In October last year, a very dear friend from university got married in Dubai and so a handful of us friends all went for the wedding. As I made a to-do list for the trip, I realised I was forgetting something critical if I was to enjoy the beach residence we were all staying at. I had to have that “area” taken care of. The sheer thought of writing down “get a bikini wax?” (Note the question mark), on the list sent shivers down my spine, as I remembered my first and only bikini waxing experience eight years ago.
That fateful day, my best friend came over to my flat saying how she needs to get her nails done. So we stroll down to the nail place on the high street and she sits down to get her nails done. It was a beauty parlour where you can get all sorts of beauty treatments done. My friend is an avid bikini waxer and gets the area “situation” every two weeks without fail; she had just gotten hers done the day before and was beguiling me with tales of how she felt so smooth and so fresh down there. Honestly, I should have just left it at “oh that’s nice” and focus my attention on the Cosmopolitan I was reading but no, I had to ask questions!
That was the beginning of the most painful experience of my life till date. The moment she found out I had never gotten a bikini wax, she did not let me live it down – “I cant believe you’ve never gotten a wax” “OMG so how do you keep that area tidy” erm, I use Veet hair removal cream for my bikini line, thank you very much! Either way, she wasn’t having it and insisted I try it. Curiosity eventually got the better of me, after she pointed out that she was having Shellac done and I had at least a 30-minute wait. She also LIED to me that it wasn’t painful at all – “after the first stab of pain, you don’t feel anything” – LIES!!!
So up I went to the waxing room and lay on the hospital-like bed, covered in crisp white sheets. The beauty technician proceeds to ask me if I wanted the Hollywood, Brazilian or Bikini line; when she saw the confused expression on my face, she explained:
Hollywood – ALL the hair comes off, ALL – the entire region is bare, only skin!
Brazilian – You can opt to leave a thin strip of hair down the middle – also referred to as a “landing strip”.
Bikini Line – As it suggests, the majority of your pubic hair is left in place except the part of your inner upper thighs that will be visible when you put on your bathing suit.
Believing my friends lie, I opted for and paid for the Brazillian, as I liked the sound of the landing strip. The technician prepping while I got changed, I told myself that it couldn’t be as bad; after all, I get my eyebrows waxed.
When she applied the first coat of wax on my inner thigh, I took a deep breath as the heat sank in but absolutely NOTHING could have prepared me for the pain that coursed through my body when she stripped off the piece of cloth from my skin. The pain was so aggressive but because I wasn’t expecting that level of pain, the shock didn’t let me cry out. I bolted up with my lips pursed tightly together and looked at the technician with my bulging eyes, as though asking her “ what did you just do to me?” She smiled this, it’s alright smile, as she patted the area of skin she had just savaged.
She moved on inward, closer to my vaginal lips and as she applied the wax again, I took another deep breath, silently congratulating myself for sucking it up the first time. As she stripped away the cloth this time, I couldn’t believe it could get worse. My scream pierced through the walls of the entire establishment, so much so that my friend and two nail technicians from downstairs came running to the waxing room. I was in full crying mode; complete with runny nose. By the time I looked down I was bleeding from my pores, small spots of blood from each and every pore that had just been stripped. I honestly cannot describe the pain to you; it was like a million knives stabbing me in that area at the same time. I just lay there cursing myself for allowing this to happen knowing fully well how non-existent my threshold for pain is.
My friend had the nerve to try to rationalise it, that it is because the area was a bit bushy and that the skin around the labia is especially sensitive.
Anyway, as I lay there motionless, still trying to recover from the throbbing pain in my pelvic area, I felt the technician starting to apply another coat of wax on the other side – short of insulting the life out of her that day. I asked her what the hell she was doing? She replied that she was continuing the procedure that she assumed I had recovered enough – just imagine this! She went on to explain further that I had paid for a Brazillian and that what I currently had was a “quarter bikini line”, so she wanted to complete the job. I lost it completely:
Me – Do you want to kill me, can’t you see that I am in excruciating pain? Can’t you see I am bleeding? *More tears*.
Her – I’m so sorry ma’am but I cant leave it like this.
Me – Why? Did I tell you I minded?
Her – It doesn’t look good ma’am and you’ve paid for a Brazillian
Me – As I limped off her hospital bed, “it’s okay, leave it like that, me I don’t mind, keep the change too, I don’t want it”
At this point, my friend who was done with her nails and had come to check on me was half laughing, half crying. I limped all the way home, leaning on my friend for support, while cursing her out. I popped 2 Ibuprofen and crawled into bed till the next morning. It was only in the stark light of day and after the pain had significantly subsided, that I could laugh at the “design” that was on my bikini area. I later walked (very gingerly) back to the beauty parlour to apologise profusely to the technician for my outburst (which my friend termed an understatement). She very graciously accepted my apology with a broad smile, and even offered to complete the job, I very quickly declined.
As for Dubai, I did get a wax but I only did a “Bikini line” and I popped the 2 Ibuprofen BEFORE the procedure.
Photo Credit: Dreamstime