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Mya Williams: This Is For You… Yes, You!



dreamstime_l_13528992This is for the ones that find they are constantly explaining, whose ideas and outlook on life are somewhat unconventional; not “traditional” or not what others expect. All you seem to do is anger the world because people just don’t feel like you are “allowed” to feel the way you do. They say “there must be a reason, why do you not want that OR why do you want that OR why doesn’t it bother you”. The rhetoric is endless; you just cannot win and it frustrates you, it annoys you. More than anything else, it is EXHAUSTING; you just want to live in peace with your choices. That should be okay, Right?

This is for the man who constantly has to explain that he doesn’t want to pop numerous bottles of champagne to fit in, and he’s not sorry about how you feel about his decision. He is happy buying drinks at the bar.

This is for the adult who doesn’t drink at all and has to field intrusive questions every Friday out on the town and every Saturday at a wedding as they enjoy their non-alcoholic drinks. Be placated because that eye roll isn’t about you, it is the person not understanding that YOU JUST DON’T DRINK and that is all there is to it.
This is for the woman who doesn’t want kids but God forbid she mentions this at the dinner party table. The responses such as “you are selfish”, “you are immature”, “you will change your mind”, “what if your parents didn’t have you” and so on aren’t about you. They are about someone not understanding that everyone cannot share the same outlook in life. Psst, stop trying to explain, just sip wine (if you drink, haha).

This is for the man or woman who likes nice things and CAN afford them. Don’t pay attention to those wondering “how” you are affording it, because based on their own assessment, it is not technically feasible. Hey, if it’s legitimate, enjoy it!

This is for the single woman who isn’t curled up in a corner belabouring the fact that she is not dating or not married but getting on with her life and thriving. Do not pay any mind to those asking why you are not worried; it is akin to them how in our society of today, you can genuinely be happy and content with your full life without killing yourself over the fact that you are yet to meet someone.

This is for the woman who does not want to get married. I know you constantly have to convince people you’re not just “saving face” and that you haven’t come to this decision because you cant find a man. Its not you, it’s them!
This is for the young unmarried man who still lives at home to cut costs and doesn’t intend to get a place until he’s getting married. You’re dealing with snickering from the women folk you date, talking about “why don’t you get your own place”. To the women snickering, like really? When he proposes and you’re planning a wedding, naturally where you both will live will come up. Till then, kindly hold your horses.

This is for the single or dating woman who isn’t married but wants to get her own apartment. Stop trying to make people see reason, most wont, in Nigeria anyway. They probably will still talk about you potentially being a slut and if not that, it’s how you’re going to chase away any potential man because you may come across too independent.

Girl, move in and furnish your apartment beautifully – inject some colour and consider a feature wall.
This is for the guy who drives a regular car. People keep asking when you are going to “upgrade”, concluding automatically that you possibly couldn’t be content, when in fact you genuinely couldn’t care less. Just a note to say, a huge number of girls are attracted to confidence, it’s not always about the cars.

This is for the married woman who isn’t taking her husband’s last name; if it’s cool with you and your husband, please drown out the noise from the world with Beyoncé’s “Sorry” on repeat. People would NEVER stop wondering, asking, judging, you just have to zone out.

This is for the pregnant woman who has chosen to give birth abroad and the world wont let you be. Mr. and Mrs. captain obvious even go as far as giving you a list of “excellent” hospitals in Nigeria, as though you had never heard of them. They reel off the financial consequences like they are your account managers. Thank them for their concern and book your flight; once your medical, accommodation and any miscellaneous costs have been accounted for, why even bother your cute little head with their opinion?

Finally, this is for the woman trying to conceive and seems to be surrounded by the world’s most insensitive human beings, who just do not know how to talk. Emotional intelligence is still lacking greatly in our society, as difficult as it may be sometimes, please ignore them and literally walk away. Be unrepentant about preserving your mind body and soul.

Now, this is for the world, CAN WE LIVE?

Photo Credit: Dreamstime

Mya Williams is a fiercely passionate and fun loving rebel/nonconformist. She loves to write in her free time. She emphatically believes that certain societal customs and norms must be challenged if one is to have a truly fulfilled and happy life.


  1. Netizen

    July 12, 2016 at 4:17 pm

    I’m sorry o but if le boo is still living with his parents when (with all things being equal) he should be on his own, imma make my opinion heard o. I guess i just love independence for both male and female. When i tell my mum that I’m going to move to my own place once I’m able to afford it, she says it’s not dignifying for a single lady to live alone. I’m like, watch me. All he has to do is give valid reasons and if they make sense, we’re cool. I ain’t gon date no mama’s boy. I mean, if you don’t talk to me who you intend to date or who is already your girl, who you gon talk to?

    As for your other scenarios, I completely agree.

  2. Tosin

    July 12, 2016 at 7:04 pm

    actually, it helps to have a ready stupid answer for all stupid questions. examples: It is well. God is in control. I love it. I love you too. Thank you. God’s time is the best. No wahala. or something like that in whatever language.
    Gbeborun: “When are you going to blah blah blah”
    You: “Oooh, God is in control.”

  3. Bodunade

    July 12, 2016 at 7:06 pm

    Who gives a #@$& really. People don’t really care as much as you think they do. People say stuff and just forget, while you go home thinking you are special or different from the rest.

    Sometimes your uniqueness is all in your head. You need to feel like you are different. We all do.
    Nice article but I feel like it’s something I would have enjoyed when I was a teenager.

    Nice one though.

    • Nahum

      July 12, 2016 at 7:41 pm

      So answer this, if people don’t care like you claim, then why do they waste their breath and energy to ask a question that they don’t care about? You see the flaw in your logic? If you don’t care, don’t ask. Quite simple!!!

    • Bodunade

      July 12, 2016 at 8:35 pm

      Look around you. Do people act logically??

      If they do, You must be from Saturn.

    • Tosin

      July 13, 2016 at 1:55 pm

      Great way of putting it. I actually came back to step back a bit on using the word stupid…maybe too strong. You put it better.
      Hmmm, maybe we should get temporarily married.

  4. Yummychickcummummy

    July 13, 2016 at 9:44 am

    Yes right.. Different people with different choices.. Live and let live. I don’t know why some pple feel they have to shove their opinions on other pple.. Good write up

  5. Truthservedhot

    July 13, 2016 at 11:24 am

    The minute you realise you have a limited time on earth and one chance at it as well, you will start to do what you want to do without paying mind to what other people think of it.

    I like this article. Well done Mya.

  6. Olanna&Odenigbo

    July 13, 2016 at 12:13 pm

    this speaks to my current state of tiredness with my relationship… sometimes now i pick up phone to call/check in so i dont get the expected complaint or get accused of not caring or worrying enough about him or of caling only once in d day while he called 4times…my thinking is if you have called twice and i call 3times, biko what exactly will we be doing on the phone while our mates are earning their salaries…… when the complaints start rolling in, i literally stay quiet, hold my mouth and count the minutes till d call ends… If u think a nagging woman is hell, try a nagging man…

    • Tosin

      July 13, 2016 at 1:57 pm

      omo yii funny o. why, i don’t know.
      it is well.

    • "changing moniker"

      July 13, 2016 at 4:27 pm

      HEhe…you’re one of the “Bella” girls, aren’t you?

  7. precious

    July 14, 2016 at 3:57 pm

    This write up is everything…….speaks to my various situations as i go through life!!

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