes, i try very hard to not come across as insensitive cos am sure some of the pple who make such remarks do not particulary have anythng bad in mind….

    • Violette August 17, 2012 at 2:07 PM

      Words really do hurt. My very good friend one day told me I was shapeless, that i had no hips or buttocks. That really hurt me but i just pretended by laughing and saying i love the way i am. and the truth is i do love the way i am. I am tall and skinny and my butt isn’t that big, fine with me. She has butts but is fat and always looking for ways to cut down.

    • bonita August 17, 2012 at 2:49 PM

      NIce topic…if pple will learn to mind their business and comment when asked for their opinion and to do so gently.

    • Mena Oudha August 17, 2012 at 3:17 PM

      My mother, though she’s late now, had diabetes and lost a lot of weight. she got a lot of stares and really mean remarks from people who used to adore her when she was healthy and beautiful. once I heard a relative call her a walking corpse. I was very upset and I had to tell her my mind. At nite, my mum asked me if she really looked like a walking corpse?… it broke my heart cos I didn’t know she heard and didn’t even react to it! God bless her soul.

    • Sydney August 17, 2012 at 3:33 PM

      I’m starting to lose my patience as I get older. Sometimes I think being quiet and not putting some of these big mouths in their place encourages them. It is usually the ones with several tires around their waists and pot belly that have something to say about someones weight. Now, what I would do is to highlight how their stomachs look like a kangaroo’s so that they will understand the power of words. Keep your useless feelings to yourself. That is why people are afraid of being themselves-especially women- in Nigeria. Everyone has the same hair, style of clothes, matching dreams/goals etc because of fear of criticism..usually unconstructive criticisms from people that can’t just shut the hell up and mind their own business.
      We know how to talk without filter among ourselves but become as silent as a mouse when we are around other races..nonsense

    • Sydney August 17, 2012 at 4:07 PM

      Chy August 17, 2012 at 1:30 AM
      And you are proud of being “blunt”? *chuckles*
      Please go and be “blunt” when you are at the US embassy applying for a visa. Nigerians are the most organised when it comes to immigration. Watch their behaviors when they are at embassies. That where I see Nigeria has hope of becoming a better nation. Chy, you simply just have to watch what to say everywhere you go! You can’t keep saying sorry and hurting others. Be respectful!

    • uk August 17, 2012 at 5:23 PM

      i recently went on a date oo with a young man i met via facebook,very smart with a very good job.I had fallen in love sef before we finally met!Anyways,after the date,he goes complaining that am really skinny,he has a plus size sister who even took the liberty of pointing it out to me”my bro likes big gals,his last gf was bigger than me”.I have always thought my petite body to be one of my greatest assets,the “smallie” thing actually makes me feel good!.Anyways,being in love,i went on a crazy diet,feeding my self to stupor,till i had this acute purging episode.Now,i look back and i laugh at myself so hard,what was i thinking?how much would i have possibly gained?What kind of love was that sef,i think i was in love with the extra luxuries the man could offer me#being sincere,dnt criticise#.Lastly,am sure my plus sized meant to be sister in law has faced trials with people and dates for her weight and to think she can comfortably open her mouth.Anyway,am smallie and i love it!my husbie is going to love me for now and the future sexy baby mama he sees in me.Full stop

    • Ikunkun August 18, 2012 at 11:15 AM

      Hmmn……I actually moved away from Naija because of this issue uno:-(… I developed some strange skin reaction on my face, neck and arms some years ago and people (Family and strangers alike) would go out of their way to ask me what I did or did not do to my skin..questions ranging form “Did you beach your skin?” to “You better go see a pastor to pray for you!!” One of the worst was when I decided to go do NYSC camp and some girl pulled me aside asking if I had a mother cos a good mother wouldn’t watch her child being tormented by evil forces like this!! I had been bordering depression before that, the incident just triggered it with full force ehn, Doctors ordered that I be excused from camp oh!;I didn’t stop crying for like 3 days and they didn’t have medication to calm me down.

      People need to watch what they say….I have seen both sides of beauty and I know it is fickle….I have learnt never to judge people by their appearances, or obviously difficult situations they are going through in life, you don’t want your words to push someone off the edge (but then again Nigerians have no regards for mental health, you are just supposed to suck it up)….

    • NNENNE August 18, 2012 at 2:05 PM

      Most times it is not what you say but how you say it.
      We should learn to think before we talk.

    • aleesha August 23, 2012 at 4:25 PM

      I remember a former colleague who delighted in reminding me about how much weight I had put on. I returned the favor by calling her a short, scrawny, scarecrow. That put a lid on it for sure! On the real though, we’re all guilty of hurting people with our thoughtless comments, sometimes out of malice, other times out of ignorance. I remember a friend in uni who mysteriously stopped talking to me. I thought about it real hard until I realized it must’ve been cos I told her that her older sister was wayy prettier than she was. I didn’t think much of saying it to her at the time, cos people always told me my sister was the prettier one and i never took offence. Guess my comparing her to her sis brought back some ugly memories. So Bee if you’re reading this by any chance, I’m sorry I was so tactless back then.

    • dupe August 31, 2012 at 12:19 PM

      sure, I can relate to this topic well. I remember an experience vividly. Had a friend within the neighborhood but later moved out with her family to their personal house. Fast forward to about 7 years later, saw her around the Estate and her first statement to me was ‘ YOU MEAN U GUYS ARE STILL LIVING IN THIS RENTED FLAT’ . Menh, that went deep and was so hurt by her insensitivity. i manage to forgive her after a while but its something am yet to forget. People should just learn to be more thoughtful with words.

