Mummy, Don’t Pressure Me! Daddy, Don’t Push Me!

Posted on Monday, November 26th, 2012 at 1:06 PM

By Mya Williams

Two years ago, my boyfriend (now husband) and I moved back to Nigeria. A little over a year after we moved back, my parents started the not so surprising drone about “so when are you guys getting married?” My reply was mostly the same every time “We aren’t ready.”  When I said this, she would scowl at me and say “you’ve gone to school, gotten a degree, done NYSC, what more are you waiting for?” and it constantly made me  wonder if those were the only benchmarks our parents and society had set for us. It got so bad that she would sometimes list all her friends’ children that had gotten married before me.

Fast forward a year later and I found we were planning a wedding.  Now, before you attack me and say “how could you not have known a wedding was being planned?” of course I knew a wedding was being planned. Everything was just happening at a pace I wasn’t particularly happy with and it was being spearheaded by my parents.

As the wedding planning continued, I tried to talk to my mum about my apprehension regarding my impending nuptials. Every time  I tried, she’d squash my apprehension! She’d just either repeat what she always said (as above) or inject a spiritual angle about how this is what God wants for me.  No matter what I wanted to say, she didn’t want to hear it; she was already so preoccupied with the “party” she and my dad were planning. When it looked like the guest list was exceeding the 500 people my husband and I wanted, we mentioned it to them. My dad flipped and said “se fe so mi lenu ni” meaning “do you want to embarrass me?” According to him, his friends and counterparts expected him to throw a big wedding. I was so mad because there I was expecting him to not only work hand in hand with me, but hello, I was saving him money here because of the cost! My Dad was however adamant and ended up throwing a wedding for 1,500 people.

It was still a very nice wedding but totally unnecessary  Did he need to let his need to tow the line of “society” to impact his daughter’s wedding? Was it really neccessary to spend double of what you would have needed to, just to keep up with the Joneses?

Now I’ve been married 16 months and I tell you starting from 3 months into my marriage, my Mum had started with “why aren’t you pregnant yet?” It’s even particularly annoying because aside from the fact that my husband and I have expressly agreed to wait a couple of years before we have kids, his side of the family have not said a word to me about children, no hassle whatsoever, but she keeps going on and on!

One year into my marriage, my mother took the spiritual angle again. This time, it was about how the best time for a woman to conceive was in the first year of marriage “because the glory of God is freshly upon her” .  My immediate thought was that I had spoken to God about what my husband and I wanted for ourselves. I was also certain that God would grant us the desire of our hearts according to His will and purpose for us. Also, the glory of God will FOREVER be upon me.

My Dad reached an excruciating low when he tried to use pregnancy as a form of control. We had discussed in the past about him contributing towards helping make up the difference when I sold my current car to buy a new one. He then recently said to me that if I have a baby as soon as possible, he will not only buy my current car off me but will also pay the difference to acquire the new one I wanted. I was so weak at the length he would go, I promptly told him to keep his money!

I think the height of it was when my mother said I was embarrassing her because her friends keep asking about my state of pregnancy or the lack of it. “When they ask me, I don’t know what to say”. To which I responded “How about telling them to mind their business?”

I thank God for my sister who despite having two kids of her own has strongly advised me to ensure my husband and I are ready before we delve into parenthood as my parents exerted the exact same pressure on her. It has become so bad that I don’t even go to the house that often anymore because one way or the other they are always trying to manipulate a situation in their own favour, or in the favour of so called “society” which they subscribe to.

This brings me to ask –”When does it end?”  Whether it is regarding education, marriage, friends, career, children or whatever! and my answer is this; “if you allow them, it is to the grave!”

Photo creditaskthedds.com

_______________________________________________________________________
Mya Williams is a fiercely passionate and fun loving rebel/ nonconformist. She loves to write in her free time. She emphatically believes that certain societal customs and norms must be challenged if one is to have a fulfilled and happy life.

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  • 65 Comments on “Mummy, Don’t Pressure Me! Daddy, Don’t Push Me!”

    Comments
    • zayt November 26, 2012 at 1:18 PM

      first to comment! yaaay!!!!

    • what November 26, 2012 at 1:37 PM

      Interesting…..im only 20 and my mum has told me that by 23 she wants to start making her ‘asoebi’ i just laughed……..my ideal age to marry is 27 but if i find someone earlier, fantastic….if not, no one is going to pressurize me…..ive told her to go and adopt if shes feeling broody….. i think she is just worried but still….

      • juicypetal November 26, 2012 at 9:37 PM

        gurl…u re on point. Tot i ws d only person wt d idea set of marriage age. No bowin 2 family or society pressure..

    • Berry Choco-Latté November 26, 2012 at 1:44 PM

      Once you have your first child, she’s going to ask when you’ll give him/her a sibling. Seriously

      • brittany November 26, 2012 at 11:21 PM

        abi ohhh.aaaah nigerians we can be so bckward in thinking

    • PLUSH & LUSH November 26, 2012 at 2:01 PM

      Our parents are a funny bunch. Before 21 you want to ‘spoil’ if you are seen with a boy. Barely 4 years after that you want to ‘shame’ them if no guy is associated with you. Woe is you if you are still unattached by 26, that’s when active matchmaking And comparisons start. By 30 my perSonal advice is to surgically have your hearing removed because u no go hear word again.

      • Jiddah November 26, 2012 at 2:34 PM

        loooool

      • nene November 26, 2012 at 2:50 PM

        you’re soo funny plush & lush. on a serious note, i’ve told my mum that i want her to let me live my life (i’m 23), and also to adopt if she wants children because my sisters and I are not in any rush yet. some of it has to do with the fact that my parents marriage for the later years has just been a marriage of convenience, there’s no real love or attraction anymore, which doesn’t give me any incentive or belief in everlasting true love. i told my mum if u force me to marry wen i’m not ready, i will surely divorce, of course the woman got scared. i understand the plight of parents considering marriage and our future, but they also need to see things from our point of view.life is not a one-size-fits-all thing, it’s very diverse and complex, so different things work for different people at different stages of their life. with that being said, i will definitely get married one day and have beautiful kids.

      • D Pretty November 26, 2012 at 3:09 PM

        Hahahaa..U just made my day. Good Laugh!

      • ameenah November 26, 2012 at 3:34 PM

        haha, so true.

      • Nawa November 28, 2012 at 4:39 AM

        I just died at this comment lmao

    • onyinye November 26, 2012 at 2:04 PM

      my dear, it was like that during my wedding oooh, we wanted a small, private affair….but my folks wouldn’t hear of it, accusing me of wanting to embarrass them. One begins to wonder…Is it their wedding? it is surprising how selfish some parents can get when they think public perception is involved….. my parents pissed the hell out of me, and they expected hubby and i shell out the money for this carnival, we wanted like 300 guests and daddy goes on o talk about how many clubs and meetings he belongs to, and being his first daughter, there are certain things expected of him….this so strained me and hubby`s relationship…………then after the wedding, just one month and my father in law wanted to know if i was pregnant yet, now my mum in law is a cool woman, but father in law is another case, my hubby had to snap at him one day and warn him not to ask him that question again, that if he wanted a baby he should go get a 2nd wife………..my dear it never ends, parents will keep pushing you and if you are not strong enough, you will end up displeasing yourself just to do things according to their plans.

    • Tiki November 26, 2012 at 2:20 PM

      Your identity is no longer tied to your parents – it is now tied to your husband. You owe it to both of you to do what is best for your family, not what your parents want. If you let them push you around, soon it will be a sibling for your first child, then building a house, etc etc. It will never end. Grow some backbone. Put your foot down and tell them to stop talking about it, or just plain stop talking!

    • Nonnie November 26, 2012 at 2:26 PM

      I can totally relate with this write up. Geez!!!… am just sitting at work and reminiscing this weekend’s event. All my uncles, aunties,and every family member “want to eat my rice come 2013″. “Ada, you’re through with school, been called to bar, done Nysc, even working! what else is remaining??Bring a man home that’s what we want…” Am like rme, ki lon se awon people yi??”
      Hian!! they sha want to plan my life for me. to think there’s no boyfriend yet sef……….

      • tai tai November 26, 2012 at 6:48 PM

        hahaha that is funny but biko what does rme mean? please!!