    • God's chosen one September 5, 2012 at 3:00 PM

      There’s an adage amongst the yorubas that says “he who defeacates doesn’t usually rememba when he/she did so”, that is, we tend to forget the hurtful things we say/do to people so fast but it remains fresh in their hearts and memory. I lost my dad @ a very tender age. The entire family savings was spent on his health, hoping he wld recover. Unfortunately, he passed and i ended up living with my aunt (mom’s younger sista). I rememba her telling me i couldn’t amount to anything good in life bcos i’m not intelligent like her children. When the time came for me to write JAMB, she told me she wld not get me the forms bcos she knew i wldn’t pass. I moved out of her house afterwards and that still remains the best decision i have ever made. Today, i am a university graduate with a very good job. Her “intelligent children” have masters degrees from universities abroad but nothing to show for it. I have forgiven her for all the things she did to me( the list goes on and on) but i will NOT forget.

    • Precious September 20, 2012 at 7:39 PM

      Whenever my boyfriend comes over to visit me in my house he’s always like your senior sister is far more prettier than you, the same thing happens when her name is mentioned in our conversations. it’s usually very annoying and i have told him that I’ve had enough of the comment but he never fails to keep mentioning it when he sees her.
      i entered into a business deal through a friend of mine. the guy i did the business with was my close friend’s boyfriend. when i was to give the guy advance payment for the work, he requested that i give the money to my friend first (she was in the car with us). she counted it then gave it to the guy and since then the guy only contacted me through her. when the business started going bad i called her to complain and she said “better call him o, after all I’m not the one you gave the money too, i thank God that na two of una dey do the business” and did not bother to contact me again. I felt bad cos i thought she would have my back as a friend

    • Impervious September 27, 2012 at 2:06 PM

      Man I am so grateful I read this post! You ladies have echoed all the unfortunate crap I have gone through since moving back to Nigeria. To be fair I was irritated before I left about questions about my weight, the way I dress, my hair (It was short and natural because each time I relaxed it it literally FELL OUT). God help me I am back to my big afro and I am a little wiser. Now my church people are planning an imaginary wedding for me ‘ don’t be reading too much book oh! we have printed invitation cards….’ Shoot me now. I just nod, because hehn the day I decide to talk, I may need to change church.

    • Arinze September 29, 2012 at 10:23 PM

      Hmmmmm….

      Feels rather great to finally express my thoughts on the potency of words without being “shu-shu-ed”(shoo-shooed)….lmao

      The notion that we are entirely responsible for how we decide to interpret words thrown at us in daily conversations at work, home, church et all or in different relationships is rather inadequate! I mean, why would you give me a harsh reply to an innocent statement just because you’re having a bad day or because you haven’t learnt to handle your personal issues properly (are you the only one with money issues??) or why would an “ex”- girlfriend expect her relationship with her “ex”-partner continue to thrive after looking him in the eyes and telling him they’re only dating because they had sex and also going the extra mile to let the whole world know they have a misunderstanding (which she caused oh…SMH) by posting a rather lurid statement on facebook….”I have done it again, why do I always pick the wrong ones”….(you didn’t figure he’d be like the “rest” you’ve had till you were nine months into the relationship? Give me a break please…..seriously!

      Let’s take a close look at these scenarios…

      Scenario A (This conversation ensues about 2 months after telling her bf they’ve been dating just cos they had sex and after long talks between both of them about how she does not value him)

      “Hey switz…..howz you doing? Hope your day’s been great. I’ll be on the Island tomorrow morning, think we should hook up. Is 11am cool?”

      “bubbles, its cool…would I miss hanging out with you any day?? I’ll just go chill in my sisters office(in Lekki) so I’ll meet you at The Palms when you get to the Island.”

      It’s 11:22am…he hasn’t heard from “his” girl and calls her up….

      “Switz….wassup, where you at?? Ain’t heard from you….”

      “oooops…i’m in Johns’ place”

      “seriously? thot we were to hook up? you shoulda at least called to say you were “tied up” instead of letting me just laze around here!” He obviously ends the call rather pissed off…and she finally calls around 2pm to ask if he was still available…

      During the course of the week he calls and tries to chat her up and she casually says she doesn’t have any thing to talk about. He stops calling having felt he’d taken enough (can’t begin to gist y’all what this dude has seen…lol). Over the weekend she calls and wants to chat him up but he’s busy trying to figure out his life, brings up what ensued during the week and she authoritatively tells him to shut up! After a couple of hot discussions, she uploads on facebook…

      “I have done it again, why do I always pick the wrong ones?”

      The guy laughs and calls her up…”so I’m now being compared with rest init?

      “biko….fimile! you never seem to accept my flaws”

      So leaving your bf waiting and chilling with another guy is now a flaw….please enlighten me!

      “Is that so?…your flaws right? ok…” ends call.

      He stops calling her and she calls like once a week to…in her own words…”check you up”

      After like two months of that “rubbish”…lmao….she calls to ask what’s up with her relationship…rotflmao

      “Hey…wassup? You don’t call anymore, no messages….nothing. What’s up with us??

      “Hmmmm…seriously? Can’t talk now, let’s talk later…I’m at work”

      Its been over a week and he still hasn’t called or sent a message….she calls but he doesn’t pick or return the call…

      I still dey watch jooooor….lol

      But seriously…here are my thoughts:

      She’s already said and done lots of stuff. There are things that one can live with…I assume…but words, words are absolutely different. When they come out in the wrong way, they pierce one’s soul…(jeez…gruesome: causing great horror; horribly repugnant)…they change a lot(take it from me, they change a lot)…even God doesn’t play with His.

      …www.pamelsthotz.wordpress.com

    • Esther July 18, 2013 at 7:38 PM

      Long story short, people should learn to mind their business or learn the delicate art of diplomacy.