        • brittany November 26, 2012 at 11:25 PM

          it means roll my eyes

      • tai tai November 27, 2012 at 10:36 PM

        thanks brittany! i guess i have to keep up with these new abbreviations hehe

    • nems November 26, 2012 at 2:26 PM

      Most Nigerian parents are like that, My mom’s friend came to the house one day crying because her son’s wife(She’s Australian) told her that she decided to go on the PILL and not have kids till further notice as she is a NEW BRIDE and wants to enjoy her husband LOL.
      You have you set boundaries as soon as possible cos there will always be something you have not done that they will want you to do, like get married, have kids, have more kids, buy a bigger house, join one society or another.
      http://www.anemistyle.blogspot.com

    • Motun November 26, 2012 at 2:27 PM

      it’s just so tiring, truth is it doesn’t end but how you handle the pressure is what will get you through…God help us

    • a ipade November 26, 2012 at 2:29 PM

      Babe why does your parents have a hand in your home, all because you allow them . why must your dad know that you need to change your car,now you are here complaining about them asking you about you starting a family. Please lets all grow up when it comes to the issue of we running our homes. I married very early and no one have an influence in what i do and if you stand your grounds even your parents will respect your decisions.

    • X factor November 26, 2012 at 2:42 PM

      woowwww…..Fantastic….Clapping………
      I share your sentiments sis, .. I think there is a need for parent to understand that I don’t need to compete with their friend’s children, whose life’s dream, goals, plans, opportunities, failures and experiences have no bearing with mine….Against my will, I ve had to ex them for a while……

    • max November 26, 2012 at 2:47 PM

      PLEASE I NEED UR HELP!!

      Its like you were thinking about me when you put this post up. I have been married for 11months now and my husband and I had agreed to wait for a year b4 having kids. The 1 year mark has nearly ended and he has started making comments about when can we start trying etc but in my heart I know I am not just ready? I do not want to seem selfish or inconsiderate but I am really not ready! I don’t know what to tell him and I do not know what to do? As a woman, the pregnancy, childbirth everything is on you and I just believe one has to be ready psychologically for all that and I know I that I am not? I am 30 yrs and he is 35 yrs and I know , time is ticking but this is how I feel. PLS MARRIED LADIES/ GUYS , I NEED UR ADVICE ASAP!!!
      Thanxx

      • nems November 26, 2012 at 3:17 PM

        BE HONEST and tell him how you feel, I wonder why you feel unready, perhaps if you share that with him he could help you and you guys can go through it together. If all fails remind him of the love is patient part of your vows ;)

        http://www.anemistyle.blogspot.com

      • LL November 26, 2012 at 3:45 PM

        Hey dear, To be honest I don’t think there’s a time to be ready, my opinion, same thing happened with me, waited a year, felt like I was still not ready but got pregnant and due in a month, I still feel I’m not ready to an extent, but there’s natural love that takes over, anytin that happens to me now, my first thought is my stomach, how to protect it… And I heard after delivery it even gets worse, natural love… However if u strongly feel you are not ready you can keep holding on but remember your husband doesn’t want to be attending school plays at 50…

      • brittany November 26, 2012 at 11:30 PM

        it’s rather unfortunate that our society ties success with having kids, going to school and some very stupid ignorant CRAP!!! and the most annoying is that they will find scriptural principles abi wetin to even support…they say God said to be fruitful and multiply but biko Baba God did not say by fire by force nau…nawa oh..there are people with kids that have still altogether FAILED in life and there are those who havent…ugh
        talk it out with your husband..there is no rush if he doesnt understand, then i dont know what else u should do ‘cos some men can be sooo difficult.

    • Joan November 26, 2012 at 2:56 PM

      I’m 27 and can relate to the pressure o. This thanksgiving weekend, I went home and my mum started with the usual “when are you getting married talk?”. She went on and on, and at some point, I just snapped at her and told her my mind. Surprisingly, she calmed down and apologized. I felt bad tho, but I’m glad I made my point clear to her. This does not mean that I do not expect her to start this whole marriage talk again lol. When this year started, I had told her that I’m not ready to marry in 2012 and she started binding and casting every spirit of delay *puzzled look*. I have always wanted to get married at 28 and I know God will take care of it all.
      I think the point here is to draw the line as early as possible once you notice the pressure coming. We are to respect our parents, but sometimes, giving them a piece of your mind without being rude opens their eyes and they begin to realize that you will not be pushed around….

    • Monica November 26, 2012 at 3:03 PM

      I think its cos ladies in nigeria dont enjoy their single years.

      They tend to have low paid jobs compared to those of us in the diaspora and they dont do things like travelling, etc. Also, nigerian women are not encouraged to be ambitious in the work place.

      So, really and truly, once you have finished university and gotten one job somewhere there is nothing else to to do except get married and escape your parents house.

      And lets not forget that 90% of the socialisng done in nigeria involves attending weddings (if its not intro party, its engagement or white wedding) so everyone (including parents) is just observing others getting married, week in, week out.

      Why wont the whole country be obsessed with marrying??

      I think nigerians need to get fulfilling hobbies and explore the world more.

      • AWEsome November 26, 2012 at 3:59 PM

        i totally agree. i”m not earning much now but i wanna travel with friends, i want to go for picnics, boat cruise, attend events and all the rest. BUT!!
        1. My friends are not earning money.
        2. My responsibilities will not let me. Saturdays my only free time are spent doing laundry, inspecting my younger brothers assignment, going to the market cooking et.c Sundays are not left out at all. the funny part is i enjoy serving my parents, but i need some me time.and then some years from now am expected to be married.

        • Kay November 26, 2012 at 5:23 PM

          Exactly my thoughts as i read the the exploring option. I’m soo adventurous and would totally love to explore but for the money factor.. I want to travel the world, chill out with my girlfriends over the weekends and just throw my head back and relax in some fun destination but when i think of how much all these escapades would cost, i just sit back at home and watch E! and Food network till i resume back to work on Monday..

        • lolo November 26, 2012 at 6:01 PM

          Awesome, abeg, enjoy YOUR youth!! Ahn ahn! See how you are sounding like one mama lol. I know it can be hard in Naija under your parent’s thumb, but better develop one fellowship or class or meeting that you have to go to on Saturday! Marriage is not going to afford you more freedom than you have now (just keeping it real).

        • AWEsome November 27, 2012 at 11:40 AM

          I know my dear, am looking for a way forward…i know marriage will be about a lot of responsibilities, that is why am just trying to re-strategise big time and enjoy my youth even if it means GOING SOLO or planning trips for holidays like DECEMBER. thanks LOLO

      • ofilispeaks November 26, 2012 at 5:46 PM

        dalu jare. Marriage is like a recreational habit.

    • Phantom November 26, 2012 at 3:11 PM

      I’m currently going through this right now and i’m a guy. My dad recently switched from bugging my older bro abt having a baby with his wife of 2 yrs after she got preggers (dude pestered my bro & his wife, who grew up in Yankee so she doesn’t get the man’s stress). So the guy comes in from Naija 2 wks ago and barely asks how my life/work are going. His 3rd sentence to me is something that’s not his business. And I respond with “no daddy. U will not do that.” Obviously I get threats which crack me up and we basically go on to have a serious argument. We aren’t talking and I decided to cancel my trip home for Xmas cos I don’t want to deal with him and all his “lackey” when I get to Naija.
      Too much yarns, point of my story. Like someone said, writer grow a backbone and get independent. Your folks shldn’t be paying your bills. As long as they do then you won’t have a choice but to shut up. My pops said all this shit even though he hasn’t fed me since I got done with undergrad almost 10 yrs ago. Knowing him if he fed me, I’d be his puppet right now. Do you luv. Cheers

    • Hope November 26, 2012 at 3:12 PM

      You guys should come back here in 25 years , when you all have grown up kids and see if it is easy to remian aloof. They only want what is best for you. I love the fact that no matter how old we become our parents still got our back, though because of the generational gap you might be a bit embrassed at their antics. i recently splashed £5k on a 1st birthday party for my daughter, i know insane but this was how i felt and what gave me joy, i saved for it and i know when she satrts to talk she may tell me like you guys she just want a loy key stuff. but at the end of the day just know that they love you.

    • Mrs A November 26, 2012 at 3:15 PM

      I can totally relate to the part of having kids immediately after getting married, as I just got married and my mum is already telling me to get pregnant right away. I told her No as it is expensive to raise a child abroad. Her response was “olorun a ba yin wo”! Lmao!!

      • Busola November 28, 2012 at 5:17 PM

        Oh God, that’s like the most annoying comment ever. My mum says the same everytime I tell her I want 2 or 3 children. she thinks 4 children is the ideal number. smh!

    • Older and wiser November 26, 2012 at 3:16 PM

      On the one hand you want to be an adult and control your own decisions; on the other hand you, a grown up married woman, is running to her father about getting a car. Babe you are sending mixed signals about being an adult. Parents will always seek to interfere, but you can control how much they can by taking of all the things and adult should control.

      I see this wanting it both ways attitude amongst Nigerian kids.

    • frankly November 26, 2012 at 3:31 PM

      why are you still depending on ur parent for some things E.g. the difference for a new car. You are ultimately allowing them to have a say in your life since they are chipping financially. My dear, decide to be totally independent or not!!!!

    • cutephunkie November 26, 2012 at 3:33 PM

      i can relate perfectly with dis am getting married soon n the way my mum is going abt the preparation is crazy, she even suggested if she can buy my wedding gown……Gosh

    • Africandecor(click) November 26, 2012 at 3:34 PM

      this totally sounds like my situation… with my mom trying to force me to marry a guy i have told her in a million words that i already let go and no longer wanna be with. she still goes on calling him and his mom behind my back and planning a wedding i know would never happen. recently she went all spiritual on me and went to some people to pray. they apparently say he’s the best guy for me and oh! my…. ..long story. i am with a guy that adores me now and i feel the same and i have thanked my mom and told her ‘nothing is moving me from where i am’… it’s so bad that i am now considering moving out of home. i almost think she is more concerned about marrying me off than me being with someone i’m happy with…… OK VISIT MY BLOG FOR IDEAS ON BEAUTIFYING YOUR INTERIOR SPACE. (click my name)

      • Person November 26, 2012 at 6:46 PM

        My story and yours are exact. Except the fact that I don’t have a new guy now. LOL :) I have decided never to introduce anyone to my parents again, unless I have a ring on my finger. No family events, no introduction rara. Just keep doing me till I am ready to attach my life to someone. It is easier now that I live abroad. I just tune my parents out when they start talking about marriage by a certain age.

      • Sigh November 27, 2012 at 8:21 AM

        Thats exactly my story so i left home to do my masters n never came back n am now with a great guy oh n i cut my family off because my mum went tooo far u better sort it before ur mum try n spritually manipulate u.

    • Olori November 26, 2012 at 3:37 PM

      To fight off meddling parents, you have to know what you want and why you want it. only then will you find the strength to fight hard enough to get what you want. Bottom line, 90% of Nigerian parents will meddle in your business. Only your resolve can keep them out.
      http://sayolori.wordpress.com

    • Chattyzee November 26, 2012 at 5:39 PM

      I know we all complain now, but is there anything that says we will not do the same when we also become parents? It’s the joy of a parent to see his or her child successful in whatever form they define as success.
      That being said, I agree, some parents just need to back off! I graduate law school next year and my mum is already talking about marriage. God help us.

      http://dprodigalchild.wordpress.com/

    • Gorgeous November 26, 2012 at 5:54 PM

      loool. Mums are something else. Always panicking that all their friends daughters are doing something. Well, mine is going to be the happiest mum some day. That day will be my own choosing sha. Plus for God’s sake, i dont want a big wedding. ahn ahn? She saying, ah, hes the only son o. You can imagine all what his parents have planned all these years. All your late father’s friends nko? You want to shame me? No one, not even my inlaws will take over my wedding. It makes me so upset when i think about it, because i dont like crowds *crying*

    • lamie November 26, 2012 at 5:59 PM

      looooool….very funny, on the other note. J

    • lamie November 26, 2012 at 6:12 PM

      looooool….very funny, if it was their first grandchild now i woulda understood y.
      I keep telling my mum that i am not having kids until 2yrs after my wedding and she says its never done that way. lol. well except she wants to watch me sleep with my husband without protection or pills, then she can go have her grandchild. lol i am a sucker for babies but i just want the wait.
      On the other note, sit them down and have “the talk” respectfully, make them understand what u and ur husband want, and that they just have to accept it. Also lay the rules, its ur marriage now not theirs. MAKE THEM UNDERSTAND. let them know u are avoiding them because of that same topic, so its their choice if they would rather not see “the child they have nurtured all this while bcos of pregnancy or keep quiet about the situation and see their child”.

    • ola November 26, 2012 at 6:39 PM

      pls stay with your mind ooo…

      http://www.gistyinka.com

    • faith November 26, 2012 at 8:46 PM

      I don’t see anything wrong with what our parents do…they only want d best for us….

    • iamfascinating November 26, 2012 at 9:03 PM

      you must make your own decisions and mistakes.
      http://www.thestunninglady.blogspot.com

    • brittany November 26, 2012 at 11:33 PM

      the one that annoys me most is that they keep rushing people and people end up getting into the wrong relationships and marrying the wrong people…when next u are pressured, tell them that if anything happens in the marriage, they wont come solve it for u it will be only u and your spouse so they should take back seat

    • moi November 27, 2012 at 1:00 AM

      lol @ all the comments. I live abroad and still single, mumsy is worried and gave a guy in Naija my number. That one too called, I warned him to NEVER call me again in his life. Dude still calls I just ignore…..Hiaaa

    • Anonymous November 27, 2012 at 1:28 AM

      Thank you o Faith. You said my mind. MY DEAR THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING WRONG WITH THEIR ACTIONS O. BELIEVE ME. DEEP DOWN, THEY ARE VERY ANXIOUS TO SEE YOU PROGRESS IN LIFE. ALL YOU NEED DO IS TO POLITELY CONVERSE WITH THEM AND THEY WILL UNDERSTAND. MYA DEAR DO NOT TAKE TOO LONG THOUGH TO START YOUR FAMILY. TRUST ME TO START EARLY IS SO MUCH BETTER. THE ADVANTAGES ARE SO MUCH. SHEBI MOMSIE WANT GRANDPIKINS, OMO HAVE THEM AND TAKE THEM TO HER EVERY WEEKEND JOOR AND YOU AND HUBBY GO GBADUN YASELF

    • NNENNE November 27, 2012 at 4:06 AM

      You just described my inlaws…. poke nosing and domineering. My mother inlaw went as far as asking me how much am payed. Her son did not send me to school-o! Even my family have not asked me that. She asked because she wanted to teach me how to manage my money.

    • dee one November 27, 2012 at 4:30 AM

      I’m 27 n just returned to d country after my masters, luckily for me my parents are not concerned wit stuff like that, my mum has made it clear that whenever I’m ready its fine and my dad has not even mentioned it but every other person is concerned on their behalf my aunty won’t stop giving me reasons why it is gud for me to marry early, people won’t stop asking when they wil get a wedding IV, some family friends have gone as far as giving me a timeline as to when I’ll meet the guy, how long we will date for n then when the wedding wil finally come up. No one seems to be bothered about the fact that I’m yet to get a job and yet they are waiting to sew asoebi and I’m like all this pressure from people who are not even my parents….whew.(At least my parents are not saying anything). I’v told my aunt to face my younger sis, atleast she has a serious boyfrnd, I am yet to meet someone so she’s got a long wait ahead of her.

      I totally agree wit monica’s comment above, while I was abroad I was free from all pressure and I enjoyed my life. Now I’m already considering relocating and working towards it.

    • jennietobbie November 27, 2012 at 5:12 AM

      Jesus thank you for my parents. They told me recently that I should never conform with anything because of my age or gender….anything important, anything worth waiting for, anything I want to have for the rest of my life.

      Bless your soul parents!!

    • sofy November 27, 2012 at 7:34 AM

      Bella please have a LIKE BUTTON!I beg some of these comments are hilarious!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • Bibi November 27, 2012 at 8:09 AM

      Lmao at all the comments esp plush n lush. Parents will always be parents, they just want what they think is best for us.

      http://www.thebattleoftheweight.blogspot.com/

    • missBonnie November 27, 2012 at 8:48 AM

      lol.. funny . I was telling my mum about how society had changed this morning and I only wanted two kids.
      Next thing she said is ” how can you do that too me”
      Omo, see laughter.. In my mind I was like ” kilon she mama yii”
      she goes on saying that this cant be God’s plan for my life , at least 3 kids.
      I didn’t even bother arguing .. there is no point, I’ve learnt that with parents just shut up and do what ever you think is best for you. Arguing with them is just a waste of time.

    • Mama Put November 27, 2012 at 8:51 AM

      Key thing to remember is- there is a difference between your parents wanting what is best for you and wanting what they THINK is best for you.

    • Happiness November 27, 2012 at 9:08 AM

      You Nigerians are really fortunate to have the kind of parents that you have, they may be a bit pushy in getting their message across but im certain they only wish you well. My mother told me that I will never get married a few months back, all she sees me doing is working and making money for her. This is the story of most South African girls. Because our fathers failed our mothers failed, our mothers now are trying to make us miniature husbands who provide for them but I rebuke this I will get married and God willing to a Nigerian man when he finally finds me his missing rib. So for the interim its me and my laptop and looking at bellanaija wedding pictures. Our parents forget that they cut the umbilical cord years ago, we now have our own dreams, ambitions and aspirations we just have to find a way to make them understand that.

    • temitope November 27, 2012 at 10:35 AM

      i am 27, unmarried ,not even boyfriend and working………nobody pressures me in my family, my mum is late and i m dead sure if she was alive, she would have pressured the hell out of me…….my siblings are all of the opinion that i should take my time…my dad is a little bit concerned , he wanted to help me add some money to the money i had after selling my old car to get a new one and he said he doesnt want me to get a flashy or too expensive one because some guys get intimidated when they see a single lady with an expensive car and all dat…….but in my own case, its my younger girlfriends that re doin most of the pressuring(most of them 3 0r 4 years younger), i hear stuffs like ” we are waiting for you o”, “when are we coming to eat rice now, do quick o”…………i remember giving one of them a piece of my mind, seems she gisted the rest because none of them has made any more stupid and annoying comments. instead of focusing on their own lives as most of them dont even have serious relationships too, they are busy waiting for my own wedding…….hian.

    • Bambino November 27, 2012 at 11:29 AM

      It is our culture and I don’t think it will ever stop.Pls don’t allow anyone to push u into marriage ,it is not to be what u endure but enjoy.yes there are a lot of ups and downs but when u r with the right person u can sail through in one accord.sometimes I don’t understand why a lot of married ladies nowadays decide they want to wait a year (especially when they say they want to enjoy their husbands),when u guys had been living together before marriage.it’s a different thing if u are waiting cos u need to get a genuine reason.u dont even know how long itz going to take u to get pregnant(cos not everyone is that fertile) so u better get going at it ASAP.

    • alice November 27, 2012 at 12:01 PM

      hahahha im 24 nd my aunts have been calline me asking me “when they wld eat rice cos i kno i dnt have a moda so i need to compensate my dad” nd am like wat concern my dad with my wedding …den my mums friends nd sisters nko dey wnt let me rest…dey wld be like”nne make sure its an Ohafia man oh”well i trust u u wnt break our heart…..me way dey very single…..dey wld never stop o……

    • Kiki November 28, 2012 at 12:49 PM

      I can totally relate with this story… I’m just 22 oh n d pressure is already around. It’s sooo funny cos my mum doesn’t even come out straight.. She ll just gimme lines lye ” babe, u know I’m a single mum… Hurry up b4 ppl ll say dis 1 will just end up single like her mum” some Saturdays ago, we went to the market and I saw this beautiful George rapa. Next thing I hear is ” we will use it for your first outing on that day inu”…… It’s even wrse as she’s banned me frm being a bridesmaid… Sed thrs a myth that if I do too much, I won’t marry.. Bt totally u rili cant blame them.. That’s all they liv 4 so when dye do, just laf with them.. What annoys me the most is how on that day, during the reception, all the front seats will be occupied by old old ppl… Ur frnds ll now be sited behind or standing outside the hall